Which is worse? When someone you care about accidentally says something minor that is hurtful or when someone you don't care about lights into you?
Kind of a tough one. I don't like when anyone is rude to me but having someone I care about who is rude, is worse. I normally try not to react though, try to see if they are going through a rough time, stress, etc. If it continues, I tell them it hurts my feelings and if they dismiss my feelings, then they are not worth my energy to care for them any longer.
I'd lean towards someone you care about as well. Even if it was said *accidentally* I'd likely be questioning whether they truly meant it... kwim?
Those that I don't care about going off? That may be upsetting in the short term (dependent upon what it was about), but not as likely to have a long term effect.
I guess I'm just a callous old witch but I find it hard to believe that someone I care about would "accidentally" say something hurtful. Even if it seems minor on the face, it would seem to me that someone close to me should know better, which would make it not very accidental or minor, and thus even more hurtful.
Strangers I don't know very well who say hurtful things that light me up usually just feed my desire to debate the issue, or my desire to climb into bed and go to sleep. It can go either way & doesn't really bother me either way.
ETA: OK, Missy, tell me how the hell do I have 2,000 more posts than you??? It says you 12,104 and me 14,795. No way.
Last edited by Spacers; 11-29-2012 at 02:58 AM.
70% of the U.S. population now lives in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. At 36 and counting!
I think it's easy for someone to accidentally say something hurtful. If it's a friend I like and trust, I would be hurt and forgive them and move on.
Having someone "light into me" would be extremely upsetting to me. I think it would probably freak me out for a long time.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I think you can accidently say something hurtful. For example, I think it happens all the time that people lovingly ask "So when are you going to have another baby" not knowing the person recently had a m/c or is having fertility issues. You can be close to someone and not know every single detail in their life.
Last edited by MissyJ; 11-29-2012 at 11:23 AM.
I very much have the 'foot in mouth' syndrome. But my problem is when I think it it doesn't sound rude or mean at all! But then my mouth says it and I realize it was totally rude. I always feel bad and apologize. And I never mean it that way. It just happens.
Btw, Aspies totally do this. It actually could be a disability. To blurt out something totally not nice just happens. There is no filter.
I couldn't decide. I think I'd rather have someone I don't care about yell at me (because I'm pretty good about giving what I get back), but then again, it's easy to forget and forgive someone you know didn't mean it to begin with. I was just curious about how others felt.
I'm the queen of accidental hurting someone. dh has been in an AF mandated class for the last five weeks and I took an adorable video of the baby saying "mama" (in my head that's what he said!!) and then falling over and turning purple (mad, not hurt) forgetting that my four year old had asked where dad was and saying he missed dh smack in the middle of it.