Facebook Dad

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Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454
Facebook Dad

http://mashable.com/2012/02/09/dad-shoots-laptop-facebook/

Your thoughts? Did this father overreact or do you agree with his punishment? Is this something that you would do if your child did something like this?

Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

I can't say that I would've shot up my kid's laptop or posted it publicly... I probably would've simply sold the laptop... but otherwise, I agree with him. If that's what he needed to do to make the child take him seriously, so be it.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

I liked the thing until he shot the laptop, what a waste. That could have been donated to a charity.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

That dad's an asshole. Teenagers complain about their parents, that's part of who they are & what they are. So she complained on Facebook instead of in person or in an email or on the phone, who cares. He totally blew it out of proportion. What he *should* have done is Angel have a talk with her about their different expectations of family responsibility and try to come to an agreement, (b) remind her that some things just shouldn't be discussed on public forums, which Facebook is even with privacy settings, and (c) grounded the computer for a period of time and/or made her earn the right to get it back. Destroying the computer was senseless, even if he didn't want her to have a computer at all after that, he could have sold it or donated it to charity. But no, he's a big man with a big gun, gotta be violent.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Um, that guy just looks like a gun toting jerk IMO.

I fully expect my kids to criticize my parenting and voice their dissent-- it might just mean I'm doing a good job.

He didn't open a dialogue with his daughter about the situation, he shut her down. Perhaps some punishment was warranted, but this seems ridiculous.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

"Spacers" wrote:

That dad's an asshole. Teenagers complain about their parents, that's part of who they are & what they are. So she complained on Facebook instead of in person or in an email or on the phone, who cares. He totally blew it out of proportion. What he *should* have done is Angel have a talk with her about their different expectations of family responsibility and try to come to an agreement, (b) remind her that some things just shouldn't be discussed on public forums, which Facebook is even with privacy settings, and (c) grounded the computer for a period of time and/or made her earn the right to get it back. Destroying the computer was senseless, even if he didn't want her to have a computer at all after that, he could have sold it or donated it to charity. But no, he's a big man with a big gun, gotta be violent.

I can't watch the video at work right now but some of the comments stated that he did that the first time and took her computer away for 3 months and she didn't learn her lesson.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

I can't watch the video at work right now but some of the comments stated that he did that the first time and took her computer away for 3 months and she didn't learn her lesson.

This is exactly what I was going to reply. He says that just three months ago she did this very same thing... bad mouthing her parents on FB and he grounded her for that and warned her that she would lose all rights to the laptop if that happened again. I agree that he went over the top with shooting the laptop, I simply would have taken it away to donate or sell, so that was a waste.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

I think he should havedonated the laptop but otherwise I think shes lucky shes not my kid.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I doubt we have the whole story, however the father had the right to do whatever he saw fit to do with the laptop.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

I agree with everything the dad did/said until he whipped out the gun and shot it. I think that part should've been handled in a nonviolent fashion.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Trashy redneck. Not impressed.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
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GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
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"wlillie" wrote:

http://www.litefm.com/cc-common/mainheadlines3.html?feed=421220&article=9744152 explanation and follow uo

Sounds like a great Dad to me.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

I can't watch the video at work right now but some of the comments stated that he did that the first time and took her computer away for 3 months and she didn't learn her lesson.

What lesson? Not to ***** about her father? Seriously, that man need to get over himself. If you don't want to be criticized for your parentings skills or perceived lack thereof, you don't have kids; you get a dog.

And I'd probably venture to guess that if this girl already spent 3 months serving her punishment for the first offense and STILL felt the need to say those things online AGAIN, then maybe there's more than a grain of truth to her claims.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

Omg. Dh is from there. So yes Melissa, he probably is a redneck but I bet his kid turns out better then the kids of all the people who feel the need to bash him. He has better things to do like work and actually raise his kid instead of pretending it's ok for teens to act like that. Read the update Stacey

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

The cigarette was a totally classy touch. Don't forget, I said trashy redneck. I think that its great that you have such confidence in this strangers parenting methods based upon his gun toting public humiliation video and his teen who is obviously a brat already...........but I feel confident that I have equally if not more effective parenting methods. I'm also too frugal. to shoot a laptop.

PS, facebook pages for dogs are REALLY weird. Total aside.

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

I applaud what he did. redneck or otherwise.

