Bottle feeding Mothers

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Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261
Bottle feeding Mothers

I am all for breast feeding, but is it fair to call out Mother's who bottle feed?

From personal experience, I wanted to BF my DD but because I found it so hard to get her to latch on without help from my MW, I opted for bottles instead.

Was that wrong of me? Why?

xx

Joined: 03/14/09
Posts: 624

No, it is never fair to call out mothers who bottle feed. IME, the majority of women who bottle feed desperately wanted to breastfeed wanted to but couldn't for various reasons. To add public mockery to that would be horrifying.

But people judge mothers for all sorts of reasons (and I do it too) so I don't expect this to change.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

My opinion? Who cares. As long as you are feeding your child, I really don't give a flip if it's from the boob or bottle. It isn't wrong either way.

Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1626

Yeah, no excuse. None at all.

I'm a breastfeeding advocate and I would never ever dream of judging a woman for formula feeding. I know first hand the difficulties that can come with breastfeeding. There are lots of reasons to choose formula.

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

No it's not fair. Why do people feel the need to judge mothers/fathers for everything they do? You get judged if you bottle feed, you get judged if you breastfeed past what age they think is "acceptable", you get judged for how you put them to bed, etc... As long as you aren't putting huring the baby, let parent's do what they feel is best for their family.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

No. You will do what is best for your child. I know someone who tried desperately to BF her baby to the point that when obviously the baby was starving she still would not bottle feed. She did not switch until CPS told her she must to keep the baby. How is that doing what is best for your baby? DD1 was 6 weeks early. She was born without the ability to suck. DD3 was born 8 weeks early. She was also born without the ability to suck or swallow. Praise the Lord I live in a day and age where there are bottles to feed my baby.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

No. There are many reasons why babies are formula fed, and as long as the baby is healthy and well fed, it's no one else's business.

I had a bit of trouble breastfeeding T when he was a newborn. Honestly, I am glad that I stuck it out, but I do wish that I hadn't allowed it to stress me out so much at the time. It felt so...life or death....to get nursing down, and it was a huge source of stress during those early days. I'm not at all sorry that I stuck with it, but I do wish that I would have kept a better perspective on it, like "Okay, even if we never get this down, my baby isn't going to die or starve to death. Formula is NOT the end of the world." If I had any advice to give a new mom that is struggling with bfing, I would encourage her to stick with it if she can, but also to relax and not beat herself up if she ends up bottle feeding, because at the end of the day, her baby will be completely fine either way.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

What does that mean...calling them out?

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

I am all for breast feeding, but is it fair to call out Mother's who bottle feed?

From personal experience, I wanted to BF my DD but because I found it so hard to get her to latch on without help from my MW, I opted for bottles instead.

Was that wrong of me? Why?

xx

You mean, called out by a bfing mom? Yeah, of course. It's unfair for anybody to do it, but I especially think it's offside coming from another mom. If you can bf, that's great, but don't look down your nose on the ones who can't (or even the ones who don't by choice).

Thing that really pi$$es me off about the whole debate is that no matter what you do as a mother, you're villified in some way by at least a few people. If you bf that's all well and good but don't dare try to do it in public. If you bottle feed you might as well be feeding your kid poison, or at least that's the opinion of a few radical bfing proponents. Everyone just needs to go about their business and be way less concerned with how mothers feed their children. Yes, we all know breast is best, but 'best' is a very subjective word and for some it just.doesn't.work.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"culturedmom" wrote:

What does that mean...calling them out?

I'm picturing like a wild west mid street call out ~ this town's only big enough for ONE WAY to feed babies. Put down those bottles or DIE.

So no, that would be silly. In fact, the fact that anyone would ever argue anything else is silly. Like Rebecca said, who cares? I'm too worried about feeding my baby to even think about how you feed yours.

ETA: I'd also like to say that anyone who ever gets outraged at this debate in general, or anyone else's opinion on how you feed your child really only has themselves to blame. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is right ~ For you, for your child, be it nursing or formula, why you would entertain the opinion of an outsider on what you are doing is beyond me. I have heard comments from relatives or strangers about how long I nurse my children for and I would never waste a second being upset about it. It isn't their body, it isn't their child, it isn't their life, so why do I care?

