Finding things out on Facebook.

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AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560
Finding things out on Facebook.

Would it bother you to read something important on Facebook? For example, last year when DH's cousin (2) died, everyone including close family read it on Facebook. Same with my cousin. When her young baby died from SIDS everyone including close family read it on Facebook.

I am torn about this. If something that devastating happened to me, I would not want to call each and every person I knew and tell them something tragic. On the other hand, this is not how I would want to learn about something serous.

What about less serious things? I saw someone (distant relative) complaining recently about finding out their sibling was in the hospital is seriously sick, and she had to read it on FB. Other people responded they were thankful they found out at all.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

I don't like to share important info on FB until I know that everyone who is in the "inner circle" for information is aware. For example, if a family member passes, I'm not running to FB to tell people until I know other family members have been notified.

As a person who gets info that I want to know but have no business being a first point of contact so to speak I'm glad we have FB as an avenue to share important news.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

I think as long as it isn't immediate family it is fine. They should be contacted first before anything is posted. We have our own family message board that is private that we share things that we don't want on FB, but otherwise it is a great way to keep in touch. Most of my cousins don't live close so I love being able to find out what goes on in their lives, births and deaths included. Before everyone got on FB if one of my cousins died or was sick or had a baby I wouldn't hear about it for days, weeks or even months by the time word got passed around, now I hear about things immediately. In fact just recently one of my Aunts fell and broke her hip and it probably would have been weeks before I would have found out if not for FB. It is also a great way for people to express sympathy and encouragement. Recently my friend's DH died of cancer and though we were all expecting it, when it happened her FB wall was filled with everyone posting little notes and poems and encouragement.

Joined: 05/23/12
Posts: 680

I am not a fan of facebook or other social media. I tried it out, but it is jist weird putting information out there. It is like everyone is their own papparazi and PR firm lol. To me, the people who should know about whatever will know and the rest don't need to know. So based on this opinion, I personally think fb etc has no role on my life. My kids are little so they don't need to be messing around in it. My family have pics of my kids. I dont have to broadcast our every mood and movement to the world. Ir is just weird to me. But I know others like sharing diseases and emotions lol on fb. And some just share pics and light talk So for lots of people there is some role.

But again if I was a part of a person's life I would know about xyz.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

I agree with Gloria that it's okay to find things out that way, if it's not your immediate family. I have a biiiiig family that all live in another state, so if I didn't find about stuff on FB, I probably wouldn't hear for weeks, if at all. However, if I have big news (and if it is MY news to share Wink - Bonita I know where this debate comes from ;)) I make sure to tell all of my immediate family and close friends before I put it on FB. I don't want people who are in my inner circle to get news from FB, I want to have a chance to tell them myself before everyone else knows.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

"Alissa_Sal" wrote:

I agree with Gloria that it's okay to find things out that way, if it's not your immediate family. I have a biiiiig family that all live in another state, so if I didn't find about stuff on FB, I probably wouldn't hear for weeks, if at all. However, if I have big news (and if it is MY news to share Wink - Bonita I know where this debate comes from ;)) I make sure to tell all of my immediate family and close friends before I put it on FB. I don't want people who are in my inner circle to get news from FB, I want to have a chance to tell them myself before everyone else knows.

We have kind of an unwritten rule that if you find out some news you aren't allowed to mention it on FB until that person posts the news first. For instance when my son told me they were having a baby I wasn't allowed to brag about being a grandma on FB until they posted they were pregnant. And today when I found out they are having another girl I had to wait until they posted first and then I am allowed to share the news.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

Congratulations on your new granddaughter Gloria!

wlillie's picture
Joined: 09/17/07
Posts: 1796

Just like Gloria said.

One of my best friend's dad died last year and I was one of the first ones called; we were told explicitly not to say anything on facebook because they have a very close-knit extended family (who keep in touch better than some of my immediate family does!), but the phone calls take forever. One of her younger cousins posted a picture of the sunrise and said "Goodbye Uncle *" and though it wasn't my place, I pmed her to ask her to take it down until they were done with the phone calls. She was old enough to know better.

