Letting baby cy... Lurkers welcome!

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Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346
Letting baby cy... Lurkers welcome!

Hey ladies! Sorry I haven't been around much. We just moved our family across the country and its been really busy and stressful. I will be back on the preg.org bandwagon soon.

I've been having some trouble with Nicholas. He is, obviously, a totally different child than my first. My first baby really never cried so I never had to worry about this. Nick cries for hours and hours everyday, although I have to say it does seem to be getting better slowly. He had been crying 5-6 hours a day, sometimes that would be broken into two sessions, other times it would be one marathon cry session. Nothing I do consoles him. We walk around the house, bounce on the birth ball, sit and nurse, lay down and nurse, lay on the floor and stretch, lay in the swing, and then repeat the whole litany over again for hours on end. Eventually one of those things will make him happy and he will go to sleep. Lately I've been leaving him in his crib to scream. If he doesn't settle within 5-10 minutes I go and get him. The last three nights I've put him down to bed this way after hours and hours of walking the house and nursing with no relief. Letting him cry in his crib is always the last resort. I can't stop feeling awful about it. It gets to the point where I feel like nothing I'm doing is making him feel better, so whats the difference in holding him or leaving him in his crib when he just screams the same either way? :(:( ugh I feel awful about it. Tonight he screamed for three hours while I tried to get him to settle. I finally just laid him in his crib about 10 minutes ago and he's now sound asleep after 10 minutes of crying by himself. I sit outside his door and it just breaks my heart!

Am I doing something wrong? Please feel free to comment. Anything would help! I feel so guilty about letting him cry it out, but nothing else is working.

sweetsriracha's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

*lurk, lurk, lurk*

Just wanted to offer (((hugs))). I'm obviously a pretty inexperienced Mama, but I hear that some babies just cry. Babywearing works for us, as does carrying Laszlo around the house in an outward-facing position. But he isn't much of a crier. Apparently when I was about 2-4 months old, I'd just scream and cry inconsolably for hours every night. It got to the point where my Mom would go for a drive with me at the same time every night because that sort of helped.

I like to think that I'm pretty well-adjusted now...and I obviously didn't traumatize my parents too much because they had 4 more kids...this too shall pass!

fireflies11's picture
Joined: 03/26/11
Posts: 613

hugs to you!! wow, moving across country w/two little ones and one that cries a lot! You must be beside yourself exhausted!

Since you are asking for advice, I recommend the book, "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. That book is all about babies that cry & cry w/no relief. I discovered it with my first and it changed everything for us and helped us learn ways to calm him. Seriously changed our life!

Also, you may want to take him to the pediatrician to rule out any physical issues leading to the crying.

Even though Jonah is easy to calm, we still use most of the techniques on him too (which I think is why he is such a great sleeper). Basically some babies are more sensitive to their environment and need to be calmed by recreating the womb for the first 12-weeks. We find J needs to be in the moby or swaddled in his swing to nap.

I think if you're letting him cry because you are at the end of your rope and need space to gather your head is fine, and wise. But making it part of your parenting, hoping he will eventually learn to self-sooth is rough for baby or you.

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

:lurk:

So sorry Mama (((hugs))) Babies are enough work to begin with! When they throw extra fuss in there, it just makes it all that much harder.

I think you are doing what you can to keep yourself sane! I am so sorry you are going through this!

I am NO expert at all, but maybe he is suffering from some reflux issues? Just lurking around I have seen many mom's with crying little ones where reflux was to blame. Some reflux is also silent, meaning the outward symptoms like spitting up do not exist, but the crying and unhappiness does. Here are a few articles you may wanna read? It might just be something to start with anyway!

http://www.pregnancy.org/article/gastroesophageal-reflux-disease-gerd-and-newborns

http://www.pregnancy.org/article/will-my-baby-outgrow-gastroesophageal-reflux

On the flip side, my second boy was loathe to sleep as well. It was a long tiring road with him and I completely understand what you are going through. For Him, it was a personality issue and like you, a few moments alone in his crib was all we could do to get him to sleep.

I also second the baby-wearing! Had I know more then I would have done that too... baby wearing is almost magical in its ability to soothe and gives Mom the ability to at least function!

alisharae's picture
Joined: 01/28/12
Posts: 10

Lurker...

My first baby was like that too. He just cried all the time. Nothing really helped so I totally understand how you feel. Looking back, I think he may have had some reflux, but he also just needed to grow out of it. I know this might not give you much hope, but by 5-6 months things were better. I know at 3 months he was still crying in the evenings because I remember watching the World Series on TV because I didn't need to hear it since he was crying. That was in October and he was born in July. It's so hard though! I feel for you! My 2nd baby was much like your first one and I have said that if they had come in the opposite order I would have wondered what I was doing wrong because my baby cried so much. But now I can tell it's just a temperament difference. At 4 and 2, they really do have opposite attitudes! Hang in there. It will get better!

