QOTD: Thursday

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Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454
QOTD: Thursday

Shamefully stole this question from November as it was just too good to pass up, hope they don't mind lol: Who will be in the room with you when you deliver baby, and are you going to allow visitors after?

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I'm very particular about this. As far as being in the room during delivery, DH and DH only! If I had the option I would boot out all of the nurses, too lol! It's just a very private and personal experience for me, so the less people there the better. As far as visitors go, with both of my sons I had a slew of people over the two days that I was there, and I really didn't like it but never said anything. With DD I didn't tell anyone that I was in labor except for my parents, and after she was born my mom brought my sons to see the baby and so that she could see her, too. There was no one else, and I prefer it that way... it will be the same this time around (although I will be telling you ladies!), just my mom and my children, but they'll come after the baby arrives. I just personally feel that those first precious few hours I want to be selfish with and only share them with my absolute closest family.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

My mom, my sister and my DH, just like with the first. It was so great to have them there, I wouldn't change it. My mom and sister helped with the pushing and epi and such, and my DH, being the wussy that he is, stood behind me and gave me encouragement haha.

We had WAY too many visitors afterward. It was overwhelming. Do we have a choice to stop it??? I'm not sure!?

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

"Starryblue702" wrote:

I'm very particular about this. As far as being in the room during delivery, DH and DH only! If I had the option I would boot out all of the nurses, too lol! It's just a very private and personal experience for me, so the less people there the better. As far as visitors go, with both of my sons I had a slew of people over the two days that I was there, and I really didn't like it but never said anything. With DD I didn't tell anyone that I was in labor except for my parents, and after she was born my mom brought my sons to see the baby and so that she could see her, too. There was no one else, and I prefer it that way... it will be the same this time around (although I will be telling you ladies!), just my mom and my children, but they'll come after the baby arrives. I just personally feel that those first precious few hours I want to be selfish with and only share them with my absolute closest family.

This is exactly how I feel about the first couple of weeks being home with the baby! Last time my MIL was there, and while it wasn't terrible, I really just want to be with my DH, DS and new baby for the first couple of weeks... then my MIL can come out. I don't mind visitors, but I don't want someone staying at our house this time, ya know?! It's our last so I want to cherish this precious time together as a family.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

Jules, you absolutely have a choice! Honestly your best bet is to just not tell anyone that you're in labor, that way no one is even the wiser! If it does somehow get out, just tell the hospital staff that you're not accepting any visitors during your stay, and they will honor that.

And I know exactly what you mean about the visitors at your home! This will be our last baby as well, and I want to cherish every precious moment with him teeny tiny!

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

I will have my DH and my Mom. My Mom is such a great support system that I couldn't imagine her not being there when this baby is born.

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

I'll start off by saying that when DS was born I wanted everyone there that wanted to be there. We had 20+ people in the waiting room - it was a mad house. People in and out of my room - I was in pain, my epidural wasn't numbing everything and it was too much for me. We ended up asking everyone to leave the room until he was born. Then I ended in csection and didn't get to show off my baby to everyone, as they had already seen him by the time I was out of surgery - although no one got to hold him but DH. In the days following his birth I remember being exhausted and wanted to sleep so much, but we had a revolving door of visitors. I felt so loved having so many people take time out of their day to come see us - but at the same time it was overwhelming. I had told everyone I would rather have hospital visitors than home visitors and so when we got home we didn't have many people come over at all and I found myself so lonely and in need of a helping hand when I needed to do something but DS was crying. So - that leads me to my new plan for this LO's birth.

This time my mom will have DS in the waiting room while I am in surgery (granted this is all based on a csection, I haven't really made a plan for my vbac yet). My mil and fil will probably be there too. Once I am out of surgery and in recovery DH will bring DS back to meet his sister. We will be in recovery for 2-3 hours and I have already forewarned our parents that I don't want any visitors in recovery. Once we are moved to a room they can come in and meet the baby. For the rest of the the time that I am there I think I am going to email people that I think will want to come by and say that they can feel free to visit from like 10a-12p and 6p-8p or something like that. That way I can make sure I make time to rest and bond.

I also plan on telling my siblings and SIL that, while they are welcome to come to the hospital, I would be fine with them waiting until I get home and settled. My Dh will be staying with DS at home in the evenings so I will have my mom stay with me at the hospital.

If I VBAC I may just do what Krystal said and not tell anyone I am in labor until she is born. Smile

ETA: Regardless of how I deliver - only DH will be with me. That's his call - he doesn't want anyone in there with us.

Panonim's picture
Joined: 11/11/05
Posts: 439

Well, we are planning another homebirth and will probably have the baby in our bedroom again, like last time. At the time of the actual birth, it will be myself, DH, our two kids (if they want to be there), my mom, our primary midwife and her backup midwife.

We will arrange with my sister and my MIL to be in the house to care for DD and DS throughout the labour and at birth if they don't want to watch.

As for visitors I am fine with, and sort of expect to have, our immediate families visiting on the day of the birth, or the next day depending on time. I have a couple of girlfriends who will probably stop by in the first few days. Other than that, I don't anticipate anyone else visiting right away (maybe they will later on), and I am perfectly happy about that! We need our time & space as you've all mentioned, to bond with the baby and adjust to our new family dynamic.

One thing we do frequently around here is have the baby shower after the baby is born. That way everybody gets to visit and hold the baby, and you've gotten all your visitors over with in one afternoon! If no one holds a shower for us, we might just do an open house type of thing where people who want to visit can stop by one afternoon. Then we can avoid the constant stream of visitors.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

We had a TON of people in the waiting room as well when Brynna was born. I had a long labor and most of them stayed for most of it. We have supportive families and they just want to be there for things like that. Brynna wasn't born until 11:16pm so they basically just got to see her and then everyone left until the next day so I was able to get as much rest as possible. I am sure with this baby we will have a full waiting room as well which I don't mind. I am glad my family loves us so much they want to share in our experience. This helps as I will have a room full of people to keep Brynna and Little Billy entertained. I told Brynna she could come and watch Ryan be born if she wanted to but I think it will be a little too scary for her.

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

"_Jessicah_" wrote:

Brynna wasn't born until 11:16pm

My son was born at 11:19pm!

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

"_Jessicah_" wrote:

Brynna wasn't born until 11:16pm

"sugspop" wrote:

My son was born at 11:19pm!

My son was born at 11:13.....am Smile

My family arrived between the hours of 1 am and 4 am to sit and watch me labor. LOL They all left around noon the next day after they got to see Deacon.

mlle_carrie's picture
Joined: 07/17/05
Posts: 1134

I am planning to just have my mom and DH in the delivery room with me. I think my DH will need to take breaks every so often and I know my mom will be in it for the long haul. I think I would prefer to just wait to notify people after the baby is born, that way, if they want to come visit that's fine, but I don't necessarily want everyone waiting outside to rush in right after she comes out. I would be fine with my siblings and nephews there, but I really don't need to have all the extended family waiting in the wings.

The nice thing about having the baby so close to Christmas is that I'm thinking people might not bother coming to the hospital, knowing they will get to see the baby at the holiday. However, my MIL is supposed to be coming to stay with us the week between Christmas and New Year's, so worst case scenario would be if I deliver that week. I'm hoping to have at least a week at home with DH and the baby before we get a lot of guests, which should work out, as long as she arrives on time. Smile Most of my family lives at least an hour away, so I don't think I will have many drop-ins without warning.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

I was induced the night before (on the 27th) so they inserted Cervidil to let it work overnight. My father-in-law, who is a wonderful person, was there at 6:30am to check on us. He took my DH to breakfast and stayed there until well after midnight when the family was allowed to come in and see her. My family was there around 9am or so and was in and out all day as well. I don't remember my Mom leaving at all either. She pretty much stayed in the room with me and DH.

gaidinsgirl's picture
Joined: 08/28/06
Posts: 2004

I'll be having a repeat c-section so dh will be the only one in there.

Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 1346

Just DH! he was the only one for Luke, and he'll be the only one for Nick. It was a very quiet experience last time. It was just DH, me, and a nurse, and the midwife. It was perfect really!

.hilary.'s picture
Joined: 01/31/10
Posts: 1505

DH will be the only one!!! If I have my way, I want it to be just me, DH, and our midwife. I don't know if nurses will be required to be there too, though.

Visitors afterward...while we are in the hospital, only our parents can come and only once! We will probably be in there for a couple days and I want to be left alone, just the three of us. Once we are home, our siblings and grandparents can come by, and our parents will want to come again too. But I want to really limit how often people are by and how long they stay. DH only has two weeks off work so I want to really make good use of that time for the three of us to bond and for me to establish breastfeeding. Extended family will meet her at Christmas.

lol I sound so strict, reading that!! I guess we will see how it goes.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
Joined: 10/20/08
Posts: 2479

This time I want DH in the room and then my mom and DH's mom if they aren't watching Nicholas and they want to be in there. I think it would be so special for them to be in there with me and be my cheerleaders. Last time everything went pretty smoothly and I feel like I will be giving them a gift. Hopefully my dad can be at home with Nicholas watching him while the mom's are at the hospital. I don't want DH's father taking care of Nicholas or in the room at all as I don't really care for him.

As for visiting, this time around I will need the MIL and my parents to help take care of Nicholas. I don't want him at the hospital for very long, only an hour or so to meet his sister and so that I can see him. The room will be boring to him. I don't think I will have many visitors as my friends all have young children and only siblings are allowed back. This is fine with me. I will probably send DH home a lot to check on Nicholas too and just stay by myself and rest with Emily (hopefully).

With Nicholas I was adamant on only having DH in the room the entire time. At one point during the afternoon I let his mom come in the room but they had just told me the baby's heart rate was dropping and if he starts to look bad they were going to do a C-section. I was a complete mess and she didn't stay for long.

Nicholas was born at 11:06pm and DH's mom and dad sat in the waiting room since that morning. They came and saw him about an hour after he was born and then went home. My parents drove up the next morning and spent the day with us at the hospital, but they left with Clif to get some lunch and let me rest. One of my friends also came to visit for a short while and of course the in-laws showed up everyday. The IL's were the biggest problem. We had to tell them to quit coming when they wanted to stop by our house everyday after we got home from the hospital.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
Joined: 10/20/08
Posts: 2479

".hilary." wrote:

DH will be the only one!!! If I have my way, I want it to be just me, DH, and our midwife. I don't know if nurses will be required to be there too, though.

Visitors afterward...while we are in the hospital, only our parents can come and only once! We will probably be in there for a couple days and I want to be left alone, just the three of us. Once we are home, our siblings and grandparents can come by, and our parents will want to come again too. But I want to really limit how often people are by and how long they stay. DH only has two weeks off work so I want to really make good use of that time for the three of us to bond and for me to establish breastfeeding. Extended family will meet her at Christmas.

lol I sound so strict, reading that!! I guess we will see how it goes.

I think the rules you have are good Hilary. Some people have no clue that mom and dad are tired and want to rest and just want to show up whenever. I think you are doing a smart thing by laying down the law before the baby comes so everyone knows what to expect.

_Jessicah_'s picture
Joined: 04/21/11
Posts: 1973

With Brynna I was a first time mom and scared to death so I welcomed my parents' help. This time around I know will be different and I will probably be in the hospital with the baby alone as my DH will have two other kids at home that need to be taken care of. At night it will definitely be just Ryan and me. I am sure Bill will bring the kids during the day but they are not going to want to sit at the hospital all day long. I am sure our families will help keep them especially the first night after he is born so Bill and I can bond with Ryan together. After that I dunno what will happen. I hope we won't be there long enough for it to be an issue.