I have a friend that birthed her stillborn daughter so I am a bit sensitive to it for her. I can understand all point of views though, and until my friend lost her daughter, I would have agreed with Melis I think.
CARRIE and DH 7/14/07
My good friend lost his 17 year old son. Would it be reasonable for him to expect no one to ever post about how their kids sometimes drive them crazy?
Seems very unreasonable to me. I mean, i can understand having an internal desire to be more sensitive. Thats what happened to me. I'm actually a lot more careful about what i post on FB since that happened to him. But i don't think he actually expects everyone to tip toe around because of him and change the way they behave. Choosing to change for a friend and expecting everyone else to change are two different things.
Last edited by KimPossible; 04-02-2013 at 12:18 PM.
There's a big difference between tailoring what you say around an individual who has suffered a loss, and not being allowed to post things on Facebook or to a broader audience.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I think that what got me all fired up was reading The Feminist Breeder (a blogger who I happen to loathe) posting about this on her FB page. She posted the photo with the stillborn and lectured everyone about "sensitivity"........frankly I think that the stillborn photo is a lot less sensitive and more triggering than a pregnancy spoof. Some of the respondents were just so SERIOUS about it, like anyone who would post a faux pregnancy announcement was intentionally wrenching the hearts of all who had ever encountered infertility, miscarriage, loss of a child etc etc etc......and I just think that it was taken to such an unreasonable level that I was a bit disgusted by it.
I don't think you need to have suffered a stillbirth for that picture to make your heart ache. Every time I see a picture like that, albeit not often, I tear up. I think the poster severely underestimates the ability of women and in particular mothers to feel the tragedy of a loss like that, even if they've never experienced infertility or miscarriage or a stillbirth. I think she is the one being terribly insensitive.
Personally I could never post like that on fb, about a fake pg or whatever, just because of what some of my relatives and friends have gone through. My cousin and his wife had to selectively reduce their twin pg to a singleton because of one's birth defects and the impact it was having on the other twin; and she had also lost a prior baby at 20 weeks. A girlfriend and her DH tried for a long time to get pg and their son has a major heart defect - the kind that requires multiple surgeries, probably a transplant, and at the end a prognosis of a life of not much more than 20 years or so.
That said, it's how I feel about it. I know that neither of those friends would expect everyone in their world to not talk about who's pg or babies in general or whatever.
I hate hate hate april fools day. But mostly because I'm a super gullible, trusting person. lol It's EASY to fool me.
I have been struggling with infertility for the last four years. I had a miscarriage last week. Right now I find everything baby-ish, especially pregnancy, relatively painful. I think it's obnoxious and annoying to do this one (not to mention OVERDONE to death!!)
But I don't expect that the world will ever change around me because some things bother me. It's not going to happen. The best I hope for is that the people that I love the most will have some care about the subject with me. But facebook?? When has anyone ever gotten sensitivity from that? lol When I'm having a bad day, I know better than to go there. I wish people were more sensitive, but I know better. I also know there are zillions of people that it would never even occur to that they were being insensitive. They just would have no idea. Basically, I expect more from my family and close friends who know all I've been through, but for facebook, I know ahead of time to put on my big girl pants, and remember it's not a sensitive place
How do you know her?
I think when you're talking privately or in a small group with someone that you know has suffered a miscarriage or infertility, it's rude to go on about how easy it was for you to get pregnant or what a breeze your pregnancy was, but you shouldn't feel the need to censor yourself with a larger audience or general public. I have a personal rule to not share my birth stories with first-time pregnant moms but one time when Weston was a brand-new baby, I was at a school function and a group of women were talking about birth. Someone asked how it went with Weston, and I said something along the lines of, "I was in labor at home for three days but ended up with a c-section because he was a 10 lb 10 oz moose-boy with a 16-inch head." She went as white as a ghost and started coughing. It turned out that she was the principal's wife, and newly pregnant with their first child. I felt horrible! I had figured anyone at that event should have a kid in the school, and I would have censored myself if I'd known she was expecting her first.
Last edited by Spacers; 04-02-2013 at 01:02 PM.
70% of the U.S. population now lives in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. At 36 and counting!
Oh Melis, I wish you had never mentioned that bloggers name. Out of curiosity i visited her facebook page and....man i can't stand the way she talks. Whatever problems she might think shes battling...she's part of it. OI. Its going to take a lot of restraint to not start sharing my opinions LOL Although I'm basing all of this on just what is being said on the posts regarding this particular issue.