Random thoughts

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grovey2's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 938
Random thoughts

Hey ladies- I've had some anxiety today about having another child- too late I know--lol. We went to my parents and talked about when I have the baby and what our plans are- DH and dd will stay at my parents cuz it's right down the road from the hospital- anyways I know dd is going to have a hard time with me being gone. I put her to bed and when DH tries to help it just makes it worse and if he goes to try to comfort her at night she gets more upset and just wants me- which is fine- until I'm gone having a baby-- I just don't want dd to get yelled at cuz she misses her mom- and I doubt my parents will get mad about it, but my thinking and how I raise my kid is a bit different then my moms. I don't let red cry it out -- where as my mom may-- I guess I just need to talk to my mom and let her know what I'm worried about so that I don't have to worry about it -- honestly I think bedtime will be the worst- and I guess the word thing will be that DH will just have to lay with her. I know she is not going to want to leave me when she comes to visit- but I know my mom will be good at distracting her-- I'm just worried how dd will be-- it just makes me want to cry.
I'm so worried this new baby is going to be a handful since dd was a relatively easy baby and I'm too to second guess having another- ya know.... I'm just a ball of emotions today- I just wish dd could stay with me too at the hospital-- ugh. I know she will be okay- I just don't want her to be traumatized--lol

PhysicsNerd's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 146

I have worries too about having another baby. Mostly for money reasons. We have to put our son in daycare, which we didn't till he was 2. I thought this was the best time since he was ready for socialization and learning and stuff. But with this LO we will have to put her in right away. So now (!) we are looking through our options to keep her out of daycare. Not JUST for money, but I want her to have special one on one time with someone, but not get TOO bonded since we are her parents. But both me and DH are at important parts in our careers that may make us or break us for the future and we do not want to screw things up too much. Our children always come first of course but we need to provide them a comfortable life as well.

For your issue I think everything will work out. Maybe discuss with your mom how you want her to handle your DD when you are not there. Not saying she will always listen as I well know... but at least the thought is there and she may change how she handles it when the time comes. It is scary thinking about now that I will not be attached to DS for at least 3 days or so (scheduled C) since we are having sleeping issues with him right now, but I know DH and our parents will help him through as much as they can (although mommy is always better Smile ) Good Luck!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3014

:bighug: You'll both do fine.
Jules - maybe have your DH start doing bedtime now. Or do it together for a few days then start to hand it over to him. If she gets used to it well before baby it will be easier. A nice big sister gift when the baby comes might be good, too. DS3 was super attached to me until recently. He wouldn't accept anyone else for bedtime or even reading books. DH had some vacation, so I let him do as much as possible with DS3, even if it meant ignoring his requests for attention. He read to him, played with him outside, took him to playgrounds and a museum, and took over bedtime. Now, finally, he'll accept Daddy instead of Mommy. It was really, really hard, but I think it's healthier for him and DH is thrilled to have a stronger relationship with him. Good luck.

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

I agree that you need to transition her now so that she doesn't associate it with the baby. Don't blame the baby at all either. Read sibling books and all of that. i agree with the gift thing too. and with all the "get more time with daddy." Its going to be hard but you gotta get her a little less attached (which is hard for mama too) so that you will be able to give your new one attention.

grovey2's picture
Joined: 04/08/08
Posts: 938

believe me - we have tried to get DH to be more involved with bedtime routine since summer, but she does not want ANYTHING to do with him. If i'm around (as in she sees me walk through the door) she is attached to my hip until bedtime.... I have left (go to my room and shut the door) and she FREAKS out...short of me just not coming home (which i will not do), she just wants me to do everything and no one else. I think if i'm not there, she'll probably be fine.....i've sent DH in at night to get her - which upsets her more and she just asks for me.....the last time i let him figure it out and she was fine, until she heard my voice. Some of the issue is DH does his "own thing" with her, where i try to explain to him what i do with her so he can keep it close, while still doing it "his way" without being so far off routine..... it's a work in progress and my guess is i'm worrying about nothing - i know it's going to be a big change with baby and i'm still not sure how it's all going to work out (nursing and putting O to bed) - I know DH can help me, but, for the bedtime part, she just wants me. we talk about baby and her being a big sister and helping and how mommy is going to sometimes be busy with the baby -- we've been working on getting her to be a bit more independent (doing things herself) which i think will def. come in handy when baby comes....... I"m just feeling emotional about leaving DD1 and then making sure i have enough time for her and the newborn and bonding with the newborn and having a baby in the winter and trying to get through the holidays with the inlaws and just not feeling insane about it all.....lol. I know how i felt with DD1 when she was born and i learned a lot from it - i just don't want to deal with the headache of sticking up for myself and my needs and having my SIL and MIL be pissed at me when i try to set those boundries again.....

Joined: 02/17/13
Posts: 72


I'm sorry you're having anxiety. I agree with others though, try as best you can to get DH involved in the bedtime routine now. Even if she won't really have anything to do with him, just tell her daddy is going to be helping with bedtime. Then do what you do and just let him sit quietly and watch. Involve him a your daughter wants to and it will probably get better.