More Daycare Issues

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_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973
More Daycare Issues

Last night Brynna had a meltdown about going to daycare again. She told me that she only wanted to go if a certain one of the workers was there. When I asked her why she said it was because one of the teachers put her in timeout in the hallway until she stopped crying for us in the mornings and the other put her in the bathroom in timeout (with the door open) until she stopped crying. This made me sick to my stomach. I know it's awful to listen to a child cry but IMO a child should never be punished for this. I am all about timeout when they do something wrong but crying for a parent is something they have no control over. So needless to say I was up all night worried sick over this and my DH and I decided that she will not be going back to the daycare. It was too late to call my Mom last night after we made our decision but she had offered awhile back to just keep Brynna so that is where Brynna will be going from now on. We promised Brynna she would not be going back to the daycare. I am just sick over thinking I made a bad choice in making her still attend the daycare. This is the first time Brynna had said that she had been punished over her crying. I know Brynna to be a truthful child and I believe her. This also explains some other things going on. Brynna is a sleepwalker and has night terrors. They are especially bad when she is over tired or when she is stressed out. Over the past month or so the night terrors and sleepwalking intensified tremendously. I thought it was the impending arrival of the baby but now I am beginning to realize it was the anxiety about going to daycare and her fear of being punished. I am so thankful that my Mom is going to step in and care for Brynna until I go on maternity leave and then I am going to find a more permanent means of care for her. Thanks if you made it this far but I just needed to get this out of my mind and off my chest so maybe I can breathe a little easier.

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

Im glad there was a sign to help make your decision about brynnas care. I'm sorry to hear the daycare let you and brynna down regarding their judgements. :openarms: it seems like everyone will be happier with the new arrangement.

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

That is terrible that they put her in timeout for crying for you. I would have a chat with the director of the daycare about that as well.

I think it is great that Brynna knew she could tell you what was going on. A lot of kids think they are bad in this situations and then never tell their parents. It is also great that you listened to her about it.

I am so glad you have an option for now and I hope you find something a lot better for her and for Ryan for after you go back to work.

Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346

My BIL is an elementary school teacher. He worked at daycares all throughout college and he said he would never send a kid to daycare just based on his experiences with them. I am so glad you are taking her out! I hope you feel some relief, you are doing the right thing. You have no control over the things of which you had no knowledge. You would have pulled her out in two seconds if you had known earlier. You're a good mom and its clear you love your daughter!

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

That's terrible! We've been lucky to have a really positive daycare experience so far. It's not perfect but Evan likes being there and I have seen plenty of kids crying in the morning and they are definitely NOT put in time out. It probably helps that there are cameras the parents can tune in to at any time during the day! At least you have some time to find a better option for her

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

"Carolyn85" wrote:

My BIL is an elementary school teacher. He worked at daycares all throughout college and he said he would never send a kid to daycare just based on his experiences with them. I am so glad you are taking her out! I hope you feel some relief, you are doing the right thing. You have no control over the things of which you had no knowledge. You would have pulled her out in two seconds if you had known earlier. You're a good mom and its clear you love your daughter!

yes, this. I don't usually bring it up, because moms have no choice, but I have worked at a dozen daycares and I can say positive things about one of them. One. I quit working in them and started babysitting in my home because I was coming home with migraines every say worrying about the things I saw in them Sad I know there are good ones out there, but I just never have the good luck to work in any of them.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

The strange part is Brynna has attended this daycare since she was about 16 months old and she will be 5 at the end of this month. We have never had a problem with them until she started not wanting to go around a month or so ago. She used to love to go. I know they have hired some new people recently and it's one of the newer girls who put her in TO but the other one is a teacher she has had since the beginning. I just know that now is not the time for me to confront them about anything because being pregnant I am emotional enough and I cannot take on the added stress. I am just going to tell them that due to the baby and my impending maternity leave she will not be returning to the daycare at this time. Then I guess I will use my time off with the baby to make different arrangements for her.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

"gaidinsgirl" wrote:

yes, this. I don't usually bring it up, because moms have no choice, but I have worked at a dozen daycares and I can say positive things about one of them. One. I quit working in them and started babysitting in my home because I was coming home with migraines every say worrying about the things I saw in them Sad I know there are good ones out there, but I just never have the good luck to work in any of them.

