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  1. #51
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    I haven't even weighed in on the abortion part yet. I've strictly been working out the parents involvement.

    I'm independent from my mom but we are close. I like to talk to her. It's not a chore...it's not to check in on her (my dad and brother live there and now my grandma is there for the winter) but to show I love her and I care.

    If I was to put my daughter in a group home ...you can bet I'm calling every day. Same for my typically developing daughter. She moves out...I'm leaving little messages..emails..fb (whatever the technology is in 16-20 years lol).

  2. #52
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Wow, i'm surprised at the amount of judging i see in this thread of the parents when the article says little about them. I think its wrong to suggest that the parents should have been calling daily. Lots of people don't call daily, just because some people do, doesn't mean everyone should. And a group home should be responsible enough to take care of someone that you shouldn't HAVE to call daily to be sure they are being taken care of.

    Its one thing to say "I think the best most wonderful thing to do would be for these parents to call daily, because thats what I am so positive i would do" and another to accuse them of neglect because they didn't.

    The group home situation can be tough and its not necessarily like everyone has the liberty to shop around for their ideal group home for someone. My Great Aunt was in a group home until she passed away earlier this year. She had been living at a few different group homes and there was definitely a difference in care between them. Each time she moved though, it was not because of a choice made by one of her nieces, the home would move her due to resource needs or shortages. Sometimes your options are very limited...if these parents, as they aged (and we don't know anything about their health as they advance in age) had limited resources themselves, 'just finding her another group home' might not have been such an obvious option like it seems to be to lots of people on this thread.

    This one seems pretty simple to me honestly. Courts should determine if these people are fit to be this girls parents. If they find them not to be fit, then i don't see how the pregnancy decision belongs to them.

    I think its very possible that these parents might not have been so stellar, but i also think its possible that people are projecting a lot with out a lot of information about them...which really surprises me.
    Last edited by KimPossible; 11-02-2012 at 08:25 AM.

  3. #53
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    I don't want to seem judgey and I guess I am because I just don't see how one doesn't stop this if one knows about it and where it happened before and for long stretches I don't understand how they didn't know...as parents. If this was the first time it happened and she got pregnant...well the group home is at fault for not knowing she was out but I wouldn't necessarily fault her parents.

    I never said anything about the finding a different group home because I do know how hard that can be. Just my experience with my grandfather...in hospital..put in a nursing home that was terrible and it took us awhile to get him into a better one that he wanted. So I understand that.. so I won't say they weren't doing that but since I'm leaning towards the thought that they had no or limited contact with her and this home I'm making the assumption that they probably weren't

    I also am not saying this necessarily severs their guardianship. I'll admit I'm shocked at how the state has swooped in.But that also makes me think maybe there is more to this story and neglect on her parents/homes part too.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    I don't want to seem judgey and I guess I am because I just don't see how one doesn't stop this if one knows about it and where it happened before and for long stretches I don't understand how they didn't know...as parents. If this was the first time it happened and she got pregnant...well the group home is at fault for not knowing she was out but I wouldn't necessarily fault her parents.

    I never said anything about the finding a different group home because I do know how hard that can be. Just my experience with my grandfather...in hospital..put in a nursing home that was terrible and it took us awhile to get him into a better one that he wanted. So I understand that.. so I won't say they weren't doing that but since I'm leaning towards the thought that they had no or limited contact with her and this home I'm making the assumption that they probably weren't

    I also am not saying this necessarily severs their guardianship. I'll admit I'm shocked at how the state has swooped in.But that also makes me think maybe there is more to this story and neglect on her parents/homes part too.
    I have to agree with some of the others, i don't see where it says the parents knew how bad the situation was and I will stand by my statement that you shouldn't have to call daily to ensure that your child is being properly taken care of by a group home. I feel very little at all was said about the parents in that article and admittedly i haven't bothered to go find more information.

    If it was determined that they knew how bad the situation was and didn't even at least attempt to address it with the group home, that might change my opinion some. But i don't think we actually know that here. Overall, i think its really tough to call, because I think opinions on how much parents must be involved when their child is in a group home is subjective. Ultimately the place is supposed to be safe and I see that responsibility lying on the home first and foremost.