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

I wasn't talking about the debate, people reported him to CPS and a few wackjobs have been calling his cell phone. I'm not basing it off the. Video but off his facebook page. I don't think he's trashy. I think he was pushed iver the limit by his spoiler daughter

Another total aside- our current hometown has two wild roosters with facebook pages. Even though one of them has been dead for a few months someone updates both of them.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Gotcha. Yes, I don't like the video but do find the statements on the FB page surprisingly spot on and well grounded.

And while I think that it is a dumb thing to do, someone calling CPS is even dumber.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

I don't think he is a trashy redneck. I think he is a fed up parent who tried to get a message across to his daughter in various ways, was hurt by her public verbal diarreah about him and her mother on a public forum, and her spoiled brat behavior (not to mention what a little b*tch she sounded like talking about the cleaning woman). I could only imagine if my child said those things about me to everyone. I would be so hurt I couldn't think straight as I am sure he was. How do you get that across to a teenager who thinks the whole world revolves around them? Anger is one thing, but deep hurt is another. And I am sure he hasto live with the fact that he raised a child who acts like a lazy spoiled brat. That's hard to take.

Did he cross the line shooting the laptop. I guess. But I think he was desperate to get his message across and did what he thought would get the message to her. Kind of like getting mad at your ex and burning his/her clothes. Sometimes hurt makes you do stupid stuff. I just feel really bad for him.

Then again I love target shooting. I have a .22 antique rifle and a 9mm Sig Sauer p226. So maybe I am not as shocked at the sight of a gun.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

"wlillie" wrote:

Omg. Dh is from there. So yes Melissa, he probably is a redneck but I bet his kid turns out better then the kids of all the people who feel the need to bash him. He has better things to do like work and actually raise his kid instead of pretending it's ok for teens to act like that. Read the update Stacey

Yeah, I did read it, and I'm not any more impressed with him. He acted like a little kid, beating up on something that he thinks is the problem, and he certainly did not act like a decent parent who, despite what their kid does, should never do anything to humiliate or embarass her.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"Spacers" wrote:

Yeah, I did read it, and I'm not any more impressed with him. He acted like a little kid, beating up on something that he thinks is the problem, and he certainly did not act like a decent parent who, despite what their kid does, should never do anything to humiliate or embarass her.

I disagree with the bolded. If that is what it took to get a message across to my child, then I would do it. I'm of the theory one should never say never.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

I think what he did was a natural consequence to what she did, even if he took it to the extreme a bit. She spoke out against him publicly and he did the same thing to her.

The thing that I found to be the best thing he said to her was when he commented on her degrading the "cleaning lady" She sounds like a spoiled little brat that does not want to contribute to the family at all.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

Oh and I am pretty sure she will learn the big lesson that in this day and age not much is private, and that she should think really hard before posting anything that could come back and bite her in the *** on facebook

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mom3girls" wrote:

I think what he did was a natural consequence to what she did, even if he took it to the extreme a bit. She spoke out against him publicly and he did the same thing to her.
.

See, as a parent I hold myself to different standards than I do my children. Like, if my kid was a tantrum thrower, I don't know that throwing tantrums back at them would mean I was a good parent. This is no different. Cyber passive aggressive humiliation is simply something I have the wisdom to not do to my minor children. I call it self control.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

"mom3girls" wrote:

I think what he did was a natural consequence to what she did, even if he took it to the extreme a bit. She spoke out against him publicly and he did the same thing to her.

The thing that I found to be the best thing he said to her was when he commented on her degrading the "cleaning lady" She sounds like a spoiled little brat that does not want to contribute to the family at all.

She didn't speak out against him publicly, she made a private post on Facebook and took her family & church lists off the post. Unfortunately, she didn't take the family dog off her list, or this whole thing still would be private. And he didn't bother to keep it private, either, posting it on YouTube and blabbing their story all over.

And while I agree that she sounds like a spoiled brat, that indicates to me that her parents stopped doing their job long before all this became public. Spoiled brats are made by parents who let it happen.

ETA: I personally don't believe that anything on Facebook is ever "private" but her intent was for it to private, short of hacking or someone forwarding it or whatever. On the contrary, her father's intent was for her punishment to be very public, and that's not right.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

"Potter75" wrote:

See, as a parent I hold myself to different standards than I do my children. Like, if my kid was a tantrum thrower, I don't know that throwing tantrums back at them would mean I was a good parent. This is no different. Cyber passive aggressive humiliation is simply something I have the wisdom to not do to my minor children. I call it self control.

