Is this becoming a trend?

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AlyssaEimers's picture
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Is this becoming a trend?

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/honey-home-date-mass-families-open-open-marriage/story?id=16171027#.T5I-07NYuNc

A story on open marriages becoming more common. Is this becoming the norm?

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I confess to this being semi personal. Just this weekend my mother told me she thought my brother was in an open relationship. I was then surprised to have just read this. Wondering if this is more common that I first thought?

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I don't think it becoming the norm, or even more common necessarily. But, it is becoming more talked about.

Personally, I am so not into this and think something is missing in the relationship with your spouse if one of you feels the need to look for romantic adventures elsewhere.

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I agree with Kris that it's just being talked about more nowadays, but not the norm. Lifestyle choices are becoming less taboo and more tolerable, therefore it's out in the open more. I don't care if people want to have open relationships, but I feel bad for the children in these situations. I wouldn't want to grow up in a home where my parents both had people on the side and those people had other people... it would be too much for me.

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As previously said, I don't think it's more common just more easily talked about. I couldn't do this and I think if it was my parents I would feel some sort of instability there. The possibility that you would leave for another person seems too easy. I don't want my husband to go to someone else for "more" love.

The first 2 women have the same haircut..maybe it's the uniform for open relationships? lol.

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"kris_w" wrote:

I don't think it becoming the norm, or even more common necessarily. But, it is becoming more talked about.

Personally, I am so not into this and think something is missing in the relationship with your spouse if one of you feels the need to look for romantic adventures elsewhere.

This exactly. It's more common now to talk about these types of relationship wheras before it was something you kept hidden. I could careless what someone else does but I find it an issue if you need to travel outside of your relationship.

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"Jessica1980" wrote:

The first 2 women have the same haircut..maybe it's the uniform for open relationships? lol.

This made me LOL. What a super attractive haircut it IS, too! Wink

I don't understand it and I admit that seeing their kids made me feel bad for them. Personally I don't buy all of the "deep" talk about how intentional and intelligent and chosen and well thought out all of this is. I think that its super weird, because my marriage vows were all about honoring my husband and being faithful and loyal to him. So for me, personally, it would never ever work and I would feel beyond weird to explain to my kids how I was having a "sleepover" with my boyfriend in case they woke up in the middle of the night. Icky. If they want to do it, and they feel it works for them, fine.

Do I think that it is becoming more common? Nah, not really. Weren't the 70's all about wife swapping and key parties?

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I would hope that this was not becoming the norm, because EWWWW

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"Potter75" wrote:

This made me LOL. What a super attractive haircut it IS, too! Wink

I don't understand it and I admit that seeing their kids made me feel bad for them. Personally I don't buy all of the "deep" talk about how intentional and intelligent and chosen and well thought out all of this is. I think that its super weird, because my marriage vows were all about honoring my husband and being faithful and loyal to him. So for me, personally, it would never ever work and I would feel beyond weird to explain to my kids how I was having a "sleepover" with my boyfriend in case they woke up in the middle of the night. Icky. If they want to do it, and they feel it works for them, fine.

Do I think that it is becoming more common? Nah, not really. Weren't the 70's all about wife swapping and key parties?

IDK if open marriages are becoming more common (or more talked about like Kris said) but I think the bolded is definitely becoming less common. Quite frankly, it disgusts me.

I think there's a growing number of people who don't even give the commitment of marriage a second thought. More and more I see people jumping into it because they have a purely romanticized idea of what it's all about, and at the same time see just as many people jumping ship when things get tough. There just seems to be an immaturity about the expectation of what marriage really is like.

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I see this as more dangerous in a lot of ways than swinging. The more serious relationships that seem to be involved are awful dangerous IMO. These people seem to be invested emotionally too and the combination of emotional and sexual is a bigger threat to a marriage than casual sex would be i would think.

Not to be misunderstood, i am not a proponent of swinging...I'm somewhat indifferent to it and believe its not for me and my husband. I'm just trying to portray my perspective on this.

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But then with the swingers you have the whole disease thing. Ick all around. I do know what you are saying, but can't say that I would find sleeping with lots of different people preferable to sleeping with just one or two other people. Both are pretty repugnant, to me.

Its always interesting to me how people who tend to most self identify as "open" or "swingers" are rarely very attractive, just from the articles I've read or seen or "swinger" shows I've seen with IRL swingers like on HBO Real Sex. Its fascinating to me. Not that attractiveness necessarily equals sexual opportunity or temptation or whatever, I'm just amazed at the relative lack of physical attractiveness that seems to accompany this lifestyle.

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I agree that this is weirder than swinging.... To want to have an ongoing relationship with someone besides your spouse just so bizarre. At least with swinging it is only about sex. I'd say they both score pretty high on the disease/gross factor though, since these people are far from monogamous in any one their relationships.

