Thought I'd take off of the "bad Parent" thread with a slightly different spin on it focusing on grandma.
Scary thing that happened yesterday - what would you do?
(I think Melissa already read this - sorry 'bout that Melissa)
My MIL was watching our youngest yesterday - she watches him on Thursday's. He's 16 months old.
I got a phone call that started, "Don't panic but..." [insert heart dropping feeling here] "Mason fell off the counter top." Gulp, right?
Well I went to get him and they had him sleeping on top of my FIL with an ice pack on the back of his head. When I looked at him I asked why he had a huge goose egg on the front of his head. They couldn't explain that.
I took him to urgent care just to get checked out. Everything looked fine.
So when I again asked MIL to tell me what happened this is what she said, "Well, he was on the counter and as soon as we heard him screaming we all hopped up out of our chairs and ran over to him. He was on his back screaming so he must have fallen and hit the back of his head."
Ok, here are my problems with this story:
1. They were all sitting down to lunch with a 16 month old alone on a counter top????? WTF????? Who does that???
2. They didn't even see him fall so couldn't really tell me what happened.
3. He did not bump the back of his head at all. He fell on the top front of his head. Nice. They couldn't even tell me accurately where he hurt himself.
4. They forced an ice pack on the opposite side of his head!!!
5. They let him fall asleep with a potential head injury - um, duh. I know it was around his regular nap time but you can't do that!
6. I came to find out that MIL was on narcotics from a root canal she'd had earlier in the week. She didn't tell me she was on them until after the incident - holy crap, really???
So what would you do? Would you still allow MIL to watch your DS as long as she isn't on meds? Would you just say forget it and have him at the day care all 5 days a week (the extra cost is about $210 more per month than what we're paying now)?
I am still so angry with her that I am finding difficult to even want to talk with her at all right now. Especially because she loves to tell me what a bad step-mom I am all the time and how I don't feed Mason right blah blah blah. Well let me tell you that I have never allowed any of my children to fall off a counter top due to inattention on my part. So whose the bad "parent" again?
Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
Amelia, Anthony, Andon, Noah, Mason, & Trinity-woof
Honestly, I think you are letting your feelings about her cloud your feelings on the situation. It was an accident. She was on pain meds after a root canal, not crack. And it sounds liek your FIL was there, too.
If she loves your son and this is not a regular occurance, then your son is very lucky to have grandma and grandpa looking after him. I wish I had my family around when I had my kids. We live very far from family and I can see how luck people who have there family close. I'm sure she feels bad enough about what happened. That's my 2 cents.
Oh and she does not sound like a bad grandparent at all.
Well if you go to a debate board, all people have is the information given and you can only debate the information given.
I think I'll just ditto Lana
I would question the leaving a 16-month-old on a counter by himself, but would I prevent them from caring for him again? I think at the time I would be absolutely LIVID like you are (justifiably so) but in the long run it would probably depend on if there were any other similar type incidents or reasons to make me doubt their ability. I probably would've assumed he hit the back of his head too and place the ice pack there at first... until I saw the goose egg forming on the front of course!
Well... I can tell you that when my ds was an infant he almost fell off the counter. And I was right there. AND my hand was on him so he wouldn't fall. So the parent being there isn't necessarily a given that it can be prevented. I was changing him on the bathroom counter and he had a blowout... dd was sitting right beside the counter on the toilet... the tub was behind me, I put my hand on ds and reached around to turn the water on in the tub... he rolled... if it wasn't for me being able to grab his ankle, he would've fallen to the floor instead of just dangling inches above it.Originally Posted by carg0612
When my DS was about 2 he climbed on a little table. when I reached to grab him he pulled back, fell backwards, and cut his head open on the side of the TV stand. He ended up having to get staples in the back of his head.
If falling off stuff is considered bad parenting then just sterilize me now.
Not knowing this woman or having heard the other stories about her, my first reaction was closer to Lana's. I'm confused about why they left him sitting on the counter while they were eating their lunch, but otherwise it sounds like an accident and like the FIL was there too, so your son wasn't just left with doped up grandma. Kids can fall in the blink of an eye (as I'm sure you know). I once had T fall off the counter top when I was *right* there standing right in front of him. My MIL let T fall off her bed when she was changing him when he was about 16 months old. I was in the room too, and she just turned her back for literally a split second. Point being, accidents happen - that in and of itself wouldn't make me feel like I couldn't leave my son with my MIL if that were the only issue (although I definitely would want to hear why they had him on the counter if they were sitting down to lunch.) But you may have other reasons to distrust her.
I definitely would NOT like someone who was constantly criticizing my parenting though.
If there is other history out there, then that could change things, but based on this incident alone, I don't think they did anything wrong.
Maybe he had rolled over onto his tummy to get up and that is why she thought he fell on his back?
Maybe they got they ice pack on right away and the goose-egg wasn't apparent yet?
As for letting him sleep... Well, he was closely supervised (sleeping on Grandpa, right?). And it isn't that you should NEVER let him sleep, it is that you should be waking him ever two hours and making sure he is ok.
The narcotics aren't even a worry, I imagine she's on T3s or something similar.
I would chalk it up as an accident. They probably feel bad enough about it.
ETA: Sorry, I didn't mean that it was common sense that Jordan wouldn't comment on the info that she knows that wasn't presented here, I meant common sense that the rest of us wouldn't be able to comment on that info.
Last edited by Alissa_Sal; 10-14-2011 at 05:15 PM.