So do you think an in-home daycare is a better option? We have a few in the area. Actually there is a woman down the street from us that runs a daycare out of her house. When we first moved into our home last year we had several of the neighbors recommend her. Maybe I need to check her out and see if she has any openings.

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

"_Jessicah_" wrote:

So do you think an in-home daycare is a better option? We have a few in the area. Actually there is a woman down the street from us that runs a daycare out of her house. When we first moved into our home last year we had several of the neighbors recommend her. Maybe I need to check her out and see if she has any openings.

I think it is if your instinct says it is. If the home daycare has a policy that says you can come check on the kids ANY time you want and you feel comfortable then yes. There are going to be bad home daycares too. I would go with someone who is licensed and really get to know them before taking them there though. I switched to doing home care because I actually REALLY enjoy being with the kids. I don't think a lot of the daycare workers in centers actually enjoy it. It's a job to them, but not one they love. I think centers in general have more accountability so people trust them more, but unless there are cameras in each room that actually work ( I have worked in some that they never turned the cameras on) then the accountability is non existent. You just have to visit visit visit, ask tons of questions and use your mommy instinct to decide what feels right and it is GOOD that Brynna is old enough now to give you the inside scoop on what really goes on at daycare.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

The place Brynna was in was owned privately by a woman but she employed staff and the owner was licensed by the state to provide daycare services. I am just at a loss because Brynna really did love this place and it's only been in the last month or so that these issues have come up. I wish I was in a position to talk about things with the daycare but I just can't right now due to being so emotional. I just worry about them really being mean to her if I confront them about it and let them know what Brynna told me. UGH this is why I want to be a SAHM.

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

I think there are pros and cons to everything -- SAHM included Smile Daycare has been good for my son overall b/c he's naturally a pretty shy kid. We started with an in home gal and she was great no complaints about her personally but things like TV time etc bothered me. And there are parts of the facility that bother me - one day he had a bite mark and we had no incident notice so apparently the bite didn't get noticed. I pointed it out and they were apologetic. I don't like those incidents when they have a report behind them but I really don't like it if no one appears to have noticed! But usually there's a lot of accountability and he is happy to be there. They have cameras so we can check in and that's nice - truthfully we don't do it a ton but it's nice to have it there and we've never checked in and felt upset by what we see typically the kids are playing, eating or sleeping.

I tried staying home full time - technically we could swing it if we wanted to - but I like working 3 days a week and those 3 days of daycare seem to be good for Evan he talks more, talks about the other kids etc. I'm glad I don't have to do it full time and wouldn't hesitate to pull him if I started to feel the facility wasn't doing a good job but in a place he likes it's been good. You have time to do research and get her adjusted - that's a nice thing and I'm sure you'll find a place everyone is happy with

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

That is so sad that they punished her for being upset. I remember crying through half my day at kinder and instead of the teacher punishing me she sat in front of the class and held me in her lap while she taught. I still remember how compassionate she was to me.

I hope you are able to tell them the actual reason why you are pulling her. Even if you have your DH do it or you write them a letter and have someone proof it to make sure its not filled with pg hormones. LOL They need to know - maybe the owner/director doesn't know its going on?

