Do we want "obedient" children?
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Thread: Do we want "obedient" children?

  1. #1
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    Default Do we want "obedient" children?

    FOr some reason I can't copy this article, so please, please read the link, it isn't long

    http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/...ient-children/

    Do you agree that the word "obedient" has "such a negative connotation" when it comes to children?

    Do you want your children to obey without hesitation?

    Do you want your children to do something "just because you say so"?

    Anything else about the article that you agree or disagree with?

    /I'm so annoyed I can't copy and paste it here, if anyone knows how please do it for me!

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    Ack, that article really annoys me.

    That author shouldn't be giving parenting advice since she clearly doesn't understand how smart and adaptive children are. That it is possible to have a child who is obedient, who can be told to do something 'because I said so' AND who can also have forethought and a free thinking mind. How little she must think of children and their brains. And how little she must think of parents, to assume a parent who expects a child to behave a certain way in a certain situation wouldn't have mutual respect for their child.
    ~Jordan~

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    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Pretty much disagree with the whole article. My children are obedient. (most of the time) They obey me without question, they know I will explain to them my reasoning when appropriate. If I tell them without an explaination they know there is a reason for it and I will explain later.

    They absolutely can think for themselves, they make choices every day based on whether on not it is right or wrong.

    I actually feel very bad for children whose parents want them to disobey, why make a rule if you dont want them to follow it? To me it is just very confusing.
    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

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    I will say that obedient isn't near the top of the list of things I want to see in my child. Do I want her to do what I say? Yes, of course I do. But do I want her to do it because I "say so"? No. I want her to do it because there is a good reason for it and I am happy to tell her the reason (either at the time or later if needed). If she understands why she needs to do something she will generally do it. I have found that "I say so" doesn't work well with any of the young people in my life (DD, DSD, little friends). It just becomes a power struggle, where a statement of the reason results in faster more consistent results.

    DH came from a "because I said so" household and he hated it. He swore he would never do that to his kids. His dad never told him the reasons behind things because the reason didn't matter. Doing what you are told to do matters. He never got to have an opinion or discuss why things happened the way they did. In his case he was given orders and it was very disrespectful. It meant that there were a lot of things that he had to learn to do on his own after he left home because although he knew what he should do he didn't know why. He was missing the process behind a lot of life decisions and as a result he made some bad one.

    Knowing a family that is like the one this author seems to be referencing I can understand her reasoning. I don't agree with it all. I do agree with Lisa and Jordan that kids can obey and be freethinking and adaptable people who can make good decisions. There can be respect and obedience at the same time. I don't think the author recognizes that.
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    Posting Addict culturedmom's Avatar
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    That is one of the stupidest farking articles I have ever read. A word is what you amke it andeveryone is gonig to ahve a different feeling and even definition to almost every word. Even a word like blue can be different to each person. One person may see something as blue and another will say it's more green. To me this person is getting caught up on the word "obey" and their immature rebellion to a word is causing them to screw up their kids.

    I don't parent based on words and theories and ideologies. I parent my kids based on what I think is right and what will help them become the best they can be. IMO, a child who has no guidance and bounderies is a lost child. The reason we don't shuffle our kids off into the world to fend for themselves when they are born like an alligator or a frog, is because they are not born with the knowledge to take care fo themselves. I learned from my parents and then learned through a lifetome of experiences so I can then pass that to my children. I was not born knowing what foods are good for me, why education is important, what boys have on their mind most of the time, etc.

    Yes, I want my kids to obey me and DH. They should do so because I am their parent and that is my lifes work.

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    Yes, my child is and will be expected to obey his parents. However, he already understands what we expect from him behavior-wise, so it's not secret, and we don't say "because I said so". If he asks why, I remind him. If he's familiar with the rules, he'll be familiar with why he shouldn't have disobeyed, so yes, I expect him to obey me and his father without hesitation. Again, he'll always be allowed to question us respectfully if he is unclear of why he's being asked to do a certain task/chore/etc, and we'll always explain it to him. But he will come to know to obey us without hesitation....especially at this age. He trusts us without fail already, and not obeying without hesitation (pre-schooler) can lead to dangerous things.

    That said, I have a 4-year-old who doesn't give us many problems and rarely needs majorly disciplined. However, we have a tenative plan. I'm sure it'll change as we go though, and we are both cool with that.

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    Last edited by HollyBenElla; 05-24-2011 at 11:43 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by culturedmom View Post
    That is one of the stupidest farking articles I have ever read. A word is what you amke it andeveryone is gonig to ahve a different feeling and even definition to almost every word. Even a word like blue can be different to each person. One person may see something as blue and another will say it's more green. To me this person is getting caught up on the word "obey" and their immature rebellion to a word is causing them to screw up their kids.

    I don't parent based on words and theories and ideologies. I parent my kids based on what I think is right and what will help them become the best they can be. IMO, a child who has no guidance and bounderies is a lost child. The reason we don't shuffle our kids off into the world to fend for themselves when they are born like an alligator or a frog, is because they are not born with the knowledge to take care fo themselves. I learned from my parents and then learned through a lifetome of experiences so I can then pass that to my children. I was not born knowing what foods are good for me, why education is important, what boys have on their mind most of the time, etc.

    Yes, I want my kids to obey me and DH. They should do so because I am their parent and that is my lifes work.
    I agree. It sounds like the author was just looking for a way to pat herself on the back as I find is the case with most parental blog posts.
    ~Sara~




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    Posting Addict culturedmom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyBenElla View Post
    No, I don't want my children to obey me. I hate the word obey. I want my children to do as I ask because there is a reason for it, like fuchsiasky said. I want my children to have their own thoughts, feelings and ideas and to not be a 'mini-me'.
    I hate to say it, but that's called obeying.

    This is my point. Why are people getting hooked on a word? when people said the word obey back in the 1950's when it came to parenting, it meant a very different thing then it means now. But it'snto the word that is the issue, it's the philosophy of parenting and the role of children. A child can know why a rue exists and still be required to obey it.

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    I thought that the article was ridiculous as well. If the word "obedience" has a negative connotation in this persons parenting circles, I am SO, SO glad that I don't have to hang around them or their children!

    I don't in any way see the point of obedience to be creating "mini me" people, that is ridiculous. Giving my kids the tools to have self discipline and ultimately a successful life starts with obedience. ITA with Jordan:

    That author shouldn't be giving parenting advice since she clearly doesn't understand how smart and adaptive children are. That it is possible to have a child who is obedient, who can be told to do something 'because I said so' AND who can also have forethought and a free thinking mind. How little she must think of children and their brains. And how little she must think of parents, to assume a parent who expects a child to behave a certain way in a certain situation wouldn't have mutual respect for their child.
    I hate loosey goosey new agey parenting gobbledy gook. This focusing on the word "obedience" is just that in my opinion.

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