Some things are OK for facebook, some require a phone call.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

Alissa - you crack me up. Smile

I think FB is great. When Caitlyn was in the NICU it was a huge blessing to tell everyone all at once all of the updates without having to contact each individual person. I do think serious things should be told to imitate family in person though.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

When my mom died I waited until all the family knew before posting it on facebook. I was a little pissed off at my sister that she felt that I needed to be told not to post it. My sister is 14 years older then me and still treats me like I am a baby - she forgets that I am an adult. Funny thing is that it was one of her boys that posted it in facebook before I did.

Also, I only posted it on facebook due to me travelling 4000 km and there were people I wanted to see and second as people kept asking me about funeral arrangements, it was just easier to post the info.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4111

"Jessica80" wrote:

Congratulations on your new granddaughter Gloria!

Thanks I am excited after having 4 boys it is nice to get granddaughters Smile Now I am just crossing my fingers that my son will be able to come home from Afghanistan when scheduled so he will be home before she is born.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

I hope your son does get home in time!

My girls and my niece are the first in my husband's family in 4 generations. All other women were married in. He's one of 3 brothers. They are a big deal here too Wink

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

Gloria congrats on your granddaughter, and hoping that your son gets home in time.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3183

Congratulations, Gloria!!!!

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4099

I think important news should always be shared first with immediate family by phone. Then it can be spread to extended family & friends on Facebook & email & blogs & whatever, and updates can always be posted. After Tiven was born, I was in no shape to make a bunch of phone calls and DH was in the NICU with her. I called my sister, my dad, and my MIL, and those people spread the news to everyone else. DH & I have been so ticked to learn about our sisters' pregnancies & engagements via FB or email. I found out my nephew was back safely from Afghanistan via FB, and not even by an announcement post! My sister mentioned him in a post about having a BBQ & someone else asked if he was back & she said he'd been back two weeks. Grrrrr.....

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

I announced my last pregnancy on Facebook -- only my mom knew beforehand. My sister was LIVID. She didn't speak to me for 5 months.

I used Facebook as the medium for telling everyone because the last baby my sister (the same one in question) was mad that she found out after my other sister. I figured this way they could find out at the same time.

I think my sister was more mad that I was having a baby, and she wasn't (she tried as a single mom via IUI). But she blamed it on HOW I told.

Next baby we have, I'm announcing it on Facebook and leaving her off the post. Then she'll have something to be mad about.

I think it's find vehicle for telling people the same news all at once, if you are sure the people that know are on Facebook regularity.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

I would be livid if I found something that serious over facebook!! Yes, calling ppl to give them horrible news isn't nice but it's just one of them things that has to be done. The parent doesn't need to do it, but another close family member could.

xx

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3183

If I want to tell a group of people something at the same time, I email them...it's usually just my family that I'd send out a life update to anyway. With email, I feel like I'm talking to people, instead of talking AT people.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I would never have to worry about something getting around on fb faster than by phone. My FIL has such a big mouth and loves to be the messenger of any piece of info that's newsworthy, so he'd inform the world before anyone could even log onto their fb. That's why I repeatedly tell DH to NOT tell his dad anything that could be the slightest bit gossipy or personal.

Personally, I really only go on the private birth boards from here that were set up on fb. Both my boards here died ages ago, but everyone still stays in touch on fb. I've never posted anything on fb that was like huge news or anything. I was thinking about posting that I just cut 10 inches off my hair and sharing pics of the new coif, but I'm like meh. The people who really care will see it anyway in person!

I've found out a few things on fb that made me go hmm. Like, if you want everyone to call you up once you share your news on your profile, maybe you should've picked up the phone in the first place. KWIM? If you share on fb, you should be prepared to get people's comments via the same medium. Yeah, some people will email or phone or come over, I guess it just depends on the kind of news it is.

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