Scared of reaction?

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JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
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Scared of reaction?

Anyone scared of a reaction from people when you tell them that you are pregnant?

I am scared to tell my parents. We already told DH's parents, they are super excited. My mom said to me a few months ago that "Now would be a bad time to have a baby because Clif doesn't have a job" (DH was laid off in December) But we are ok!!!! DH is doing an awesome job as a SAHD and we are not going into debt. I told them that this was my family and I appreciate their comment but I do not have to agree with it. I'm not going to tell them till next weekend when they come for Easter. Ugh....already makes me nervous.

I'm also apprehensive about telling my boss. I know I will need to tell him sooner than later because we work with some chemicals that you shouldn't be around when you are pg. I really want to wait a month or so until after my review so that I am not discriminated against (long story, I was denied promotion because I was pg with Nicholas 2 years ago). I'm afraid I will have to tell him sooner than that though. Oh well. I'll just wing it. :confused:

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I'm scared of telling the boss when the time comes, we're a very small privately owned child-care centre with very little staff (we have 11 staff and 5 rooms). I just started working there about 6 months ago in the toddler room, so I'm fairly new but my seniority is pretty high already.

Here in Canada, we have up to 12 months of maternity leave but I don't plan on taking the whole 12 months, I'm hoping to go back after 6, so I'm hoping she'll take that into consideration when my time comes. The only problem now is that I just found out a co-worker is pregnant and expecting in late December so that complicates things alittle.

Other than that, we're not really scared of telling others, we know a lot of people will be thrilled for us!

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those are very valid reasons to be afraid of their reactions. I would hope your employer wouldnt discriminate aganst you for being pregnant. Its totally illegal. I wouldnt know how you'd prove it. Although if you get a bad or less than areview than you think you should i would take note of it and your denial of promotion and talk to an attorney.

I think its great your DH is doing a swell job as SAHD. thats always comforting knowing your children are in the best hands while you work.

I really havent been afraid to tell anyone yet. there have only been a few people we have told. Mostly family adn a few friends. I wonder what some of my friends will think or say when i reveal the news to them. I'm sure it will only be nice comments and congrats but you always wonder what they really think.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
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"PAmom2boys" wrote:

those are very valid reasons to be afraid of their reactions. I would hope your employer wouldnt discriminate aganst you for being pregnant. Its totally illegal. I wouldnt know how you'd prove it. Although if you get a bad or less than areview than you think you should i would take note of it and your denial of promotion and talk to an attorney.

Yes i agree. Literally my boss said "I'm not going to put in for your promotion because they won't give it to you because you are pregnant". He is such a pig sometimes. Of course nothing was in writing. Not to mention that if you do go to an attorney they would find some way to fire you so I don't want to lose my job. That was the ONLY bad thing that has ever happened to me at the company and I really enjoy my job right now. For my review- I want to ask for a bigger raise than "cost of living" because our group of 2 is one of the most efficient groups in the company. I think that should be rewarded!

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I was afraid to tell my parents, and rightly so as their reaction was awful. My dad looked strained and quickly told us we don't know what we are getting into and my mom put her head in her hands saying "oh, noooo". Not the reaction you expect when you're 26, married, and you and your husband each have successful careers!!

They eventually sort of came around and are now quite supportive, but it's hard for me to stop feeling sad about their reaction to their first grandchild. The awkwardness is still there too which I hope will pass soon.

Oh well, at least my work so far is being incredibly supportive!! I'm sorry to hear that some of you have to be worried about discrimination. I have a new manager who I'm not sure about yet, so I hope he is ok too when I tell him.

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:bigarmhug: Hilary. That kind of reaction is exactly the OPPOSITE of what you should get. So sorry you had to deal with that.

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Hilary, that is a terrible way for them to react. I am so sorry.

I was scared to tell my mom, because I know she really thought two was enough for us. She is worried about our financial ability and my personal-not losing my mind- ability to have three.

She ended up being really happy for me though, just worried about how hard it will be with three.

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Thanks ladies Smile

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I'm scared that when we tell a lot of people, that people are going to ask if the baby was planned since this baby and its older brother are only going to be about 21 months apart (it was...it just came on the first try instead of the 5th or 6th like our other 2 and we weren't quite expecting it)...I hope most people will recognize that is none of their business.