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

"Alissa_Sal" wrote:

No. There are many reasons why babies are formula fed, and as long as the baby is healthy and well fed, it's no one else's business.

I had a bit of trouble breastfeeding T when he was a newborn. Honestly, I am glad that I stuck it out, but I do wish that I hadn't allowed it to stress me out so much at the time. It felt so...life or death....to get nursing down, and it was a huge source of stress during those early days. I'm not at all sorry that I stuck with it, but I do wish that I would have kept a better perspective on it, like "Okay, even if we never get this down, my baby isn't going to die or starve to death. Formula is NOT the end of the world." If I had any advice to give a new mom that is struggling with bfing, I would encourage her to stick with it if she can, but also to relax and not beat herself up if she ends up bottle feeding, because at the end of the day, her baby will be completely fine either way.

This. All of it, except my son did get supplemented with formula and I wish I hadn't stressed myself out with guilt for needing the extra help. I think it's wrong to judge other parents unless you can help them or they are harming their children. And I'm very judgemental.

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

I have found that 90% of bottle feeding moms I have talked to WANTED to BF and couldnt for one reason or another. Why on earth would I look down on them for doing what was best for their baby. If anything, I blame our medical system and the lack of support for mothers who struggle with breast feeding (at least in our town). If I hadnt had the support that I did when DD was born I probably would have had to formula feed too.

As I said to my SIL when she had to supplement her baby and was so upset, its not breastfeeding that makes you a good mother, its doing what is best for your baby no matter what you want that makes you a good mother.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"Potter75" wrote:

ETA: I'd also like to say that anyone who ever gets outraged at this debate in general, or anyone else's opinion on how you feed your child really only has themselves to blame. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is right ~ For you, for your child, be it nursing or formula, why you would entertain the opinion of an outsider on what you are doing is beyond me. I have heard comments from relatives or strangers about how long I nurse my children for and I would never waste a second being upset about it. It isn't their body, it isn't their child, it isn't their life, so why do I care?

Sorry, to blame for what? Their anger? It's the mothers getting upset about the way they're treated who are the ones who invoke progress. I certainly do not blame other bfing moms who have been outraged enough to get the rules changed and legislation tabled. If (general) you or anyone else does not care about the opinions of others, that is wonderful. I wish for myself that I did not always take unsolicited opinions so personally. But even if I didn't, I'd still be grateful to all the ticked off moms who made it possible for me to have the right to breastfeed in a restaurant or on the bus. IMO they deserve applause.

Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm picturing like a wild west mid street call out ~ this town's only big enough for ONE WAY to feed babies. Put down those bottles or DIE.

So no, that would be silly. In fact, the fact that anyone would ever argue anything else is silly. Like Rebecca said, who cares? I'm too worried about feeding my baby to even think about how you feed yours.

ETA: I'd also like to say that anyone who ever gets outraged at this debate in general, or anyone else's opinion on how you feed your child really only has themselves to blame. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is right ~ For you, for your child, be it nursing or formula, why you would entertain the opinion of an outsider on what you are doing is beyond me. I have heard comments from relatives or strangers about how long I nurse my children for and I would never waste a second being upset about it. It isn't their body, it isn't their child, it isn't their life, so why do I care?

I agree with your last paragraph in theory, but in real life it just isn't so easy. As a first time Mom I desperately wanted to BF, and after the few initial bumps was doing quite well at it. But because my daughter wasn't plump and chubby like my husband's family thought she should be I was ridiculed, harassed, and made to feel absolutely worthless. Had I been a seasoned Mom I probably would have told them where to shove it. But being new at the whole Mommy thing I did doubt myself and felt incredible stress and pressure to supplement with formula. My Mom and our Pedi were a great support system for me, but had I not had them I likely would have caved and given up on BF feeling pretty crappy about myself.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

I agree with your last paragraph in theory, but in real life it just isn't so easy. As a first time Mom I desperately wanted to BF, and after the few initial bumps was doing quite well at it. But because my daughter wasn't plump and chubby like my husband's family thought she should be I was ridiculed, harassed, and made to feel absolutely worthless. Had I been a seasoned Mom I probably would have told them where to shove it. But being new at the whole Mommy thing I did doubt myself and felt incredible stress and pressure to supplement with formula. My Mom and our Pedi were a great support system for me, but had I not had them I likely would have caved and given up on BF feeling pretty crappy about myself.

