Deceased Home Coming Queen?

24 posts / 0 new
Last post
RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628
Deceased Home Coming Queen?

Two weeks ago, a 17 year old girl was killed in a traffic accident due to no seatbelt and suspected texting. Hours prior, she had been elected into the Homecoming Court at the local high school. A large portion of the high school has started a chain to elect her as Home Coming Queen. But many adults are protesting, mainly the adults of the other daughters that are also elected, saying she should be chosen as an honorary queen, if anything.

Do you think that she should be elected as queen? Thoughts on the adults protest?

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

My co-worker and I actually got a little heated about this. I think it's a fantastic thing that the students are all voting her as homecoming queen. She was highly popular, a straight-A student, involved in sports...and likely to get voted in. I really believe it's a great tribute to her, and one that the students are initiating.

I am actually taken aback by the parents that are making public outcry's (interviewing for the news even!). It doesn't really affect them...they should be proud that their daughters are also making tribute to the girl that was killed.

My co-worker thinks that it's silly to have someone that isn't able to accept the crown to be elected and that it's unfair to the other girls that were elected.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

I agree with the co-worker. There is no guarantee she would have won and it's really unfair to the girls who will actually be able to enjoy the experience of homecoming queen. If the students vote her in, I can't imagine having the parents protesting, but I do think it's odd it was even suggested.

This is going to sound terrible, but I think it's kind of odd to do something like that especially since she was texting and not wearing her seatbelt. If she had killed someone else doing those irresponsible things, would they have still wanted her to be homecoming queen?

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"wlillie" wrote:

I agree with the co-worker. There is no guarantee she would have won and it's really unfair to the girls who will actually be able to enjoy the experience of homecoming queen. If the students vote her in, I can't imagine having the parents protesting, but I do think it's odd it was even suggested.

I disagree. Ithink sinceit was amovement initiated by the students for their lost friend and classmate, I think the adults should butt out. If anything they should be honored that the students in the school have a heart and are empathetic enough to think of such a tribute. And the parents who'sdaughters are on the court and don't win should take the time to think of how grateful they should be that their child is there to even participate.

This is going to sound terrible, but I think it's kind of odd to do something like that especially since she was texting and not wearing her seatbelt. If she had killed someone else doing those irresponsible things, would they have still wanted her to be homecoming queen?

I disagree here, too. yes, she made a mistake and yes she may have had a hand in the accident that killed her. But death is not punishment or a sentence. There is no mistake that deserves death as a consequence. So the fact that she died because she was texting and not wearing a seatbelt makes no difference in the grief of the loss and the rightfor her memory to be honored in whatever way her family, friends, and classmates see fit. She obviously was a bright and talented and good person who made an impact at her school. That is what is being honored, not the way she died.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

"culturedmom" wrote:

I disagree. Ithink sinceit was amovement initiated by the students for their lost friend and classmate, I think the adults should butt out. If anything they should be honored that the students in the school have a heart and are empathetic enough to think of such a tribute. And the parents who'sdaughters are on the court and don't win should take the time to think of how grateful they should be that their child is there to even participate.

I disagree here, too. yes, she made a mistake and yes she may have had a hand in the accident that killed her. But death is not punishment or a sentence. There is no mistake that deserves death as a consequence. So the fact that she died because she was texting and not wearing a seatbelt makes no difference in the grief of the loss and the rightfor her memory to be honored in whatever way her family, friends, and classmates see fit. She obviously was a bright and talented and good person who made an impact at her school. That is what is being honored, not the way she died.

Agreed on both parts. It is totally initiated by the students, who's votes decide on the Queen. They aren't being pressured to vote in that way, it's their choice. If the majority votes for her as Queen, she should be honored in that way.

And the last part - again, agree. Regardless of how the accident occured, it was still a very young loss of life. Why shouldn't she be remembered in a positive light?

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"culturedmom" wrote:

I disagree. Ithink sinceit was amovement initiated by the students for their lost friend and classmate, I think the adults should butt out. If anything they should be honored that the students in the school have a heart and are empathetic enough to think of such a tribute. And the parents who'sdaughters are on the court and don't win should take the time to think of how grateful they should be that their child is there to even participate.

I disagree here, too. yes, she made a mistake and yes she may have had a hand in the accident that killed her. But death is not punishment or a sentence. There is no mistake that deserves death as a consequence. So the fact that she died because she was texting and not wearing a seatbelt makes no difference in the grief of the loss and the rightfor her memory to be honored in whatever way her family, friends, and classmates see fit. She obviously was a bright and talented and good person who made an impact at her school. That is what is being honored, not the way she died.