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

I would say he was/is probably overstimulated if it only took 10 minutes to fall asleep in his bed. Some babies just need less help to get to sleep. Some just cry for no apparent reason. Ethan was like this. He did have reflux and it was rough for a couple of months. It's okay for him to cry. I know it hurts you but he'll be fine. If it still bothers you or ou think something else is going on with him you should ask the doc. Do you have one yet?

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

I'm sorry. One of my babies is difficult but I can't imagine that much endless crying. I only have experience with a lesser version of a colicky baby, but I'd second the moby wrap (I was afraid of it at first and LOVE it now) and asking the pediatrician in case there's reflux or he's not getting enough to eat.

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

((hugs)) Rory is a MUCH different baby than Evan was too. And it's been a challenge. I can't say that he's done 5 hours of crying but he cries a lot more than Evan ever did, sometimes for extended periods and he is a challenge to put down -- but doesn't always want to be held either. I think you have to maintain your sanity while doing what you can to comfort him. If occasionally putting him down and collecting yourself is necessary then do it. You're giving him plenty of love and he'll be ok.

I never needed a routine with Evan he just kind of fell in to one and rolled with the flow. I've found it very different with Rory. I wouldn't say we're on a schedule, he eats on demand and takes a lot of baby cat naps but overall I keep him to a much more set routine than I did with Evan and at 8 weeks I am starting to feel like things are getting easier. He takes about 2 one hour naps a day in the swing and will occasionally swing awake and let me do things, it's taking me an hour to get him down for bed at night vs the 2-3 hours I was spending with a screaming baby just a couple weeks ago. Things get better.....but man there really are easy babies and difficult babies Smile

Joined: 10/05/09
Posts: 672

I feel for you! The last week was brutal for us. Ryan doesn't cry that long in a row but he would wake up crying and continue every waking minute of the day. He also stopped sleeping in his bassinet and it would take us hours to get him down, and then he'd wake back up after 20 minutes screaming again. Suddenly yesterday and today he's in a much better mood. Who knows what to expect, I no longer expect anything with him anymore.

What I usually do to get him to sleep is lay him in his bed, and sit there with my hand on top of his chest and say shhhhh. sometimes he cries fir a while but he usually settles. I was tempted a few times to just walk away but DH then traded me off. I font think letting him cry the odd time will do any permanent harm but I would avoid it as much as possible. The one think that always works fir us is the sling (like a moby but woven). It might take 5 minutes but he always settles down in it.

Hope things get better soon. Hang in there. I know how brutal it is!!

Joined: 01/10/11
Posts: 113

Starting at about 2 weeks old my son started crying everynight for about 2 to 3 hou rs. He had colic/reflux. Some nights we would find things that helped like babywearing, baths, or the swing. Some nights nothing would help. I thought it would never end then one day it magically stopped. It will get better. I believe you have to do what you nave to do. If he is crying uncontrollably and you feel you can't do anything, then maybe you do need to put him in the crib for a couple minutes. We are all human and sometimes we need 5 mins to save our sanity.

Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346

Thank you all for your reponses!

I don't *think* it's reflux. My reasoning there is Nick's crying is so inconsistent. Once the crying is out of his system he is back to all sunshine and roses. I would expect reflux would cause symptoms all the time, or with most of his feedings? I would like to take him to the pedi... but DH went in to work today to fill out some paper work. They dropped the bomb on him that we don't get healthcare for TWO MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!! Totally insane considering he is a physician assistant working in a family practice. He said he would call the operations' manager tomorrow and get it straightened out. Long story short we just moved 2,000 miles for him to take a job at a rural health clinic to get loan repayment. Nick hasn't had a single shot yet! I'm a little angry they don't offer insurance for two months... and slightly perplexed DH didn't think to ask about it!

He does like being in the carrier! But I have to keep moving all the time. He likes to be held, but once you sit down he bursts into tears again. He likes to keep moving. I also have... slightly embarrassing... a mild prolapse still from the delivery. Walking around holding him works great, but its hard on me physically.

I'm grateful his crying has never made me angry, its more it makes me want to burst into tears too. I do feel frustrated and exhausted, but mostly I just want to comfort my baby. I have so much guilt when I leave him in his crib to cry. I feel like an awful mother. Luke has been having so many tantrums lately. I think its the combination of the two, one of them is always crying it seems! DH is home with me for another week, he starts work next Monday. Hopefully things settle down by then. And hopefully we get health insurance NOW. Nick will be so behind on shots otherwise!

fireflies11's picture
Joined: 03/26/11
Posts: 613

oh boy you have been hit with everything at once! As far as shots go,
i believe the state/county health departments have some sort of free immunization programs. I'm sure you can do that until insurance kicks in.

