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Thread: Good marriage equals good parents?

  1. #11
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    I know good parents who are bad relationship partners, and good relationship partners who are not particularly good parents. I never really connect to these types of studies.
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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    In my mind I keep coming back to the definition of good.. does it mean healthy or happy? If Healthy then yes they would make good parents... if happy not necessarily.
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I know good parents who are bad relationship partners, and good relationship partners who are not particularly good parents. I never really connect to these types of studies.
    The only person who can say, "You were a good parent," is the child. I'd be willing to bet that *most* people think they are good parents, but would their grown-up kids agree? I can't see how you can be a "bad relationship partner" and *not* have that negativity and stress and disrespect carry over into your parenting. I'd like to hear an example.
    The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    The only person who can say, "You were a good parent," is the child. I'd be willing to bet that *most* people think they are good parents, but would their grown-up kids agree? I can't see how you can be a "bad relationship partner" and *not* have that negativity and stress and disrespect carry over into your parenting. I'd like to hear an example.
    I know of people that are divorced or not in a wonderful marriage, can't stand the parent of their child, and are still wonderful parents and their grown children think they are wonderful parents.

    An example - I had an Aunt and Uncle who went through a terrible divorce. Throwing things, screaming, terrible custody battle and the whole 9 yards. They both are deceased now (One from breast cancer and one from a motorcycle accident). I saw my grown cousin recently and she went on and on about her dad and how he was the best dad anyone could ever have had. I also have very fond memories of visiting their house. It was one of my favorite places to visit.

    I more equate a "good" parent vs. a "bad" parent by how well their children turn out (Law abiding people that are happy and functioning in society), not by how much their kids like them.

    ~Bonita~

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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    I know of people that are divorced or not in a wonderful marriage, can't stand the parent of their child, and are still wonderful parents and their grown children think they are wonderful parents.

    An example - I had an Aunt and Uncle who went through a terrible divorce. Throwing things, screaming, terrible custody battle and the whole 9 yards. They both are deceased now (One from breast cancer and one from a motorcycle accident). I saw my grown cousin recently and she went on and on about her dad and how he was the best dad anyone could ever have had. I also have very fond memories of visiting their house. It was one of my favorite places to visit.

    I more equate a "good" parent vs. a "bad" parent by how well their children turn out (Law abiding people that are happy and functioning in society), not by how much their kids like them.
    This actually brings up a whole nother issue... Of course you can be a horrible parent and your child will turn out wonderfully. Or you can be a wonderful parent and you can have a horrible child..
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    An example - I had an Aunt and Uncle who went through a terrible divorce. Throwing things, screaming, terrible custody battle and the whole 9 yards. They both are deceased now (One from breast cancer and one from a motorcycle accident). I saw my grown cousin recently and she went on and on about her dad and how he was the best dad anyone could ever have had. I also have very fond memories of visiting their house. It was one of my favorite places to visit.
    Or perhaps your cousin is suffering from "survivor's guilt" and glossing over the bad memories since she doesn't have the chance to make new memories with them. I simply can't see how parents throwing things, screaming, fighting over custody, etc. could be a positive influence in a child's life. Could they have been better parents after the divorce? Probably, but it's very hard to make up for negative years IMHO.
    The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    The only person who can say, "You were a good parent," is the child. I'd be willing to bet that *most* people think they are good parents, but would their grown-up kids agree? I can't see how you can be a "bad relationship partner" and *not* have that negativity and stress and disrespect carry over into your parenting. I'd like to hear an example.
    I disagree. If you know a family intimately, you can tell if the parents are good parents or not.

    You can also be not a good relationship partner but not have it be about disrespect or negativity.

    I know parents who get so caught up in parenting that they neglect their relationship, even when it's brought to their attention. No time alone for the parents because one of them stops seeing the need, and focuses only on the kids and the family.

    I also don't think you can judge by how the kids turn out -- as has already been pointed out, sometimes good parents raise rotten kids and rotten parents raise good ones. You'll see two kids from the same family, raised the same way, and one turns out great and the other is a mess.
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 7 )




    Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)

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