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  1. #81
    Posting Addict ClairesMommy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    Those pictures weren't anybody I knew, they were pictures that were already posted online from news stories that I just used for an example. One of them was some girls that were sent home from a dance in Mesquite because the school said their dresses were too short and there was a big blow up about it.

    ETA: Though looking at many of the pictures my son's friends have on their FB from the prom there were many girls with similar dresses to those in the picture I posted. I would say at least 50% if not more wore short dresses. Some of them wore dresses that were short in the front and long in the back, that seemed to be the trend this year.
    My apologies. I thought because you had posted a picture of your son dressed for prom or some formal event that these also were your personal pics.

    My prom years short dresses were also in style. However, when I attended the Royal Military College Christmas ball the dresses were long and everyone wore gloves. Very, very, very formal. I think RMC is the Canadian equivalent of your West Point? All the military cadets - all graduate as officers. Is that right?

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    I couldn't tell you what's in this year. I was at a concert performed by 4th graders and about half the girls there dressed a whole lot better than I do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    just because I was unwilling to work hard, maybe babysit or sell some things on ebay, or do SOMETHING to help her look appropriate for an event that, like it or not, is an important event for many young girls. IF it were important to my daughter I would find a way, not to buy her a $1000 gown of course, but not to make her wear something out of the rag bin, either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    I'm sorry, but REALLY? I get being frugal, but that is just not realistic to the point of being unkind.
    I felt that both of these posts were saying that if you did not spend more than $25 that you were a bad parent.
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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    If you can afford all of the fancy nice things that go along with prom that is wonderful. It is not a bad thing at all, I think it is a blessing. The overall tone that I got from some of the previous posts, was that you are a bad parent if you can not or will not spend more than $25 on a prom dress. That may not have been the intent, but it is how it came across, and I am not the only one that felt that way.
    Exactly.. My view was called "unkind".. so I was forced to defend it.. probably shouldn't have fallen into the PROVOKED name calling trap again.. I just think it is wrong to call someone a name for their view on what they would/could spend on something.
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  5. #85
    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I'm sorry, but didn't you say your elementary school-aged kids could make hundreds over the summer?

    Anyway...as a parent who is fortunate enough to have a larger budget to work with, I feel also responsible for some of my child's "wants" as well. I don't owe it to them but it's a lovely part of parenting I am lucky to have the opportunity for, and enjoy, and know that my kids will have nice memories of it throughout their lives.

    I'm not looking down on anyone's economic situation, but I feel there is some reverse snobbery going on here too.
    Yes my children can, and will make hundreds over the summer... that is not my budget.. that is their money..
    Please read my posts.. I am usually pretty specific what is my person family's life and what some people's lives are like... I could care less if someone spends more.. I was saying what we do as a family.. My children must contribute if they want certain things or they just don't get them.. we don't have the income to support it.
    We contribute what we can to wants.. after needs are covered. If they WANT more they have to work for it.. there really is nothing "snobbish" about it.
    I do think children need to learn the value of money.. but I am not saying those with more income are not teaching it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    I felt that both of these posts were saying that if you did not spend more than $25 that you were a bad parent.

    Interesting. Because I talked about what I personally would do, how I personally would raise some money to help fund my daughters prom IF it was important to her, you deduced that that is what I think that everyone should do. We aren't allowed to talk about how we personally parent without others taking it to mean that that is how they should parent? thats a problem! I think that you are too sensitive to my posts and unwilling to look to my actual meaning, Bonita, which I can't fix. Your very unfair and unsubstantiated post about all of my friends being extremely wealthy or whatever gives that away pretty loud and clear.

    And yes, I continue to maintain, and have explained thoroughly that I think that setting an arbitrary ~ what did Kim and Laurie call it? A "hardball limit" of $25 is yes, sortov unkind. As stated, 10 years from now that probably won't buy flowers. Perhaps unkind wasn't the right word, and if not I apologize, but it certainly isn't stating "RG you are a bad parent".........

    Then again, I will say that I wildly disagree with the notion that all parents are responsible for as parents is needs. So yes, at heart we have a very basic and fundamental parenting schism on the issue. And yes, I do think that the notion that 100% all of the time a parent is responsible for is a need, never a want, IS unkind. Frankly I think that it is unloving. And that isn't name calling, that is my actual opinion, which I won't apologize for.

