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  1. #41
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    I can't judge yet. Has she gone through genetic testing at some point?

    There used to be a show about food issues. There was a lady on there that could only eat French fries. They did genetic testing and she had legitimate issues with her sense of taste so it went beyond a "choice."

  2. #42
    Posting Addict GloriaInTX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    my magic solution would be to start at 14. I also wouldn't tolerate a husband who allows their own children to ruin their lives and bodies like that. It's very unkind and unloving and it would be hard for me to respect or honor a man or father like that. *shrug*. No real magic there. Just some tough lovin to help a child set the foundations for a fair shot at a healthy life. Easier to unlearn / relearn at 14 than 40, and at some point she will have to relearn or will suffer the consequences of obesity or hypertension or diabetes or cancer or who knows what.
    Well I guess you must just be a better parent than I. Glad you have all the answers. Except what you said really amounts to if you can't force her and her father to do your will you would just walk away. I'm sure that would have helped her more.
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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    At age 17 it is not abuse, at that age you can't force her to change her behavior unless she wants to change. From ages 2-10 or so when the mother could control what she bought and what she ate is a different matter. I'm not sure I would classify it as abuse, but I surely wouldn't call her mother of the year. My step-daughter just turned 18 and she is almost the same way because her dad allowed her to eat whatever she wanted. She will eat a few more things than chicken nuggets but not much besides ramen noodles, macaroni & cheese, hot dogs or maybe a ham or turkey sandwich. I have given up trying to get her to eat meals with us and she just makes her own food.
    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    Well of course it didn't work because I didn't even meet her until she was 14. Pretty hard to influence what she did at 10 when I didn't even know her then. I can assure you that if she had been my child I would have let her starve before letting her eat chicken nuggets every day. But if you have some magic suggestion of how to take on a 14 year old step daughter already set in her ways with a father that allows her to eat that way and change her behavior I would have like to have heard it.
    DD2 has geographic tongue. When she was younger she was extremely sensitive to a lot of textures, tastes, and level of spices. Getting her to try new foods was impossible. There are a lot of foods that most children like that she just won't eat.

    She's 9. I can't control what she eats for most of the day. She has 3 opportunities to eat breakfast each day and the option of taking or buying her lunch on school days. I could send her with a lunch, but whether she actually eats it or not isn't something I can control.

    As for starving, it can backfire. How long would you let a hunger strike continue before you gave in? For the mom in the OP it was 2 days. Would you be comfortable with a 10 YO or 14 YO not eating for a week? 2 weeks? And what would you do to force feed her?

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    Well I guess you must just be a better parent than I. Glad you have all the answers. Except what you said really amounts to if you can't force her and her father to do your will you would just walk away. I'm sure that would have helped her more.
    I probably just wouldn't have been attracted to someone like that in the first place. But- between the son and the daughter it sounds like you've got your hands full...... Insisting on healthy food at home isnt quite "making people do your will"... its creating a healthy home for people who are obviously unable to do so for themselves. I don't know that I would walk away- not my style- If I do I will come to you for advice . And if you ask me what I would do and I tell you it's weird to then play the "better parent" card. If you didn't want to know why'd you ask!?!!


    talk about bending people to your will- you are the one who would have let her starve, to quote your exact words!
    Last edited by Potter75; 07-11-2013 at 06:50 PM.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    I don't know that I would walk away- not my style- If I do I will come to you for advice .
    So what exactly do you mean by that little dig? Are you suggesting that I walked away from my marriage? A little low don't you think?
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    How is it different than you suggesting out of no where that I would walk away? That may be the first thing that comes to your mind- but no where did I say anything like that. Sorry if you don't like your own debate tactics, Gloria. I guess it just stings more because we are talking a fictional situation when you try to insult me. Sorry about that.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by ethanwinfield View Post
    As for starving, it can backfire. How long would you let a hunger strike continue before you gave in? For the mom in the OP it was 2 days. Would you be comfortable with a 10 YO or 14 YO not eating for a week? 2 weeks? And what would you do to force feed her?
    I agree it is very difficult by the time they get that age, and it is almost impossible to control everything they eat. That's why I didn't try to starve my DSD. It wouldn't have worked.
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  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    How is it different than you suggesting out of no where that I would walk away? That may be the first thing that comes to your mind- but no where did I say anything like that. Sorry if you don't like your own debate tactics, Gloria. I guess it just stings more because we are talking a fictional situation when you try to insult me. Sorry about that.
    Ok I'm sorry if you meant something different when you said you would never tolerate a husband like that. As you said, it was a hypothetical situation. I don't think that justifies your little dig but obviously you feel that was ok so I guess we will just have to differ on that.

    Believe me taking on almost grown step children is not an easy task. You have made it clear that you wouldn't have taken on that burden. I get it.
    Last edited by GloriaInTX; 07-11-2013 at 07:08 PM.
    Mom to Lee, Jake, Brandon, Rocco
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    I never consider a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosopy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friend. --Thomas Jefferson

  9. #49
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    Right- just like I don't tolerate my husband leaving wet towels on the floor. It doesn't mean when he slips up and forgets I walk away from the marriage, lol. It simply means that as a family we have high expectations and standards and goals- constantly trying to help one another be better people. A diet that was terribly unhealthy would just be another one of those changes...... But a lot more critical. I'm sure we can both think of some digs today that we feel were unjustified. Oh well.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    Right- just like I don't tolerate my husband leaving wet towels on the floor. It doesn't mean when he slips up and forgets I walk away from the marriage, lol. It simply means that as a family we have high expectations and standards and goals- constantly trying to help one another be better people. A diet that was terribly unhealthy would just be another one of those changes...... But a lot more critical. I'm sure we can both think of some digs today that we feel were unjustified. Oh well.
    I think if you have this mentality from the start, it works really well. I think its fair to acknowledge though that a child that was never reigned in could prove to be an immense challenge once they gain a certain level of independence and autonomy, coupled with the fact that they have never been taught to have boundaries, or have to do something they don't want to do....and then add the step child thing into it.

    I'm not saying it can't be done....but I think its a pretty extreme type of parenting challenge.

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