Getting married with weeks/months to live

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Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261
Getting married with weeks/months to live

A young girl from around my way, has been told that cancer she had previously has returned. She married her boyfriend last night, before being flown to mainland UK today for treatment. How sweet but yet so tragic for all involved.

Not being affected myself though, it got me thinking. Would I want my son/daughter to marry someone who is not going to be around much longer? Would I want them to be held back from life with such a burden to be faithful to this person once they were gone?
On the other hand, if it was my son/daughter who was poorly would I want them to fulfil a dream such as marrying their then partner? Of course I would.

I wondered what your thoughts might be.

xx

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3189

I guess I'm confused. They wouldn't have to be faithful once their spouse died, right? I mean, they are free to pursue other relationships once they have grieved and all of that?

I can see wanting to do that. If you're truly in love, I could see Angel making sure your spouse is next of kin; and (b) making sure you marry your true love even if it's for a limited time. Life is full of twists and turns and you don't know if you're going to have a long time or a short time. Follow your heart, I say.

It's tragic and terrible, though.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

I agree with Laurie. If my dh was dying while we were dating I would marry him. If only to be able to have spousal rights for hospital visits and such.

I would expect to move on after grieving though. I wouldn't expect to be faithful to someone who is no longer here.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

moose.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

I had a friend go through this. Her husband lived for 3 years, he went into remission for a bit, he had been given 6 months to live. She had two young daughters when he passed but she has said that she never regrets the decision to marry him. About 5 years after he died she remarried and had another 2 kids, her second husband loves her older girls as if they were his.

I would not want my child to have to go through the heartache of having a spouse die but I would not want them to lose the opportunity to marry someone they loved. Hard decision for everyone. I had a sister die at 29, she had been married for 8 years and had 3 kids, not easy on any of them.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6568

"mom2robbie" wrote:

I would not want my child to have to go through the heartache of having a spouse die but I would not want them to lose the opportunity to marry someone they loved. Hard decision for everyone. I had a sister die at 29, she had been married for 8 years and had 3 kids, not easy on any of them.

:bigarmhug:

This reminds me of the movie A Walk to Remember. I would not begrudge my adult child to marry whomever they chose. I believe I would have married DH even if I knew he was going to die young.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

I agree with all of the posters above - I can understand wanting to be married to the person you love, even if you know your time will be short. If that is what one of my sons wanted as an adult, I would support them in it. But like others, I would also expect them to move on and hopefully find love again at some point after they had gone through the grieving process. I would not expect anyone to have to stay single for the rest of their lives after their spouse died. My grandpa got re-married in his late seventies several years after my grandma passed, and we are all very happy for him to have found love again. T even calls the new wife "Grandma Betty" although I don't call her grandma myself.