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    I think this goes hand-in-hand with the "posting gifts on FB" thing. There is a certain subset of people who not only want to have what they think is the biggest & best, but they also want to show it off to everyone. Some of us didn't care to have an engagement ring, others are very happy with whatever their fiance could afford, and some not only want the biggest ring, they wave it everyone else's face and post it on their news feed. Some of us view prom as our first grown-up dance, at a fancy place with a fancy dress, and not in the school gym where you're afraid to sit down in whatever might be stuck on the bleachers that you can't see in the dark. Others view prom as an occasion to show off how much money they can spend. I saw this difference between my junior year, at a small Catholic school, and senior year, at a large public school. Junior prom tickets were sold individually, included a dinner buffet, most of us carpooled or rented a limo for a pack of kids, and most of us wore comfortable shoes. I think I spent about $150 total, including pizza & champagne (great combo!) at my boyfriend's brother's house afterwards. Senior prom tickets were sold by couple whether you had a date or not, everyone was bragging about what fancy restaurant they got reservations for and how much they spent on dresses and shoes, and no one would even think of sharing a limo. I didn't go.

    I'm hoping to instill my sense of frugality in my kids, a sense of money as a precious commodity not to be wasted. It's like water, we use what we need to drink and wash ourselves and grow our plants, and we run through the sprinkler on hot days even though it just runs down the drain, but we don't leave it running to just go down the drain for no purpose. We spend the money that we need to spend, and we spend enough money to have a good time, but we don't waste money. Prom was the same way for me, and hopefully it will be the same way for my kids. If you have a nice dress already, why not wear it? If you need a new dress, get one that you'll be happy wearing for special occasions for a couple of years. If you want to take a limo, how about sharing with other couples instead of paying all that money just for you & your date? A spa day with your friends is fun if you have the money for it, but so is a manicure party where you do one another's nails. As with most other things, I'll give them an amount of money that I can easily afford, and that I believe could fund a good, but not extravagant, time. If they want something more, then they'll have to earn the difference somehow.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivergallery View Post
    Yes my children can, and will make hundreds over the summer... that is not my budget.. that is their money..
    Please read my posts.. I am usually pretty specific what is my person family's life and what some people's lives are like... I could care less if someone spends more.. I was saying what we do as a family.. My children must contribute if they want certain things or they just don't get them.. we don't have the income to support it.
    We contribute what we can to wants.. after needs are covered. If they WANT more they have to work for it.. there really is nothing "snobbish" about it.
    I do think children need to learn the value of money.. but I am not saying those with more income are not teaching it.
    I didn't mean to dig into your personal life, but I figured if there is a way for them to make hundreds over the summer, there is also a way for you to make $100 over the course of a year.

    But honestly it's none of my business.
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  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    I think this goes hand-in-hand with the "posting gifts on FB" thing. There is a certain subset of people who not only want to have what they think is the biggest & best, but they also want to show it off to everyone. Some of us didn't care to have an engagement ring, others are very happy with whatever their fiance could afford, and some not only want the biggest ring, they wave it everyone else's face and post it on their news feed. Some of us view prom as our first grown-up dance, at a fancy place with a fancy dress, and not in the school gym where you're afraid to sit down in whatever might be stuck on the bleachers that you can't see in the dark. Others view prom as an occasion to show off how much money they can spend. I saw this difference between my junior year, at a small Catholic school, and senior year, at a large public school. Junior prom tickets were sold individually, included a dinner buffet, most of us carpooled or rented a limo for a pack of kids, and most of us wore comfortable shoes. I think I spent about $150 total, including pizza & champagne (great combo!) at my boyfriend's brother's house afterwards. Senior prom tickets were sold by couple whether you had a date or not, everyone was bragging about what fancy restaurant they got reservations for and how much they spent on dresses and shoes, and no one would even think of sharing a limo. I didn't go.

    I'm hoping to instill my sense of frugality in my kids, a sense of money as a precious commodity not to be wasted. It's like water, we use what we need to drink and wash ourselves and grow our plants, and we run through the sprinkler on hot days even though it just runs down the drain, but we don't leave it running to just go down the drain for no purpose. We spend the money that we need to spend, and we spend enough money to have a good time, but we don't waste money. Prom was the same way for me, and hopefully it will be the same way for my kids. If you have a nice dress already, why not wear it? If you need a new dress, get one that you'll be happy wearing for special occasions for a couple of years. If you want to take a limo, how about sharing with other couples instead of paying all that money just for you & your date? A spa day with your friends is fun if you have the money for it, but so is a manicure party where you do one another's nails. As with most other things, I'll give them an amount of money that I can easily afford, and that I believe could fund a good, but not extravagant, time. If they want something more, then they'll have to earn the difference somehow.
    I think your post was very well written Stacy.
    Last edited by AlyssaEimers; 05-14-2013 at 02:35 PM. Reason: messed up multiquote
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    ~Bonita~

  10. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    As a total aside and just meant for chatter, not a debate point...all the dresses here are long now. I haven't seen a short dress for prom in a long time.
    This year it is about a 50/50 split. Cutest dress I saw this year was my friends little sister, short and she wore her cowboy boots, I would not thought of putting those together, but she really pulled it off
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