I hold myself to a standard much higher then my children do also, I dont think you can teach them otherwise. I just think in this incidence he did what he knew would be effective with this girl. It could be possible that this was his last ditch effort to make her understand that words have power.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

"Spacers" wrote:

She didn't speak out against him publicly, she made a private post on Facebook and took her family & church lists off the post. Unfortunately, she didn't take the family dog off her list, or this whole thing still would be private. And he didn't bother to keep it private, either, posting it on YouTube and blabbing their story all over.

And while I agree that she sounds like a spoiled brat, that indicates to me that her parents stopped doing their job long before all this became public. Spoiled brats are made by parents who let it happen.

ETA: I personally don't believe that anything on Facebook is ever "private" but her intent was for it to private, short of hacking or someone forwarding it or whatever. On the contrary, her father's intent was for her punishment to be very public, and that's not right.

Well she definitely knows not to post things like this on Facebook now.

I believe that a lot of teenagers today are so narcissistic, (actually a lot of adults too) that they think the whole world revolves around them. This girl was looking to make her parents look like jerks period, I think she knew they would see it. I can understand venting to a friend or her boyfriend about parents, but thinking you are so important that you need to send your contact list a whole letter about how bad you have it?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mom3girls" wrote:

I hold myself to a standard much higher then my children do also, I dont think you can teach them otherwise. I just think in this incidence he did what he knew would be effective with this girl. It could be possible that this was his last ditch effort to make her understand that words have power.

But on what basis do you believe that he knew that it would be effective? Presumably he "knew" taking it away for three months would be effective, but it wasn't. Presumably his parenting goal was not to raise a brat, yet (to generalize just based on this story/her words) his parenting methods failed to raise a respectful or grateful child. Is it not possible that this is just another, hugely public and shameful and attention getting method which is also going to fail? I still don't get your sentence that because she erred his error was acceptable/good parenting. It just isn't logical to me, you know? Its like fighting fire with gasoline.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

"Potter75" wrote:

But on what basis do you believe that he knew that it would be effective? Presumably he "knew" taking it away for three months would be effective, but it wasn't. Presumably his parenting goal was not to raise a brat, yet (to generalize just based on this story/her words) his parenting methods failed to raise a respectful or grateful child. Is it not possible that this is just another, hugely public and shameful and attention getting method which is also going to fail? I still don't get your sentence that because she erred his error was acceptable/good parenting. It just isn't logical to me, you know? Its like fighting fire with gasoline.

I think he knows public attention like this is going to create a lasting impression. It is not something I would have done. I honestly think the girl should be more embarrassed by her own language in her letter then her Dad calling her out.

Oh and BTW, sometimes you do fight fire with Gasoline.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"Spacers" wrote:

despite what their kid does, should never do anything to humiliate or embarass her.

I disagree. Being embarrassed is sometimes the only thing that will speak to a teenager. I am quite confident this father never knew his video would spread like it has. The idea that children should never be punished or told no is not doing this generation any favors.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

The idea that children should never be punished or told no is not doing this generation any favors.

The idea that the only way to punish or say no to a child is to get out your video camera and gun and mock them on youtube isn't doing this generation any favors either, if you ask me. That logic actually scares me. I have about 79 different ideas of ways I could and will say no or punish a child that don't involve youtube OR a gun. You don't?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mom3girls" wrote:

Oh and BTW, sometimes you do fight fire with Gasoline.

Could you explain that? Like, how blowing up a problem into a bigger problem makes it better? I'm not getting it. Maybe I just don't understand what you mean.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

I disagree. Being embarrassed is sometimes the only thing that will speak to a teenager. I am quite confident this father never knew his video would spread like it has. The idea that children should never be punished or told no is not doing this generation any favors.

If being embarassed is the logical consequence to one's own actions, then I'm all for it. In this case, it wasn't her action, it was her father's action, that is causing embarassment and humiliation, and that is far different. There are better ways to discipline a child than causing her embarassment, and there are better times to do it than before she's 16 and thinking she's better than a cleaning woman and deserves a computer/ipod/cellphone simply for being alive. :roll:

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

I think he knows public attention like this is going to create a lasting impression.