I hear what you are saying. I suppose it is easier for me to say what I am saying as a Mom of three, I do remember being more insecure about all of it when I had my first baby. My Mom went through exactly what you did, while nursing me (her first baby) back in the 70's. I was tiny and she was determined to BF despite the ridicule of her inlaws and even comments from Pedi's regarding "the size of the dairy". *eyeroll*. It absolutely contributed to her overall first time Mom anxiety. So yeah, I do hear you.

Clairesmommy, I'm not sure how your post (while lovely) relates to the debate. We are not debating the right to breast feed, or our undying gratitude to all breast feeding pioneers out there who have come before us.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"Potter75" wrote:

Clairesmommy, I'm not sure how your post (while lovely) relates to the debate. We are not debating the right to breast feed, or our undying gratitude to all breast feeding pioneers out there who have come before us.

I responded directly to your statement that I bolded in my last post. You referred to anyone who gets outraged about this debate in general or anyone else's opinion on how we feed our kids. If you're not talking about the breast/bottle debate, then what exactly are you talking about?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

You seem to be talking about peoples legal right to breast feed. I'm not, its really pretty clear. I'm talking about other people's *opinion* on how anyone should feed their own child. You know, like the OP was about?

Like, if you have an opinion on how I discipline, or feed, or clothe, or diaper my children, and I let it outrage me, that would be dumb of me, as your opinion does not matter to me, or my family. If I choose to get upset over your opinion, I would really only have myself to blame.

I can't really explain it any more clearly. If you don't get it, sorry.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"Potter75" wrote:

You seem to be talking about peoples legal right to breast feed. I'm not, its really pretty clear. I'm talking about other people's *opinion* on how anyone should feed their own child. You know, like the OP was about?

Like, if you have an opinion on how I discipline, or feed, or clothe, or diaper my children, and I let it outrage me, that would be dumb of me, as your opinion does not matter to me, or my family. If I choose to get upset over your opinion, I would really only have myself to blame.

I can't really explain it any more clearly. If you don't get it, sorry.

I asked you to explain what you meant by blame. You did not answer that when you responded to me the first time. You only clarified in your most recent post - the same post where you say you can't explain it any better and that you're sorry that I'm just not getting it. I asked you what general debate you were talking about. I simply asked for clarification to those two things and I was respectful about it.

Was it not clear that in my very first post in this thread that I knew exactly what the OP was asking and did I not directly respond to the OP in the first part of that post? Away from the specific question in the OP about being called out, this entire thread has everything to do with the breast/bottle debate, so I don't really know why you find it so off the wall that someone should make a more general comment about it, even if it has to do with the right to breastfeed in public.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Um, okay.

This was my original post that you didn't understand.

ETA: I'd also like to say that anyone who ever gets outraged at this debate in general, or anyone else's opinion on how you feed your child really only has themselves to blame. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is right ~ For you, for your child, be it nursing or formula, why you would entertain the opinion of an outsider on what you are doing is beyond me. I have heard comments from relatives or strangers about how long I nurse my children for and I would never waste a second being upset about it. It isn't their body, it isn't their child, it isn't their life, so why do I care?

It is exactly what I said in my "explanation" of my original post. I'm not sure why you understood what I meant in one post but not another, which caused you to give a rosa parks-esque speech about the pioneers of breast feeding on busses and our need to applaud them. Groovy.

Either way, I'm done with this one Smile Exhausting!

momW's picture
Joined: 09/29/09
Posts: 5634

"Potter75" wrote:

I hear what you are saying. I suppose it is easier for me to say what I am saying as a Mom of three, I do remember being more insecure about all of it when I had my first baby. My Mom went through exactly what you did, while nursing me (her first baby) back in the 70's. I was tiny and she was determined to BF despite the ridicule of her inlaws and even comments from Pedi's regarding "the size of the dairy". *eyeroll*. It absolutely contributed to her overall first time Mom anxiety. So yeah, I do hear you.