:bigarmhug:

Joined: 12/01/10
Posts: 997

I'm sorry you are going through these long cring jags with him. Finn started crying for several hours on end a couple of weeks ago and was/is difficult to console at times. Would go from happy content baby to angry shrieking baby quickly with no obvious cause. We determined a large part of it is reflux related so we got a wedge for the head of his crib, make sure to keep him elevated for several minutes after feedings and burp him frequently during feedings which has helped cut down on his long painful crying episodes. We also started a bedtime routine because he routinely fell apart between 5-7pm so that is when we try to help him wind down and go down to sleep for the first part of the night...it takes a while to settle him down but now he seems to expect it and gets quite cranky if we go too far past that time. He is still not an easy child and has his moments but I find I am pulling my hair out less in frustration now.

I hope you find some solutions to make it easier on both of you because it is so frustrating and wearing when you feel like you have tried everything under the sun.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

Carolyn... Why do you think he's crying so much? I've never had a baby just cry and cry and not be able to be consoled in any way. does he have colic you think? Have you asked his pedi about it? I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, I can't imagine how sad it must make you to have a crying baby and feel like you can't help him in any way...

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

Carolyn,

Do you have a swing? Rory HATED it for a while but I just kept trying. There are times when I'm home with both boys I simply have to put him down. What else can I do? And he'd fly in to a fit every time. Consistently I'd put him in the big swing (I have a travel swing too and it doesn't have the same effect) and over time it has worked. Having the ability to put him down has made me feel a little more sane and given me time to play with Evan which helps him too. We've also worked ourselves in to a fairly flexible schedule. Up around 7, 8-10 he swings/naps -- it can vary sometimes he only gives me an hour. 10-12 play etc then about 11:45 I have to get lunch ready for Evan so Rory goes back in the swing and 12-2 he naps -- varies again but roughly. Then 2-4 Evan is up and we typically play upstairs I try to get some tummy time in etc. 4-6 is hard I want him to nap but I can't seem to get him to anywhere but my arms he's all swung out by then. And 6-8 we play but he still does some crying/crabbing. 8 I start bed time and usually by 9 he's in bed. Sleeps 9-1ish sometimes 2 then 2-4/5 and 5-7 he usually comes in bed with us. I never had a schedule with Evan and it never mattered but it seems to matter much more to Rory's overall - he's a happier baby when that rough routine is followed. On days I blow it all up for whatever reason he sleeps much worse at night and fights sleep overall. Having a more difficult baby has been a learning experience for me!

on another note I've wondered if I had a slight prolapse myself......I haven't gone back to the doc and lately I've felt totally fine but initially I wondered. Then I googled it and scared the hell out of myself!

clio's picture
Joined: 11/05/07
Posts: 590

Does he have any particular physical symptoms when he cries? That might help you pinpoint the problem, if it's physical.

I was having trouble with my LO up until very recently, too. (Though not to the extent you're describing.) I bought a Moby, which he loves, but he also got upset if I sat down. So I tried white noise; I put the extremely LOUD stove fan on. He instantly stopped fussing and fell asleep very quickly. To combat the sitting down problem, I found this website:

http://simplynoise.com/

and play it next to us constantly while on the couch or glider with the Moby. It works really well; he can't fight it and settles nicely. Maybe it'll give you some relief from the crying and relief for your feet, even if only for a little bit?

Good luck! I hope it stops soon; my bil and sil had a colicky baby and I remember how tough it was on them.

ShylahEQ's picture
Joined: 12/08/07
Posts: 1003

When my first son would cry and cry.. we'd turn on the vacuum or hair dryer. Sounds really silly, but it worked!

The other godsend was our swing.

It turned out he did have GERD. He didn't so much have a lot of spit up either.

*hugs* hang tough mama!

.hilary.'s picture
Joined: 01/31/10
Posts: 1505

Carolyn that sounds so hard!! I am sure you have tried everything so I don't know if this will help at all. But when Elaina gets fussy and is fed and clean, I find I have to do several things at once to calm her and she will fight them at first but will eventually soothe. When she is really upset I swaddle her tightly and she cries through it but I know it will work eventually so I keep her swaddled. Then I put her in the swing (closely supervised of course since I can't strap her in lol!) and tuck her favourite soft blanket all around her. Still crying of course!! Finally I turn the swing on high, turn on the white noise (our swing has one that is like lapping waves on a beach, it's magic), and lastly I give her a pacifier. that will pretty much always do the trick! At first I thought nothing was working because she cried through everything I did, but finally I just waited it out and within a minute or two of having all those comforts in place, she would calm and go to sleep. One way or another I hope things get easiere for you soon! I can't imagine how stressful it must be to make a big move like that with two fussy LO's Sad hugs to you!

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

Hi Carolyn!! Wow, you moved across country!? How stressful! Hope you are doing ok. This sounds miserable. Sounds like colic to me and at least it should pass by 3 or 4 months, but I would probably take him to the pedi if it were me just to discuss. I am ok with some crying. I have realized that the more sleep M gets during the day, the more sleep she get during the night... but she fights naps! So I am doing a little ferbering with her to get this under control. I have no experience with colic, but if he cries for 5 hours in your arms and 10 mins in the crib, I would say that is the best option! A little crying is ok! Hang in there. This too shall pass. HUGS.

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