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wow hilary... that is awful!!!! i can't even imagine. ugh. i hope they come around.

my parents were thrilled both times. DH's parents were thrilled the first time... we just told his mom about me being pregnant again. she was like "oooh boy!!!!' and didnt say much else. she asked me several times before we got married about birth control, and what we planned on doing after Luke. i think she thinks we are religious whack jobs, but i really dont care. DH and i are so thrilled to be doing this again! MIL told me in the past she only had kids to "save her marriage" which didn't work anyway. she's a piece of work!

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I am scared....for several reasons.
One is that this will be our 4th and equally wanted and longed for child.
I dread the questions: do you know how this happens, are yo done yet, etc.
Our oldest is 11 and has special needs.
My family is super down on the economy and will likely wonder why I would drag another person into this crazy world. (Where we believe this child is a miracle just like the others)

I suspect judgement from friends and family alike. I hope I am pleasantly surprised.

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
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Joy- I hope you are pleasantly suprised too. Every child is a gift that we should cherish and be excited about!

Update for me- I told my boss yesterday :eek: He was trying to give me projects that I couldn't work on at all so I had to tell him. He took it well and even said congratulations. I really hope this doesn't affect my review. We agreed to wait until after my OB appt on the 5th of May to tell his boss because I'm probably going to switch groups.

I'm telling my parents this weekend...on Saturday.... still nervous about that one.

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I am scared to tell my family simply because my sister is 17 weeks pregnant! So they are going to get 2 grandbabies 3 months apart. But I know they will be supportive as they always are. I expect excitement from DH's family as well.

Hilary - I am sorry your family reacted that way. How sad. I imagine that must have hurt terribly. It would be hard to let go of that initial reaction.

Joy - I am sure everything will be okay. Yes, the economy is hard but you know what you're family can handle. Smile They may be shocked at first but then I think they will be excited. Another baby to love.

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Aww Hilary that's horrible:(. (((HUGS)))

I called my mom and MIL bawling when I took the test. The timing is so off for us and like I said we were preventing. I was supposed to have my left ovary removed on 5/3. I'm a full time student with 2 kids 3 and 1, I know it's not impossible to continue school but I'm scared! I was expecting bad reactions from family but they have been supportive, surprisingly.

With all that said, I am grateful for this baby even though it wasn't planned. My edd is a week after my brother's (who passed away in 09) birthday. I feel like that's a good sign that it's meant to be.

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Jessica- It will be so cool to have two grandbabies 3 months apart! They will be close cousins! I think that will be cool!!! Are they going to see it differently?

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Joy the funny part is Brynna is only 7 months older than that sisters daughter! So this is the second time me and my sister Kendra have been pregnant at the same time. This time she got pregnant before me. LOL

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Hilary, that stinks their reaction was so terrible! I'm sure they'll come around.

I'm not scared of anybody's reaction. I know everybody will be happy for us since we've been trying for a little while and had a miscarriage last summer (and had to untell the whole world). Even if they had a reason to have a bad reaction - I don't care! Biggrin

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We told DH's parents this last weekend. And my MIL first words were"Was this planned?" ROFL I couldnt keep from smiling and i think my DH is afraid to tell anyone this baby wasnt planned. It wasnt planned but it wasnt prevented either. But after a few more questions she did say congrats and FIL said he already knew :?

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I think this is a great question.

We (DH and I) are totally freaking about reactions.

My mom is going to keel over when I tell her... which won't be for months and months and months LOL She is constantly asking me "did you get your period yet" -- I think she actually marks her calendar when she knows I'm on it. (She lives with us). She is actually my biggest worry. Of course, I know she will come around because she can't resist babies, but she thinks it's crazy to have more kids in this ERA because women have "better things to do" blah blah blah

2 of my brothers will be very happy for us. My oldest brother will be impartial, he'll just say something like "You're so brave!" and be happy too. Then, there is my brother Steve who is going to be like "OMG ANOTHER ONE????" and start talking about the economy.

