Fluff - Do Children Provide Happiness or Misery? - Page 5
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Thread: Fluff - Do Children Provide Happiness or Misery?

  1. #41
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    I was recently chatting with a co-worker who said, "Well I wouldn't want to have an 8-year-old when I'm 50!" I turned to her and said, "Um...I WILL have an 8-year-old when I'm 50."

    D'oh.
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    Laurie, mom to:
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  2. #42
    Prolific Poster ftmom's Avatar
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    I actually like the fact that I hadnt really 'started' my career when the kids were born. I got my degrees, and a few years of experience and then had my babies. I have kept my hand in with some subbing, but have generally been able to stay home with them for these preschool years. Then when they are in school I will be able to concentrate on my work and advance my career without having to take time off for babies, which was important to us. Part of this is that i am a teacher in an economy that doesnt need teachers, so it may take me 5-10 years to get a permanent position somewhere, especially with us moving around like we have to for DH's job. Taking my years maternity would restart that anyways. Also being a teacher, when they are in school I can work most of my hours around them so wont miss out as much on their lives at that point.

    BTW, I do not really love my 30s.
    Kyla
    Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)

  3. #43
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    I think that also is a feeling if you have had kids young. My mom's friend had her child at 41 and her dh was 43 (I think...it is an only child) and my mom said...wow I can't imagine having a 7 year old at 50. I said...that's probably because you already did that. You were a grandmother at 48 with your second at 53. Of course you wouldn't want a little one now! .

    But had you only started having kids in your late 30s or early 40s it's not such a big deal.
    Mom to Elizabeth (6) and Corinne (4)

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by ftmom View Post

    BTW, I do not really love my 30s.
    I have only been in my 30's for 2 years, but overall I did like my 20's more than my 30's so far. That is not to say that I am not happy now (I am), but so much fun stuff happened in my 20's.

    ~Bonita~

  5. #45
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    A big differentiating factor between our generation and a generation or two ago is retirement age. With people living and working as long as they are ~ odds are VERY few of you or your spouses are going to retire at 60. If you become grandparents at 45, you are working through your grandchildren's entire youth. Your GRANDCHILDREN are "out of the nest" before you even retire and have the time to attend many of their after school sports, or really get to know them etc. Personally I don't want that. My parents lucked out in that my father is actually retired at 62 and able to be around for his grandkids (and since we had kids late they are young, they have 6 6 and under with a few more to come....) but had I started having kids at 22, they would be almost done high school now and my Dad would have barely gotten to know them as he would have been traveling all the time and working long hours. My Mom would have been a single grandparent much like she was in some ways a single parent due to his working and traveling. I look forward to my husband knowing our grandkids as well as I do as they will come along at a more natural time in our lifespan, a time when we are actually closer to retirement and have the time and inclination to spend a lot of time getting to know them and have the ability to help them financially etc etc.

    I think that having kids was one of the more exciting times of my life. I would have been sad to have had that emotional peak early in only the second decade of what will hopefully be an 8 or 9 decade life. When people only lived 50 years that timing or teen pregnancy made more sense to me. Now, not so much.

  6. #46
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    Actually I sometimes think about how great it would have been to be a young parent. Not in a regrets sort of way, but I grew up having young parents and young grandparents and I loved it. I saw my grandparents in their very active years, we spent tons of time with them going for sleepovers and outings. And my grandmother is now a great-grandmother, her oldest grandchild is 20! They can talk and hang out. I was extremely close to my other grandmother (who died a long time ago now), we used to hang out and go to the movies, even when I was a teenager I would call her up to go spend time with her.

    I sometimes feel a little bad for my kids that I will be in my 60s when they're in their 20s, more or less. I plan to be a young 60, but still.....if they wait until I did to have kids then I won't have tons of time with my grandchildren when I'm still living a busy active engaged life.

    So there's that.