Clairesmommy, I'm not sure how your post (while lovely) relates to the debate. We are not debating the right to breast feed, or our undying gratitude to all breast feeding pioneers out there who have come before us.

This! I have found the older I get, the more likely I am to listen to what others have to say without taking it personally. I'm a little more settled into my own skin and more self confident. I'm not sure if it's just me aging or the increase in children, but I seem to have lost my give a crap when it comes to the judg-y opinions of others. I've also found it a lot easier to think of a 1000 reasons why someone might do things differently than others and therefore try not to make snap judgements. Maybe it's a combination of age and the time constraints that 3 kids put on me Smile

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

I agree with your last paragraph in theory, but in real life it just isn't so easy. As a first time Mom I desperately wanted to BF, and after the few initial bumps was doing quite well at it. But because my daughter wasn't plump and chubby like my husband's family thought she should be I was ridiculed, harassed, and made to feel absolutely worthless. Had I been a seasoned Mom I probably would have told them where to shove it. But being new at the whole Mommy thing I did doubt myself and felt incredible stress and pressure to supplement with formula. My Mom and our Pedi were a great support system for me, but had I not had them I likely would have caved and given up on BF feeling pretty crappy about myself.

Agreed. I know I would have tried harder with my DD had I had a good support system. My IL's and my (then) DH were not supportive and actually would yell at me. DD had a LOT of eating/latching problems. Within a few weeks I caved to their bullying and gave up. I pumped for 4 months so she could have BM.

With my DS#1 I had a bit more confidense and added to his ability to eat and nurse better I was succesful. But again, by 9 months of age I got a lot of flack from the IL's and my stupid DH. We quit shortly thereafter.

This time around my awsome new DH and IL's have been crazy supportive. I'm still nursing (twice a day) as a result and my littlest is 13 months old.

So while I think in theory it would be nice to discount what others think of and tell us it trully does affect us - right or wrong it does.

Speaking to the debate question - no, it is not right to chastise in any way the way in which a mother feeds her child. If a child is happy and healthy why would I ever think it is my place to question, let alone ridicule, a mother? Nope. I don't like to be judged on my feeding choices so I will not do so to others.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

I'm not afraid to say something when it seems like the mom wants help. Breastfeeding can be hard to get started, and sometimes you need the right bit of support, information, or encouragement. I'm not going to walk up to a mom with a bottle and tell her she's damaging her baby. Partly because I recognize that "bottle" doesn't necessarily mean "formula" -- my kids got lots of bottles, but they had EBM in them -- and partly because while formula isn't right for my babies, it might be right for someone else's baby. But IMHO if a mom is complaining about how hard BFing is, or how she's uncomfortable with NIP, or how she's still having trouble with latch, then yeah, I'll say something because I might be able to help. Breastfeeding is important to me, and I'm not just going to say, "Ah shucks," when someone is having trouble.

One of my co-workers said she wanted to wean her 6mo, said she knew it was completely selfish but she was tired of pumping, and her ped had said the baby would be fine on formula. I told her that not pumping didn't have to mean weaning, that her body would adjust to the new non-pumping schedule, why not give that a try & see how it works? It did work, and she nursed him very happily until he was almost two. A mom at school said she needed to supplement because her baby wasn't gaining weight, other moms were recommending various formula brands, I told her that fenugreek & blessed thistle would help increase her supply. She thanked me later. And on the flip side, my mom & sisters have told me that I nurse my kids "too long" and I've told them that how long I nurse my kids is between me & them, and perhaps DH, and no one else gets any say in the matter.

