Just thinking ahead...

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Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368
Just thinking ahead...

I'm 20 weeks with my second now-due in June. With DD (my first) I nursed on demand- and actually still do. We tried to use a paci in the car because she HATED the car and would scream, scream, scream any time we were in it for more than a few minutes (which unfortunately, was often). It took her a long time to take it (like we offered it for about a month before she actually started using it), and then when she did, she only ended up using it for about 2-3 mos. After that she completely rejected it again- and she pretty much would never accept it when what she REALLY wanted was to nurse. She mostly would only take it in the car.

I am lucky enough (well, I think) to be a SAHM- so I have always been able to nurse on demand. I don't own a pump (I bought one when DD was born just in case, never opened it, and returned it), and have never used one. When DD was small I used to try to hand express now and then- especially when I was feeling quite full, and I'd get like 2oz at a time. I ended up with about 20oz in the freezer that never got used AT ALL (we moved continents, and so it eventually got tossed). DD never had a bottle in her life.

As you can imagine though- this also means that I have never been away from DD for more than say 6 hours in her life. And even that didn't happen until she was over 1 year old. Now, the truth is, I never WANTED to be away from her for longer. It was honestly over the summer when she was about 15 mos old that for the first time I said something like, "Gee, it'd be nice if I could leave her with a sitter tonight!" Call me co-dependent or something...but that's just how I felt. My husband however, doesn't like that we've never been able to leave DD at bedtime because of the need to nurse/no bottles thing- we have been on a very rare date now and then, but mostly only in the afternoon. His parents are coming to visit in a week, and we will finally probably go out on a proper night time date for the first time since before DD was born- and the lord be with them when it comes to dealing with DD at bedtime!

Anyway... I'm babbling...

My questions are these:

1) Does/did your EBF baby take a paci? When did you introduce it if so? Do you feel like it ever interfered with nursing?

2) If you are a mom that doesn't otherwise really NEED to pump (like cause your kid is at daycare)- do you pump anyway? Did you introduce your child to bottles just so you could do things like go on dates or use sitters? When did you introduce bottles in this case? Was it hard for you?

Thanks for your experiences and opinions and advice. I know it may seem silly to some, but these decisions feel like a very big deal to me- which is why they are on my mind already 5 mos before my baby is due to be born!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

1. No, we never introduced a paci. I am not a fan of sucking on plastic, all three never used one.

2. I am a SAHM who pumped. I go on weekly dates with my husband and frequently left my babies to play golf or other events which would require them taking a bottle. As per my LC, I introduced it at 3 weeks. All took to it well. I loved their Dad or grandparents being able to feed them on occasion, and pumping once in the morning was just part of my routine, I actually enjoyed it as my 10 minutes of quiet time. I had tons of milk so I also pumped to donate and donated milk after my second and third pregnancies. The only advise I have is if you introduce a bottle keep it up, even if just once a week once they are used to it. With my third I got lazy when golf season ended and he had such an early bedtime that we would just go on dates once I nursed him and put him to bed ~ he didn't have a bottle for several months.....when I needed him to take one as DH and I were going away for 5 days, he completely refused, and it was extremely stressful. For us the decision to pump/have a bottle available was integral to my and our health ~ as individuals and as a couple. I love nursing and have successfully nursed all of my babies, but I love my marriage too, and would not have been willing to go the past 5 years (as I have been nursing since Feb 07) without legitimate dates or vacations away from the kids.

With my first I had a cheapie medela single delux, worked great. With my second and third (as I knew I was going to be a donor) I upgraded to the medela that was fancier than that, but still a single and not a PIS or anything nearly as expensive as that. Can't remember the name. Good luck!

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

1. No pacis here. I was adamantly against them. Though, DD hated the car viciously and I did try briefly to get her to take one just for car rides. No go. I doubt I'll introduce one with my next kiddo.

2. So, I'm kinda the opposite of the mom you had in mind. I did need to pump but DD never really took a bottle. I strongly believe its because I waited too long to introduce a bottle and my DD was/is a boob hound. I had read everywhere to wait at least 6-7 weeks to introduce a bottle. So I started trying at 6.5 weeks. Only at about 10 months did she ever start taking a bottle with some kind of frequency and that was only about 2 two ounce bottles per day and I started cutting back on pumping about a week later :rolleyes:. My advice is to try the bottle once you feel nursing is well established. Since this will be number two for you, it should be easier. For us, that would have been about 4-4.5 weeks. Then just give a bottle here and there to keep it in mind. You might find you have one of those magical babies that has no issue with the occasional bottle.

