Is it harmful to tell your little girl she's pretty?

16 posts / 0 new
Last post
Minx_Kristi's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 2 weeks ago
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1262
Is it harmful to tell your little girl she's pretty?
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 11/28/06
Posts: 848

I think the article is BS and I'll continue to tell my girls they're gorgeous, beautiful, or whatever fitting word comes to my mind. I'll admit though, the author really turned me off when she insinuated that putting a little girl in a bikini is irresponsible. Huh?!?

RebeccaA'07's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

I tell my daughter she's a pretty girl all of the time, because she is. As her Mother, I feel the need to compliment her. As for the bikini, well personally, I don't allow my daughter to wear one because I feel it's inappropriate to show that much skin. I don't wear one either, not because I can't rock it but because I don't feel comfortable having everything showing.

Offline
Last seen: 3 years 11 months ago
Joined: 01/06/03
Posts: 1175

"RebeccaA'07" wrote:

I tell my daughter she's a pretty girl all of the time, because she is. As her Mother, I feel the need to compliment her. As for the bikini, well personally, I don't allow my daughter to wear one because I feel it's inappropriate to show that much skin. I don't wear one either, not because I can't rock it but because I don't feel comfortable having everything showing.

ITA with everything you said Smile

There's nothing wrong with telling your dd she's pretty/etc. Where it might become an issue is if one was putting down all the other little girls in order to build up their dd... but I don't think the majority of people would do that.

Offline
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1626

I liked the article. But I tend to stay away from looks-centered compliments anyway. I don't see harm in telling my girls they're beautiful or when they look nice, but most of my day is spent telling them how awesome they are in every way, and not just looks, as I'm sure most mom's do, TBH.

I do believe it does better thing for a girl when she's told how proud a mum is of her hard work or kindness or for trying her very best. It goes farther than just how pretty she looks in an outfit.

Offline
Last seen: 3 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3348

The harm comes when that is the ONLY compliment your daughter gets. I tell my daughter she is beautiful, cute, pretty, all the time. I also tell her she's funny, smart, silly, sweet, whatever she is to reinforce the good behavior (because she is 3 and there's a lot of bad behavior too).

I also tell my son he is cute, handsome, and a beautiful boy, along with telling him he is funny smart, silly, sweet, etc.

The point is to teach girls that they have value beyond their looks, but body confidence and personal confidence is extremely important and it all needs to be reinforced. I would never want my kids to have the confidence issues I have had my whole life. (And no, it's not because my parents didn't do right by me. . they had the same issues themselves.) I will tell her she's beautiful and I will continue to do so her entire life. Same for my boy.

That said, I will also compliment them on ALL of their wonderful qualities. (Lucky for me that's an easy gig. Smile )

KimPossible's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 4 hours ago
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3475

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

The harm comes when that is the ONLY compliment your daughter gets. I tell my daughter she is beautiful, cute, pretty, all the time. I also tell her she's funny, smart, silly, sweet, whatever she is to reinforce the good behavior (because she is 3 and there's a lot of bad behavior too).

I also tell my son he is cute, handsome, and a beautiful boy, along with telling him he is funny smart, silly, sweet, etc.

The point is to teach girls that they have value beyond their looks, but body confidence and personal confidence is extremely important and it all needs to be reinforced. I would never want my kids to have the confidence issues I have had my whole life. (And no, it's not because my parents didn't do right by me. . they had the same issues themselves.) I will tell her she's beautiful and I will continue to do so her entire life. Same for my boy.

That said, I will also compliment them on ALL of their wonderful qualities. (Lucky for me that's an easy gig. Smile )

Pulling out my standard "Ditto Laurie" text.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

The harm comes when that is the ONLY compliment your daughter gets. I tell my daughter she is beautiful, cute, pretty, all the time. I also tell her she's funny, smart, silly, sweet, whatever she is to reinforce the good behavior (because she is 3 and there's a lot of bad behavior too).

I also tell my son he is cute, handsome, and a beautiful boy, along with telling him he is funny smart, silly, sweet, etc.