SuzyQ16's picture
Joined: 02/01/08
Posts: 879

"Spacers" wrote:

I'm not afraid to say something when it seems like the mom wants help. Breastfeeding can be hard to get started, and sometimes you need the right bit of support, information, or encouragement. I'm not going to walk up to a mom with a bottle and tell her she's damaging her baby. Partly because I recognize that "bottle" doesn't necessarily mean "formula" -- my kids got lots of bottles, but they had EBM in them -- and partly because while formula isn't right for my babies, it might be right for someone else's baby. But IMHO if a mom is complaining about how hard BFing is, or how she's uncomfortable with NIP, or how she's still having trouble with latch, then yeah, I'll say something because I might be able to help. Breastfeeding is important to me, and I'm not just going to say, "Ah shucks," when someone is having trouble.

This!! I exclusively pumped for my DD for 7 months. I was at the mall one day and stopped to feed my DD. A lady and her daughter walked by and the little girl said something about the baby drinking milk. The mother rudely said "That is not milk!" and walked away. I didn't even have time to correct her or defend myself!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"carg0612" wrote:

So while I think in theory it would be nice to discount what others think of and tell us it trully does affect us - right or wrong it does.
.

And right or wrong we do have choice in how we let the opinions of others (especially those who deserve no input due to their lack of education on the subject) impact us or our decisions. That goes for any topic on earth, not just child feeding.

daniellevmt's picture
Joined: 07/25/06
Posts: 213

"Spacers" wrote:

I'm not afraid to say something when it seems like the mom wants help. Breastfeeding can be hard to get started, and sometimes you need the right bit of support, information, or encouragement. I'm not going to walk up to a mom with a bottle and tell her she's damaging her baby. Partly because I recognize that "bottle" doesn't necessarily mean "formula" -- my kids got lots of bottles, but they had EBM in them -- and partly because while formula isn't right for my babies, it might be right for someone else's baby. But IMHO if a mom is complaining about how hard BFing is, or how she's uncomfortable with NIP, or how she's still having trouble with latch, then yeah, I'll say something because I might be able to help. Breastfeeding is important to me, and I'm not just going to say, "Ah shucks," when someone is having trouble.

One of my co-workers said she wanted to wean her 6mo, said she knew it was completely selfish but she was tired of pumping, and her ped had said the baby would be fine on formula. I told her that not pumping didn't have to mean weaning, that her body would adjust to the new non-pumping schedule, why not give that a try & see how it works? It did work, and she nursed him very happily until he was almost two. A mom at school said she needed to supplement because her baby wasn't gaining weight, other moms were recommending various formula brands, I told her that fenugreek & blessed thistle would help increase her supply. She thanked me later. And on the flip side, my mom & sisters have told me that I nurse my kids "too long" and I've told them that how long I nurse my kids is between me & them, and perhaps DH, and no one else gets any say in the matter.

Do you see the obvious double standard of the bolded, or is it just me?

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I say each to their own, if bottle is what is best for you and your family go for it same as if bfing is whats best for you and your family. So long as you aren't starving your child or feeding them something that would be totally unsafe who am I to comment. I have a friend who I see rarely who believes that the only breast milk that is worth feeding to her DS is at night because her doctor has told her that this is the best and most nutrient rich milk and it's not worth bfing during the day and formula is better. I didn't comment when she told me this because it is her choice, her son is fed and healthy. It's not my view or feeling on the matter but it's also not my place to comment.

Support is huge in bfing, I am very lucky that although some people don't understand my stubborness over bfing they do support me, although my Mum does say that I will never get DS off the boob if i nurse past 12 months.

Andy1784's picture
Joined: 09/18/08
Posts: 1372

"daniellevmt" wrote:

Do you see the obvious double standard of the bolded, or is it just me?

I don't know. I think it depends on how she approaches people. If she does so in a supportive and informational way, without judgement if her advice is taken or not, then I don't think it is a double standard. From the sounds of it, her mom was not coming from an educated or supportive place, just one of condemnation. I would be quick to shut someone up that spoke to me that way too. If someone came to me and genuinely thought that BFing my child past xx months was bad for them, I would engage them in a discussion as to why I think (know) that not to be true. If that person continued to bother me about it, no matter what their tone I would consider that rude and inappropriate.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I would never criticize another mother unless she was obviously abusing their child. I only bf'd by first two for a few months, then bf the rest for at least a couple years (I have seven), so I have been on both sides of the spectrum plus I was a LLLLeader years ago and also a childbirth educator with the Bradley Method. I definitely gave info on bf'ing but people have to understand that some women have been sexually abused, perhaps they have a medical condition that precluded breastfeeding, or whatever.