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

I offered paci's to all 3 of mine in the hospital. DD1 and DD2 would occasionally take them until about 3 months. DS, will only take one if I'm wearing him in the k'tan. All other times he refuses.

I pumped once a day with DD1 so I could go to the gym. It was more difficult to pump with 2 kids though, and I tried to give DD a bottle around 2 and 3 weeks and she refused every time I tried. Not even trying with DS. I will leave them for longer periods once they're eating real food and taking a sippy cup of water/juice. DD2 I left when she was about 7.5 months old for about 5 hours or so. She did fine with my MIL, but in the end did refuse to go to sleep but wasn't mad about it. She has always sucked her fingers though, so has something other than the boob. I left her for large amounts of time when she was 11 months old when my DH was in the hospital too, and she did fine. But she was never my crazy boob baby, DD1 was. I would have never THOUGHT about leaving her for more than 6 hours before she was 2. And only then did I think about it because I went into the hospital to have DD2.
I think DS will be like DD2 and will be fine to be left alone around 7 or 8 months for 4-6 hours if I time it right.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

If you didn't use a paci, how did you avoid the dreaded "human paci syndrome"? Are you kids just too cool... or did you have some other tools in your belt?

Also, anyone else have a husband who, bless his heart, is just lost when it comes to the littles? My DH seems to think that a lot of issues or problems we've had with DD are because she doesn't take a paci and/or bottle. But, I think he kind of uses it as an excuse for not having to deal with her in certain situations- when she's really upset, etc. When she was really little pretty much any time she cried he would just hand her over, I would nurse... all good- but he never learned any of his own ways to deal with her. But we also had a weird thing where he was gone for her 3-8th weeks of life, and I think they missed out on some bonding (one reason I was so adamant about trying to plan for this baby to be born when it will be- so that once the baby is born, we won't have to separate as a family any time soon). He left when she was 2 weeks old and just ate and slept. He came back and she was a wailing 2 mos old, and I think it totally freaked him out. I'm excited for him to experience the whole process this time! He's a fabulous father to her now, when she's almost 2. He plays with her way better than I do. But.... ask him to comfort her in the middle of the night and the blood drains from his face... because she doesn't take a paci or a bottle.

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

i was lucky my second sucks her fingers. I think my DS is going to be a finger sucker too if he can ever figure out how to get them to his mouth. Wink

DH doesn't do any of the middle of the night stuff or bedtime stuff until they're 1+. Luckily we've never been in a situation that would make that necessary, He also doesn't really "get" babies until they're older and hands them over when they get fussy. He will bounce DS or walk him around and talk to him if I'm busy, but usually he's walking around saying "you're mommy will be done in a minute! just be cool a little longer!" haha and crap like that. He's great with the older 2 though and does bedtime for them and goes to them in the middle of the night if he magically wakes up before me.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"Marite13" wrote:

But.... ask him to comfort her in the middle of the night and the blood drains from his face... because she doesn't take a paci or a bottle.

But at almost 2 you probably would not be using a bottle or paci anyway, you know? If my son was waking at night and DH was handling it he would just rock or hold or sing to him, there is no bottle or paci at this age. So if he sees that as a solution to the current problems, I think that he is misinformed. A lot of it depends on your goals ~ you didn't want to be away from her at all and were willing to be a human pacifier or to take her so that DH didn't have to learn skills, than what happened is a natural result of that ~ if you don't want to repeat that, just get a good plan in place. A bottle or even leaving the baby with DH so that he is forced to come up with skills rather than just default to your or your breasts is a great place to start.

The human paci thing was just never an issue, I wore my young babies almost the entire day long, so I think that that took the place of them wanting to use me as a paci, they had me as a walking pillow instead Smile

TiggersMommy's picture
Joined: 02/14/10
Posts: 6043

I am the typical human pacifier. Sad I didn't mind up until she hit about 10 months. I'm also successful using backrubs and shushing. DH is clueless as to how to soothe her to sleep. And I mean freaking clueless. He'll go in and when I peek in he has her sitting up in his lap and he's just bouncing her. I'm just going to have to give him time to figure out what works for him. That's really what men need. Their methods will have to be different from ours and they'll just have to figure it out. I wasn't born knowing how to soothe a baby. I figured it out. Our first night together was the scariest thing ever. I asked the nurse for help like 10 times because I had no idea how to hold her!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I never used a dummy, we tried as DS wanted to suck constantly but he wanted nothing to do with it most of the time. I tried so many different kinds as well.

