Friends and their decisions.
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Thread: Friends and their decisions.

  1. #1
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    Default Friends and their decisions.

    One of your best friends reveals that they are having an affair with a married man. This friend is recently divorced due to her exDH's infidelity. She is seeing not just any married man, but one with three young children, including 1 year old twins.

    Do you stay friends with your friend? Do you, even if she continues the affair? Do you tell her the total, honest truth about how you feel and maintain the friendship?

    Discuss.

  2. #2
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    That scenario literally makes my stomach turn. How awful... Can we have more information? Is this man separated from his wife or does he somehow magically have time to carry on an affair in addition to a marriage and raise three young children? I need to think more about this one.

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    No, not separated. Still living together. He is "a really good guy" just "really unhappy" in his marriage. Wife does not know, theoretically.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    No, not separated. Still living together. He is "a really good guy" just "really unhappy" in his marriage. Wife does not know, theoretically.
    Yes, he sounds like a real winner. It would depend how long we had been friends, but this would seriously change our friendship if not end it. If it was a close friend, I think I would try having a real heart to heart about how unacceptable I thought this was and how she needed to not participate in tearing another family apart the way that hers was. Does the friend have kids? If so, I think she's setting a terrible example. If she was an acquaintance, I would just stop calling her, I think.

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    Oh dear, I have 3 young ones including 1 yr old twins...

    But I personally would tell her my thoughts in her needing to stop that relationship immediately. If they felt they couldn't, I know that I would have a very hard time getting past this knowledge because of my personal morals and convictions. I would most likely step away until the relationship ended, if it ever ends. I would feel absolutely horrible for his wife, especially understanding how difficult it is getting through the earliest years with multiples and knowing couples with multiples tend to have a higher divorce rate because of the additional stress.
    Tracey

    DD: 7/27/08
    DD Twins: 8/4/09 @ 35 Wks - No NICU, woot!
    7/9/07

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    Quote Originally Posted by CalBearInBoston View Post
    Yes, he sounds like a real winner. It would depend how long we had been friends, but this would seriously change our friendship if not end it. If it was a close friend, I think I would try having a real heart to heart about how unacceptable I thought this was and how she needed to not participate in tearing another family apart the way that hers was. Does the friend have kids? If so, I think she's setting a terrible example. If she was an acquaintance, I would just stop calling her, I think.
    Lets just say that in this *totally theoretical situation*, it was someone who was one of your best friends, and yes, they also had children, but shared custody.
    Last edited by Potter75; 04-03-2011 at 05:20 PM.

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    I have to add that this is the second or third time this week where I've had a deep breath moment and realized that I am in fact truly an adult and have to deal with adult situations. I am no longer 20 years old with the problems of a 20 year old. I am not ready for my friends to be divorcing (most of my friends from college aren't married yet, so we haven't hit the divorce period) or having affairs with married men. Ugh.

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    That whole situation is just awful

    I think I would say something. I can't imagine standing by and watching that. Eventually it will all fall apart and so many people will get hurt.

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    I would tell her my feelings that I believe it's wrong on every level to be in this kind of relationship. After that, I would remain her friend, but that subject would be off limits for conversation.
    ~Jordan~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    Lets just say that in this *totally theoretical situation*, it was someone who was one of your best friends, and yes, they also had children, but shared custody with a STB ex-DH.
    I would sit down and talk about the reality of the situation and first and foremost what this would do to her kids and this man's kids. It's one thing to pretend that the wife is a jerk and keeping him in an unhappy marriage and it's something else entirely to pretend that this move is in the best interest of the kids. I think that's how I would play this. I hope I'm never in this situation, though...

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