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  1. #51
    Posting Addict GloriaInTX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    ETA: And for the record...i don't think they should be treated as a developmentally disabled person. But i do think they should be treated like an 18 year old high school student having sex with another high school student and NOT like a 40 year old having sex with a high school student.
    But she was treated differently. There is no way a 40 year old would have been offered the plea deal they gave her that she chose not to accept.
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  2. #52
    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    As a parent, in an effort to act in the best interest of my daughter, I would like to believe that I would have exhausted all other avenues to resolve this first before going to the police -- starting with Kate, then Kate's parent(s), the coach, and the school. Part of my reasoning would be in thinking that I would want to protect my dd's privacy (and my actions would be the same if it was a male or female.) By warning Kate (and their dd) and then going directly to the police, now can you imagine this girl going back to school? Now she is a greater target for bullying, harassment, and being ostracized.

    That said, I can only imagine how first terrified and then livid her parents were to find her missing -- only to learn that she'd been picked up during the night without their permission. (Again - that feeling likely would be the same male or female.) I cannot blame the parents who perhaps already had to engage the police for their daughter missing to have this reaction when they felt the situation had spiraled out of control.

    Part of me does wonder about an imbalance in the relationship. I could see in a Senior / Freshman relationship (no matter the genders involved) of the Freshman being more responsive to the attention of a Senior and following their lead. Many 14 yr. old would find it flattering / enticing to be in that type of relationship and perhaps due to the differences in maturity there *could* be a case of the older student being determined to exude "authority" over the younger one. (Stacey - agree that teens mature at varying levels and in some cases the younger teen could be the mature one.)

    Lisa, that book sounds interesting. I'll have to check it out. The kids and I often discuss what "kids" their age were responsible for years ago. In raising them we work together on building responsibilities... which go hand in hand with them gaining greater independence. For our older kids, it honestly is alarming how many of their peers are not expected to do basics -- much less have zero clue on how to care for themselves.

    On a side note -- if staying at my parents I would *still* have rules. LOL
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  3. #53
    Posting Addict GloriaInTX's Avatar
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    dp
    Last edited by GloriaInTX; 06-04-2013 at 11:21 AM.

  4. #54
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    But she was treated differently. There is no way a 40 year old would have been offered the plea deal they gave her that she chose not to accept.
    True and i support that from the legal side. And just like the law treats an 18YO differently, I think smith's parents should have too. I think they should have tried going to the parents before they went to the law.

    Like i've said all along, i don't take issue with the law, i just take issue with some of the decision making that was made.
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  5. #55
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissyJ View Post
    As a parent, in an effort to act in the best interest of my daughter, I would like to believe that I would have exhausted all other avenues to resolve this first before going to the police -- starting with Kate, then Kate's parent(s), the coach, and the school. Part of my reasoning would be in thinking that I would want to protect my dd's privacy (and my actions would be the same if it was a male or female.) By warning Kate (and their dd) and then going directly to the police, now can you imagine this girl going back to school? Now she is a greater target for bullying, harassment, and being ostracized.
    I agree with this wholeheartedly...which also makes me question what motivated her parents. Concern for her daughter, or anger/emtion/vengence etc. or something else.


    On a side note -- if staying at my parents I would *still* have rules. LOL
    We stayed with Seamus' parents and while we agreed to certain things, it was a lot more like roommates doing the ground work for good cohabitation than a parent dictating to a child what the rules were.

    They were more about respecting the house owners space, and living peacefully together, rather than teaching a child how to grow up/be safe/not do stupid things with their personal life.

  6. #56
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom3girls View Post
    I dont buy into this notion that we should treat them like children or like people with developmental delays. The more we push back the age of accountability the longer people will delay maturing. I actually think we should be expecting more of kids that age. Just read a book call "Do Hard things" with my 13 year old. It was based on the premise that irresponsibility in adolescence is a social construct and not a physiological stage. Totally agree with it. Historically 12 year olds were captains of ships crossing the Atlantic Ocean, now most 12 year olds are not capable of cleaning their room properly.
    In the case of this situation in this debate, this girl was not doing this because she is developmentally delayed, she just wanted sex and used a 14 year old to get that.
    I doubt that very many 12yos were ever the captains of ships. And adolescence *is* a modern social construct because historically you were a child, and then you were pushed into adulthood with no transition period and most people didn't have extended schooling into their teenaged years, they were too busy working. We, as a modern industrializeed society, where children aren't allowed to work and most families can support the children they have to adulthood, have set up the teenaged years as a transition period from childhood to adulthood, and we have arbitrarily set the age of 18 as "adult" when the scientific evidence says otherwise. And I'm definitely going to take my teenaged brain development evidence from the dozens of neuroscientists who have collectively spent hundreds of years researching this, over two religious nutjob teenagers who are making broad claims about what's wrong with secular society to push their own business & religious agendas.
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  7. #57
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    My great grandfather was a captain of a ship at age 9. This was I want to say after 1900. I forget when he was born.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    Legally, there is no difference. They are both against the law. There is no gradual slide. I do not believe if this was an 18 year old man sleeping with a 14 year old girl that the opinions would be the same.
    Even saying "18 year old man" is so funny to me. I don't know one 18 year old male that I would call a "man", even though the law considers them an adult. I wanted to like every one of Kim's posts (and I probably did) because I agree completely...I understand that the law can't be subjective...they have to draw a line in the sand. But those parents should have exhausted every remedy before potentially ruining this 18-year-old girl's life with a felony charge and a lifelong sexual offender label. And I wouldn't feel any differently if it was an 18-year-old BOY.
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  9. #59
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    My great grandfather was a captain of a ship at age 9. This was I want to say after 1900. I forget when he was born.
    Do you have evidence of this, other than his claim to it? Just asking because family history sometimes tends to sway toward the legendary rather than sticking with the boring facts. Perhaps "captain" of his own boat that his family purchased for him to sail in the harbor, I can accept that, but I simply can't picture a crew of grown men willing to take orders from a 9-year-old.
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    70% of the U.S. population now lives in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. At 36 and counting!

  10. #60
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    Yeah he was a captain of a ship that was used in order to bootleg from Canada to the states. So since it was illegal activity there aren't a lot of records. His family owned the ships and he had to be the captain of one.

    We do have pictures. Although by we I don't mean me. I mean my relatives.

    Between this post and the post on the general chatter thread...are you okay? Your posts seem really angry. (I'm not trying to antagonize...I'm just hoping everything is alright)
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