    As always, there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




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  7. #47
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    Actually I sometimes think about how great it would have been to be a young parent. Not in a regrets sort of way, but I grew up having young parents and young grandparents and I loved it. I saw my grandparents in their very active years, we spent tons of time with them going for sleepovers and outings. And my grandmother is now a great-grandmother, her oldest grandchild is 20! They can talk and hang out. I was extremely close to my other grandmother (who died a long time ago now), we used to hang out and go to the movies, even when I was a teenager I would call her up to go spend time with her.

    I sometimes feel a little bad for my kids that I will be in my 60s when they're in their 20s, more or less. I plan to be a young 60, but still.....if they wait until I did to have kids then I won't have tons of time with my grandchildren when I'm still living a busy active engaged life.

    So there's that.

    As always, there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.
    My mom is very tearful sometimes that she feels she psychically can't keep up with my kids or offer help to my kids or my sisters' kids the way she used to with my brothers kids when they were young. It upsets her a lot.

    BUT, you know, I know a lot of women her age (she's in her mid 70's) who are physically in better condition than she is. She has had a lot of physical ailments in her older years that don't nec. plague everyone.
    Last edited by KimPossible; 08-06-2013 at 09:17 AM.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    My mom is very tearful sometimes that she feels she psychically can't keep up with my kids or offer help to my kids or my sisters' kids the way she used to with my brothers kids when they were young. It upsets her a lot.

    BUT, you know, I know a lot of women her age (she's in her mid 70's) who are physically in better condition than she is. She has had a lot of physical ailments in her older years that don't nec. plague everyone.
    I know, there are variables you can't predict anyway. My dad is 71 and very healthy and active, he takes my kids on outings. etc. My mom died this year of cancer, which we would never have predicted, we thought she had many years ahead of her to spend with her grandchildren. (At least they all made it to her wedding a year earlier, which thrilled her.)

    So you just don't know. I have been inspired to get healthy specifically because I think of my kids and how I want to stay active for them, but who can predict?
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




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  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    A big differentiating factor between our generation and a generation or two ago is retirement age. With people living and working as long as they are ~ odds are VERY few of you or your spouses are going to retire at 60. If you become grandparents at 45, you are working through your grandchildren's entire youth. Your GRANDCHILDREN are "out of the nest" before you even retire and have the time to attend many of their after school sports, or really get to know them etc. Personally I don't want that. My parents lucked out in that my father is actually retired at 62 and able to be around for his grandkids (and since we had kids late they are young, they have 6 6 and under with a few more to come....) but had I started having kids at 22, they would be almost done high school now and my Dad would have barely gotten to know them as he would have been traveling all the time and working long hours. My Mom would have been a single grandparent much like she was in some ways a single parent due to his working and traveling. I look forward to my husband knowing our grandkids as well as I do as they will come along at a more natural time in our lifespan, a time when we are actually closer to retirement and have the time and inclination to spend a lot of time getting to know them and have the ability to help them financially etc etc.

    I think that having kids was one of the more exciting times of my life. I would have been sad to have had that emotional peak early in only the second decade of what will hopefully be an 8 or 9 decade life. When people only lived 50 years that timing or teen pregnancy made more sense to me. Now, not so much.
    This perspective is going to be different for everyone. Me personally, I would rather be young when my grandchildren are young and get to see them grow up and become parents and grandparents themselves.
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    ~Bonita~

  10. #50
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    well, yes. That too is a matter of perspective. There are some areas of Philadelphia where it is common to be a grandparent at 40, or even 35. Then again, many of those grandparents suffer from obesity, diabetes, smoke, and can't exactly play hide and seek with their grandchildren.

    I'm not worried about being fit and healthy at 60 or 65 as a Grandparent because I take great care of myself every day and see how young and healthy and active my parents are at 60 and 62. Of course I could get hit by a bus tomorrow too .

    Age alone at childbirth does not guarantee anything. I know many people who because of their lifestyle choices can't do things with their grandchildren because they can hardly walk at 65. Other people are spending their days on the golf course or tennis court at that age. So many choices involved in all that.

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