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  1. #11
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    Laurie, I'm so sorry your family is fighting that battle. It sounds like your mom is very fortunate to have a family willing and able to support her through this journey. Prayers of strength for you all.
    boilermaker and wlillie like this.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I agree completely.

    Unfortunately I am facing all of this right now. My mother has incurable cancer. It's very hard to write this without crying no matter how many times I do it.

    Right now my mom is 100% focused on treatment and getting better. She doesn't care what the doctors tell her; she says she is going to survive this. But the doctors have told us (as her kids she has given us permission to speak to her doctor without her) that it is aggressive and spreading.

    Our job, as we see it AND as the doctor tells us, is to support my mom however she needs it most. Right now she wants to focus on treatment and the positive so we are supporting that and all the efforts she makes. Unless a miracle happens, at some point she will shift and need a very different type of support, and we will all change with her. It's about the patient, really. If I thought my mom had a chance at a better quality of life and she wasn't taking it, I'd pressure her, but when the time comes that she has tried everything and it's over, I'll support whatever she wants to do.

    In the meantime you make the most of what you have. My mom lives far away from all of us, so the four of us kids (in our 40s!) all take turns calling her so she gets a call every day, and we are taking turns visiting as well. I have been to see her twice and I'm planning another visit in November. I brought the kids over the summer so they could spend time with her while she was still relatively healthy (but of course dealing with chemo). It's a full day's travel each way but we all do what we can.

    I don't understand wanting someone you love to suffer. I understand denying the suffering because you want them to live, though. It's primal. I want my mom around too. But I have to put her first. Sometimes it's gut-wrenching when she talks about how her upcoming surgery will cure her, because I know that's not the case, but I tell her with all the honesty in my soul that I hope she is right and I love her.

    The chemo is brutal, though. The last round was awful. She's getting a break from it for a while and I am grateful.


    I am so sorry for all you are going through. Thank you for you honest answer. It does help a lot.

    ~Bonita~

  3. #13
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    ((((((HUGS)))))) Laurie -- I am so incredibly sorry that your mom (and all of you!) are going through this battle. Cancer sucks.
    You all will remain in my thoughts and prayers. If there is any other way that we can offer you support now or in the future, please let me (or someone here) know.

    Bonita, your friend is fortunate to have your support. As others suggested, I would encourage her to talk with a grief counselor or someone that helps families through coming to terms with a terminal illness. The hospital may be able to offer some suggestions and local resources. If you believe that she would open up to some online I can send you some links to share.

    ~Missy

  4. #14
    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Laurie -


    Your family will be in my thoughts. I'm so sorry that your mom and all of you are going through this.

    -Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)

    Got an opinion? We've got a board! Come join us for some lively debate on the Face Off! Debate Arena board.

  5. #15
    Community Host Sapphire Sunsets's Avatar
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    It's the person's choice.

    If they know they aren't going to have that great of quality of life, the family needs to consider that.

    My dad has had inoperable prostrate cancer now for 13 yrs. He never wanted to do chemo or radiation just for that fear that his quality of life would decrease, he's always been a very active man. Now, he went for a scan the other day and he has masses everywhere and not doing chemo is no longer a choice. Trust me, I've wanted him to do chemo from the beginning but i completely understand his reasoning for not doing it sooner.....it just means his time here is going to be shorter then we want it to be. Parents are supposed to pass before there children anyways, not the other way around.

  6. #16
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    Hey guys...didn't mean to derail the debate at all, and I just want to thank you for the support and the virtual hugs. It's a very hard road, as you can imagine. Every bit of compassion and support helps. Thank you.
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphire Sunsets View Post
    It's the person's choice.

    If they know they aren't going to have that great of quality of life, the family needs to consider that.

    My dad has had inoperable prostrate cancer now for 13 yrs. He never wanted to do chemo or radiation just for that fear that his quality of life would decrease, he's always been a very active man. Now, he went for a scan the other day and he has masses everywhere and not doing chemo is no longer a choice. Trust me, I've wanted him to do chemo from the beginning but i completely understand his reasoning for not doing it sooner.....it just means his time here is going to be shorter then we want it to be. Parents are supposed to pass before there children anyways, not the other way around.
    I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




    Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    Hey guys...didn't mean to derail the debate at all, and I just want to thank you for the support and the virtual hugs. It's a very hard road, as you can imagine. Every bit of compassion and support helps. Thank you.
    Derail the debate all you want. You had wonderful insight. I wish I had more comfort to offer you in what must be a very difficult time.

    ~Bonita~

  9. #19
    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
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    I think that the individual whose life is ending should be the decision maker. To want someone to stay in this world in miserable pain, when they want to go is selfish. I would be selfish too with my mom i think...lol but it should be up to her. And it should be totally legal to choose your own way to go. Even to euthanize yourself.
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

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    I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

  10. #20
    Community Host Sapphire Sunsets's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.


    ty Laurie




    it's hard. I'm a CNA and work in a nursing home so i see ALOT of death. It's heartbreaking when you see it coming.

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