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  1. #31
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    My DH asked a couple of interesting questions: Why would a classmate's parents *not* get parents involved, especially since the other person is a classmate and acting like a child by being in high school and living at home? And since this was happening at school, why did the 14yo's parents not get a counselor or other school official involved? He thinks the answer is because those people would both know that Kate was opening herself to liability and would also be obligated to warn her of the legal ramifications.

    He thinks that because the victim's parents did not contact those other people, the people who actually could have prevented the abuse, that Kate has a good chance of getting off because it really appears that the victim's parents weren't so much interested in protecting their daughter as they were in prosecuting Kate. Interesting thought.
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  2. #32
    Prolific Poster ftmom's Avatar
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    I dont know, Kate picked there daughter up and took her to Kates parents house for the night. Maybe they just assumed the parents knew and condoned the relationship. And this was not 'just' happening at school, not sure that I would think to get those people involved.

    It is very interesting to me that the younger girl performed a taped call to Kate for the police, getting Kate to admit what happened. I have a hard time picturing someone in a relationship of equals doing this to their partner. To me this just really shows how young this girl is and how she responds to authority. Makes me wonder how 'equal' this relationship really was.
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  3. #33
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    I am a little confused as to the problem. If it was a 40 year old man taking a 14 year old girl to his house and sleeping with her, would there be any question that he should be legally punished? Would you first reason with him, and blame yourself for not trying enough things first? Whether it is a 40 year old man, or an 18 year old girl, it is still against the law for an adult to sleep with a minor. The parents were every bit within their rights to press charges.

    ~Bonita~

  4. #34
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    I am a little confused as to the problem. If it was a 40 year old man taking a 14 year old girl to his house and sleeping with her, would there be any question that he should be legally punished? Would you first reason with him, and blame yourself for not trying enough things first? Whether it is a 40 year old man, or an 18 year old girl, it is still against the law for an adult to sleep with a minor. The parents were every bit within their rights to press charges.
    Are you trying to say the above are equal? Because i would totally disagree, regardless of law. I would most definitely deal with both of those situations in two entirely different ways. And I'm not saying going to the law would not be an option...I'm simply saying I think there could have been effective ways to fix this problem prior to getting the law involved. I would have definitely seen if going to the parents of this high school kid was effective before throwing the law at her. I just can't imagine equating this with a 40 year old taking a 14 year old to their house...at all.

    I think this is totally bizarre. You hit the age of 18 and all of a sudden people think its the equivalent of being an older adult who's parents have no influence over them anymore and has no similarities in life at all to the victim.

    They simply had to make a cut off somewhere...but seriously, nothing 'magical' happens at that age to you. Why are we ignoring context?


    Edited for clarity
    Last edited by KimPossible; 06-03-2013 at 10:39 AM.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    Are you trying to say the above are equal? Because i would totally disagree, regardless of law. I would most definitely deal with both of those situations in two entirely different ways. And I'm not saying going to the law would not be an option...I'm simply saying I think there could have been effective ways to fix this problem prior to getting the law involved. I would have definitely seen if going to the parents of this high school kid was effective before throwing the law at her. I just can't imagine equating this with a 40 year old taking a 14 year old to their house...at all.

    I think this is totally bizarre. You hit the age of 18 and all of a sudden people think its the equivalent of being an older adult who's parents have no influence over them anymore and has no similarities in life at all to the victim.

    They simply had to make a cut off somewhere...but seriously, nothing 'magical' happens at that age to you. Why are we ignoring context?


    Edited for clarity
    Legally, there is no difference. They are both against the law. There is no gradual slide. I do not believe if this was an 18 year old man sleeping with a 14 year old girl that the opinions would be the same.

    What did you think the parents of the 18 year old were supposed to do? At 18, they are not going to be the ones deciding if and who their child sleeps with. There are so many other things that an 18 year old would be held responsible for. I know in the school DH works at there is a huge difference between a 17 year old getting into a fist fight and an 18 year old getting in a fist fight.

    IMO, if an 18 year old is old enough to enlist and go to war, they are also old enough to make their own decisions. They are also old enough to be responsible for those decisions.
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  6. #36
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    If someone had come to my parents when I was 18 about something that I was doing my parents would have told them to talk to me. While I still lived at home and had rules I was responsible for my actions and the consequences.
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  7. #37
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2robbie View Post
    If someone had come to my parents when I was 18 about something that I was doing my parents would have told them to talk to me. While I still lived at home and had rules I was responsible for my actions and the consequences.
    Really??? My parents said adults don't live with their parents, so as long as I'm living in their home, I'm still a child and will follow their rules no matter my age, and they were definitely very involved in what I was doing, whom I was doing it with, and where I was. If someone had said something to them about my behavior when I was 18, they'd have dealt with it no different than when I was 17. And that is what I will be telling my children, too, because ITA with Kim that there is nothing magical about turning 18. But I did move out as soon as I had the chance.
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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by ftmom View Post
    I dont know, Kate picked there daughter up and took her to Kates parents house for the night. Maybe they just assumed the parents knew and condoned the relationship. And this was not 'just' happening at school, not sure that I would think to get those people involved.

    It is very interesting to me that the younger girl performed a taped call to Kate for the police, getting Kate to admit what happened. I have a hard time picturing someone in a relationship of equals doing this to their partner. To me this just really shows how young this girl is and how she responds to authority. Makes me wonder how 'equal' this relationship really was.
    The girls knew one another because they were on the school basketball team together. I don't care what age the other party is, if someone on my child's school team is behaving in what I think is an inappropriate manner, you can bet I'll be talking with the coach, the school counselor, and perhaps even the principal if I don't get good answers from the first two.

    About the phone call, really, as a 14-year-old, are you going to say no to both your parents *and* the police? I just don't see that happening. I didn't say no to my parents very much, mostly because I didn't like getting smacked for it, and I'm not sure I could have mustered the fortitude to say it to them *and* the police, even about something I felt pretty strongly about and perhaps not knowing much about my and my partner's legal rights. So I'm not reading nearly as much into that as you are. And on the flip side, if the relationship *was* between equals, then that's pretty telling about Kate's maturity level.
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  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    Really??? My parents said adults don't live with their parents, so as long as I'm living in their home, I'm still a child and will follow their rules no matter my age, and they were definitely very involved in what I was doing, whom I was doing it with, and where I was. If someone had said something to them about my behavior when I was 18, they'd have dealt with it no different than when I was 17. And that is what I will be telling my children, too, because ITA with Kim that there is nothing magical about turning 18. But I did move out as soon as I had the chance.
    I was dating DH when I was 18. I can remember him asking about going to TN to look at colleges with my family. She looked at him like he was crazy and said he was 18 he could do what he wanted. (Still in HS and still lived at home) My parents worked second shift and I went to school first shift. I was pretty much responsible for my self at that age. I still had rules (So did DH), but I made a lot of my own decisions.

    ~Bonita~

  10. #40
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Regardless of why the parents did what they did, or whether we agree with how they proceeded this 18 year old girl knew what she was doing was illegal. She chose to do it anyways, now she need to deal with the consequences. I hope she doesnt get off because the jury decides that they dont like way the parents handled it
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