I completely agree. It was started by grieving students and the parents should mind their own business. Who would want to be queen after such a tragedy anyways?

Rivergallery's picture
Joined: 05/23/03
Posts: 1301

I think it is a wonderful thing the students are doing. In fact the motivation and heart behind it is worth more than any damn crown.. the parents have their priorities messed up.

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

I would really be fine with it. It's a part of the grieving process for these kids - and maybe the young woman's parents too. I think it's kind and respectful during a time in life when so many things are confusing enough let alone losing a close friend.

I think they could also encorporate both view points though. It would be great to have the young lady who was killed be the honorary queen and have another young lady as the regular queen - co-queens if you will. Or something like that (because co-queens doesn't ring well in the ear). I just think there could be a compromise here for the students to have their way of grieving be respected while not losing site of all the living they still have left to do.

Joined: 04/12/03
Posts: 1686

"RebeccaA'07" wrote:

Two weeks ago, a 17 year old girl was killed in a traffic accident due to no seatbelt and suspected texting. Hours prior, she had been elected into the Homecoming Court at the local high school. A large portion of the high school has started a chain to elect her as Home Coming Queen. But many adults are protesting, mainly the adults of the other daughters that are also elected, saying she should be chosen as an honorary queen, if anything.

Do you think that she should be elected as queen? Thoughts on the adults protest?

If you get a chance, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMm5JcaYgfU. Mark McGuinn wrote this song for the Remember Alex Brown Foundation. She was a 17 YO in TX who was killed in 2009 while texting and driving.

Now, to the debate question:
IME, high school students have a difficult time with death and want to honor their classmates as a way of dealing with the emotions they are feeling. I would let them have it. No protests, no "honorary" win. If they vote for her, she deserves it. Sometimes you just count your blessings and realize it might help her parents cope with such a tragedy.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Yep, I'm with Lana, Kris, ethanwinfield etc.

Also, homecoming queen is a stupid thing in general Smile Though that is a total aside.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

I wrote that wrong. I meant that I don't think the parent should interfere if that's what the students want.

I still feel the same way about the other things. If she'd been drinking and driving (texting has been shown to be more dangerous in some small studies), would you still want the students to have her as homecoming queen?

Seriously, if someone else had been killed (which of course is a very real possibility), would you guys still feel the same way?

Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316

I agree with everyone in that, if the students want to do it then they should be allowed and the parents need to back off.

But you can't tell me that the other girls nominated are going to be 100% behind this idea. There has to be a part of them that feels upset and like they were robbed of the title. I wouldn't be surprised if it was their parents who are speaking up.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"azin_may" wrote:

But you can't tell me that the other girls nominated are going to be 100% behind this idea. There has to be a part of them that feels upset and like they were robbed of the title. I wouldn't be surprised if it was their parents who are speaking up.

I would find this legitimate if the parents or admin declared the deceased girl Queen. That would be unfair to everyone. But if the majority of the students vote for her..........how can they feel "robbed"? It's a vote.

Honestly if they feel upset and robbed I'd say that their priorities are pretty whack. They are alive. Get some perspective, you know?

ETA: Not saying get perspective to you Alison, but to a girl who might be all upset. Smile

TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147

Maybe they can make the girl that passed a co-queen or something. Instead of a crown, she could get a moment of silence and a touching photo montage. That way some girl can relish in her moment, the dead girl gets respected, and the parents back off. win/win/win

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3189

"kris_w" wrote:

I completely agree. It was started by grieving students and the parents should mind their own business. Who would want to be queen after such a tragedy anyways?

I agree with this.

Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316

"Potter75" wrote:

I would find this legitimate if the parents or admin declared the deceased girl Queen. That would be unfair to everyone. But if the majority of the students vote for her..........how can they feel "robbed"? It's a vote.

Honestly if they feel upset and robbed I'd say that their priorities are pretty whack. They are alive. Get some perspective, you know?

ETA: Not saying get perspective to you Alison, but to a girl who might be all upset. Smile

Its one thing for adults to understand and have perspective but for a teenager I can see how they would feel "woe is me".

I can see how a nominated girl would complain to her parents about how everyone is going to vote for this girl just because she died, not because she actually deserved to be homecoming queen.

I'm not saying they should/will feel this way. It's just a thought that crossed my mind.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3189

I feel compelled to add that I had no idea homecoming queens still existed. I have really only heard of them in tv shows and movies!

