Do children belong at adult parties?
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Thread: Do children belong at adult parties?

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Default Do children belong at adult parties?

    Do Children Belong at Adult Parties? | Raising Kvell

    Now, some bacchanalias?namely ones that begin at 9 p.m. and promise to go until ?whenever??are obviously for adults only. But, others?for instance, those held in the daytime or even late afternoon?are a bit more vague regarding the exclusivity of the guest list.

    When in doubt, I always ask the host, ?Is it okay to bring the kids?? If the hosts say no, I never, ever bring them. (As we determined earlier, I have no problem leaving my kids [ages 14, 10, and 6] home alone.)

    If the host says yes, of course, I say thank you, and bring them. And if the host says, ?Yes, buuuut? we won?t have anything fun for them to do and I don?t know if they?ll like the food I?m serving,? I bring them anyway.
    Sure, my life?and theirs?would be made much easier if I only took my kids to events that featured bouncy houses, ball pits, and foods that don?t require a knife and fork (or at least where everyone looks the other way when you use your shirt as a napkin). They wouldn?t be forced to suffer the torture that is not having their pleasure prioritized over all others, and I could enjoy myself amongst other grown-ups without also keeping one eye peeled for who is doing what to whom, where, why, now (and cracking the time-space continuum in order to intercept it).

    But my kids won?t be kids forever. In fact, I daresay they are going to spend (God willing) a much larger portion of their existence as adults than as children. They are going to need to learn how to function in the adult social world. And what better time for them to sharpen those skills than while their inevitable mistakes are still considered cute and forgivable, instead of grounds for firing and/or dumping?

    By introducing my kids into the adult sphere without making undue accommodations for them (or, worse, asking others to make those accommodations), I am hoping to help them figure out what kinds of adults they want to be. I want them to watch and learn and grow and emulate (and judge and reject, as the case may be).
    The article is a lot longer but I quoted the main discussion points above. What are your thoughts on this? Does your perspective change if viewing it as a host versus as a guest?
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    Depends on the context. A party were there is lots of drinking (more than just cocktails), and adult behavior is not for kids. Other parties it would be best to ask the host.

    ~Bonita~

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    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    I definitely think its good for kids to be exposed to other environments besides those specifically designed for children. I think its important to teach them how to behave in any setting, what is considered proper etiquette and what is not.

    Do kids belong at adult parties? If the adult says yes they are welcome, then sure! I think if they say yes and you can tell they don't really mean it, its a bit obnoxious to bring them anyway...even if they should have just been up front and said no. And if they say no kids...no biggie. No kids it is.

    But you know there are a lot of places where kids can get the proper exposure to how the real world works as an adults, so if they never go to an adult party, i'm pretty sure they can still learn the skills they need.

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    I'm pretty much the same as the author. If you're throwing a party at a time when I would normally be spending my time with them, then I'm probably going to bring them with me unless you say no. It's just so sad that our society has gotten to a point where kids aren't expected to be anywhere unless there's crayons & video games to entertain them and cheese pizza on the table. Those things aren't important. It's important for kids to learn how to behave among adults when they aren't the center of attention, and how to behave even when they're bored for periods of time.

    And I feel the same way as the host. Unless it's a birthday party for one of my kids, I'm not going to set up activities or make "kid food" but kids are always welcome in my house for any party I'm throwing for any occasion.
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    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    I definitely think its good for kids to be exposed to other environments besides those specifically designed for children. I think its important to teach them how to behave in any setting, what is considered proper etiquette and what is not.

    Do kids belong at adult parties? If the adult says yes they are welcome, then sure! I think if they say yes and you can tell they don't really mean it, its a bit obnoxious to bring them anyway...even if they should have just been up front and said no. And if they say no kids...no biggie. No kids it is.

    But you know there are a lot of places where kids can get the proper exposure to how the real world works as an adults, so if they never go to an adult party, i'm pretty sure they can still learn the skills they need.
    I agree with this. Although I will also sometimes find a sitter for the kids even for parties where the host says they will be welcome, just so that I can have an evening out to socialize with other adults without having to be responsible for the kiddos. I like my adult time too.
    -Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)

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    I think it depends on the situation. I am on the board of directors for our condo association and we have a Christmas brunch at a fancy restaurant. Spouses are included and Robbie was invited if I thought he could handle the situation as they know he has Aspergers. He went and all the adults were impressed with his behaviour. Had this been a dinner instead of brunch I would have left him at home with a sitter.
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    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    It's just so sad that our society has gotten to a point where kids aren't expected to be anywhere unless there's crayons & video games to entertain them and cheese pizza on the table.
    I think it would be lame for anyone to be lamenting this over the fact that someone didn't want to invite kids to a particular party. Just because they aren't invited everywhere that is adult like, doesn't mean they are invited nowhere that is adult like
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    Prolific Poster ftmom's Avatar
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    What kind of people does this lady associate with where the only 'kid' parties involve bouncy castles, ball pits and finger foods? We dont even do those things for birthday parties around here.

    I really just dont see this as an issue though...but maybe that is just where I live? Most social events we go to the kids are welcome at, and there are usually a few others their as well. It has always been that way. We cant afford a baby sitter too often, so unless it is a big, fancy catered party, if you want DH and I both there, the kids will be too. But I guess it most often barbeques, and grey cup parties with our friends, so perhaps thats not the kind of parties being talked about here?
    Kyla
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    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    I think it would be lame for anyone to be lamenting this over the fact that someone didn't want to invite kids to a particular party. Just because they aren't invited everywhere that is adult like, doesn't mean they are invited nowhere that is adult like
    This reminds me; what do you all think of kid-free weddings? I personally said kids welcome at my wedding, but I am also on board with kids free - whatever the bride and groom want is fine with me. But this is a huge sticking point in DH's family. Drama-rama! One cousin had a "no kids" wedding, and one her their aunts got upset because her grandchildren weren't invited. Then with 2 or 3 years, that same aunt's daughter got married and....you guessed it, had a no kids wedding.....Which if I recall caused even more drama because someone else was offended that their kids or grandkids weren't invited....
    -Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)

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    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Haha, good point Kyla. To me, a kid friendly party is just a party where other kids are there too, so they can entertain themselves. It definitely does not involve bouncy castles. Usually when we go to my MIL's house for the big religious celebrations (which are most of the "parties" she throws) she makes sure to invite a couple of families with kids so that the kids have someone to play with. Then they get banished to the basement, where she has a fooseball table and some really cool blocks from when DH was a kid and whatnot. It is literally the perfect set up.
    -Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)

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