I do think, however, that medical schools should not be getting the information about breastfeeding from formula companies AND they should be teaching residents getting their specialty in pediatrics more about the importance of breastfeeding, the technical details about breastmilk and how to help mothers who want to breastfeed to do so. New moms look to their doctors and invariably, they recommend formula at the slightest problem. This is not helpful, no more than it is helpful when breastfeeding moms have to hear negative comments about nursing in public (discreetly) or nursing past a year of age.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

You have every right to do what you want to do. I might have a problem with a woman who automatically went to bottles because she just "didn't want to be bothered with BF," only because she wouldn't be doing what's best for the baby, rather trying to make things easier on herself. I have never encountered someone like this, and as others have said, everybody I know that opts for bottles does it out of necessity. I know for me, I had to go back to work after each baby so I had to do both... and used formula as well. To each their own...

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"daniellevmt" wrote:

Do you see the obvious double standard of the bolded, or is it just me?

I totally see it. I also see that there's an assumption out there that fenugreek and blessed thistle is the cure all for increasing milk supply. That is not true either. I had to deal with low supply, trying not only these but also Reglan. Nothing changed it no matter how hard I tried. My younger kids were nursed as much as I could, but were always supplemented with formula and always took the bottle. Her last statement was true, "no one gets a say" in what's best for my children (or me for that matter, selfish or selfless) regardless of if they know the situation or not. I personally could care less if the mother decided to go straight to formula for whatever reason. It's her choice.

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

"daniellevmt" wrote:

Do you see the obvious double standard of the bolded, or is it just me?

I think it really depends. I am happy to give advice and support to people who are talking about their situation, I assume if they are willing to discuss it (and bring it up themselves) that they must be open to what other people think. For example, a baby in my play group is very small and Mom has been advised to have him weighed every week to ensure weight gain. I know this because she has mentioned it and during that conversation a number of us offered suggestions on how she could help him gain weight. So I could definitely see, especially in the second case how when this mother asked for advice on formula due to a decrease in supply, one might pipe up with 'have you tried anything to increase your supply, for example...". After all, nobody has to actually take your suggestion, and as long as it is given at an appropriate time and in a nice manner I would be grateful for anyone wanting to help me and my baby.

However, unsolicited criticism is totally different and I would never dream of saying anything to even my closest friends unless it was obvious their baby was in physical distress (and in that case I would probably start by asking if their Dr had said anything).

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"Starryblue702" wrote:

I might have a problem with a woman who automatically went to bottles because she just "didn't want to be bothered with BF," only because she wouldn't be doing what's best for the baby

A happy mother = a happy baby. If a woman is extremely uncomfortable nursing but forces herself to do and then resents her baby that is not what is best for the baby. Doing what she is comfortable with is what is best for the baby.

"Beertje" wrote:

I totally see it. I also see that there's an assumption out there that fenugreek and blessed thistle is the cure all for increasing milk supply. That is not true either. I had to deal with low supply, trying not only these but also Reglan. Nothing changed it no matter how hard I tried. My younger kids were nursed as much as I could, but were always supplemented with formula and always took the bottle. Her last statement was true, "no one gets a say" in what's best for my children (or me for that matter, selfish or selfless) regardless of if they know the situation or not. I personally could care less if the mother decided to go straight to formula for whatever reason. It's her choice.

I also tried everything to increase my supply with DD3 to no avail. I had an infection that either the infection or the medicine dried me up and nothing would get it back again.

Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

"Starryblue702" wrote:

You have every right to do what you want to do. I might have a problem with a woman who automatically went to bottles because she just "didn't want to be bothered with BF," only because she wouldn't be doing what's best for the baby, rather trying to make things easier on herself. I have never encountered someone like this, and as others have said, everybody I know that opts for bottles does it out of necessity. I know for me, I had to go back to work after each baby so I had to do both... and used formula as well. To each their own...