I can't wrap my head around how this would come about in a marriage. Do you just come out and tell your spouse you would like to start dating someone else and cross your fingers and hope they're ok with it?

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Oh and saying their young kids are ok with it, means nothing. Young kids pretty much go along with whatever to tell them.

The real test will be what they think when they are teenagers.

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I also wonder why these people choose to make time for people other then their spouse? I have a hard time most weeks fitting a date with my husband (some weeks date night has to be cancelled because of our busy schedule)

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I don't care what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms, and I don't care how other people define their marriage or their family. This group seems to be one big intermingled family, rather than three couples who happen to occasionally sleep with one another. Legal marriage has a lot of perks, so it doesn't ever really surprise me when people marry for convenience and still have a relationship on the side. The research scientist could probably offer the writer decent health benefits, for example.

And I think this is a bit less weird than swinging. Random casual sex with strangers just eeks me out all around. If my DH wanted more sex than I was willing to give him, or wanted more emotional connection than I could offer, I think I'd feel better knowing that he was getting those things from someone we both know, someone who knows that we're in a loving, committed relationship that just needs "more," someone who knows she's not going to steal him away, someone who won't be able to hurt us with blackmail attempts because it's all above board. Maybe. Probably not. It just doesn't seem like it would be "cheating" if we both agreed to it. The sex doesn't really bother me, it's the lying & deception that usually go along with an affair that really do the damage.

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"Potter75" wrote:

But then with the swingers you have the whole disease thing. Ick all around. I do know what you are saying, but can't say that I would find sleeping with lots of different people preferable to sleeping with just one or two other people. Both are pretty repugnant, to me.

Its always interesting to me how people who tend to most self identify as "open" or "swingers" are rarely very attractive, just from the articles I've read or seen or "swinger" shows I've seen with IRL swingers like on HBO Real Sex. Its fascinating to me. Not that attractiveness necessarily equals sexual opportunity or temptation or whatever, I'm just amazed at the relative lack of physical attractiveness that seems to accompany this lifestyle.

Yes you are right the sheer numbers thing is an extreme turn off of swinging. I guess casual sex with just a couple of people with nothing more invested is the best of the two worlds that i want to have nothing to do with in reality LOL.

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"Spacers" wrote:

If my DH wanted more sex than I was willing to give him, or wanted more emotional connection than I could offer, I think I'd feel better knowing that he was getting those things from someone we both know, someone who knows that we're in a loving, committed relationship that just needs "more," someone who knows she's not going to steal him away, someone who won't be able to hurt us with blackmail attempts because it's all above board.

Yeah but see I think i have a really hard time believing it works well that way. Someone you know well? And have liked enough as a person to get to know well? I think thats the most dangerous type of person to start having a sexual relationship with. While there would be no initial genuine intentions of taking a spouse away from someone else i think it could easily just happen in this situation. Emotional feelings aren't that easy to control and I think its a lot easier to walk away or 'resist being stolen' by someone you don't know well enough than someone that means something to you on a higher level than that.

I think of the theoretical 'potentials' in my life that could be involved in an open relationship and i wouldn't dare do anything sexual with them.

I know we are all really on the same page for the most part...just trying to find something to talk about, this subject fascinates me.

On a side note, there was a rumor going around in the area where my company is based that my office has a very serious swinger culture. I guess some outsiders think that we all like sleep with eachother casually. Totally BIZARRE because its not true. I do know of one guy who identifies himself as a swinger at our company...but thats it.

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I would be really hurt if my husband wanted to spend free time with someone else both for sexual reasons and for companionship on a regular basis. We do have our girls night/guys night but it isn't a weekly occurrence due to schedules and trying to spend some time with each other and as a family. If I felt I needed more...then I don't think I would stay married.

And insurance can't be it. They were in Mass. and we all have insurance here Wink

Melissa~on a side note maybe that would be an interesting study. Are plain/unattractive people more like to swing/have open relationships...Maybe it's a confidence booster?

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Well, 'they' say the grass is always greener on the other side...I guess some folks just want to apply that theory to their marriages. IDK. It eeks me out - whether swinging or open marriages. It's annoying too. Wanting the perks of the legal union but running around, spreading disease and not to mention the moral lessons being instilled in the children.

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Interesting responses! I tend to hang only in very conservative circles and was thinking must be I was just unaware of what other people do. One relationship is more than enough for me.

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"Potter75" wrote:

Its always interesting to me how people who tend to most self identify as "open" or "swingers" are rarely very attractive, just from the articles I've read or seen or "swinger" shows I've seen with IRL swingers like on HBO Real Sex. Its fascinating to me. Not that attractiveness necessarily equals sexual opportunity or temptation or whatever, I'm just amazed at the relative lack of physical attractiveness that seems to accompany this lifestyle.

Yes! And it's always the ugly old man parading around at the nude beach. Why is that?