I had to go back to work so we introduced a bottle, but we did it a bit later than most, maybe around 10 weeks. I was lucky he took it and did well with it and i was able to successfully combine bottle and breast feeding. Until he was 5 months old he had never been away from me at all. Even now other than daycare he is barely away from me and only once has he been away from me at night and that was 3-4 hours when he was 14 months old and my Mum had a terrible time getting him to sleep and he was unsettled for the entire week after. We then went out together the next week and I wore the same outfit again and he started cracking up so I just don't go anywhere at night anymore without him.

My DS did the hman dummy thing as well, and hubby is still clueless on how to soothe him, he doesn't do any of the child care stuff unless DS happens to be sick on one of his days off and even then it's sketchy.

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455

"Marite13" wrote:

Also, anyone else have a husband who, bless his heart, is just lost when it comes to the littles? My DH seems to think that a lot of issues or problems we've had with DD are because she doesn't take a paci and/or bottle. But, I think he kind of uses it as an excuse for not having to deal with her in certain situations- when she's really upset, etc. When she was really little pretty much any time she cried he would just hand her over, I would nurse... all good- but he never learned any of his own ways to deal with her. But we also had a weird thing where he was gone for her 3-8th weeks of life, and I think they missed out on some bonding (one reason I was so adamant about trying to plan for this baby to be born when it will be- so that once the baby is born, we won't have to separate as a family any time soon). He left when she was 2 weeks old and just ate and slept. He came back and she was a wailing 2 mos old, and I think it totally freaked him out. I'm excited for him to experience the whole process this time! He's a fabulous father to her now, when she's almost 2. He plays with her way better than I do. But.... ask him to comfort her in the middle of the night and the blood drains from his face... because she doesn't take a paci or a bottle.

Don't have much time on here, but wanted to say that my DH has NO CLUE how to deal with babies. I got lucky that I was having a rough time recovering with DS#2 and he actually changed most of his diapers while still in the hospital, but as soon as we got home, the baby was all mine. :roll: He'll hold Evie when she's crying, but doesn't do anything to try to calm her down or soothe her. He says he tried and it didn't work. Whatever. You have to keep trying and you have to do it repeatedly. Sometimes if you start bouncing and patting she'll calm down right away, sometimes you have to do it for a little while before she starts calming down. But he'll just sit there with a crying baby, or eventually put her down and let her scream herself to sleep. I HATE it. Then he says "well, she was just tired and fighting sleep". :roll:

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

1) Does/did your EBF baby take a paci? When did you introduce it if so? Do you feel like it ever interfered with nursing?
we introduced a paci around 5 weeks or so with both DS and DD. DS Hated the paci, never liked it. DD took it from 5 weeks until about 14 weeks or so and then rejected it. We didn't use it all the time though, mostly when I felt I was a human paci, or in the car. Never felt the paci interfeered with nursing at all with DD. (pumped exclusively for DS)

2) If you are a mom that doesn't otherwise really NEED to pump (like cause your kid is at daycare)- do you pump anyway? Did you introduce your child to bottles just so you could do things like go on dates or use sitters? When did you introduce bottles in this case? Was it hard for you?
I needed to pump, DD goes to daycare 3 days a week. We introduced the bottle around 5-6 weeks and she totally rejected it, woudln't take it at all after trying 6 different types of bottles. I was stressing like crazy her first 6 weeks at daycare because she still was barely taking any BM at all during the day from the bottle. Then my daycare teacher (bless this woman, she's wonderful) found out that DD prefered preemie nipples and would take the preemie bottle when she wouldn't take others. I recommend pumping and giving a bottle as soon as BF is established, don't wait longer than that or you may have issues if you have a crazy girl like mine! Wink

As far as DH goes, he's actually wonderful with babies, but he had to learn to be so. I was pumping exclusively with DS so basically attached to the pump at the beginning, and he had to learn to change a diaper, bottle feed, soothe DS etc. It was kind of a boot camp for him! LOL I also go out once a month with friends and am gone from 4pm until 10pm or so on that one night, so he learned to put DD to bed without me during those outings. I didn't start those outings until DD was 5-6 months or so though, so more able to sleep a little longer without BM. DH and I also go out together about every 2-3 months when my sister is available to babysit the kids so DD takes a bottle then too. It's not much, but it's enough to keep DH and I close and give me a break and to gossip/talk with my friends!

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

"Potter75" wrote:

But at almost 2 you probably would not be using a bottle or paci anyway, you know? If my son was waking at night and DH was handling it he would just rock or hold or sing to him, there is no bottle or paci at this age. So if he sees that as a solution to the current problems, I think that he is misinformed. A lot of it depends on your goals ~ you didn't want to be away from her at all and were willing to be a human pacifier or to take her so that DH didn't have to learn skills, than what happened is a natural result of that ~ if you don't want to repeat that, just get a good plan in place. A bottle or even leaving the baby with DH so that he is forced to come up with skills rather than just default to your or your breasts is a great place to start.