I am quite confident this father never knew his video would spread like it has.

I also find it interesting how differently the two of you with the same position view the intent and/or attention aspect of this Fathers action.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

"Potter75" wrote:

Could you explain that? Like, how blowing up a problem into a bigger problem makes it better? I'm not getting it. Maybe I just don't understand what you mean.

In wildland firefighting they sometimes use gasoline to burn around a fire to stop the spread of the fire. I dont think in this situation it will stop the fire from spreading, quite the opposite. I think this Dad is dealing with it growing a lot bigger then what he intended.

I think in some parenting situations letting a problem get bigger before putting it out is better overall. A personal example of this is that my oldest DD is in private school this year (middle school) and this is the first time she has ever had a ABCDF grading system. She was getting a very bad grade in one class, and no amount of me telling her to improve would have helped. So I let it go, I didnt take away privileges or anything like I initially wanted to. Lo and behold when report card came home she had a D. She was horrified, changed her study habits and last week she brought home a straight A report card

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

"Potter75" wrote:

I also find it interesting how differently the two of you with the same position view the intent and/or attention aspect of this Fathers action.

I think that like the daughter, he wanted to target a specific group with his video and it has spread.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I am curious what those of you who are appalled by this would have done in his shoes? If it was your child and they had openly talked back and about you and tried to hide it, what would you do? If grounding and other conventional disciplines did not work, then what would you do? At 16 there is a limit to what you can do. Just give up and say, Oh well, it is too late now, I should have raised her better?

Joined: 05/31/06
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"mom3girls" wrote:

I think that like the daughter, he wanted to target a specific group with his video and it has spread.

Yes, so they both are getting results they didn't intend. And the father is wiser, HOW?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mom3girls" wrote:

In wildland firefighting they sometimes use gasoline to burn around a fire to stop the spread of the fire. I dont think in this situation it will stop the fire from spreading, quite the opposite. I think this Dad is dealing with it growing a lot bigger then what he intended.

I think in some parenting situations letting a problem get bigger before putting it out is better overall. A personal example of this is that my oldest DD is in private school this year (middle school) and this is the first time she has ever had a ABCDF grading system. She was getting a very bad grade in one class, and no amount of me telling her to improve would have helped. So I let it go, I didnt take away privileges or anything like I initially wanted to. Lo and behold when report card came home she had a D. She was horrified, changed her study habits and last week she brought home a straight A report card

You didn't fight a fire with gasoline, you fought it by letting it burn itself out. Totally flawed analogy.

And killing all combustible materials via perimiter burning is not using gasoline to actually fight a fire, it is giving fire no way to grow, thereby killing the fire. Unfortunately, I feel that this father did not use such tactics.

Now, my kids are in bed and my anniversary dinner is almost done, so enjoy your night, all Smile

Joined: 05/31/06
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"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

I am curious what those of you who are appalled by this would have done in his shoes? If it was your child and they had openly talked back and about you and tried to hide it, what would you do? If grounding and other conventional disciplines did not work, then what would you do? At 16 there is a limit to what you can do. Just give up and say, Oh well, it is too late now, I should have raised her better?

Um, no. She would have had no facebook account, and we would have had multiple conversations and possibly involved therapists. And I would have quit smoking and put my gun and video camera away. When I have time I can give you about 30 other ideas, but my king crab is almost ready.

Is anyone at all wondering if the parents are freaks? Because I am, a little. Does the kid really have to do that much housework? Because it seems a little weird. As does her cig smokin yeehaw gun shootin daddy. I know I come from a very different culture.....but is it possible the parents are slightly freakishly controlling and/or power freaks?

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1533

I am not worried to much at all about her parents because her dad was carrying a gun. Most people I know have guns. Being a gun owner does not make a person somehow less stable or controlling. The only part that worries me is that he used to shoot a computer, that was not okay

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"Potter75" wrote:

Um, no. She would have had no facebook account, and we would have had multiple conversations and possibly involved therapists. And I would have quit smoking and put my gun and video camera away. When I have time I can give you about 30 other ideas, but my king crab is almost ready.

Is anyone at all wondering if the parents are freaks? Because I am, a little. Does the kid really have to do that much housework? Because it seems a little weird. As does her cig smokin yeehaw gun shootin daddy. I know I come from a very different culture.....but is it possible the parents are slightly freakishly controlling and/or power freaks?

