nursing a 2.5 yr old and feeling alone...

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Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870
nursing a 2.5 yr old and feeling alone...

DD just hit 30 months. nobody from our BB is still nursing. nobody i know in real life has nursed this long. i've seen ONE mom at LLL nursing a child this big. everyone tells me how great it is, but nobody else has done it!

We're actually tandem nursing DS who is 5 months old as well. and i'm actually very OK with it all. but its been quite hot lately, and DD throws fits if i try to make her wait until DS is done so i don't overheat and so i can keep both kids in comfortable positions..... i'm just feeling alone because weaning isnt the answer, but its the only suggestion i get from anyone when i dont know what to do about DD's fits. she'd do it if she wanted a bath and i said no, or if she wanted candy and i said later, but it is usually with nursing because she wants it, and she's usually tired or in need of comfort and later is not an option in her head.

Joined: 12/30/09
Posts: 21

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice, but big hugs to you!

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

I nursed my oldest for 33 months. I tandem nursed 7 months. I nevvvvvvvvvvvver thought she'd give it up, but she just woke up one day and never asked again. I could never bribe her with other stuff or change her mind. One thing I did do was started letting her latch on, then I'd count to 30 and tell her "okay, that's let's" I gradually decreased the amount of time until she basically would latch and I would say "okay, that's enough" and she'd be happy with it.
I think I was the last on my birth board nursing too. She'll stop when she's ready. Smile I know it's tiring though.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I'm sorry you feel so unsupported. Unfortunately it is the age of tantrums. I like Annmarie's ideas. I'm tandem nursing babies of the same age, so its different, because when one is demanding, I really can't say no to the other, just too young to understand yet. But I have become adept at tandem nursing. Its not the sweet snuggly positioning I used with my singletons, but it works nonetheless. Hugs!

mommycarrie's picture
Joined: 09/07/06
Posts: 358

In our city there is a special toddler/tandem LLL group (only one in our large metropolitan area, where there are typical LLL groups in about 5 suburbs). The toddler/tandem group meets once a month - it sounds like that kind of thing might be helpful to you. You could also try calling around to local LC/hospitals and see if they know of any similar group if your LLL leader doesn't know of any.

Hang in there!

Joined: 05/23/07
Posts: 88

No advice, but big hugs! What an amazing accomplishment! I'm sure that "weaning" is the easy answer for most people, but that doesn't make it the "right" answer for you! Hopefully you can find a way to deal with the tantrums that work and continue your nursing relationship as long as is best for all of you! Smile

Nell4Him's picture
Joined: 10/25/06
Posts: 2455


Lurking from the BB she speaks of. Smile

I'm sorry you were/are feeling so unsupported. I applaud your length of BFing! Daniel had his last nursing session about 2 weeks after he turned 1. I was sad to see it go, but relieved at the same time to have my body back. I was back to such a small cup size I really don't know if he was getting anything out of me anyway. I had no physical pain when he was done. It was a comfortable wean, but I was still sad about it.

Currently, I'm due for baby #3 pretty soon. This last week I've had times when Daniel is crying because he's tired and not getting his way with something and I honestly have had to stop myself from lifting my shirt to comfort nurse him. It's been about 20 months since he last nursed and I'm not sure he'd know what to do with it anyway. DH wouldn't find it appropriate, either. :confused:

Anyway, I have no experience with tandem nursing, but wanted to offer you a little love from Ellie's BB. :bigarmhug:

skylamommy2's picture
Joined: 04/13/09
Posts: 41

I feel like I am in a similar situation as you except that I haven't tandemed nursed! My son is 23 months and I am still happily breastfeeding him but most people don't know because I don't breastfeed in public anymore. Just my family and close friends know but still I get annoying comments. My grandma likes to say "you couldn't start nursing your daughter now you can't stop nursing your son." The most annyoing comment is "weren't you suppose to stop nursing when he turned 1 years old." I agree that I also comfort nurse too! He is my last baby and if it makes him happy then I will let him nurse. I don't know many moms here who have breastfed a 2 year old either but I it works for us so I keep going. You should be soo proud to keep breastfeeding both of your kids and just know that we are here if you need some support Smile

Cool story: I joined a "crunchy" moms group when I was pregnant with my son and they believed in breastfeeing until 3-4 years old and birthing naturally at home. So here I come having not been able to breastfeed my daughter and having a hospital birth with an epidural. My kids are 19 months apart so they asked if I would be tandem nursing and I didn't even know what they meant by that. They were really supportive of me wanting to breastfeed and also trying to give birth naturally. I moved away before seeing them again but I feel like they would be soo proud of me because I did give birth unmedicated and I am still breastfeeding almost 2 years!

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

I'm still nursing my 2 year and 3 month old. I believe in self weaning, and his 'self' is not ready to wean! Wink I am still happy to nurse him, as it's only 2-3x a day now, and all at home so I don't have to see any disapproving looks or hear any comments. My other 2 weaned themselves around 18/19 months. On our bb we still have 3 nursing moms. (May 09)

As far as your tantrum problem, could you maybe make a box or basket of new or special toys, (even dollar store stuff), that your dd hasn't seen before but will interest her. Tell her that it's for her to use while you're nursing the baby only, and after he's finished, you put away the box and it's her turn. That way she has something to look forward to while you're nursing ds, and her attention is diverted for awhile.


lablover1's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 44

I'm starting to feel the same way and Ava is only 17 months old- even my DH is saying things like "How long do you plan on bf'ing?" to which I always remind him "2 years and then we'll see what she wants". Its starting to really piss me off though- no advice just wanted to tell you that I feel your pain- people just assume when baby hits 12 months nursing stops :confused: My doc tried prescribing a medication that was a BIG no no earlier this week- when I reminded her that I am still bf'ing she was shocked- especially when I told her Ava still nurses 5x-6x a day

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

about 10 minutes after i posted that a mom who rarely made it to LLL came in to the store (i was working LOL) and her LO is just a couple months younger than my DD, made me feel a little better right away Smile

we've had a bit of a breakthrough over personal space and being DONE, as long as i let her nurse she's usually quite happy to keep it short and have some later when i have other commitments, especially if i can bribe her with something. Also i realized that Daddy isnt always feeding her balanced meals while i'm working which leads her to being hungry and tired and clingy as soon as i come home, and a hungry brother added to that makes for a hectic homecoming.

I don't want to make mom's who have legitimate nursing problems feel bad but i feel like EVERY mom, with the exception of like 4 at our LLL had no idea what its like or what an accomplishment it is to nurse this long. i DO want to let her nurse in public, especially in thos times where she's fallen down or something and a quick nurse will make her feel so much better, but i would rather have a lovely private relationship than an awakward feeling about it. i hate that people just don't get it.

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

FYI the American Academy of Pediatrics even says that "any child weaned before age 2 is at increased risk of illness" so take THAT Dr's who think its over a 1 yr! read your own damn guidlines!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Ha! I read that recently too, and just posted that on my old post.. my ped was not super supportive of me still breastfeeding my boys, I'm bringing her some info tomorrow. lol

Joined: 03/07/05
Posts: 1595

I know you posted this about a month ago, but I just wanted to say that I've been there too! I nursed my 2nd and 3rd together for 20 months. I was nursing both of them when I got pregnant with my 4th. My older nursling weaned right at 3 just over halfway through that pregnancy. My younger one nursed through the entire pregnancy and then stopped when my new milk came in... she didn't like it! Smile Anyway, there were days when it was a bit of a toll on my body to do so much nursing, but I do think it really helped my older dd to bond with her younger sister and stay a baby a bit longer herself too. Overall, it was a very positive experience. Who knows, I may have 2 nurslings again in another month here. We shall see. I am a little apprehensive about the possibility of nursing two again, but mostly I'm excited about it. Smile

Joined: 03/08/06
Posts: 183

Just wanted to add that I am still nursing, once per day, usually in the morning, so you are not the only one from our BB, but I think we are few and far between. You are doing a great job, when Jack asks during the day, I tell him he can touch and that satisfies his need for closeness. You do what feels right, trust that God given mommy gut, and don't worry. I get lots of "your still nursing" comments too. I think it just goes along with EBF and I try not to let them bother me. Hope you and Ellie are able to come to an agreement that works for both of you!

Amber_daisy's picture
Joined: 10/17/06
Posts: 567

I know this thread is a bit older, but I'm just reading it now.

I'm still nursing my nearly 4 year old (along with my 7 month old). My plan has always been to let him self wean, though for the past 3 months, I've been having wicked nursing aversion/agitation. What a crazy feeling it is! So I've really been limiting the time he nurses, but he still shows no signs of stopping.