The point is to teach girls that they have value beyond their looks, but body confidence and personal confidence is extremely important and it all needs to be reinforced. I would never want my kids to have the confidence issues I have had my whole life. (And no, it's not because my parents didn't do right by me. . they had the same issues themselves.) I will tell her she's beautiful and I will continue to do so her entire life. Same for my boy.

That said, I will also compliment them on ALL of their wonderful qualities. (Lucky for me that's an easy gig. Smile )

Yep.

I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I am sure I would tell her that she's gorgeous, cute, et cetera. Just like I do my son. But I would also throw in "funny, smart, sweet" et cetera. Just like I do with my son.

Andy1784's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 2 weeks ago
Joined: 09/18/08
Posts: 1372

I also completely agree with Laurie. I tell both of my kids that they are cute/pretty/handsome, but I do make an effort to praise their efforts much more. I want to encourage them to focus on being good people and trying their best so that is what I focus my praise on.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6803

I grew up with a father that believed you should never complement your kids. That it would make them proud and vain. My sister (who I think looks just fine) thinks she is horribly ugly. Now I tell my girls that they are beautiful because they are. It can do just as much harm to never complement them. Now I also believe in balance. They do not need to think they are the most beautiful thing out there and that is the only special thing about them. Looks tend to fade as you get older and I do not want them to fall apart later on.

Spacers's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4104

I tell my kids they are beautiful because they are, but it's more about who they are than how they look. I believe that true beauty comes from within. My daughter is a beautiful person from way down deep in her soul, and I don't want that to change no matter what her skin does or what she does to her hair. People can be good-looking without being nice or kind, but a nice & kind person is always going to be more beautiful than a mean person. And I'm more likely to compliment the things they do, the way they try hard, being nice to others, character things, than I am their looks, but I don't hesitate to compliment their looks if they do look particularly nice. Blum 3 Yesterday I got Weston dressed, even got his socks & shoes on because we were planning to leave soon, and he even let me brush his hair. When I set him down, he said, "Me a handsome man?" I said, "Yes, you are!" But hopefully that's not going to become a regular question from him. Wink

elleon17's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

I don't agree with this article.

I think it is important to tell her she is pretty and smart and all the wonderful things about her.

I grew up like this and I grew up feeling pretty and smart and it gave me confidence and a feeling that I could do anything.

I think the pressures to be thin, have breast implants, etc that the article mentions weighs so much on societal pressures the little girls feel. Maybe by telling them they are beautiful in the own skin and teaching them to be proud of that uniqueness could curb the need to look like everyone else.

Offline
Last seen: 3 months 4 weeks ago
Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3348

"elleon17" wrote:

I think the pressures to be thin, have breast implants, etc that the article mentions weighs so much on societal pressures the little girls feel. Maybe by telling them they are beautiful in the own skin and teaching them to be proud of that uniqueness could curb the need to look like everyone else.

I agree 100%. It's not "you're beautiful because you are wearing this or did that", it's just "you're beautiful."

meesh101's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
Joined: 04/16/07
Posts: 16

I tell my girls they are beautiful. I tell my son he's handsome. I also make a point to tell them I'm proud of their accomplishments.
Something I just starting doing in the last year is have them acknowledge their accomplishments with their own words. Whether it is something incredibly awesome or they just finished a task/game/project/grades....I say something like, "wow, I bet you are really proud of(whatever they did)?" It forces them to acknowledge and respond, teaching them to be proud of who they are...thank you family therapy:D

fuchsiasky's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 months 3 weeks ago
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 959

I tell my daughter that she is beautiful. And smart, funny, silly, helpful etc. She is a beautiful person inside and out. But her looks are only a part of who she is and we don't focus on it and more than any other part of her.

Starryblue702's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I too think the article is crap. I tell my daughter every single day how beautiful she is and will for the rest of my life. I think that girl's perceptions of their bodies are altered by television, ads, magazines, and everyone else telling them what they "should" look like. I think by me reminding her every day how strikingly beautiful she is will only boost her self esteem and confidence.