Q for BTDT Mom's

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sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418
Q for BTDT Mom's

So, I have been thinking about what I want to do with DS during my maternity leave and I just can't decide on what is the right option. He currently goes to an in-home daycare full time, and eventually we will be keeping him home with DH when he quits his job and becomes a SAHD. But that won't be until mid-January at the earliest. I am taking 3 months off, and my DH is taking one month off when the baby comes. Perhaps this isn't an issue for other BTDT mom's, but I'm wondering what you are doing and/or what your advice for me is?

We will both be home when baby comes, and I know DS would love to stay home with us too. We may need some daycare though through a few weeks after DH's month off. However, I would hate to put him in full-time care during the month we are both home if I don't need to. I also don't want to disrupt his day too much and I think the social interaction with peers is good. Maybe I could do part-time after the baby comes and until DH quits his job? I could technically keep him home with me and baby too full time?! What do you ladies think? Am I over thinking this? I would love to hear what you think and what you would do in this scenario. Smile

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

All good questions that I have thought about too....although my situation is a little different. My DS goes to daycare where I work. Its free for employees and you can only use it IF you are at work that day. However, they do make exceptions and lately some kids have come while their moms are on maternity leave. For me that isn't really an option because I live 35 miles from work and am not willing to drive 70 miles a day to put DS in daycare. Aside from that, I want to be a SAHM so I can be with him more, so I would feel like it was opposite of my desires to take him to daycare while I am home.

On the flipside - I don't want him to be bored for 12 weeks at home with me and the baby. I've looked for some Mother's Day Out programs but they were too expensive and they said they don't usually take kids for just a few weeks at a time but its more of a school year now. dang it!

Also - in DS's daycare they do the A Beka curriculum so now he will miss 12 weeks worth of lessons - BOO! I am working with his teachers to get their lesson plans before I leave so I can teach him at home.

So yeah, same and different issues all at the same time and I have come to the conclusion for myself to have DS at home with me and the baby and try to keep him on the same school schedule with me teaching him. And I plan to have like one day a week when we all three go do something fun for DH's sake. The zoo - museum - Chuck E Cheese, whatever.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

Are you staying home permanently after baby comes Jenn?

There is also an option someone mentioned to me the other day about a public pre-school which he would only do for a few hours a day 2-3 days a week, and it would only cost around $60/month, so maybe we look into that... but doing it in the middle of February seems strange. Maybe we should just wait until the Fall?

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

No - I will be going back after my 12 weeks are up - unless we win the lottery Smile

That's a really good idea. He will still get to be with other kids his age and he will get time for himself as well. I contacted a lady in my neighborhood that I know that watches kids and asked her if she would have any openings for 2 days a week, like 4-5 hours a day. I just want him to be able to play with kids all day and not just a baby and a mom Wink

lesleynka's picture
Joined: 04/26/11
Posts: 1845

I think that you are going to want time to bond w/ your new girl w/ just you two. I don't think there is anything wrong or selfish about that. Also I think you don't want to change ds's schedule too much b/c there will already be a lot of changing going on around him. He will have plenty of time to bond w/ his little sister.

I think the part time option is a great one, especially if you can adjust or tweak it here or there depending on the week or mood of everyone.

For me, Phoenix is in kindergarten so she will continue there & Violet is pt 3 days a week at preschool. BUUUUTTT, they will probably both be on winter recess when Boots is born. =/ Luckily they seem to love Grandma the best of anyone so if I need a minute, or day, I've got it.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

This one is really up to you (and DH!). If it were me, I would just keep him home with me. Yes, the social interaction is nice, but why pay for childcare if you don't need it? I would just put the money away to use for something else (or just save it for a rainy day). When I'm not at work, my kids are home with me... it's just the way I prefer it.

Veni Vidi Vici's picture
Joined: 03/13/10
Posts: 113

I'm a SAHM... I have my 3.5 year old daughter in montessori preschool for two and a half hours every weekday morning. I think that will continue to work very well for us once the baby comes... I will be using the time to tidy up and go to the local stroller stride class with my newborn, which is 3 mornings a week. My daughter's father pays for the preschool, so cost wasn't an issue, I just wanted to figure out what the optimal time configuration would be, and decided a couple hours every morning would be perfect. (She LOVES the preschool, and they do cool field trips and crafts, so couldn't be happier with it.)

I also decided to hire a cleaning lady for a couple hours every other week. Just enough to do all the bathrooms, dusting, vaccuum, and some deep cleaning tasks. (She charges 15/hour, so it's not very expensive for a few hours every other week!) I used one when my daughter was a newborn too, and it was super awesome to have one less thing to worry about.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
Joined: 10/20/08
Posts: 2479

We just enrolled Nicholas in 2 days/week pre-school that is from 9am-12noon. He will be on winter break with Emily comes (they follow the public school schedule) but will go back in Jan. We wanted him to have some interaction with his peers so we decided this part-time option will work well for us. If you do choose one of these programs, watch out because they usually charge a registration fee and supply fee so for only one month it might not be worth it.

PAmom2boys's picture
Joined: 04/29/09
Posts: 1494

I think my feeling is going to be different than yours since I am a SAHM. So for us the kids are always home with me, no childcare. I think keeping him in part-time won't be too much of a change. If you took him out completely he may miss the social interaction and activity. I see he three are you going to put him in preschool eventually? Maybe getting into that sort of three day a week schedule would help with that.

Joined: 06/04/11
Posts: 573

My son is 7 but right now he goes for after school care for 2 hrs. He loves this time to play with his friends. So after the baby comes we will send him a couple times a week so he can still play with his friends. He's old enough to talk about these things but he wants to still go. So I will pay for these few days he goes, but it is better than him being bored at home. I think it is very important for them to socialize with other kids other than at home. So if he was younger- I would still send him a couple days a week.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

Brynna is just in daycare so once Ryan arrives she will stay home with me. We are hoping after the first of the year to get her started in pre-school. We tried to get her started in August but it was a huge mess. With me being off work we need to save money by not having the expense of daycare. Thankfully ours only charges on the days that she is there so we won't have to pay to keep her spot open. We've talked to the woman who runs the daycare and she knows our intentions and is okay with Brynna being out for the 6 weeks or so that I will be on maternity leave.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

Yea, I think that will play a large part in our decision. I'm not sure what the sitter will be comfortable with. She is fairly new for us and I would like to cut back on DS's time to just a couple of short days a week, or nothing at all, for the entire 3 months. I'm sure she may not be too happy with that, but we are hoping to have my DH quit soon after the baby comes and stay home. With me only making half pay and my DH taking a month off and eventually quitting, we are going to have to tighten up our budget too. Eventually preschool would be great for DS, just not sure on the timing. Maybe just wait for the Fall. I think I might just have to see how everything shakes out!? But after hearing from you all and thinking about it more, he will probably just stay home with us. We really don't want to have to put the extra money we don't have into daycare. We have plenty of friends he can have play dates with and he will have a huge advantage with both me and DH home. I'm getting so anxious and excited for all the changes coming! Just 10 more weeks... or less!!!!!!

**tess**'s picture
Joined: 10/13/08
Posts: 114

Don't forget that newborns are very mobile. Just because you're not working doesn't mean you have to stay home or be a recluse.

Here, we have a children's museum that makes a really good option for young kids. Also, I am in a couple of Mommy/baby type groups (dads welcome too) and we get together and do different things (train museums, family concerts, aquariums, zoos, picnics, trips to the park, etc). We also do things with our church and I am trying to organize more family-oriented activities there.

If you can't find a group in your area, you could always start one.