I could come up with a thousand other ideas as well. But sometimes as parents we aren't perfect and we do things thatmight not be the best idea at the time because we are hurt or fustrated or angry. Honestly, I think you are being really judgmental about this father. I get that it is a far different culture then you are used to but parenting is difficult regardless of whether you are a well to do yuppie or a "yeehaw gun shootin daddy".

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

Happy anniversary

mommytoMR.FACE's picture
Joined: 04/10/09
Posts: 780

I just find it ironic (am I using the word in the correct context?) that he essentially wanted to punish her for voicing her thoughts, opinions, and critiques, publicly on facebook, and in turn actually did the same exact thing. Like daughter like father.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"culturedmom" wrote:

I could come up with a thousand other ideas as well. But sometimes as parents we aren't perfect and we do things thatmight not be the best idea at the time because we are hurt or fustrated or angry. Honestly, I think you are being really judgmental about this father. I get that it is a far different culture then you are used to but parenting is difficult regardless of whether you are a well to do yuppie or a "yeehaw gun shootin daddy".

Totally judgmental. I do find a cigarette smoking gun totin yee haw computer shooting public shaming youtube disciplining daddy a to be a bit unhealthy, and yes I judge that. If people find me being a "well to do yuppie" (why not just go with rich b!tch?) weird, for whatever or any reason, they can judge me too. As this is is a debate, I didn't realize that I needed to stipulate that parenting is difficult. The fact that it is difficult, however, does not mean that I will support any and all parenting practices.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mom3girls" wrote:

I am not worried to much at all about her parents because her dad was carrying a gun. Most people I know have guns. Being a gun owner does not make a person somehow less stable or controlling. The only part that worries me is that he used to shoot a computer, that was not okay

Of course it doesn't. Shooting a perfectly good, recently upgraded computer while videotaping oneself, does. This isn't a gun thing. I like guns. Yay guns.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
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"Potter75" wrote:

Totally judgmental. I do find a cigarette smoking gun totin yee haw computer shooting public shaming youtube disciplining daddy a to be a bit unhealthy, and yes I judge that. If people find me being a "well to do yuppie" (why not just go with rich b!tch?) weird, for whatever or any reason, they can judge me too. As this is is a debate, I didn't realize that I needed to stipulate that parenting is difficult. The fact that it is difficult, however, does not mean that I will support any and all parenting practices.

Melissa, I wasn't calling you a well to do yuppie. I used that as an illustration of the opposite of what you called the father and it had nothing to do with you personally.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"culturedmom" wrote:

Melissa, I wasn't calling you a well to do yuppie. I used that as an illustration of the opposite of what you called the father and it had nothing to do with you personally.

Oh Smile I thought that you were .I still think that the whole shooting a computer thing is weird. It isn't that I don't have empathy for the fact that parenting is hard.....its just that I think that this is not a way I would deal with the same situation, you know? I wouldn't bother writing him mean comments about it, or reading about him, or really even waste much time judging him or even caring, but since the debate was posted I'm just chiming in with my opinion. I don't like publicizing parenting decisions like he did~ its no different from reality TV to me (and we all know how I feel about kids and reality TV Lol

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

Hes an it guy. It was probably just the shell.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3309

The only part of it all that bothers me is the public humiliation deal, i'm not really cool with that. If it was a one time thing, not a big deal, chalk it up to an err in judgement, if he resorts to something like that a lot? I don't agree with it at all.

Some of the comments here lead me to believe that some people don't think she should be punished at all. "Kids complain about their parents" Well yes they do but if there is one behavior on social networking sites that i really hate is the personal bashing of others. I certainly plan on there being consequences for something like that, regardless of what privacy settings she intended to have on the post. Complaining, criticizing or the bashing of people in your life on Facebook or similar sites is not going to be ok in my house.

The gun thing doesn't bother me. The shooting of inanimate objects doesn't bother me or make me think 'freak' at all. Wasteful? Yes, i think it was wasteful, i think tons of things people do are ridiculously wasteful so that to me is wrong but again...eh.

Honestly, i think he is garnering a lot more criticism for his choices because of his cultural appearance then this whole thing is really worth.

Bad parenting moment thats all it seems like to me.

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