We have been so fortunate to have Deacon in an excellent daycare since he was 12 weeks old. Its at my work, free, and I love the teachers. I'm able to go see him any time I want through out the day and I can check in on stuff and make sure he is happy. Its been a huge blessing for me. When I go on leave I am taking him 2/week for 5 hours each day to my neighbor's in home daycare. I'm more stressed over that then I am his actual daycare. I trust her totally but I'm still nervous.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

Thank you for all of your responses. I guess after everything cools down we need to talk with the director and let her know what Brynna told us. Then MAYBE the situation could be fixed. This is a place I have trusted and they have been so good to Brynna. I think that's why I want to sit back and make sure it's not my hormones getting the best of me and not say something I regret.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

:lurker:

I've worked childcare for many years. A center really is about it's teachers. It doesn't matter how many awards and certifications they have, it's about the teachers that are currently there. Sadly, most daycare teachers are not paid well so they don't stay around for very long or leave for other centers in attempt to get paid more. Not to mention it's hard to find new dedicated teachers for such small pay when the old teachers leave. So just because a center is fantastic one year doesn't mean it'll be fantastic the next year. There is probably teacher turnover and even if the same teachers are there, it's not uncommon for them to get burned out because they're not getting raises (yay economy), as many hours (or maybe too many hours or bad hours for them), or they're just plain tired of the type of work (trust me, I got very burned out of it after 3 years at the same center!).

Definitely speak to the director about your concerns. With luck they'll listen and things will change for the better.

lesleynka's picture
Joined: 04/26/11
Posts: 1845

I'm sorry that things are not working out for Brynn at daycare Jessicah. Childcare is a tough situation for all parents for so many reasons. I think the decision you have made is the best one, especially if it allows you to be a little less stressed throughout your week.

My girls go to childcare & stay w/ Grandma throughout the week. I have loved their facility & have never really had any bad experience w/ them, BUT I have also worked in a school district so I know that there are good & bad teachers (just like the good & bad in any other profession).

It seems like you have a solution so you have time to reevaluate everything & take time in your decision of what you want to do. When does Brynn start kindergarten?

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

She will start Kindergarten in August since she's about to turn 5.

.hilary.'s picture
Joined: 01/31/10
Posts: 1505

That sounds so heartbreaking Sad poor Brynna!!! I'm glad it sounds like you have some options going forward. Could you take her out just temporarily since you're on mat leave soon, would they be okay with that? Then maybe you will get a chance to relax a little before you talk to them about the incident. So sorry you have to go through this Sad

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

".hilary." wrote:

That sounds so heartbreaking Sad poor Brynna!!! I'm glad it sounds like you have some options going forward. Could you take her out just temporarily since you're on mat leave soon, would they be okay with that? Then maybe you will get a chance to relax a little before you talk to them about the incident. So sorry you have to go through this Sad

That is what I am doing. I am just going to tell them I started my maternity leave and hopefully things will cool off and we can sit down and talk about things. Another option I am looking at is putting her in the preschool in our school district. This will be contingent on them having an after school care program for working parents. I have been told they do have one so if they do we may beginning of the year just put her in the preschool. I am just trying to do what's best for now and then we will work on a solution.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

Ugh! Sorry you are going through that! I have never been completely happy with our child care. There is always something that isn't quite right. I can't wait for my kiddo to be home with daddy 100% of the time. I have him going to the in-home sitters part-time right now, but I don't know how long we will continue that.

So great your mom is avail to watch her. Sorry! Hope things get better after this change! Rogan has night terrors too and they are so scary (for us, not the kids)! Hopefully this will help alleviate those.
:bighug:

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

Yes, the night terrors are horrible for a parent to witness. I am so glad Brynna doesn't remember them. However, she is frightened about the fact she sleepwalks. She doesn't remember this either but she always asks what happens to her and I think the fear of her unknowingly doing something is what scares her. We've assured her that nothing bad will happen to her and that it's just something she does. It doesn't make her bad or anything like that. It's just something that happens.

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

*lurker*

I am very sorry that you and your daughter are dealing with this. Time outs are an inappropriate and non-supportive way to handle separation anxiety. I think it is really important that you address this with the owner and ask her to provide education and guidelines for her staff to follow when there is a child that struggles with their parent leaving. As hard as it is, I would address it now, as there could be other children dealing with the same thing.

A child needs support when they are feeling insecure about a parent leaving. Redirecting them to an activity or a play area will help them pull themselves together and feel supported. Never should a child be punished for these behaviors.