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

"azin_may" wrote:

I can see how a nominated girl would complain to her parents about how everyone is going to vote for this girl just because she died, not because she actually deserved to be homecoming queen.
.

What does that even mean to "deserve" to be homecoming queen?

We actually had a homecoming queen who had passed away. This was *cough* 17 years ago-- but one of our classmates had leukemia and passed away. She had struggled with the illness for years....and died early in our senior year. They nominated her, left her on the ballot, and she won. Her twin sister accepted the crown on her behalf.

If the students nominated her and vote her in-- I think that is just fine and the parents need to butt out. This is exactly what is wrong with our young kids/teens today-- their parents are so worried about their feelings that they don't let them grow and mature on their own.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"azin_may" wrote:

Its one thing for adults to understand and have perspective but for a teenager I can see how they would feel "woe is me".

I can see how a nominated girl would complain to her parents about how everyone is going to vote for this girl just because she died, not because she actually deserved to be homecoming queen.

I'm not saying they should/will feel this way. It's just a thought that crossed my mind.

I don't know ~ isn't the whole "Homecoming Queen" biz for seniors? So these "kids" are 17 and 18? If my kid moaned to me that she didn't have a chance to be voted prettiest in her class because another girl died.....well, I would probably feel like I had failed somewhere along the line.

This is HOMECOMING QUEEN. If my kid missed out on a scholarship, or National Honor society, or something that mattered in any way because the honor or money or recognition (which matters on college applications) went to a dead person, I could understand. This? No way.

Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1316

"boilermaker" wrote:

What does that even mean to "deserve" to be homecoming queen?

We actually had a homecoming queen who had passed away. This was *cough* 17 years ago-- but one of our classmates had leukemia and passed away. She had struggled with the illness for years....and died early in our senior year. They nominated her, left her on the ballot, and she won. Her twin sister accepted the crown on her behalf.

If the students nominated her and vote her in-- I think that is just fine and the parents need to butt out. This is exactly what is wrong with our young kids/teens today-- their parents are so worried about their feelings that they don't let them grow and mature on their own.

ITA, if you are nominated then you have a chance to win. The parents do need to back off.

I guess I'm just trying to see it from a nominee's point of view. I can see a teenage girl over reacting and complaining that she would have normally won, but now she'll never know because everyone is going to vote for the girl who passed away. "Deserved" was the wrong word.

ETA: I'm not even sure I know what Homecoming Queen is. Is it like Prom Queen?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"azin_may" wrote:

ITA, if you are nominated then you have a chance to win. The parents do need to back off.

I guess I'm just trying to see it from a nominee's point of view. I can see a teenage girl over reacting and complaining that she would have normally won, but now she'll never know because everyone is going to vote for the girl who passed away. "Deserved" was the wrong word.

ETA: I'm not even sure I know what Homecoming Queen is. Is it like Prom Queen?

I agree that I too can see a teen girl OVER reacting ~ that is where it is the parent's job to say "get a grip, dude, you sound like a spoiled brat" rather than going to the school board on their child's behalf and complaining that the vote isn't "fair" because the students are being nicer to the dead girl than their child. The parents have this one dad backwards, IMO.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

"Potter75" wrote:

I agree that I too can see a teen girl OVER reacting ~ that is where it is the parent's job to say "get a grip, dude, you sound like a spoiled brat" rather than going to the school board on their child's behalf and complaining that the vote isn't "fair" because the students are being nicer to the dead girl than their child. The parents have this one dad backwards, IMO.

I completely agree. I would feel like I really did something wrong with my child if she was whining about deserving to be homecoming queen when her classmate has just died. Get a sense of perspective, you know? I wouldn't encourage that attitude by complaining to the school board.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I think that whatever the students decide should stand. They should take a school-wide vote on what they would prefer and whichever wins wins. I agree that the adults should butt out. That's not to say that the teen was obviously irresponsible not only for neglecting to put on her seatbelt (which probably would have saved her life) but for texting as well... but it doesn't matter now because she's gone and if her classmates want to remember her in this way then let them do so.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

I feel compelled to add that I had no idea homecoming queens still existed. I have really only heard of them in tv shows and movies!

lol... I went to a really small private school that doesn't do homecoming, so I asked my dh who went to an enormous public school if they do homecoming... His response was that is it "some weird American thing" Smile

All I know of Homecoming/Prom Queen is what I've seen on TV and movies.