That said.. I would treat PROM and the DRESS.. just like I do everything else the kids want... Prom isn't a need, it is a want... even though the highschool society might make it a need...
DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03
See--- I do not see it as unkind for a parent to help a child out with what the child wants. Parents are responsible for needs ONLY. The rest should be considered within that family's budget... Some families are working all they can just for the food/electricity/taxes etc... Some are already on beans and rice... Not sure where $100 would come from even over the course of a year to be quite honest with you.. from my budget. HOWEVER... Most parents I know that are frugal and hard workers.. provide their children with opportunities to earn more themselves.
For us that is working primarily in my father's business.. my children work with him during the summer when we can get them down there.. and they want to. He also has two side businesses that they help with.. This money they have saved, and are allowed to spend if they want something we can not afford. Like they just bought the whole set of all the Seasons of a show they like. But did we go to the Big Box store and buy new... NO.. They first asked me to look it up on Amazon and Ebay (smart boys).. so I did and put it in the cart till they felt they wanted to buy it.. I then used a coupon I had earned from Swagbucks, and put in a book for their homeschooling I needed to get them free shipping. SO.. I basically GAVE them $5 from the swagbucks, and $10 since I saved them shipping costs. Then they split the cost and I deposited their cash.
Hope this makes sense.
Calling anyone Mean for this .. I just don't get.
If a parent says.. I have $100 to get you started saving for a new car... That is wonderful.
(fancier braces? I had no idea)
DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03
Back to the original topic. It's not prom that sends a damaging message, it's the parents or the culture the kids are in that has the potential to do so. I wasn't someone who cared about prom, but some kids and schools really do, and it becomes a status thing, and those situations are never good although of course people deal with it and grow up and move on.
I don't think it's about proving how little you can spend to show that the prom wouldn't damage your kids. You can spend hundreds of dollars and have the prom not damage your kids. And what Melissa is talking about isn't looking down on people who don't spend, it's about making sure your kid (daughter, which is what most of this was focused on) feels pretty and happy with what she is wearing. Posting individual dresses doesn't actually resolve anything or prove anything in this regard.
It's not about a dollar figure, it's about values. If your kids are looking around to see what things cost and insisting that their stuff should cost at least as much, you have a problem.
Anyway...as a parent who is fortunate enough to have a larger budget to work with, I feel also responsible for some of my child's "wants" as well. I don't owe it to them but it's a lovely part of parenting I am lucky to have the opportunity for, and enjoy, and know that my kids will have nice memories of it throughout their lives.
I'm not looking down on anyone's economic situation, but I feel there is some reverse snobbery going on here too.
I tend to take into account general cost of living, even when trying to be frugal, instead of my own gut feelings on what seems right or not. I mean if my daughter found a dress that she really loved for 50 dollars, that would still be beyond an amazing deal so i can't personally imagine telling my kid "sorry i won't pay for it, even though you have successfully found a bargain and are being very frugal, its not 25 dollars". Maybe I subjectively don't like to pay 50 dollars for a dress, but the economy dictates that 50 dollars for a formal gown is an excellent price.
And of course i get that its not a necessity, but if i've decided its something my kids can do, i don't see the point in setting such a lowball limit. But yes its just a parental preference and you and i are just different.
And I'll just reiterate again that I'm not talking about when you can't possibly afford more...i'm talking about when you can.
FTR, these are all just arbitrary numbers i'm using as an example above. I have no idea how much i will end up spending on prom.
Last edited by KimPossible; 05-14-2013 at 11:05 AM.
ETA: Though looking at many of the pictures my son's friends have on their FB from the prom there were many girls with similar dresses to those in the picture I posted. I would say at least 50% if not more wore short dresses. Some of them wore dresses that were short in the front and long in the back, that seemed to be the trend this year.
Last edited by GloriaInTX; 05-14-2013 at 11:01 AM.
Mom to Lee, Jake, Brandon, Rocco
Stepmom to Ryan, Regan, Braden, Baley
Granddaughters Kylie 10/18/2010 & Aleya 4/22/2013
I never consider a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosopy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friend. --Thomas Jefferson
I agree with Laurie 100%.
As a total aside and just meant for chatter, not a debate point...all the dresses here are long now. I haven't seen a short dress for prom in a long time.