The human paci thing was just never an issue, I wore my young babies almost the entire day long, so I think that that took the place of them wanting to use me as a paci, they had me as a walking pillow instead Smile

This! The bolded! Sometimes I think my DH is intimidated that I know as much as I know (and I'm no expert!), or just am as comfortable as I am with kids- or have such strong views/beliefs about a lot of aspects of parenting- many of which are different from what he grew up with that he just argues with me to make a point or something. Love him to death, and I do think we are a good match (otherwise I wouldn't have married him!) but, we became parents 9mos after getting married and it didn't give us much time to get to know certain things about each other. Anyway... marriage, and parenting, are both works in progress. So we proceed.

I'm very glad to know that I am not alone in having a DH like this though. That said, he actually is awesome with a baby until it gets fussy. He changes diapers, plays, is happy to feed (once that starts) or baby-wear or whatever...he just gets super scared of an upset baby. But then, he's scared of me when I'm upset too. Smile Ha ha!

I do wonder what I will be like as a mother with #2. I am pretty sure I was addicted to DD when she was a tiny baby. And I think in my own little messed up head way I was terrified that if I wasn't with her all the time, something would happen, or she would forget me, or who knows. Whatever. It's a sickness. I think to myself, "I'll be more laid back this time...." but the truth is, I can see myself being a lot the same, and just putting DH more in charge of DD- whom he is awesome with now.

And just to be clear- I don't have a big desire to be away from my babies and I REALLY don't want to be away from them at bedtime- BUT, when I have been in the States, I have regularly (almost daily) used my mom as babysitter so I could go workout, go to the store or have an appt (like the dentist). And these days, I leave my DD twice a week for about 4 hours each day while I go tutor. So it's really not like I CAN'T leave her... it's just that so far I need to leave her with someone I trust (my mom is A#1!), and I do have a thing about bedtime.

It's interesting to be able to talk/write/think these things through, because it reminds me of what I am cool with, and what I would like to change. Smile

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

How the heck I missed this thread earlier I do not know...

1) DS refused a paci. I tried. Actually I take that back he took it for one day when he was 10 months old. Lol I don't know if I'll even bother next kid.
2) I'm a SAHM. I tried pumping in the beginning for when we were out in public, but DS decided after 2 weeks of this that he wasn't ever going to take a bottle again. Soon I learned how to NIP and got over my fears. I just had a cheap manual pump and mostly use it when I have a clogged milk duct and DS gets tired of nursing for me. I did pump and leave sippy cups of BM with my parents last summer when I was gone for 7 hours to a wedding and again a couple of days later when I attended a funeral. While DS was NOT fond of this he did drink from the sippy cups eventually. The rare times DH and I had a babysitter we've always done short trips out either over his afternoon nap (so the babysitter didn't have much awake time with him since we left right after putting him down) and between nursing sessions or we'd go out right after putting him down at night once he was in his crib for the first part of the night. We RARELY got out, but it's possible. We either do a meal or a movie, but never both.

And my husband doesn't like the newborn pet rock stage at all. He had no idea what to do with Aiden. He did keep trying at least when he was home. They get along soooo much better now and DH and DS have their own special things they've developed over time. What helped DH out the most was when he was in a break for training at the end of last summer and we were working on DS sleeping in the crib for the whole night (cosleeping stopped working well). IF I went in there DS demanded the boob each and every time. I was getting zero sleep. DH doesn't like DS being "so dependent" on me and started going in there at night so it wasn't me getting up 13 times. There were definitely some frustrating moments with them, but he soon learned ways to soothe DS that I never have been able to do and have work. I think things really helped click for DH during that experience.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

1) Does/did your EBF baby take a paci? Yes, Trystan takes a paci. When did you introduce it if so? Pretty much from birth. FOr me, a paci is just something that I have to have for my babies to keep my sanity lol! Do you feel like it ever interfered with nursing? Never once. Trystan BFs like a champ. My other babies had pacis as well, but due to extenuating circumstances, none of them were BF past the first month.

