April Fools insensitivity? - Page 3
+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 35
Like Tree25Likes

Thread: April Fools insensitivity?

  1. #21
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    "Little America"
    Posts
    5,568

    Default

    I have a friend that birthed her stillborn daughter so I am a bit sensitive to it for her. I can understand all point of views though, and until my friend lost her daughter, I would have agreed with Melis I think.
    smsturner likes this.

  2. #22
    Posting Addict SID081108's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,237

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    Melis~I can only speak for myself but when I was ttc every pregnancy announcement after like 8 months of trying was like a stomach punch and it was a harder punch as time went on. I know, wrongly of course, that I assumed that these people tried for like a millisecond and here I was struggling. Most of the time that wasn't true (but on the TTC boards it was!...lol people would join and say "Hey! We started trying yesterday and guess what look at this blazing bfp!) but it felt true.
    Yes, this is exactly how my bff felt when she tried for years for a baby. I have not been through infertility issues/miscarriage personally, but I think there is some balance somewhere in the middle in terms of being careful about what we say. I can't constantly tiptoe around everyone with everything I say, but I can feel enough empathy for those who are having a hard time to not say things that I know would likely be hurtful to them.
    CARRIE and DH 7/14/07
    SOPHIA 8/11/08
    LAYLA 3/24/11


  3. #23
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    20,109

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mommytoMR.FACE View Post
    I have a friend that birthed her stillborn daughter so I am a bit sensitive to it for her. I can understand all point of views though, and until my friend lost her daughter, I would have agreed with Melis I think.
    I just don't see how you can expect no one to talk lightheartedly about pregnancy due to this unfortunate circumstance.

    My good friend lost his 17 year old son. Would it be reasonable for him to expect no one to ever post about how their kids sometimes drive them crazy?

    Seems very unreasonable to me. I mean, i can understand having an internal desire to be more sensitive. Thats what happened to me. I'm actually a lot more careful about what i post on FB since that happened to him. But i don't think he actually expects everyone to tip toe around because of him and change the way they behave. Choosing to change for a friend and expecting everyone else to change are two different things.
    Last edited by KimPossible; 04-02-2013 at 12:18 PM.

  4. #24
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Posts
    23,442

    Default

    There's a big difference between tailoring what you say around an individual who has suffered a loss, and not being allowed to post things on Facebook or to a broader audience.
    AlyssaEimers and smsturner like this.
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




    Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)

  5. #25
    Posting Addict
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    14,461

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    I just don't see how you can expect no one to talk lightheartedly about pregnancy do to this unfortunate circumstance.

    My good friend lost his 17 year old son. Would it be reasonable for him to expect no one to ever post about how their kids sometimes drive them crazy?

    Seems very unreasonable to me. I mean, i can understand having an internal desire to be more sensitive. Thats what happened to me. I'm actually a lot more careful about what i post on FB since that happened to him. But i don't think he actually expects everyone to tip toe around because of him and change the way they behave. Choosing to change for a friend and expecting everyone else to change are two different things.
    This, exactly. It isn't that I think that we can make an April fools joke because I lack empathy for loss. That isn't it at all. My husbands best friend and his wife lost their first baby at 24 weeks, they were due exactly a month before we were with out first. It was heart wrenching and awful. My best friend in the world is struggling with secondary infertility, my heart aches for her and I would carry her baby myself if I could. None of that means that I thought my friend with two young boys who posted a pregnancy announcement yesterday as a prank was trying to hurt anyone (or really, did hurt anyone). She herself had to try for over a year, and then do IUI to get pregnant with her boys. The announcement involved her husband, an attorney who works like 90 hours a week, and she herself launched her own business this year. When I saw it I was floored knowing all that they had going on ~ not realizing of course that it was April 1

    I think that what got me all fired up was reading The Feminist Breeder (a blogger who I happen to loathe) posting about this on her FB page. She posted the photo with the stillborn and lectured everyone about "sensitivity"........frankly I think that the stillborn photo is a lot less sensitive and more triggering than a pregnancy spoof. Some of the respondents were just so SERIOUS about it, like anyone who would post a faux pregnancy announcement was intentionally wrenching the hearts of all who had ever encountered infertility, miscarriage, loss of a child etc etc etc......and I just think that it was taken to such an unreasonable level that I was a bit disgusted by it.
    Jessica80 likes this.

