In a WorldNetDaily article, Michael wrote about why he believes he mistakenly took on a gay identity: “When I was about 13 I decided I must be gay because I was unable to handle my own masculinity.” He went on to blame his father for that, which is consistent with the ex-gay narrative that same-sex attraction among boys is often a result of a deficit of masculinity, usually caused by a fissure in the father-son bond.
Michael told me that he has no same-sex sexual desires today, a claim that I found hard to believe. Many ex-gays admit to struggling with same-sex attraction years after they’ve rejected a gay identity, and a handful of high-profile leaders in the movement have been humbled by public slips or “relapses,” a word borrowed from the language of addiction recovery. (Many ex-gays see same-sex attractions as a kind of addiction, one with no “cure” but with the possibility of freedom with God’s help.) In our XY days, Michael told me that he had no sexual attraction to women. Had he learned heterosexuality?
Yes, he insisted, adding that he has dated two women since coming out as ex-gay (both before enrolling in Bible school). Michael didn’t want to divulge much about the sexual nature of those relationships, saying only that neither had been “particularly godly.” “There was a part of me that was like an excited teenager,” he told me. “Whatever God has in store for me next will hopefully involve courtship and getting married.”
I asked Michael if he’d heard the news that Ben had recently married in Canada. He blinked twice, and his body tensed slightly. “No, I didn’t,” he said. “To a man, or to a woman?”
“To a man. Were you holding out hope that he would marry a woman?”
“You have to understand something,” he said, leaning forward in his chair. “I don’t see people as gay anymore. I don’t see you as gay. I don’t see him as gay. God creates us heterosexual. We may get other ideas in our head about what we are, and I certainly did, but that doesn’t mean they’re the truth.”
I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this. From what I know about addiction, you can be born with a predisposition toward it. It takes more than just that to become an addict though. Some people have absolutely no desire to try crack; others are curious. Those who keep using it got something out of it - a high, feeling good, acceptance, etc. They may become addicted. They may go into recovery at some point to get sober. But for many, it is a constant part of their life from that point on. They may relapse over time or struggle with their addiction.Quote:
Many ex-gays admit to struggling with same-sex attraction years after they?ve rejected a gay identity, and a handful of high-profile leaders in the movement have been humbled by public slips or ?relapses,? a word borrowed from the language of addiction recovery. (Many ex-gays see same-sex attractions as a kind of addiction, one with no ?cure? but with the possibility of freedom with God?s help.)
Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over our addiction?that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
So I can't make the leap with substituting attraction to the same-sex for crack. If we are really going to compare it to addiction, then we would have to accept that some people are born with a predisposition for attraction to the same sex. Step 1 is admitting we are powerless over attraction to the same sex.
It makes me also wonder if we would allow this "excuse" for straight people. No one seems to dispute that we were born straight and God made us straight. So would it be okay if I go through therapy to help me not be attracted to Brad Pitt but then when I meet him, I relapse and act on my feelings?
Normal and happy are relative terms and self-reported. You are no better a judge as to the happiness of people than anyone else. That's why the PP said we should agree to disagree on that one.Quote:
You are right. It is unbelievable that someone could be happier living a normal life. I mean they say they are happier but deep down in some way they must be miserable because you believe they are.
So you are saying that sex can't be an addiction? Or that all addiction has to be inborn? There are many people who say they are addicted to pornography. Are they somehow born with the predisposition to want to watch pornography?
No, not all addiction is inborn. The predisposition to become addicted is inborn. Genetically some people have addictive personalities. If they engage in behaviors that could lead to addiction, they are more likely to become addicted. But what you quoted is akin to saying that thinking a strawberry daiquiri looks yummy is an addiction in itself.
I'm not sure where pornography comes into all this. Getting addicted to porn goes back to the addictive personality. The desire to watch porn isn't an addiction in and of itself. A 17 YO young man wanting to sneak a peek at PPV is not addicted to porn.