Thread: How long will you wait?

I have been debating when to tell everyone after we get a BFP. I'm still awaiting AF to show, so it won't be until at least the end of April but I have been debating whether or not to keep it a secret until we're out of the first trimester. I'm not worried about anything really, I just think it's a fun surprise. On the other hand, I was preggo with DD I wanted to wait and by 10 weeks I was so dead with ms I couldn't keep it in anymore.

When you get your BFPs, will you tell people right away or keep it a secret for a while?

I called my mom yesterday to tell her but while we were chatting she let me know that my brother was coming into town this weekend so I decided not to tell her. I'm ready to tell her because if something happend you better believe I'd be talking with her about it. But I don't want to make her keep a secret from my brother... and it wouldn't be unusual for my brother to ask her point blank. So anyway - I'll tell my mom (and dad) after this weekend. Then I'm planning to tell my in-laws mid-April. They are local and we'll see them for Easter but again, don't want to tell all my relatives yet and don't think it's fair to make them keep a secret. As for everyone else - who knows. Probably depends on who I see and the scenario. If we go to a BBQ or something with friends, people will probably know if I'm not drinking. All my friends know that we've been trying so nobody will be surprised.

If everything goes well (praying hard), I will probably tell my co-workers when my clothes start getting snug. This will be 4th pg so who knows how soon that will happen.

I won't tell my parents until at least June (again if I am showing, if not, holding off until a bit later in the summer). My mom isn't the most positive person ever and I don't want her to stress me out. We will tell MIL when we tell my parents.

In general, I am sure our friends will know sooner. We went to a BBQ this past weekend and I didn't drink and everyone was talking about it.

I'd probably wait to tell family until we were as close to the end of the first tri as possible but DH may spill the beans sooner. It'll be his first and I know he'll be excited lol. Won't be hard to hold off because we'll be so much further from everyone.

If I am, I will tell DH and my mom right away....siblings in like a week or two and keep it a secret from everyone else for 3-4 months.

#1 reason being for work reasons is that the girl that I'm the closest with at work just went through IVF and it failed. She got the result yesterday. It was HEARTBREAKING. The worst part is that it implanted and then didn't stick. Her beta was 1.5. There is some tiny bit of hope that she implanted really late and possibly can be OK (our boss is paying for her to have blood drawn Friday to check--it's like a family there.) But I feel like, if she is not pregnant I will feel horrible (and like the bad guy) if and when I do get pregnant again. She is such a deserving person too so it really breaks my heart!

The worst part was her having to rehash telling everyone under the sun who called her yesterday about how it didn't work. The poor was all cried out for sure. That's why I would make sure to keep it a secret as well--to get it a little more in the safe zone. That said, I respect people that tell right away too because then they have a support system around if something were to go wrong.

My MIL visits for Mother's Day so I am hoping to show her a belly when they arrive at my door.....surprise!!!!! lol

I am still in two minds, to tell after the 7week scan when we see the HB or to tell after 12 weeks...I don't know if i can wait 12 weeks, i might just tell family after the scan and then tell everyone else at 12.

I've thought about this question often! I think I'll tell my parents right away, like as soon as we have it confirmed by DR. Little nervous about telling his mom b/c she worries a lot, and with me not having a full time job, & we recently bought our first home, I'm afraid she won't be as supportive (she doesn't even know we've been trying!) But we've had MANY conversations about us starting a family, and I also think how can she NOT be happy - DH is an only child, and this would be her first grandchild.
I'll probably tell my BF right away - she knows we've been trying. DH doesn't understand why we'd wait until after first trimester to tell our closest friends b/c even if something were to happen, we'd tell them about that, so what's the point of waiting? I'm not a bit drinker, and usually the DD when we go to parties, but I don't think I could get away with it for long with our small group of friends. Plus some know we've been trying.

We also have a close friends who have been trying for almost 2 years - going to start IVF soon - DH & I have debated when we should tell them when we get pregnant. Should we tell them individually - like are we being sensitive to their feelings, or just mocking their feelings, like "we realize there is a problem & you have to be told separate from our other friends"....or can we just tell them with the rest of our friends? (like in large group setting) What are your thoughts? Do you have a close friend who has been TTC longer than you have - how would you tell them?

I think of it this way - If you were to have a m/c - who would you tell? Those are the same friends/family that you can tell you are pregnant before everyone else. If you would never tell a co-worker/friend/family member that you had a m/c, then you shouldn't tell them you are pregnant until the threat of m/c is lessened. Just my POV.

Originally Posted by TMarie1016

I think of it this way - If you were to have a m/c - who would you tell? Those are the same friends/family that you can tell you are pregnant before everyone else. If you would never tell a co-worker/friend/family member that you had a m/c, then you shouldn't tell them you are pregnant until the threat of m/c is lessened. Just my POV.

I sort of agree. There are many friends that I would tell about a m/c way after the fact but maybe not want to talk about it as I'm going through it. So I had a m/c before I got pg with DD. I ended up telling a lot of people about it but it was only after I'd gotten pg with DD and it was past the scary time. Usually in support of someone else that was going through it. So those people I won't tell about this pg untill I'm past the scary time.

I'm due in October so I like lurking in the months ahead and behind. So, "hi" and good luck to you all.

I just wanted to give my advice to TMarie regarding telling her friends that have infertility problems. Please don't do it in person in a large group setting. They'll have to put on their fake happy faces and it will be upsetting to them most likely. We had infertility problems before our first child and ended up doing IVF and every pregnancy announcement took some digesting. I got to the point that I didn't want to go to social gatherings in fear that someone would announce their good news. I actually preferred to find out over the phone or even better, via email. That way I didn't have to fake my happiness for them. I felt happy for them after I was given time. So I think you should pull them aside to announce, however you think would be best in your relationship. Everyone is different, so I could be totally off-base. Good luck!