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Thread: How much to say? kind of personal

  1. #11
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    I do not have any experience or advice, but

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  2. #12
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spacers View Post
    If I didn't think my so-called friend would listen to what I was saying, then yes, absolutely. My child's education is more important than anyone else's feelings. There are people who won't listen to the closest people in their lives, or who won't hear the message, but who will listen to an employer or teacher or neighbor saying exactly the same thing. That's why interventions involve pretty much everyone you know, because you don't know who is going to get through to that person.
    This is not a matter at all if my friend would not listen at all or not, I know she would listen. She trusts me, and I do not want to hurt her. I know she is experiencing the worst kind of pain right now. She is blaming herself and she is worried about what her child's future will hold. She is getting told by everybody what she should and shouldnt be doing (beating him, putting him in military school, etc) and I dont want to pile more on. I Just want to be a friend to her, and to love on her boy because right now they need that. I have been the trigger for her boy once and I know that he was not in control at that time. When it was over he was crying and climbing on my lap, he knew he was wrong and he doesnt like it
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    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  3. #13
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    I don't think a pediatrician should be making a diagnosis of ADHD. ADHD is at least as much ruling out a lot of other things as much as it is its own diagnosis. In my HMO if you or your ped suspects ADHD, then you are first asked a ton of questions about sleep, diet, activity level, screen time, and family environment. Those things are addressed first. If all of those are in the normal range, then you are referred to child psychiatry. The parents fill out about 10 pages of screening forms which help identify about a dozen disorders. The child's teacher also fills out a screening form, and so does anyone else who spends a good deal of time with the child. ADHD is not something that only occurs at home, or at school, or at soccer practice. The diagnosis requires that it must occur in every situation the child is in on a regular basis. Then the psychiatrist meets with the parents, and then with the child, and does a series of tests with the child, both with the parents and with them out of the room. After all of that, you might get a diagnosis, which may be ADHD or which might be something you never thought about. Or, you might be in a category where the child appears to have ADHD at home and at soccer, but not at school, which indicates that he might need some coping tools or the parents might need some parenting tools and you re-assess things in a few months. Violent rages are NOT an indicator of ADHD, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have ADHD, it just means he has something else going on with it.

    ETA: it took me so long to write this, with everything else going on at home this evening, that you posted above me. I'm glad that you feel she would listen to you, and really hear what you're saying. You are a good friend for wanting to do something. It really does sound like this boy has something else going on. Kids with OCD often have rage episodes, and so do kids with certain forms of autism.
    Last edited by Spacers; 08-07-2013 at 10:44 PM.
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  4. #14
    Prolific Poster ftmom's Avatar
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    I dont think that Stacie is suggesting you get her kicked out, more that if she wont listen to you, she might be more willing to listen to professionals at the school. Also, most schools have a lot of resources that are available if you ask. If she isnt asking and no one is complaining, they might be missing out on extra testing, special programs etc.
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    Kyla
    Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)

  5. #15
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Little more history, my friend and I are both teachers at a small christian school. We do have some resources available to us, but we are a little limited in our scope as far what we can do as a school. We also have some resources available that public schools do not. I really feel one of best things she could do is send him to a larger school, I have expressed that. But he is also very far behind academically, so the mom is afraid that in a bigger class he would fall even farther behind
    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  6. #16
    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    I would discuss the behaviors with her as they come up..protect myself and children if need be. I wouldn't tell her what to do about the behaviors but let her know you have information if she would like to try something or check something out. If she does nothing I would discuss it with my husband and have my husband talk to her husband.

    If she is truely not doing anything about his issues there might be some denial or guilt going on that you as a friend can help her with.. another idea is setting up a friendly meeting with other parents of children with similar issues that have dealt with them successfully.. like a few moms over coffee.

    Take the confronting your brother scripture I think in Matthew.. first go to her one on one.. then go with one other.. then go with a group.. etc.

    I will be praying for wisdom Lisa.
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  7. #17
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivergallery View Post
    I would discuss the behaviors with her as they come up..protect myself and children if need be. I wouldn't tell her what to do about the behaviors but let her know you have information if she would like to try something or check something out. If she does nothing I would discuss it with my husband and have my husband talk to her husband.

    If she is truely not doing anything about his issues there might be some denial or guilt going on that you as a friend can help her with.. another idea is setting up a friendly meeting with other parents of children with similar issues that have dealt with them successfully.. like a few moms over coffee.

    Take the confronting your brother scripture I think in Matthew.. first go to her one on one.. then go with one other.. then go with a group.. etc.

    I will be praying for wisdom Lisa.
    RG. I will read through that scripture tonight. We use is as a basis for conflict resolution within our school, but it has been a couple years since I have really delved into it
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    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  8. #18
    Prolific Poster ftmom's Avatar
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    Not sure where you are located? But here you need a medical diagnosis to get an aid in school. ADHD can be a medical diagnosis, or not. It can be very complicated and very difficult to get the right help for your child. I think what you are doing is right (being a friend and support), but for this child to thrive, it sounds like he needs more, so I think for his sake it would be good to talk to her about doing more. If you can find out what would be needed to get him an aid in your school (often additional tests, etc), that might be somewhere to start, if she is worried he is behind.
    Kyla
    Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)

  9. #19
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    I am taking my friend to lunch tomorrow, hoping to have some time to talk to her
    Lisa
    Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom3girls View Post
    I am taking my friend to lunch tomorrow, hoping to have some time to talk to her
    Good luck!
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )




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