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  1. #11
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    It's not a valid point. It's an assumption people make that's unfair. When a straight couple adopts kids, no one asks about the biological parents. It shouldn't be any different for gay couples. They are the parents.
    I dont think it is an assumption. I think the hospital is just covering their butt. There is not really a way for the hospital to know by looking at the form if the other mom (or dad) has legally adopted the child. Since this laws governing this are different in ever state it leaves a lot of grey area for the hospitals to figure out.
    I agree with you that it is not okay that it is easier for straight couples with adopted children to deal with this, it should be easy for all parents to make medical decisions for their children. But I do not see this issue becoming more clear anytime soon. With the American family changing all the time there will always be questions that have to be asked
    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom3girls View Post
    Asking about the bio dad is a valid point. If the bio dad has any legal connection to the child then the hospital or doctor has to have his permission as well. The forms can change to reflect different family make ups, but they will still need to cover their bases and aske the question.
    I can see why this mom is upset, I think it is great she is trying to get this resolved.
    This isn't true. Either one parent has sole legal custody or the both have shared legal custody. For documents such as passports and committing to the military early, you do need both parents to agree. But not for medical decisions. It would be ridiculous for the doctor to have to call DD2's father when she needs a breathing treatment at urgent care. Likewise, if she was injured while at her father's house he needs to be able to get her seen without delay.
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  3. #13
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ethanwinfield View Post
    This isn't true. Either one parent has sole legal custody or the both have shared legal custody. For documents such as passports and committing to the military early, you do need both parents to agree. But not for medical decisions. It would be ridiculous for the doctor to have to call DD2's father when she needs a breathing treatment at urgent care. Likewise, if she was injured while at her father's house he needs to be able to get her seen without delay.
    Learn something new everyday. I thought both parents had to sign for surgeries and any major medical decision.
    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  4. #14
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    I had to fill out some forms for Robbie for some testing. On the forms it asked for the "natural mother" info (and father for that matter). As an adoptee I got so angry about this! I have had friends who are adoptive parents get mad for the same reason. If the forms had said birth or biological parent then fine but "natural" is so wrong. I totally get where this woman is coming from. It also reminded me of kindergarten in 1975 (I am so old, lol). My adoption had just been finalized 2 months before and I had lots of memories of my birth mother. We were making mother day's gifts. I insisted that I had to make 2 as I had 2 mothers. The teacher (and the school) knew of the situation. They could have made things so much easier then fight with a 5 year old about whether I had 2 moms or not.
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  5. #15
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    The other day I had to call on DD1's bank account. She spoke to them and then I did. For a security question the guy asked me what month my husband was born in. I had to think...what month could I have possible pick since I don't have a husband and why would I have that as a security question. I got it wrong and then he said he just assumed I was married to DD1's father and the actual question was what month was her father born in.

    I can't remember the last time I filled out a form but I'm pretty sure it still says mother and father. It's never bothered me though; I haven't even thought about it.

    The one thing I did have a problem with in her story is bringing only 1 gown for the parents and having the child choose. (Good response on his part BTW.)

    CA birth certificates now have "mother/parent" and "father/parent" but other states and the federal government don't have to recognize a same-sex couple who are both listed on the birth certificate.

  6. #16
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    Our forms at school now just say PARENT and PARENT. But that's rare. And they still get my last name wrong when they call even though they have the file handy.
    Laurie, mom to:
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  7. #17
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ethanwinfield View Post
    CA birth certificates now have "mother/parent" and "father/parent" but other states and the federal government don't have to recognize a same-sex couple who are both listed on the birth certificate.
    The thing is, I am in Canada where same-sex marriage has been recognized federally for a long time and they still have not changed the forms.
    Margaret (44)
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  8. #18
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ethanwinfield View Post
    CA birth certificates now have "mother/parent" and "father/parent" but other states and the federal government don't have to recognize a same-sex couple who are both listed on the birth certificate.
    The thing is, I am in Canada where same-sex marriage has been recognized federally for a long time and they still have not changed the forms.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
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    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


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  9. #19
    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    I would be irritated that apparently no one is actually reading the forms they made me fill out, and I think it's great that she is proactively trying to change the forms to be more reflective of the society we live in.

    But on the other hand I agree with Laurie that it seems to me like a relatively minor thing to put so much emotion into.
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  10. #20
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    The times I have had to fill out information, they want as much of the biological information as possible. The last time I went to a new doctor I had to call my mom and get HER life history. I will agree that this situation would be relevant to to many people that did not have a traditional family, not just GLTB. Divorced, widowed/widower, adopted. That said, it is normal in a surgery situation to answer the same questions several times. It is also normal that each new person asking you questions is not going to have communicated with the previous person asking the questions. When DH recently had his kidney transplant I had to tell each new person that he was allergic to one pain medicine. I am sure it was on his chart, but each new person that talked to him asked if there were any allergies.

    I do understand her frustration in that it would be irritating to always have to correct people about your title or family status, but it seems that this is a raw nerve for her. The staff seemed very accommodating to her each time they told her. That is not the same experience she would have gotten everywhere.

    ~Bonita~

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