Is your DH trying to have "baby name" control??!!

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Starryblue702's picture
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Is your DH trying to have "baby name" control??!!

So my DH is in a constant battle with me over baby names! We're both hoping for a girl, and I desperately want the name Bella Noel. I love the name, and I wanted to name my last daughter this, but one thing led to another and he and my mom overruled me for Liberty (which is fine, I love it now) and Jean is her middle name (which DH also picked in honor of his grandmother that passed away when I was pregnant with Liberty). So he basically had full control over our last baby's name. It's a long and hard story with our son's name, we'll just say he wasn't around when he was born so of course I named him. So I've explained how much I love this name, but he won't come down off of his high horse and let me have it, he says he hates the name! It's just not fair! I'm the one carrying the baby and pushing her out, I think I should get final say... espcially since he named our last baby! All of this, of course, is riding on the hopes that the baby is a girl... but I'm sure we'll have the same type of fight if it's a boy (although we haven't chosen any names to fight about lol!). Is anyone else having these issues, or am I just acting crazy??

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Names cause us problems, too, but for totally different reasons. Biggrin One of DH's first reactions was, "You mean, we have to decide on ANOTHER name?!" Biggrin

We delay the problems first by giving the baby a codename. DS1 was Jellybean. This one is TaterTot. So that way, we're able to refer to the baby by name without actually having to get attached to any specific name at this point. Smile

We won't tell family for a while longer. When they do find out, and if they ask us what we're going to call them, we've got a decoy name lined up. Hopefully something horribly inappropriate-- a cultural/ethnic mismatch, or whatever. DS1's decoy name was "Wenceslado Jorge", and no, we're not Hispanic. Biggrin The decoy name keeps anyone besides us getting attached to our options, and when we end up picking a name that's not their favorite, they don't get to tell us how wrong we were, because ANYTHING we pick is going to be a vast improvement.

When we were ready to finally buckle down and go through baby name books and lists, we made our own lists and had about 12 options. Each night towards the end, we'd cross one of them off the list, until we had three or four viable candidates, and we got to shuffle them around in different first name/middle name arrangements.

We didn't actually finalize his name until he was born and we saw him in person-- and incidentally, I lost out on my preference for both first and middle names, but I'm cool with how it turned out since what sounded good in my head, and what actually felt like belonged to him, were two different things once I saw him face-to-face. Not saying to give up--- but just sharing our own process, as silly and convoluted as it is. Smile Maybe you guys need a few months of silliness before you go back to your battle.

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My DH pretty much let me pick both kids names. Now all of a sudden he's trying to control the names and I'm not liking it one bit!! Men!!!!

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My husband wasn't very helpful with naming our son. I would throw out suggestions and all he would do is wrinkle his nose. But he didn't come out with any suggestions of his own. SO frustrating! So I picked a name I was pretty sure he wouldn't hate and waited until a week before I was due to tell him about it...it kind of forced his hand and I got my way. I have a feeling it'll go something like that this time around as well. At least I hope so!

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"Raybay58" wrote:

My DH pretty much let me pick both kids names. Now all of a sudden he's trying to control the names and I'm not liking it one bit!! Men!!!!

Exactly! Who do they think they are? Bottom line, they hand ME the paperwork for her birth certificate in the hospital, so I will be filling in her name, and if he has a problem with it, he can leave me... good luck paying child support on three kids buddy LMAO!!! OK, OK, I'm just kidding... kind of... but that's how serious I am about my girl name! Yahoo

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"Starryblue702" wrote:

Bottom line, they hand ME the paperwork for her birth certificate in the hospital, so I will be filling in her name, and if he has a problem with it, he can leave me... good luck paying child support on three kids buddy LMAO!!! OK, OK, I'm just kidding... kind of... but that's how serious I am about my girl name! Yahoo

LMAO!!!! I ♥ it, you and I think just alike! Smile

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I have almost the opposite problem!!! My DH and I picked our girl and boy names in about ten minutes. I was looking through a list, and read a few out...and we really stuck on the same names. We were done in no time and we both really love them...but I always thought it would take longer and be more of an exciting experience.

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My boyfriend and I have only talked about it a little so far. I told him a dozen or so boy names that I liked and he loved two of my favorites, so that'll be easy. We have agreed on a girl name, but neither of us feels certain of it, we just haven't found other names we like, too.

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My DH has been telling me since we first started dating that he wants to name his son after his father and brother (who had the same name and both passed away). So, if we have a boy, I am fine with that. We will name him after DH's family, which just so happens to be my father and grandfather's name as well (the first name anyway). If it's a girl that's a different story. He told me I can choose a girl name, but we both retain the power to veto. It's kind of fun going through names at this point, but we won't get really serious about choosing one until we find out what we're having...and if it's a boy, that will make the job a whole lot easier.

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"Starryblue702" wrote:

Exactly! Who do they think they are? Bottom line, they hand ME the paperwork for her birth certificate in the hospital, so I will be filling in her name, and if he has a problem with it, he can leave me... good luck paying child support on three kids buddy LMAO!!! OK, OK, I'm just kidding... kind of... but that's how serious I am about my girl name! Yahoo

Yep. that was my tought. I know it sounds harsh, but if you really want the name, it is the MOTHER'S right to name her child.....

I was so indecisive with our DD that they were getting ready to release us from the hospital, but keep the baby because they could not release her without a name. DH and I could not agree on any names... So I got mad and threw the pen at DH, and sain "Oh, name her whatever you want!" Fortunately, he went with the one we both had said we liked all along..Corinne!

Good luck with your decision!

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DH named Luke, but that was easy since we both loved the name.

