Do you ever secretly envy FF moms?
I'm very pro breastfeeding but I know there are times when I think how nice it would be to have the freedom of FFing.
Now, I should preface this by saying that my DD never liked bottles. We tried giving her pumped milk around 9 weeks (I think?) and she was not a fan. I thought it was good to wait a while but later heard that I may have missed the "window". I also did not produce well for the pump so I really did not put much effort into it. She only had maybe 2 bottles in her life. She nursed three times a night for a long time and we did not share a bed so getting up that many times was rough. Two times a night was easier and when we finally got to once a night it felt easy compared to what I had done before.
I also never left Jordan for more than a couple of hours at a time. I saw one movie while she was breastfeeding and I felt like I was up against the clock the entire time. So much so that it was hard to really enjoy myself.
Now that I'm about to start this all over, part of me is looking forward to the closeness, the bonding, the wonderful feeling that I know I'm doing what is best for my baby. However, part of me is dreading how much of the responsibility will fall on me again. I was really the only person who put Jordan to sleep because she nursed to sleep for a long time. I think until she was about 15 or 16 months? There were nights that I wished I could have a break and let DH put her to bed but once I was in her room, rocking her, I was always happy to be there.
Anyway, this is just me rambling at this point. I want to BF my next baby just like I was able to with my first DD. I want all of the wonderful things that come along with it. I feel good about my choice. There is, however, a part of me that has enjoyed the freedom of not BFing. It's a little hard to admit that sometimes.