Boy Fairy

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ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
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Boy Fairy

This might be a bit more asking for advice than a debate, but I could see it going that way, and I dont mind, as I am looking for what people will think.

My DS will be 2 in November. He has a big sister and therefore loves anything girl. He adores sparkles and shoes and pink, and when there is dress up clothes involved he always wants to wear the fancy dress. I have absolutely no problem with this and let him dress up in whatever he wants at the house or at playgroups.

My mom just sent the kids some Halloween costumes so we have a few choices including the ones I had already borrowed. For Conner I have an Alien from toy story, or a duck, and for DD (Ari) I have a Barbie fairy, or a pink Disney princess costume (My mom got a smoking deal on the brand name ones).

The issue is that Conner desperately wants to be a fairy. He wants to wear the Barbie fairy dress, and when he had to give that one up to his sister he went and got her old fairy costume from the dress up box and begged to have it put on.

So... Would you let your son dress as a fairy for Halloween? (and for the record, it is definitely a girl costume with a skirt and headband)

One option I have is to let him wear the fairy costume to playgroup for their party and force him to wear the duck trick or treating.

I'm really not sure what to do. I want to be really open minded about it and let him wear whatever he wants, but at the same time I don't want him to be made fun of and called a girl.

Another question, What would your reaction be to seeing a little boy dressed as a fairy for Halloween?

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

This is the costume in question.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

That's a hard one - I would feel the same way. I would want to let him be whatever he wants, but I also wouldn't want kids to make fun of him. Is there a way that you could make him a boy fairy? Like, give him fairy wings and a wand, but not the dress?

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Oh yeah, and the other question - it wouldn't bother me to see a boy dressed as a fairy in a dress for Halloween....but to be honest it would make me wonder a little bit.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3183

"Alissa_Sal" wrote:

That's a hard one - I would feel the same way. I would want to let him be whatever he wants, but I also wouldn't want kids to make fun of him. Is there a way that you could make him a boy fairy? Like, give him fairy wings and a wand, but not the dress?

That's what I was thinking. My daughter has a book about fairies with a boy fairy in it.

When my son was little and wanted pink Dora gloves (a lot easier to address), I told him that I would buy them for him, but that the other kids were definitely going to tell him he was wearing girl gloves and say a lot of things to him. I said that I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, but that other kids would make a lot of comments and think that they had to belong to a girl. He thought about it for a while, said he wanted them anyway, and then changed his mind.

I think you have to tell them the truth about what can happen.

There are fairy wings on Amazon, maybe he could be a sparkly glittery fairy with pants! (And a gun. Just kidding.)

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

Put the fairy costume on underneath the other costume (minus the wings). That would probably be enough to make him happy and just tell him he's a fairy duck or fairy alien.

Rivergallery's picture
Joined: 05/23/03
Posts: 1301

I would have him wear a different outfit but still be a fairy... So for being a fairy...It would be fine, dress him as pan and add wings Smile

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

He's 2 years old. I think telling him about kids perceptions and consequences would make no sense to him. You could tell him that other kids might say that dress is for a girl and see what he says. But he is so young. I say let him wear the dress. He can deal with peer pressure and social contructs when he gets older.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

Here's some cute ideas

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

We live off of humor in our house and if we were in that situation, we would laugh and allow our son to wear the costume. It doesn't have any bearing at this age! He likes the colors, he likes the dress...who cares what anyone else thinks.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3309

"culturedmom" wrote:

He's 2 years old. I think telling him about kids perceptions and consequences would make no sense to him. You could tell him that other kids might say that dress is for a girl and see what he says. But he is so young. I say let him wear the dress. He can deal with peer pressure and social contructs when he gets older.

I agree with this. He is SO young that I would just let him do it.

If he were older, i would go the route of warning him that other children might make comments and give him some advice on good responses to those comments. And probably secretly hope he changes his mind.

But at just under 2? I would definitely just let him do it.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

I agree. I think two would be my cut-off without a detailed discussion on it, but I'd let him wear it.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

I'm totally the bad mom who would try to talk him into something else.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"RebeccaA'07" wrote:

We live off of humor in our house and if we were in that situation, we would laugh and allow our son to wear the costume. It doesn't have any bearing at this age! He likes the colors, he likes the dress...who cares what anyone else thinks.

This. My youngest girls just turned two. They have no concept of gender yet. I say let him have fun with it. Who knows, he could change his mind if he sees a costume that he thinks is much cooler before Halloween anyway. I would have his sister teach him cool fairy dances to go with the cool costume and then get lots of pics and recordings for the cuteness of it all.

elleon17's picture
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

I'd let him wear it.

He's 2 and I don't think he will even notice if an older kid says something.

DS has dress up time a few days a week at school and I walk into boys carrying purses, putting tutus on their head. Its all adorable and they are sooooo young.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3183

Somehow I missed that he's two!

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

Let him wear it and have fun. There is plenty of time to be a "boy". If he wants to use his imagination to be a fairy then so be it. It is a just playing dress up.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

The funny thing is that at that age a lot of people can't tell the difference between a boy and girl so most people would just assume he is a girl and not say anything unless they actually know you.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm totally the bad mom who would try to talk him into something else.

The other choices are alien and a duck; wouldn't the fairy be more fun for the adults? Wink

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

"wlillie" wrote:

The other choices are alien and a duck; wouldn't the fairy be more fun for the adults? Wink

put on the alien costume with the wings, tutu and wand. it would be so cute and funny!

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

Thanks ladies. I think, if he still wants to, I will let him wear the costume to play group (we have about 3 potential playgroup parties), but I will try to talk him into the duck costume for trick or treating. That might work since his sister will be switching costumes back and forth too. My reasoning is, that we will get very few comments about him being a girl at playgroup, since people know us there. However, I am convinced that people will call him a 'pretty little girl' at the doorway, and my daughter would think that was hilarious, feel the need to correct them, and then make fun of her brother. Conner himself probably wouldnt care, as long as they give him candy, but Ari has made fun of him before for his 'girly' choices so I really dont want to encourage that by letting her hear other people call him a girl.

Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm totally the bad mom who would try to talk him into something else.

Me too. Perhaps I'm too worried about what others would think. It is my issue, I admit.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm totally the bad mom who would try to talk him into something else.

I would too.

I like the idea about the alien with wings.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"ftmom" wrote:

Thanks ladies. I think, if he still wants to, I will let him wear the costume to play group (we have about 3 potential playgroup parties), but I will try to talk him into the duck costume for trick or treating. That might work since his sister will be switching costumes back and forth too. My reasoning is, that we will get very few comments about him being a girl at playgroup, since people know us there. However, I am convinced that people will call him a 'pretty little girl' at the doorway, and my daughter would think that was hilarious, feel the need to correct them, and then make fun of her brother. Conner himself probably wouldnt care, as long as they give him candy, but Ari has made fun of him before for his 'girly' choices so I really dont want to encourage that by letting her hear other people call him a girl.

So maybe the talk you shoud have is with your daughter. I think it is a great opportunity for a teachable moment Wink

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

"kris_w" wrote:

I would too.

I like the idea about the alien with wings.

Find out what part of the fairy costume he really likes. Maybe you can make combine the girl and boy costumes. If he likes having wings, then that can be added to any costume. If he likes sparkles, then maybe blue or green sparkles would work well. If he likes the tutu and pink then I am not sure what you can do!

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

I would let him wear it, then again my 1yo DS went to day care with a smidge of lipgloss today because he was intrigued as I put it on grabbed the wand and tried swiping it on his mouth, so I dabbed it there and off we went.

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

"RebeccaA'07" wrote:

We live off of humor in our house and if we were in that situation, we would laugh and allow our son to wear the costume. It doesn't have any bearing at this age! He likes the colors, he likes the dress...who cares what anyone else thinks.

Ditto this!

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3309

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm totally the bad mom who would try to talk him into something else.

I've never had to deal with this because Aodhan would never be caught dead in a fairy costume....but I think if i had to deal with it,in an older child, i might do more discouraging than I'd ideally want to. I *think* I'd stick to the warnings, but he might be able to read into my tone and body language that what I'm actually doing is actively trying to discourage him.

This would be a really hard one for me in an older kid. In a real little one, it doesn't cause the same reaction though.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

Well, there's the boy fairies from Tinkerbell Lost Treasure. Terence is a little cutie and his costume is quite boyish but still fairy-ish.

There's also Peter Pan and I'm sure there's lots of costumes you could find. I'll admit I'd be not fond on the idea of my 2 y.o. wearing a girly fairy costume for halloween

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

I gotta 2nd what Melissa said. I'd likely talk him into something else. But maybe not something else altogether. I like the peter pan idea. It's kind of a nice compromise really.

My DSS wanted Dora shoes. We let him get them but he was 3 years old and not in school or day care. Plus they were white with only a small amount of "girly" type colors on them. Yup, there's the whole compromise thing again. His original pick was hot pink. We talked him down to the white ones.

Guess I'm the bad mom too.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

Hmmm, well on Broadway Peter Pan is played by a woman. That's more confusing then a 2 yo in a dress to me. Smile

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
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"culturedmom" wrote:

Hmmm, well on Broadway Peter Pan is played by a woman. That's more confusing then a 2 yo in a dress to me. Smile

Yes, and there's Julia Roberts' gender bending Tink from Hook. Bad, bad, bad casting.

Joined: 03/08/03
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"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

Yes, and there's Julia Roberts' gender bending Tink from Hook. Bad, bad, bad casting.

I'm the only person I know who liked that movie...and thought she was good in it, too.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
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"freddieflounder101" wrote:

I'm the only person I know who liked that movie...and thought she was good in it, too.

I didn't mind the movie, I just didn't like her in it. Maybe at that time I was just "Julia-ed" out - Pretty Woman, Flatliners, Steel Magnolias, etc. and it was like she was being cast in everything just because she was popular, not because she was suited for the roles, KWIM?

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

I may have to take back what I said about DD. DS insisted on wearing sparkly hair clips today and her only concern, as we were walking out the door, was that other people might laugh at him. This is a huge concern for her to have, as she hates being laughed at. I explained that boys can wear anything and Conner is just little, but she was still worried and ready to defend him. She is very gender aware right now.

But having said that, we dropped DD off at playschool and then went to our playgroup and the only comments we got were about how 'cute' his hair looked. This makes me feel better about letting him wear the fairy costume if he so chooses. Not that I wont offer him the other choices first, but I wont refuse if he insists.

Oh, and I think the reason he likes it is that it is the same as his sister. It really has nothing to do with the colour or sparkles, etc. He just wants to be like her right now.

ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

What is with all these 'Bad Mom' comments lately? Obviously, I am torn on this issue, or I wouldn't be asking for advice. I think any decision that you make with your child's best interest at heart is a 'good mommy' decision whether I, or anyone else, would have made the same decision. We all just have different idea's about what is best for our children, just as different things will truly be the 'best' for different children and families.

I know a lot of it is done in jest, but everyone needs to stop putting themselves down!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"ftmom" wrote:

I know a lot of it is done in jest, but everyone needs to stop putting themselves down!

Oh, don't worry, I'm quite proud of how I would handle the situation for my children Smile Last time this came up though someone called me out on being such a bad parent and so gender biased and shocking them and whatnot because I would not paint my sons fingernails. It's just easier to head it off at the pass by acknowledging that I recognize others would handle it differently. If I really thought that it made me a bad parent I probably wouldn't post it, you know?

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

I'm the only person I know who liked that movie...and thought she was good in it, too.

Nope. We love that movie over here. and I think she was cute in it. Rufio...Rufio..Ru...fi...oooooh! Smile

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3183

I want a photo of him in his final costume! He's going to look cute no matter what.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"ftmom" wrote:

I may have to take back what I said about DD. DS insisted on wearing sparkly hair clips today and her only concern, as we were walking out the door, was that other people might laugh at him. This is a huge concern for her to have, as she hates being laughed at. I explained that boys can wear anything and Conner is just little, but she was still worried and ready to defend him. She is very gender aware right now.

But having said that, we dropped DD off at playschool and then went to our playgroup and the only comments we got were about how 'cute' his hair looked. This makes me feel better about letting him wear the fairy costume if he so chooses. Not that I wont offer him the other choices first, but I wont refuse if he insists.

Oh, and I think the reason he likes it is that it is the same as his sister. It really has nothing to do with the colour or sparkles, etc. He just wants to be like her right now.

We have that going on here, too. If Tiven likes it, Weston *loves* it. He often wears one of her tiaras; she gave him one (the one that the top piece had broken off, LOL) to keep him away from her favorites. The other day he walked around all day with a Barbie Bride tucked under his arm. I don't think it's because he likes the tiara or the Barbie, it's just that he likes Tiven & the tiara & Barbie are things she likes.

I'd let him wear the fairy costume. He's 2. And maybe tuck the duck costume in my bag in case he changes his mind mid-stream.