I have NO CLUE how DH's family is going to react. That could go either way, but they live far so I don't care lol

The rest of my family and friends will be excited and happy for us.

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I had no problem telling my boss or family, but I definitely am having a hard time with wanting to tell the rest of the world. The two people that I have told have said some sarcastic and hurtful things to me (like, "Geez, haven't you ever heard of birth control?", this being my fourth child. I know that they were joking but still... I take care of my family, they don't need for anything. I have never asked anything of anyone, and I believe if I make the choice to have another baby (even is it was unplanned!) then that's my perrogative and no one else's business but my own and my husband's. So because of this, I haven't gone public on FB because I just don't want to hear anyone's nonsense...

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I worry a little about what people will think. This will make 3 kids in my home. I have an 11 year old step-son that we have custody of and I have a 4 year old daughter. We just bought our first home and people will wonder why we want to add a baby on top of adjusting to the financial stresses of the new home. But my husband and I are thrilled and we are the ones providing for this baby (just as we do our other two kids) so IMO people should keep their negative thoughts to themselves.

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Wow, I am sorry so many of you are worried about others' reactions or have gotten negative reactions already! It seems so sad to me that people can't just be happy for one another.

My reactions have been all positive, but then again, I had been trying for so long and everyone knew how much it means to me. I made my mom, brother, and sister cry when I told them. The only negativity I have detected was from my DH's sister who felt we were spreading the news too soon. Whatever. This is my happy moment, so I am going to enjoy it.

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I agree, I can't believe so many of us are faced with such negative reactions. I wish everyone could just see this as the joy it is!

Thanks for the support again from everyone. Small update...it has not gotten any better Sad I went for coffee with my mom after the initial reaction, and that was pretty awkward and she pressured me to tell my grandparents because she talks to them a lot (her parents) and was struggling to keep the secret. So I gave in and told them even though it will be especially heartbreaking if we have to untell them...THAT is why we wanted to wait.

Anyway, from there my mom lectured me that it was better I told them, since she thought it strange I had told my best friend. I have been friends with this girl since we were 5 years old! Of course I would tell her, she's my major support. So since I told her, my mom thought it was "okay" to tell my friends' parents when they called (our parents are all friends).

Of course it wasn't okay, considering my DH's own siblings don't know yet!!!!! I was furious, so was my DH. I called my mom and was not yelling but clearly more angry with her than I have ever been in my life. I did accept her apology, and later emailed her to tell her that again because I DO NOT want any lasting drama. I tried to take the high road but since then my mom is not talking to me and I haven't heard from my dad either. Easter will be so awkward :confused: I hate all this drama, I honestly never expected it. Thanks for letting me vent....

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I don't think I will get a negative reaction, I just worry what people *think* but won't say. I know our families will be happy for us especially since they saw the heartbreak from the baby we lost last year.

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Well we told my parents and they were excited! They were definitely shocked but didn't say anything mean and are happy for us. My dad didn't say much but my mom gave me a huge hug and was excited. I am so relieved everything went well! Dinner tonight with the whole family including the inlaws went well too Smile Ahhhhh I'm ready to relax and just ENJOY now Smile

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Angela,

I am so happy for you! It's always awesome when things go WELL!!!

Hilary,

I am so sorry your mom is acting that way. If it makes you feel better, my mom is a total drama queen too. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep the secret since she lives with us and knows me better than I know myself. Already today she asked if I was pregnant UGH

I simply said "I'm not even late yet! Shut up!"

which is technically true since I have long cycles and AF isn't truly due until the 25th lol

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How horrible so many of us have to deal with this! Well, I was expecting a not too thrilled reaction from my parents because I am one of 4 and with how much they struggled financially when I was growing up I'm sure they think 2 kids is plenty. We want however many God sees fit to bless us with, thankyouverymuch. They actually surprised us though and are happy, but then told everyone at their new church (who I don't even know) along with anyone else they talk to. sheesh. I was nervous about my mother in law's reaction because she was literally mad at us when we found out DS2 was a boy. (my husbands sister has 3 boys) Of course her response this time was "It better be a freaking girl this time". Nice, huh? Of course I long for a girl but would absolutely adore another baby boy! Family. Ugh.