I work full time, so I do use a manual pump (Medela Harmony) so that Trystan has BM for when DH or my mom is caring for him. I use Tommee Tippee bottles, and have not had any sort of nipple confusion. I haven't been out on a date yet since his birth, but if I did this would be another perfect excuse to have a pump, that way you're not going to become engorged (if you're away for 4 or more hours) and baby will have the BM that you've pumped for when you're away. My advice (if you're going to pump for the first time) is to pump on one side while she is feeding on the other. This way you're getting that let down and the most milk is being pumped out). Good luck either way you decide to go, and KUP!

VCoates's picture
Joined: 05/22/07
Posts: 1055

We introduced the paci almost imemdiately with both my boys and have never had an issues. I can honestly 100% say that I have never met a person in real life who has had issues with introducing a paci while nursing in the early stages. There has never been any nipple confusion or anything. We also introduced the bottle early with DS1 in the NICU (had to for medical reasons but we were also nursing) and as a result have had no issues with them taking a bottle while i"m away during the day.

I know some people on here are very adamant against paci's when early BFIng but it's my opinion that if you wait to introduce it then they may reject it. I think DS 1 was about 3 weeks before he got a bottle of EBM and he did just fine.

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

Neither of my boys are really in to pacis though I tried pretty much off the bat with both. Evan DS1 was a comfort nursing monster and I was a human paci for hours on end so I tried the paci to give myself a little break. He wanted NOTHING to do with it. Rory is almost dead opposite. He nurses to eat and is done thankyouverymuch. He gets very angry when he wants comfort and milk comes out so I tried the paci with him to see if he'd get any better at self soothing (he's still terrible but he's only 7 weeks I can't really hold it against him haha). Once in a blue moon he'll suck on the paci for like 2 minutes but mostly he spits it and I have to rock or pat him. He's not a boob or paci kid and honestly I miss the comfort nursing, at least I could ALWAYS calm Evan down. Rory only wants to nurse if he's hungry and he doesn't nurse to sleep which blows my mind and throws off my whole game.

Anyway as for bottles I work part time so Evan had to take them and for as much as the kid LOVED to nurse he had no issue with bottles. Rory has had one twice and doesn't seem to mind. I should probably do more with them b/c I go back to work 3 days a week in 4 weeks but I figure he'll get hungry at daycare and eat or he'll eat enough to get by and then eat from me all night, I'll survive either way. Neither boy seems to refuse bottles as long as I'm not home - if I'm around they of course don't want them.

As for DH he's always been good with the kids but Rory (DS2) is a much more difficult baby than Evan was so I wind up with him A LOT more. If Evan was with me he wanted boob to settle but if he was with DH (as long as he was full) he'd settle with rocking. Rory doesn't want boob or dad just me. It's not so bad though b/c DH has just picked up more stuff for DS1 - like bath time etc so it balances.

emansmom's picture
Joined: 03/24/09
Posts: 752

My hubby is another who is CLUELESS on how to deal with babies! It is funny just watching him try and hold one! He doesn't get comfortable with them until they are a year and walking!! I am now fine with this and he helps me in other ways like helping the older child do things. As for the paci I was against them and then of course gave my first one starting out in the hospital! I do think it messed with his latch and I was in pain for 10 weeks but I am sure that wasn't the only factor. He used that dumb thing until he was 2. I hated it! My daughter is a thumb sucker but before she started that, which was around 3ish months I did use a paci in the car and when I was really desperate. I am in LOVE with the THUMB!!! I mean it is the greatest thing ever! She self soothes and was a way better sleeper much due to being able to always have her thumb. I am practically going to force this next babe to be a thumb sucker too! lol lol I know it is a hard habit to "break" but I honeslty don't care because it is so wonderful while they are little! The only issue is you really can't make a kid be a thumb/finger sucker, bummer!

WonderWomanExtrodinare's picture
Joined: 05/26/07
Posts: 1192

1) Does/did your EBF baby take a paci? When did you introduce it if so? Do you feel like it ever interfered with nursing?
Mine does. I didn't introduce it until about four months though and he rarely takes to it... he's a pretty content little guy though and nurses to sleep and goes off the boob after he's fallen asleep with no problem. I do not feel like what use we have had with the paci. interfered with nursing... but I don't recommend introducing it until after atleast 12 weeks.
2) If you are a mom that doesn't otherwise really NEED to pump (like cause your kid is at daycare)- do you pump anyway? Did you introduce your child to bottles just so you could do things like go on dates or use sitters? When did you introduce bottles in this case? Was it hard for you?
I EBF my baby, he will not take a pumped bottle but I DO pump and donate (www.humanmilkforhumanbabies.com). We have tried to introduce a bottle (recently, in the past couple weeks) and he refused... I wasn't going to let him get hungry and be forced to take it when it really isn't a big deal to me to take him along on date nights, etc. Smile

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