Unusual birth story

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**tess**'s picture
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Unusual birth story

It was just announced that some friends in our church had a baby.

I am delighted for them (and happy that my little girl will have a playmate close to her age in our church), but it was a pretty big surprise as there was no pregnancy and they hadn't mentioned anything publicly. I guess they told some people about a month ago.

So here's the long story: They had twins, a boy and a girl, 14 years ago. Their little girl died at age 10 in her sleep from diabetes complications - SO SO sad! I guess they still had embryos saved from that original process and decided that they were ready (even though they are in their early 50s) to add to their family. They used a surrogate (who happens to live in another state for whatever reason) and they just had a little girl. Here's a situation where this child with older parents was anything but an accident.

I'm not offended in any way that I was not "in the know" but isn't it a weird idea to be able to keep this a secret? I couldn't if I wanted to! And some days I would just rather be me and not "the pregnant woman" *sigh* And to be looking forward to your own baby's birth, but not have the baby growing in your own body! How strange would that be!

The weirdest idea to me is being a surrogate. Just imagine growing someone else's baby in your womb. Would that be easier if it was your first time or better if you knew what you were doing and how your body would change? I lean towards thinking it would be easier if it wasn't your first baby, because you'd know what kind of health issues you were facing and how hard labor can be, but then you'd also know about getting attached to the baby. I guess it wouldn't be that much different than deciding to go through a pregnancy knowing you were going to give the baby up for adoption, but somehow it seems so much stranger.

Crazy and so wonderful and amazing that people are able to do this nowadays. Just another kind of miracle.

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That is a miracle! So, so terrible about their daughter. I can't even begin to imagine the things they've gone through.

A girl I graduated high school with just carried a baby for another couple. The baby (girl) was born in August. It was fun to hear the details that she was able to share as her pregnancy progressed.

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There are lots of people who use surrogates for various reasons, whether it be age or just problems conceiving in general... and they do it so that they can still have their own child (most of the time) without having to go through the adoption process, which can take years and thousands and thousands of dollars. And to answer your other question, I've acutally looked into surrogacy, as in being a surrogate for someone else. I would love to be able to do that for someone else, and they pay you quite well for it (in my case it's pretty much what I make in a year!). You're required to have had at least one child and be in a stable/committed relationship. You have to go through vigorous background checks, medical testing and checking, and then once approved much much more. I think it's a little weird that they didn't tell anyone about it for sure... and that they're starting over at the age that they are, but good for them anyhow!

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Incredible story!

ETA: it really is amazing to think that this little one was conceived at the same time as her older sister! (Did I read that right?- is that correct?) Amazing if so!

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I'm new to babies and the multiples world, too. At one workshop for parents of multiples we discovered that at 31 and 35, my boyfriend and I are far younger than most parents of multiples because we're the only ones who did not use fertility technologies. We've also met a lot of gay male couples having babies through surrogates. Having never had issues with fertility or a great desire to get pregnant I simply cannot understand going to such lengths to use surrogates or reproductive technologies to have children when adoption is such a great option, but I do think it's pretty incredible that surrogates are opening new options for couples who could not otherwise give birth on their own.

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I couldn't imagine keeping such exciting news to myself. Maybe they felt they would be ridiculed given their age, using a surrogate, etc.

As far as being a surrogate I would do it but only for certain people such as a sibilings, close family member, best friend. I wouldn't do it for a stranger.

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"I'm_a_pepper" wrote:

Incredible story!

ETA: it really is amazing to think that this little one was conceived at the same time as her older sister! (Did I read that right?- is that correct?) Amazing if so!

I agree - incredible. Not sure I could keep it a secret either though.

When we do finally use our embryos they will have been frozen for years. We froze them in 2007 - the same time Deacon was frozen. So in a way they are Deacon's twins...conceived the same day and time...yet years apart.

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"Jenn0113" wrote:

I agree - incredible. Not sure I could keep it a secret either though.

When we do finally use our embryos they will have been frozen for years. We froze them in 2007 - the same time Deacon was frozen. So in a way they are Deacon's twins...conceived the same day and time...yet years apart.

**lurker** We have six frozen embryos from earlier this year and I also have a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole conceived same time but will be born years apart. Like it's out of a sci-fi show or something.

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I think this is amazing although I think the secrecy is a little strange, but after losing one child I can guess that they probably just wanted to make sure it was 100% before getting their hopes up & telling others.

"**tess**" wrote:

And to be looking forward to your own baby's birth, but not have the baby growing in your own body! How strange would that be!

The weirdest idea to me is being a surrogate.

I don't think these two things are that strange. I am adopted & my parents never met my biological parents, but knew that they had a baby coming. My adoptive parents were at the hospital & the only parents that ever held me. I went straight to the arms of my mom & my bio mom never held me. Well, this is what I have heard. Also, talk about strange...my adoptive mom nursed me. She knew I was coming & she prepared her body to be able to nurse me. I think they thought of me as "their baby" as much as the couple at your church.

A friend of mine surrogated 2 different times. Both after having her own little girl. I think she made about $35k & this was almost 10 years ago. The second time she carried twins & I am not sure if she got paid per baby or per pregnancy.

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"lesleynka" wrote:

Also, talk about strange...my adoptive mom nursed me. She knew I was coming & she prepared her body to be able to nurse me.

Incredible! It's unbelievable what the body can do!

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"lesleynka" wrote:

Also, talk about strange...my adoptive mom nursed me. She knew I was coming & she prepared her body to be able to nurse me.

If I ever adopt I would definitely nurse the new baby as well. No doubt! Its a great thing your mom did for you Smile

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For sure. She had already had two boys that she nursed, but that was EIGHT years earlier!!

She is crazy pro-breastfeeding, but I am grateful for that b/c she has really supported me & urged me to nurse.

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Wow, that is amazing about BFing adoptive babies. How do you get your body to generate the milk? Hormones?

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I am pretty sure she just used a pump. If you stimulate the mammary glands of most female mammals w/in fertility age enough I think they will start producing.

Isn't there stories of dogs, cats or monkeys nursing other random species?

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I just found out from a nurse friend that in the state of Washington it's illegal to get paid for being a surrogate. The parents can pay the expenses, of course, but not compensate the surrogate.

I guess that's why they went to Idaho.