Why would you have a problem with a woman that chose bottles (I'm assuming you mean formula?) over nursing? If the baby is healthy, which is every mother's ultimate goal, why in the world would you care?

Oh, and my name is Tanya. With my second I opted to formula feed and it wasn't out of necessity. Now you know someone that didn't bottle feed out of necessity.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"Beertje" wrote:

I totally see it. I also see that there's an assumption out there that fenugreek and blessed thistle is the cure all for increasing milk supply. That is not true either. I had to deal with low supply, trying not only these but also Reglan. Nothing changed it no matter how hard I tried. My younger kids were nursed as much as I could, but were always supplemented with formula and always took the bottle. Her last statement was true, "no one gets a say" in what's best for my children (or me for that matter, selfish or selfless) regardless of if they know the situation or not. I personally could care less if the mother decided to go straight to formula for whatever reason. It's her choice.

It's not really a choice when you don't have information to make an informed decision. The mom in my post didn't say she wanted to supplement because she was tired of nursing so much; she said it was necessary because her baby wasn't gaining weight. You knew what things to try when you had a low supply; the mom in my post apparently didn't. Why should I not offer some information that has been helpful to lots of women with a low supply? Would you suggest I just stand there & keep quiet, knowing that I know something that might be helpful? I can't do that. I won't do that. Not when she's essentially asked for help by opening the dialogue about needing to supplement due to low supply. Had she just shown up at school with bottles of formula & said, I decided to start supplementing, I wouldn't care & wouldn't say anything.

elleon17's picture
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

Question in general - seems that whenever someone says BF, it is assumed it is formula?

My son was slightly premmature (5 weeks) and the only issue we had was with his tongue and strength to latch. Plus(TMI), I have nipples that sometimes invert. I used many techniques to help and never actually gave up, but he was bottle fed 80% of the time, but it was breast milk. I pumped for 9 months and because of storage he had BM for 11 months.

I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate, but more for the sake of the milk not the boob. Wink

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"Spacers" wrote:

It's not really a choice when you don't have information to make an informed decision. The mom in my post didn't say she wanted to supplement because she was tired of nursing so much; she said it was necessary because her baby wasn't gaining weight. You knew what things to try when you had a low supply; the mom in my post apparently didn't. Why should I not offer some information that has been helpful to lots of women with a low supply? Would you suggest I just stand there & keep quiet, knowing that I know something that might be helpful? I can't do that. I won't do that. Not when she's essentially asked for help by opening the dialogue about needing to supplement due to low supply. Had she just shown up at school with bottles of formula & said, I decided to start supplementing, I wouldn't care & wouldn't say anything.

This is not what you originally said:

A mom at school said she needed to supplement because her baby wasn't gaining weight, other moms were recommending various formula brands, I told her that fenugreek & blessed thistle would help increase her supply.

I'm saying that statement is not necessarily true. It may increase her milk supply, it may not. To make such a statement as you previously wrote is setting her up for hope that may be false - that if it doesn't work out not only does the baby suffer, but now she's thinking she's doing something wrong because you told her it would increase her supply.

I also would not assume that if someone stated that they need to supplement due to low supply that their doctor did not offer alternative suggestions. I would've thought that they have already looked at possibilities with their doctor or ped before making the decision to supplement. Unless someone (IRL) asks me specifically for advice, thoughts, or suggestions, I'm not one to just express them automatically. Did you suggest to hold off supplementing while she tried to figure out her alternatives or to supplement while she was figuring them out?

KathyH24's picture
Joined: 10/05/02
Posts: 28

I don't care what you are talking about there is never something that is 100% the best thing in all situations and this covers breastfeeding. I personally stopped bf my youngest at 6 months because my BP meds weren't working and the stuff that I needed to be on could seriously hurt my dd. If I had continued bf despite the fact that I was risking having a stroke I would have imo not been doing right by my child. She needs her Mother more then breast milk I'm sorry.

There's a ton of other reasons why ff would be better. Mother has AIDS. Baby's not thriving. It is the Mothers job to determine what is best for her situation. For anyone to "call someone out" because they don't feel like the right choice was made is beyond wrong. It is also arrogant.

Kathy