I know that when I was going through fertility treatments we were asked about how we felt about multiples should they occur. We were ok with twins, iffy about triplets (we have triplet nephews, we know how much work 3 is) anything higher and we would be talking about what to do. Since we were doing IUI it was not a case of how many embryos to implant.
While I understand the need to vent about the unexpected the fact they felt the need to post to the internet their feelings is disturbing to me. I know lots of women who wanted one more and had twins. I really wonder if they would have the same attitude if they had conceived naturally...
Sean (38 )
Robbie (8 )
Bailey (April 2, 2011)
"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss
I can understand a feeling of not wanting another baby. I actually don't think its weird at all to want two children but not a third. Tons of people feel that way. I understand that they probably knew there was a risk of having multiples in their case...but I don't think that means that they should have to want multiples. I can understand all of that.
I wouldn't have been able to sympathize with wanting to abort one of them though if that had been what they decided to do. I would wholeheartedly admit to feeling a bit judgey about that, whether i'm supposed to or not.
And you know, just because they are not happy about having twins doesn't automatically mean that they will feel negatively towards the child when they are actually here.
I was conceived over 9 years after my sister was born. I will tell you they were NOT elated at the thought of having another baby. I've never felt unloved or unwanted though.
Edited to remove the redundant sentence.
Last edited by KimPossible; 09-04-2013 at 10:13 PM.
My niece has twin boys that are a month younger than my granddaughter. Sure it is tough sometimes, but like anything sometimes it makes things easier too because they always have someone to play with and they entertain each other a lot. There is good and bad. Twins run in my family so I have twin sisters and twin nieces and my mother had 2 sets of twin sisters. My son Jake was almost a twin but I miscarried one. I can understand complaining about something but I guess this was just a little over the top to me.
Mom to Lee, Jake, Brandon, Rocco
Stepmom to Ryan, Regan, Braden, Baley
Granddaughters Kylie 10/18/2010 & Aleya 4/22/2013
I never consider a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosopy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friend. --Thomas Jefferson
I have twin 6 y.o. nephews who were conceived by IUI. My brother and SIL were like "HOLY F@#$" when they found out it was twins, but not once did they ever express any disdain for the 'extra' baby or that they wished it was only one or whatever. After they were born I think it was about 4 months until I actually talked to my SIL. She was totally slammed around the clock with feedings and all the baby stuff, times 2. I remember watching her feed those boys and I was in total awe of the machine that was once my SIL! I get being fah-reeked out when you learn you're having multiples, but hey, that's the risk with fertility treatments.
Reading their original essays instead of the article about them made me a lot more sympathetic. I think they are going through what most parents-to-be of twins go through. I can have sympathy for them, not in a "those poor people are having twins" way but I have sympathy for their worries and fears about exhaustion, about not being able to manage, etc. We were particularly helpless new parents with BOTH of our kids; I found the baby stage the most challenging of all so far. Now that mine are 6 and 9 I'm in completely different territory and a lot more relaxed.
I would be terrified to have twins, to have two babies (and toddlers! eek!) the same age at the same time. Financially it IS a different story: two cribs, two high chairs, two car seats, two of all these things that are hand-me-downs when you have kids one after another instead of at the same time.
This seems very human and normal to me, and I'm sure they'll love their kids, and they will struggle too. I do think that when you do IVF you are taking that risk and you have to be prepared for it, but who can really be prepared? Who is ever prepared? Unless you have a lot of twins in your family I don't think you have a real sense of it all.
I think they're having real, normal fears and putting them out there on the web -- anonymously, which I like -- might help some other folks acknowledge and accept their feelings in a healthier way.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I would be freaked out to have twins. That is not to say that if I did I wouldn't have loved them any less. I think all the fears are normal and its ok that they voiced them because our thoughts are not always sunshine and roses and I don't think we need to put up a facade that they are.
I'd like to have a 3rd child, but as I get older the chance of twins increases and it is a real factor in whether or not we might try for a third baby. 4 kids would be a lot different than one for us. 3 in daycare at one time
If we did decide we would be taking that chance, but if it happened I'm sure I would have a few days (or more) of OH S***, how are we going to do this?