  6. #26
    Posting Addict ClairesMommy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    12,517

    Default

    I don't think you need to have suffered a stillbirth for that picture to make your heart ache. Every time I see a picture like that, albeit not often, I tear up. I think the poster severely underestimates the ability of women and in particular mothers to feel the tragedy of a loss like that, even if they've never experienced infertility or miscarriage or a stillbirth. I think she is the one being terribly insensitive.

    Personally I could never post like that on fb, about a fake pg or whatever, just because of what some of my relatives and friends have gone through. My cousin and his wife had to selectively reduce their twin pg to a singleton because of one's birth defects and the impact it was having on the other twin; and she had also lost a prior baby at 20 weeks. A girlfriend and her DH tried for a long time to get pg and their son has a major heart defect - the kind that requires multiple surgeries, probably a transplant, and at the end a prognosis of a life of not much more than 20 years or so.

    That said, it's how I feel about it. I know that neither of those friends would expect everyone in their world to not talk about who's pg or babies in general or whatever.

  7. #27
    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Hamilton, NY
    Posts
    5,863

    Default

    I hate hate hate april fools day. But mostly because I'm a super gullible, trusting person. lol It's EASY to fool me.


    I have been struggling with infertility for the last four years. I had a miscarriage last week. Right now I find everything baby-ish, especially pregnancy, relatively painful. I think it's obnoxious and annoying to do this one (not to mention OVERDONE to death!!)

    But I don't expect that the world will ever change around me because some things bother me. It's not going to happen. The best I hope for is that the people that I love the most will have some care about the subject with me. But facebook?? When has anyone ever gotten sensitivity from that? lol When I'm having a bad day, I know better than to go there. I wish people were more sensitive, but I know better. I also know there are zillions of people that it would never even occur to that they were being insensitive. They just would have no idea. Basically, I expect more from my family and close friends who know all I've been through, but for facebook, I know ahead of time to put on my big girl pants, and remember it's not a sensitive place
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

    I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

  8. #28
    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Hamilton, NY
    Posts
    5,863

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mommytoMR.FACE View Post
    I have a friend that birthed her stillborn daughter so I am a bit sensitive to it for her. I can understand all point of views though, and until my friend lost her daughter, I would have agreed with Melis I think.
    I saw you on Lauren's blog... Is that the friend you mean? I'm so so sad for her. It's something I can't stop thinking about. Even in my pain, I just keep thinking how incredibly hard it would be to be in her place. So much worse than anything I've ever had happen.
    How do you know her?
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

    I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

  9. #29
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    My avatar is the tai chi -- a symbol of the eternal cycle of life
    Posts
    16,468

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I was going to post, but I wisely waited for Kim to come say what I wanted to say in a better way than I would say it. I'm glad I waited!
    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    Well played. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that you got me and i actually thought you were serious!....but only for a second. LOL
    Ditto to both of these!

    I think when you're talking privately or in a small group with someone that you know has suffered a miscarriage or infertility, it's rude to go on about how easy it was for you to get pregnant or what a breeze your pregnancy was, but you shouldn't feel the need to censor yourself with a larger audience or general public. I have a personal rule to not share my birth stories with first-time pregnant moms but one time when Weston was a brand-new baby, I was at a school function and a group of women were talking about birth. Someone asked how it went with Weston, and I said something along the lines of, "I was in labor at home for three days but ended up with a c-section because he was a 10 lb 10 oz moose-boy with a 16-inch head." She went as white as a ghost and started coughing. It turned out that she was the principal's wife, and newly pregnant with their first child. I felt horrible! I had figured anyone at that event should have a kid in the school, and I would have censored myself if I'd known she was expecting her first.
    Last edited by Spacers; 04-02-2013 at 01:02 PM.
    David Letterman is retiring. Such great memories of watching him over the past thirty-two years!

  10. #30
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    20,109

    Default

    Oh Melis, I wish you had never mentioned that bloggers name. Out of curiosity i visited her facebook page and....man i can't stand the way she talks. Whatever problems she might think shes battling...she's part of it. OI. Its going to take a lot of restraint to not start sharing my opinions LOL Although I'm basing all of this on just what is being said on the posts regarding this particular issue.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions