bullying, personal what would YOU do
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Thread: bullying, personal what would YOU do

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    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    Default bullying, personal what would YOU do

    what should really be done to bullies in school? what about when its first grade vs seventh grade? should you file a police report? file a complaint just with the school? what about contacting superintendant?

    As adults were taught to follow chain of command but with what is on the news (children being stabbed, killed, exc) at school what is your job as a parent to do? at what point is it necessary to pull your child all together from school?


    Scenario: my almost 7yo has been bullied by a group of boys since the beginning of school. The raw facts is hes the smallest in his class (by far). hes a late june kid so is the youngest, is not an area kid (not our zoned school, he will be going to our zoned school next year), he has never come home with marks just bruised self esteem, hurt feelings, stories of what has happened, exc. has never expressed being "Scared" of school. the VP and Principal have been contacted, all the boys have been spoken to, they are "kept away from each other" during school hours, SRO (student resource officer) has even spoken to the group (my son included) supposedly we live in a "no tollerance" area. I had a phone conversation with the VP Monday regarding a boy (we'll call him M) who pushed my son down on the concrete and held him down, this is one of the boys who has been an offender all year. Again, no marks just stories. I contacted the VP she said she would "deal" with the situation and talk to the boys again, this was happening before the teacher opened the classroom, never duing instruction time.

    Wednesday my son comes home with abrassions on his back, the "story" is Boy J pushed him up against the fence for no "real reason" (unclear if J & M are friends, but he is "much bigger" than my son). I will never say not my kid, not saying that he didnt antagonize the situation because i wasnt there but he still came home with marks on his back. this incident happened during recess, again first time during instruction time. I called the office and of course the phone lines were down and wasnt able to leave a message until after hours. I took him to the police department and filed an incident report (the school SRO had surgery following an accident and there is no one assigned to his school at this time, OF COURSE!) I called the front office again this morning and supposedly they are doing an "internal investigation" and no one is willing to personally speak to me at this time. My son is still not fearful of school or the kids but they cant even protect him DURING school time what am i supposed to do? there are still 20 days remaining in the school year, I cant pull him out all together? Should I give the school a chance to sort it out? should i just withdraw him? what about my other son (who is 5) do i withdraw him too? both teachers are wonderful to my kids it just seems like a persistent issue? this has been a year long issue, should I contact superintendant? call them, write a letter? call the news station? what do i do? At this point IM fearful.. this is FIRST GRADE what is going to happen as these kids get older?

    the pic looks over contrasted or something.. taken with my cell phone yesterday. can post camera pictures this afternoon when i get home. I also did a video stating date, let him tell his side of the story, had him turn around so i could get video of his back, exc. the right side IS NOT bruising as of yesterday, its a weird shadow.
    Last edited by lovelymomma; 05-12-2011 at 10:31 AM.
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    Posting Addict culturedmom's Avatar
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    I don't want to say too much because I don't like debating personal/family issues. Just wondering, why didn't you call mom? Did she say take him to the police station?

    I think if the kid is not the same one who bullies him and Elly was not scared or crying or upset by what happened, then I personally don't see why you would go to the police station and take it to that level. I've seen Daniel and Elly play and they are hardcore, rough and tumble kids. There isn't a week that goes by that Daniel doesn't come home with soem sort of scrape, bruise, bump, goose egg. I know my son likes to rough house and unless he says flat out that he got a particular injury because of someone else though bullying or a fight, I don't really worry.

    Honestly it seems like youmight be taking the feelingsyou have had with the previous issue of bullying and now transferring it to this situation. I mean you took him to the police station and you really don't know what happened. I get taking pictures (not sure I would post them online, but that's just me) for the sake of having records, but I think I would have gottenmoer info before getting police involved. As for taking them out of school, that would make me worry because maybe it will send the message to Elly not to tellabout stuff that happens because he will be taken out of class. If most of the problem happens before school, why not stay until he goes into the classroom?

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Marks or not, it's still bullying. With marks like that & no call from the school yesterday about it, I'd be there this morning raising holy hell. You don't get marks like that from playing even roughhousing & getting knocked into a fence, those are some serious marks & especially since some are in the small of the back that really indicates force was used IMHO.

    I'm shocked that any bullying hasn't been dealt with all year! I would have the principal, the teacher, the SRO, and the school counselor try to explain to me why they have let this bullying continue so long, and why nothing was done now that it's become physical, what they are going to do to these bullies, and what the plan is to prevent this in the future. And If I wasn't happy after that, I'd be at the district office talking with a superintendent this afternoon. And if I still wasn't happy after that, I'd be calling a lawyer. It doesn't matter whether your child will be there next year or not. Your child has the right to an education without fear or intimidation, right now at this school. Otherwise this school is going to have the same problem with these bullies next year, just with a different victim.

    It sounds like you don't know what the district bullying policy is; you should find out what it is, and it should be zero tolerance. I think the punishment for first grade in our district is suspension for one day plus sessions with the school counselor. I would also emphasize to my child that I will not get angry if he defends himself, and that he needs to report any & all bullying to the teachers & principal. Good luck to you both!
    Last edited by Spacers; 05-12-2011 at 12:24 PM.
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    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    @ Lana, mom played it down... said something was missing from the story (which i agree with) however If a staff at the school notices his back and reports possible child abuse wth do i tell the CPS staff as a reason WHY I didnt report it? I couldnt come up with a good enough reason NOT to take him to the police station and since frankly the school is obviously not doing anything to protect him i really felt like i had no other choice. The problem is its happening DURING school hours now and not only by other first graders. There is a difference in my opinion between rough housing and playing and shoving a kid up against a fence hard enough that he falls, racks his back down the fence, whatever.. We had thought we resolved the issue of before school bullying, being escorted from cafeteria to classroom, taking him later (not letting him go to bfast) but the Wednesday event was during recess. I obviously cant be peering over the fence all the time to ensure his safety.
    Ashley, mom to 3 awesome little boys!

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    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    oh and when i spoke to VP, P, SRO & guidence they said they could not share with me what kind of repercusions they were giving to the other children involved because of HIPPA laws? but they assured me there was "a plan in place" to prevent it from happening again.. it has continued. He has been in karate for the last three months in efforts to give him more self confidence, ability to block other kids from hitting him, and has been instructed that if ANYONE, boy or girl hits you first you defend yourself and get them OFF you. We will not be mad, we will not punish him, exc.

    I posted pictures to show what extent as i think it does change the scenario, a little bit of a bump or small scratch vs what it is changes everything. Had he come home with a bump or something, whatever but he has multiple areas on his back that are scratched and I agree, shows greater force than being bumped into. I would NEVER forgive myself if something more serious happened to him and I had sat by and done little to nothing. I have done very little and allowed the school to "handle" things and this is where we stand today. Everytime has been worse than the time before, when is enough enough? I do think pulling him out is punishing him too as he likes his friends, he likes learning, exc.
    Ashley, mom to 3 awesome little boys!

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    Definitely something you need to get to the bottom of...I wouldn't sit idly by. And I would be at the school as much as possible. I wouldn't pull my child out...but I would see if they can implement something so nothing happens during recess. Even if that meant having my kid hang out by the monitor the whole time. (Though that doesn't seem fair to the child, it's better to be safe.) It's bad enough when it's verbal bullying but physical is so much worse.
    I think you were smart to record with picture and videos too.
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    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    I spoke to the VP today and the story is no one really saw what happened but she thinks it was a nonverbal autistic child (based on the unique name) who was out at recess with his class. They are working on co-mingling "typical" and "spectrum" children during play time so the autistic children have a chance to interact with other children who are not on the spectrum. Elly approached the child (in a loving manner, VP's words not mine) with arms outstretched to give him a hug (as previous children had also done) and the child didnt know how to react pushed him into the fence. Im glad that it isnt a new bully, Im not happy that these children are being "co-mingled" and then not supervised since the VP bluntly told me the autistic children in the class are notorious for acting inappropriately and not knowing consequences of their actions.
    Last edited by lovelymomma; 05-12-2011 at 04:11 PM.
    Ashley, mom to 3 awesome little boys!