I totally understand how you feel about it there's like no one out there still nursing a child the age of yours. I'm at the point now where I even get raised eyebrows at LLL meetings when I mention my nearly 4 year old nursling. Lol And don't get me started on the ILs! But, I do have an aunt who nursed her kids til 4.5 years and 3.5 years, and I know a couple of other mamas around here who nursed as long or longer than I have. That really does help to know that you're not the most extreme breastfeeding mom out there! Lol

Have you read "breastfeeding in the land of ghengis khan"? It was a really great read for a full-term nursing mama. Smile

Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 870

Thanks for the book reccomendation... i dont think i have my library card with me here at work LOL, or i'd be requesting it from the interlibrary loan right now!

after researching to my wits end... i realized the only thing i don't do consistantly is limit nursing time... and cut her off after a while. belive me, i NEVER offer... except bedtime bribery to get her to lay down with me occasionally, and to some degree she's getting better with her demands. she might throw a fit, but she's gonna anyway about something, so i just let her. if i'm done, and she needs to give me space, i'm getting better about being consistant and if i say NO i mean NO. but there's always LATER, if i change my mind... cuz 20 minutes is later sometimes!

i've been working extra hours the last 2 days so i havent been home as much to get it demanded of me all day, i think thats part of why i'm doing better today.

We're in line for a head start opening as soon as she turns 3 and i'm hoping that the change of schedule will totally help change her focus from me to something else!

Joined: 08/24/05
Posts: 316

I know exactly how you feel. I nursed Logan until a few months before he turned 4. He has some severe GI issues and his ped agreed that if I was comfortable nursing him, it was best for him. Most of our family is unaware that he was still nursing at that point though because I figured it wasn't any of their business. I am still nursing Xander at 21 months and have no intention of stopping until he is ready or I am uncomfortable. Seeing as how it took me until Logan was almost 4 before I became uncomfortable (Xander was an infant and I was exhausted from tandeming), I don't think that will be anytime soon. You're not alone! :hugs:

mamamuse's picture
Joined: 02/05/09
Posts: 3

I haven't posted here since shortly after my little one was born (though I really enjoyed our October birth club while pregnant with him!)...but I came back to see if anyone could offer extended nursing support, because I, too, am the only person I know IRL who is nursing a kid over the age of two!

My first weaned around 10 months (I didn't know then that babies rarely self-wean before a year old) and my second around 14 months (but I kinda pushed that one along because of my husband's deployment.) So Jonah is now 26 months old and this is all-new territory for me!

He calls it his "Bee" and really, shows no sign of wanting to give it up. I never offer, but if I ever sit down during the day, he climbs into my lap and asks for it. He nurses first thing in the morning, at naptime and at bedtime...and most nights, he wakes up wanting it at least once in the middle of the night, too (at which point it's just easiest to bring him into my bed.)

In all honesty, part of me is ready to push him along...then again, he's most likely my last and I don't want to rush something he loves. And he's been SO much healthier than my other two were at this age--it really is amazing how much immunity it gives.

Anyway, even my pro-breastfeeding relatives are beginning to look at me as if I have three eyeballs because I'm still allowing him to nurse. So it's just nice to hear that we aren't the only ones!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

"mamamuse" wrote:

I haven't posted here since shortly after my little one was born (though I really enjoyed our October birth club while pregnant with him!)...

Anyway, even my pro-breastfeeding relatives are beginning to look at me as if I have three eyeballs because I'm still allowing him to nurse. So it's just nice to hear that we aren't the only ones!

welcome back! Smile

and yes.. I am getting this too. My dad asked me again tonight if I had weaned yet, and I see the looks of ppl, but at least to my family I am not afraid of giving them an earful (they should all know better by now lol) about WHO and AAp guidelines (I even gave my ped sources from the AAP website and other extended bf stats). But I sure do get tired of the looks. Why do they really care? I mean, I see plenty of kids over 1 and 2 with a binky, but if they are getting nutrition and comfort from my breast, somehow it is not okay. :roll:

sbaldwin's picture
Joined: 07/18/05
Posts: 164

I dont get why people care either. Its not like its their boobs and they are not getting up in the middle of the night. We are still nursing alot here and i dont think she has any plans to stop anytime soon. I am fine with going as long as she wants. My boys weaned before this age so this is new to me too. It so nice to come here and hear about all you that feel the same way as i do. My dd wont even drink cows milk.