    I am pretty certain that there are parents who have grown children in adult homes all over the country who don't contact them as often as other people think they should...that in and of itself doesn't seem to be grounds for taking away their parental rights.

    That to me would be like saying in these situations where daycares are running in unsafe conditions or with molesters on their staff that all the parents who were sending their kids there should have their children taken away because they should have known what was going on had they been doing their job as a parent right. I might be willing to say internally "I think i would have known what was going on"...but i wouldn't base any legal rights on that gut feeling.

    I'd like to just say too that i find this whole situation very sad
    Last edited by KimPossible; 11-02-2012 at 09:09 AM.
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  5. #55
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    When your mental capacity is that of a 6 year old then yes they abandoned her.
    Jessica, this is the quote that says you feel they abandoned her.

    A good group home allows for families to have the amount of contact that is positive and healthy for the adult. I know a lot of adults that are "typically" functioning and speaking to their mom daily would be stifling.

    My sister is already doing a lot of research on group homes so that when my nephew is ready for one (he is 11 now, they are thinking when he is 21) they will be well versed on what home will meet all his needs. This attitude of people thinking parents are abandoning their kids is fairly prevalent. I really wish that people could see first hand what a good home can do for a person.
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  6. #56
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    A whole ton of laws would have to change if not calling often meant you were no longer next of kin. Millions of people have gotten old, or have been in some kind of accident where end of life decisions have to be made. Lots of times those decisions are made by people who have not spoken to by that person in years. Without a living will, major decisions are made by next of kin regardless of how close you are to someone.

    This whole thread makes me incredibly sad. I can not believe that some of you think this is solely the parents fault. I do feel bad for anyone that has to put their loved one in a home. The judgement is terrible.
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  7. #57
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    I don't know if this has been brought up yet, but I wish we could arrest whoever had sex with a woman who has the mental age of a six year old. WRONG.


    ETA: also, i haven't followed this, but are we sure the parents are alive and capable people? If she had fetal alcohol syndrome, maybe the woman died in a drunken fit, or is incapable of functioning after being an alcoholic for so long?
    Last edited by smsturner; 11-02-2012 at 09:51 AM.
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  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by smsturner View Post
    I don't know if this has been brought up yet, but I wish we could arrest whoever had sex with a woman who has the mental age of a six year old. WRONG.


    ETA: also, i haven't followed this, but are we sure the parents are alive and capable people? If she had fetal alcohol syndrome, maybe the woman died in a drunken fit, or is incapable of functioning after being an alcoholic for so long?
    I have been following this one, without commenting. The parents in question are her adoptive parents. She was removed from her birth mothers care as an infant.

    I would wonder, if she is on very short acquaintance with the man, if he would realize her actual mental state.
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  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom3girls View Post
    Jessica, this is the quote that says you feel they abandoned her.

    A good group home allows for families to have the amount of contact that is positive and healthy for the adult. I know a lot of adults that are "typically" functioning and speaking to their mom daily would be stifling.

    My sister is already doing a lot of research on group homes so that when my nephew is ready for one (he is 11 now, they are thinking when he is 21) they will be well versed on what home will meet all his needs. This attitude of people thinking parents are abandoning their kids is fairly prevalent. I really wish that people could see first hand what a good home can do for a person.
    I'm well aware of what I said and I was speaking to this case. She is a 32 year old woman who acts like a 6 year old and has on several occasions gone out to have sex sometimes for days. It's not that I'm not holding the group home liable...I am..very much so. I just find the fact that this was happening and she was still there abandonment.

  10. #60
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    To answer the debate question now that I have formulated a thought:

    I think she should be allowed to continue the pregnancy and the baby given up for adoption.

    I think this group home needs a full and thorough investigation.
    I think her parents holding guardianship needs an investigation as well. They may very well be awesome and involved and this was not in their radar. However, I think seem review is necessary.
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