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovelymomma View Post
    I spoke to the VP today and the story is no one really saw what happened but she thinks it was a nonverbal autistic child (based on the unique name) who was out at recess with his class. They are working on co-mingling "typical" and "spectrum" children during play time so the autistic children have a chance to interact with other children who are not on the spectrum. Elly approached the child (in a loving manner, VP's words not mine) with arms outstretched to give him a hug (as previous children had also done) and the child didnt know how to react pushed him into the fence. Im glad that it isnt a new bully, Im not happy that these children are being "co-mingled" and then not supervised since the VP bluntly told me the autistic children in the class are notorious for acting inappropriately and not knowing consequences of their actions.
    How do you know they are not being supervised? Do you expect an adult to be within arms reach of every autistic child on the playground? Personally, I think playground integration is a wonderful thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovelymomma View Post
    I spoke to the VP today and the story is no one really saw what happened but she thinks it was a nonverbal autistic child (based on the unique name) who was out at recess with his class. They are working on co-mingling "typical" and "spectrum" children during play time so the autistic children have a chance to interact with other children who are not on the spectrum. Elly approached the child (in a loving manner, VP's words not mine) with arms outstretched to give him a hug (as previous children had also done) and the child didnt know how to react pushed him into the fence. Im glad that it isnt a new bully, Im not happy that these children are being "co-mingled" and then not supervised since the VP bluntly told me the autistic children in the class are notorious for acting inappropriately and not knowing consequences of their actions.
    I'm very confused. Why did your son blame it on a totally different child than actually did it? Why did he lie to you? If he is lying to you and you are acting on it by going to the police and wrongly accusing other children of bullying there is a huge issue here! I would be INCENSED to have my child accused of something to the POLICE if they had absolutely nothing to do with it.

    Next issue: I feel like you are essentially bashing all autistic children. They don't deserve to play with your child? Or outside? And if these autistic children are so "notorious" for acting inappropriately, why on earth was your child trying to hug one of them? If no one saw the incident, why do you believe this version over the version that your child told you? How does the principal know your son "lovingly" extended his arms if no one saw it? Again, I'm obviously very confused.
    Last edited by Potter75; 05-13-2011 at 07:30 AM.

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    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alana*sMommy View Post
    How do you know they are not being supervised? Do you expect an adult to be within arms reach of every autistic child on the playground? Personally, I think playground integration is a wonderful thing.
    I think its a great thing they are trying to do but the VP told me flat out this particular child is notorious for being unpredictable, it was her words not mine. I do expect more than one person to be watching a large group of children especially considering the situation they are trying to accomplish, it is not a large area in which they are playing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    I'm very confused. Why did your son blame it on a totally different child than actually did it? Why did he lie to you? If he is lying to you and you are acting on it by going to the police and wrongly accusing other children of bullying there is a huge issue here! I would be INCENSED to have my child accused of something to the POLICE if they had absolutely nothing to do with it.

    Next issue: I feel like you are essentially bashing all autistic children. They don't deserve to play with your child? Or outside? And if these autistic children are so "notorious" for acting inappropriately, why on earth was your child trying to hug one of them? If no one saw the incident, why do you believe this version over the version that your child told you? How does the principal know your son "lovingly" extended his arms if no one saw it? Again, I'm obviously very confused.
    He didnt lie to me, he said Boy J pushed him against the fence, he wasnt sure if Boy J and Boy M were friends. Boy M is the repeat offender, this was the first event with Boy J.

    Im not bashing autistic children at all, I think they absolutely deserve to play with any and all other children, outside inside, whatever. THIS child has been told TO ME by the VP as being "notoriously unpredictable" My son was copying what a few other children had done before him (in that moment, on that day) why should he think he would be any different. Boy J didnt push any of the other children away. Im repeating the story the VP told me, her version of the story. I dont know how she came up with it since she blatently told me she didnt see any of it. My son told me Boy J pushed him on the playground.

    Im going to the school this morning to request incident reports of all the other times I have called (At least 4-6) complaining about the bullying situation as suggested by someone of their staff. The teacher I spoke with today informed me this is not the first time this has happened, she has heard it before (bullying not being properly handled, going on for awhile and shes the one who suggested getting incident reports) and agreed that the situation with integrating the children was not properly handled.
    Last edited by lovelymomma; 05-13-2011 at 09:08 AM.
    Ashley, mom to 3 awesome little boys!

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