Couple Friendships

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wlillie's picture
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Couple Friendships

Personal Debate-
Do you think one spouse should suck it up if their spouse makes friends with a couple who he (or she ;)) doesn't enjoy?

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It depends. I probably wouldn't do a ton of family gatherings together, but I would still go out for coffee or for a walk or whatever with your friend. But, we don't do many "couple" activities anyways.

KimPossible's picture
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"wlillie" wrote:

Personal Debate-
Do you think one spouse should suck it up if their spouse makes friends with a couple who he (or she ;)) doesn't enjoy?

It would depend on why the spouse didn't like them. If they just didn't click, then yes, to some degree. If it is an serious objection, like a moral character issue then i think there needs to be more discussion and probably a little more respect of the spouses feelings.

As far as how much 'sucking up' the spouse should do, in my family, i'd be more inclined to just let hubby hang out with the friends on his own time then spend time with someone i couldn't stand. We don't have to do everything together. If it would mean a lot to my hubby that we try to do things as couples, well then i'd give it a go, but i would probably say something if it was so frequent it was driving me mad. Either way, i'd probably make it known that I wasn't loving the new friends, in a calm way ....open and honest communication is key.

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I also think it depends on the reason a person is not liked.

My husband and I see eye-to-eye so there is no issue for us. Activities with the other family would be limited as mich as possible depending on what the issue is. My husband doesnt really go do stuff with his friends, our friends without us.

Minx_Kristi's picture
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Straight away I would say suck it up, without knowing the reasons. I could change my mind if I knew what the issue was Wink

xx

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I'm not big on couple friendships. They get too messy when there's a breakup. DH & I had a great friendship with another couple, but when they broke up & the guy brought a new girlfriend into the mix, it made things difficult. There wasn't anything really wrong with her, but she wasn't the old girlfriend and we never got a straight story on why they broke up so I kind of blamed the new girlfriend for me losing my friend. (She moved back to Germany, and this was before everyone had email to keep in touch.) We had another couple friendship that I pulled out of after the guy hit on me but DH still wanted to hang out with them & couldn't understand why I didn't want to be around that guy anymore.

Now we're meeting our friends mostly through Tiven's school. DH has his friends & I have my friends, and sometimes our friends are married to each other, which is nice. But the dynamic is different, there isn't the pressure of The Couple Friendship because we've come to the friendship individually rather than as couples. The guys do things together, the gals do things together, we do things together because the kids want to, and when we all come together it's because we all want to, not because we're dragged by our spouse as part of a couple.

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We don't really do "Couple Friendships" so I have a hard time ruling on this one. We do spend time with other couples, but the dynamic is different, like it's DH's friend and his wife, or my friend and her husband, not that DH is supposed to be friends with the husband and I am friends with the wife and we make a happy little foursome. Also, it's not all of the time, just occasional dinners and movies and whatnot out with assorted other couples. If DH sincerely didn't like someone, then I would probably limit the amount of "couple time" we spent with them, like I would just go to shopping and coffee and what not with my friend and leave the boys at home, and I would expect that DH would do the same with his friend. I wouldn't push him to spend a lot of time with someone he didn't like, and vice versa, because I think it's totally fine for couples to spend time apart and have separate friends.

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We really don't do "couple friendships" either.

I hang out with the moms from school while we're at the playground or have someone over for a visit while the littles play. Every now and then we have a family over for dinner, but that's about it.

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Yeah, I don't think we have real "couple friendships" over here either. We have some couples that we like, I guess, 'cause usually if I like someone a lot I am going to like their significant other, but not always. We mostly have different friends and if I had a friend Dave didn't like, I wouldn't expect him to spend any real amount of time with that person. I tend to socialize more than Dave anyway, I seem to like spending time with a wider range of people.

But yeah, I wouldn't see a need to push him into spending time with somebody he didn't like, for whatever reason. I can't see why I would.