If this one is a girl i really like Emma, and DH seems to agree. If its a boy he really wants to name him after himself. I'm "okay" with that, but im not thrilled about having two "andys" in the house. he said oh we can just call him Junior, or JR :eek::eek::eek: absolutely not!!! if he wants to call our child JR he can find a new wife and move to the trailer park. I'm a little resistant to naming him Andrew, although i do like the name. Plus i really do not like my MIL and i know she would love it if we named her new grandson after her son. (im so mean!)

If it is a boy, im definitely worried for DH's reaction if i say i really don't want to name the baby after him. If we were having a girl i wouldn't want to name the baby after ME!!! Also, in DH's family there are the same names over and over and over and over again. I think it's very annoying. everyone is named after each other. i think its dumb Biggrin

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"Carolyn85" wrote:

If it is a boy, im definitely worried for DH's reaction if i say i really don't want to name the baby after him. If we were having a girl i wouldn't want to name the baby after ME!!! Also, in DH's family there are the same names over and over and over and over again. I think it's very annoying. everyone is named after each other. i think its dumb Biggrin

I understand your dilemma. My husband is Ronald Joseph III. And I have ALWAYS hated the name Ronald. HATED. All I can think of is a clown with red hair, it's an awful name IMO (My husband has always went by RJ). Thankfully, he agreed with me and didn't want anything to do with naming a child after him. I work in health care, you do too, right? Can you tell your husband that it gets extremely confusing when 2 members of the same family have the same name and you don't want to subject your child to that? I know it's a stretch, but it's something you can throw out there to support your cause without having to say that you don't love his name, IYKWIM! Me, on the other hand, I lack couth. I flat out told my husband that I hated his name! HAHA!

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The way I figure, if it's a boy, the baby will have DH's name his entire life- his last name. Therefore, I get to have a say in what the other names will be!" Blum 3

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I'm lucky in that my step-son is named after my husband so I don't have to worry about naming this baby after my husband. My husband was also no help in picking out a name for our daughter. I would throw out names and he would just wrinkle his nose and shake his head no. I simply went through the book and wrote down all of the names I liked and then he said no to the ones he didn't like and we crossed them off. The only thing I got him to do was rank the names from his favorite to the least favorite. Her middle name was already picked out because I told him from the time I found out I was pregnant that if the baby was a girl I wanted to name her after his grandma who is a wonderful person. I am not so sure what we will name this little guy/gal just yet. I have tossed around a few ideas. My favorite boy name at the moment is Ryan Andrew and I love the name Kennedy for a girl but it means "ugly head". Seriously, I don't think I can name my child something that means ugly head! My dads name is Kenny so I wanted to try and find a name to honor him. Yes I know I should name a boy after him but my Dad loves the name Andrew....thus Ryan Andrew so he is being honored either way.

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Carolyn ~ Hmmm...what about calling him Andrew and then his nickname could be Drew? It's just a thought, but I do understand your feelings about the family names. I think sometimes people take it a bit far. And I completely agree with you about the JR thing!!

I am ok with naming my child after my DH's dad and brother (Robert Calvin) even though Robert isn't really my favorite name. I know it's a sentimental thing for him because they are both gone. The only thing that kinda bugs me is that I know we will end up calling him Robbie because that's what DH's brother was called. The problem is that every time I hear that name used, I know they are talking about a dead person (who died a very tragic death at around 18 years old). I dunno...it just kind of feels weird. The alternative would be to name him Robert Calvin and then call him Calvin (which was what DH's dad was called). I'm sorry, but to me, Calvin is a skinny, pasty kid who would get beat up on the playground. I just don't like that name. Still, I suppose the little guy will have his very own personality and his name will be all his own after I get used to it.

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I so feel you girls on the whole "name your son after their father thing". I live in the south and that seems to be a tradition here. DH is Clifton W. ____ III and goes by Clif. His dad goes by Warren. I don't mind the name Clifton but I do NOT want to have a Clifton W. IV. I told DH that the name ends with him. Luckily we both liked the name Nicholas (after DH's grandfather) but now I feel like since we used a name from his family the first time, we should use a name of MY choosing the second time (and last hopefully). Clif has thrown out ideas of having a IV and calling him "CJ" (for Clif, Jr.) But NO WAY! I associate that with trashy south (not meant to offend anyone).

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"ELF331" wrote:

I understand your dilemma. My husband is Ronald Joseph III. And I have ALWAYS hated the name Ronald. HATED.

that is hilarious... Ronald is the recurring name in his family too!! i also HATE that name!!! the other one is Richard. Some of his cousin's, just to mix it up about a bit, go by Dickie or D*ck :eek::eek::eek: OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!! Ronald and Richard and all awful associated nicknames end with my family. how could you call your child D*ck??? DH has a 19 year old cousin called that.

I like the name Drew! ive thought about it... its sounds like such a strong name for a baby though, if that makes sense. I like drew, but im not in love with it.

carrie: i have the opposite image of Cavin... i guess i think Calvin Klein and i think of a sexy manly hot man Smile

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Hahahaha! I agree, **** is no name for a child! Yikes!
I lucked out, my husband and his family were completely cool with the tradition ending with RJ. My MIL said, "we don't have to have any kings in this family." Smile I could have hugged her, because I really didn't want any hurt feelings over it, but I wasn't going to bend either!

I also think of a stud when I think of the name Calvin...I guess because there was a really nice looking guy named Calvin a few years ahead of me in HS. Everyone called him "Cal" though. It's funny how you can be ruined on a name because of someone you know being named that. My mom is a first grade teacher and she is always saying "NOOOO, not that name!" and I know it's because she's associating it with an unruly kid she had at one time or another.

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See, I said D*ck in reference to a name and the darn computer starred it out! Just validates our point! Bahahahha!

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"ELF331" wrote:

See, I said D*ck in reference to a name and the darn computer starred it out! Just validates our point! Bahahahha!

ROFL!!!!:laughing4: