iPads, iPhones etc

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Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261
iPads, iPhones etc

I have an 18 yr old niece, 13 (today) year old nephew and an 8 yr old nephew.

The 18 yr old has a lap top, iPad and iPhone 5.
The 13 year old has the same as above, plus the latest PS and XBox.
The 8 yr old has a lap top and iPad.

Do you agree/disagree with them owning all these gadgets?
Why?

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Personally, I think it is ridiculous.

Last year when my DD was 4 and in her first year of school, I remember parents discussing Christmas in the playground. It was 'I've got M a iPad Mini' and I remember thinking, WHY? What does a 4 year old need an iPad Mini for?! I was still buying dolls and prams for DD!

Personally, I think by getting your kids these gadgets it's creating a couch potato society. The 13 year old won't leave the house because all his friends are on their consoles, therefore he has noone to do anything with. The 8 year old isn't as bad and still loves playing out, but as soon as he comes in he's on a computer.

I have an iPhone and I let DD play on it, but only occasionally. I refuse to give in to peer pressure and want her to be little for as long as possible.

xx

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

I have an 18 yr old niece, 13 (today) year old nephew and an 8 yr old nephew.

The 18 yr old has a lap top, iPad and iPhone 5.
The 13 year old has the same as above, plus the latest PS and XBox.
The 8 yr old has a lap top and iPad.

Do you agree/disagree with them owning all these gadgets?
Why?

AN 18 year old? Yeah i don't see a problem with that. Laptop for school work...and i could see my kids having a smartphone at that age. I would want them to contribute some to the data plan though. Those data plans are expensive!

My daughter is 12. She has a tracfone and thats it and i have no intentions of getting her a smartphone anytime soon. Lots of her friends have iPhones or other smartphones though. I personally don't like the fact that they have the internet at their hands...you tube and such every minute of the day. But its the world we live in, so i try to talk to DD about whats on the internet, what is appropriate use of the internet and what is not. Because even though she doesn't have direct access to it, everyone she hangs out with does, so its not that different. My other option would be to put her in a bubble.

As for video game consoles, we have one, just a wii. Its for the whole family, not for any specific kid. I could see trading it in someday for something else as the kids get older....maybe. I discourage a lot of use of the wii though. For personal reasons, i will never own more than one video game console in the house at a time. But i mean....i don't really care if other people do, its really more about how much time you spend on them...not how many you have.

DH and I have discussed buying a laptop and/or an ipad for the kids...to share. Emma constantly has to borrow my computer for school papers and research. I don't like them playing on my computer because i use it for work. It would be good to have a family laptop that could be used for school work and for fun. We actually talked about maybe getting one tablet and one laptop. So that schoolwork can be done...and they could use the tablet for things like taking pictures and videos and stuff which is something they love to borrow my own, very expensive, smartphone for.

I don't see any reason why my kids would all need their own ipads or laptops at this point. I limit the time they spend on the computer or with screens...so sharing ONE laptop and/or ipad is plenty. They are capable of taking turns if need be.

For the record, my kids are 12, 10, 8, 6 and 3. It took us to the point with two kids being in double digits to consider buying these things.

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

We have our budget for what we buy the kids for gifts. Even if we combined, it wouldn't amount to an iPad. We have lots of electronic stuff around the house that my 5 year old is welcome to use as long as she takes care of it. Her interest is minimal (less than an hour a week) unless we are travelling and she isn't allowed to get up.

I would not buy something electronic over $100 for my kids but if they wanted to save for it, I would have no problem with my 13 year old buying an iPad or something similar.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

Personally, I think it is ridiculous.

Last year when my DD was 4 and in her first year of school, I remember parents discussing Christmas in the playground. It was 'I've got M a iPad Mini' and I remember thinking, WHY? What does a 4 year old need an iPad Mini for?! I was still buying dolls and prams for DD!

Personally, I think by getting your kids these gadgets it's creating a couch potato society. The 13 year old won't leave the house because all his friends are on their consoles, therefore he has noone to do anything with. The 8 year old isn't as bad and still loves playing out, but as soon as he comes in he's on a computer.

I have an iPhone and I let DD play on it, but only occasionally. I refuse to give in to peer pressure and want her to be little for as long as possible.

xx

See my issue is that i do let my kids use the internet, and let them use my phone, let them play on the computer etc. So I have two choices. let them use my laptop and my phone....or get them their own.

I got sick of taking text messages from DD's friends, and passing them on to her.. and then letting her take my phone to message them back. Or texting one of her friends moms, when DD is with them, instead of being able to text her directly. It was inconvenient to say the least. And really rather stupid. If she is using my phone to do all of this...then why not just get her her own?

To me, it really isn't about them owning the devices...its about creating expectations of how often they should be used and what for.

FTR, DS says he wants a phone too, but we haven't said yes yet. With DD it was proven that it would be useful for her to have one at this point, and at her age. With DS, it has not gotten to that yet. Big difference between the two of them, even if there is only 2 years difference.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

At 18, I would say she could have what she could pay for. Many 18 year olds are in college and would need a computer. I have also seen the situation where MIL' s foster daughter always has her phone. That makes it so no one can contact MIL. In that situation, I think it would be better for her to have her own. As my children have gotten older, I can see how a child could collect technology. I am considering a kindle for my oldest for Christmas because there are so many good deals on ebooks. A better situation in my opinion in would be to limit the screen time.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1535

We have some friends that they all have their own laptop, ipad and iphone (including the 8 year old) and they dont interact at night they are all in their bedrooms on their devices. It is not for me, or my family but it seems to be okay for them. One day last weekend the weather was horrible and we were all getting sick so the 3 girls and I all layed in my bed and we all read a book in one day, we werent interacting but I feel like we were connecting none the less

My 2 older girls have phones, but they pay for the monthly fee themselves and they are not willing right now to pay the extra $30 for a smart phone per month. We have a family desk top for when the kids want to use the computer but I can see our olders needing their own laptop soon. My 8th graders uses my laptop for homework almost every night now, I am sure high school will have even more homework

Joined: 04/12/03
Posts: 1686

Me: laptop, ipad 2, smart phone
DD17: laptop, ipad 1, smart phone
DD9: laptop, ipad 2, basic phone

I bought myself a laptop and ipad 2. The smartphone was a gift; I pay for the data plan

DD17's laptop was a gift; the ipad a hand-me-down when my mom got a new one; her smart phone was a birthday gift - she pays for the data plan and the deductible the 2 times shes had to make a claim on the insurnace

DD9's laptop and ipad were both gifts from her dad. Now he wants to get her an iphone 5S. He'll pay for the phone and the data plan. She'll be 10 in 2 months and this is really not a good idea for many reasons.

elleon17's picture
Joined: 01/26/09
Posts: 1981

I have a 4 yr old and a 4 month old, but I can increasingly see this being an issue in coming years with our 4 year old. He plays on my phone, nook and our computer.

I think that we are going to have to make the decision to not bring in the technology for him to have as his own. I do like the idea of them having a phone around 8-10 years old, but only for calls to mom, dad and grandparents. Its a phone for use to us and not a seperate phone line for friends. For that they can use the house phone and obey the rules we set on time limits.

I think around 16 or so if they want to pay for a smart phone (or whatever technology will be around then) then it would be ok, but still with rules.

Having multiple computers may be neccessary for school work.

I saw some device that parents could put timers on gaming, surfing etc. I like that idea

I like technology, but it really distances us from one another. I'd like to instate a no phone rule in our house, but I think my hubby would go insane.

For the 18 year I have no issues.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

Can i ask, what is the logic behind insisting that a cell phone is not okay for use to talk to friends, but a land line is acceptable. Is it just a concern about the financial costs of using the cell phone too much? Or is it something more?

I guess i don't understand what difference it makes what phone they use to talk to their friends.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3187

As a nerdish sort of person, I myself have a desktop computer, a laptop, and an iPad. I now also have an iPhone because my office was paying for me to have one and they let me keep it (because it's a 4 and not a 5).

The issue for me isn't the technology, it's a question of whether or not the kids are spoiled. Do they get everything they want because they whine for it? Spoiled. Or do they have the technology because their parents can afford it and it's fun and not abused? Not a problem.

Some days we are all hanging out as a family, other times we are all poking around on our devices. It's just another form of leisure. As a kid I was obsessed with reading, I still am. So my family would be hanging out and I'd be buried in a book. Same level of isolation although of course I think a book has tremendous value in terms of one's brain development and vocabulary.

My 9-year-old has a DS, but otherwise we own the technology and his use is regulated. My 6-year-old doesn't own any, but she uses my iPad all the time.

I really don't have an issue with it on principle, I can't make a judgement based solely on age and technology type. I don't plan to get a cell phone for Nathaniel until next year when he is walking to school by himself.

Anyway...I don't think it's a big deal unless the kids don't interact with anyone (and I'm guessing the parents don't either if that's true) or the kids are spoiled and given everything they ask for.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

I will confess to something bad though. My kids often tell me about these other kids that are their ages (the younger ones) that have ipads and iphones and i will admit, my first gut reaction is that these kids spend too much time on these devices.

Do I know if its true or not? I don't. And I admit to telling my kids that I think its unnecessary and over the top.

So I'm being a bit of a hypocrite in what I think and what i do sometimes.

I should learn to trust people's judgments more (not that i actually stew over these things, they aren't my concern as they are not my kids) but given how much i see some kids using electronics...it just has to make me wonder, and I automatically gravitate towards blaming the ones that actually give them to their kids at a young age as the most likely culprits.

There. Total confession thrown out on the table. I"m a horrible person, i know.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"KimPossible" wrote:

Can i ask, what is the logic behind insisting that a cell phone is not okay for use to talk to friends, but a land line is acceptable. Is it just a concern about the financial costs of using the cell phone too much? Or is it something more?

I guess i don't understand what difference it makes what phone they use to talk to their friends.

Where I live a land line is as much as a prepaid cell plan, so money wouldn't be the consideration. I like being able to monitor who my child is talking to, what kind of conversation they're having, the language and tone they're both using, and you really can't do that with a cell phone. When the child is stuck on the land line, you can eavedrop more easily and make sure they aren't being bullied, or bullying someone else, or talking dirty with a boy before they should be, etc. We've dropped our land line recently but our apartment is so small she can't really get away from us, LOL! She's not allowed to take our phones outside.

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

The issue for me isn't the technology, it's a question of whether or not the kids are spoiled. Do they get everything they want because they whine for it? Spoiled. Or do they have the technology because their parents can afford it and it's fun and not abused? Not a problem.

I pretty much agree with this, but I would add the concern of whether the child is using the technology to withdraw from having to interact with people in the real world or if he's using the technology to stay connected. My BIL and my two nephews will *not* have a conversation at the dinner table, they just play their games and ignore everyone. My two nieces are both always texting & playing games, but area also perfectly capable of putting their devices away and enjoying themselves with family or friends in the same room.

We've told Tiven that she can have a standard cell phone when she's in middle school because we do want her to be able to get in touch with us when she has more freedom to roam, and to be able to call & text friends. It might be a smart phone without a data plan, it might be my old flip phone, we don't know yet. But we are not turning her loose with the internet at her hands at the age of 11, no way, and her phone will get turned in to us at bedtime & returned to her in the morning. That's 1.5 years away, and we'll re-evaluate when she's getting ready for high school. As for needing a computer for homework, I'm adamantly opposed to most homework so that argument doesn't sway me much.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Spacers" wrote:

Where I live a land line is as much as a prepaid cell plan, so money wouldn't be the consideration. I like being able to monitor who my child is talking to, what kind of conversation they're having, the language and tone they're both using, and you really can't do that with a cell phone. When the child is stuck on the land line, you can eavedrop more easily and make sure they aren't being bullied, or bullying someone else, or talking dirty with a boy before they should be, etc. We've dropped our land line recently but our apartment is so small she can't really get away from us, LOL! She's not allowed to take our phones outside.

Yeah but at the point where i would ever consider getting my child a phone (emma is 12)...they have plenty of opportunity to talk to their friends when you are not around. If the issue is having conversations that you are not privy to...you'd never be able to let them out of your sight.

Plus do you really plan on insisting your child have her phone conversations in your presence in the house? Like, you wouldn't allow her to go up to her bedroom to talk?

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"KimPossible" wrote:

Yeah but at the point where i would ever consider getting my child a phone (emma is 12)...they have plenty of opportunity to talk to their friends when you are not around. If the issue is having conversations that you are not privy to...you'd never be able to let them out of your sight.

Plus do you really plan on insisting your child have her phone conversations in your presence in the house? Like, you wouldn't allow her to go up to her bedroom to talk?

Remember how I said we're going to give her a phone when she's 11? She nine right now and yes, right now, we insist on her being where we can listen in if we choose to. As she gets older and more mature, and as she shows us that she's making good decisions with her life and her friendships, we will start loosening that requirement. We simply don't believe that kids should expect to have 100% privacy 100% of the time. DH & I remember being limited to however far the phone cord would reach from the kitchen, and we turned out just fine. I see all these stories of very young kids bullying others and being bullied, and how cell phones and social media are such a huge part of that problem, and if I can protect my daughter from that for a while longer, if I can help her deal with it because I hear it happening, then I'm going to keep that bit of control in our lives.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Spacers" wrote:

Remember how I said we're going to give her a phone when she's 11? She nine right now and yes, right now, we insist on her being where we can listen in if we choose to. As she gets older and more mature, and as she shows us that she's making good decisions with her life and her friendships, we will start loosening that requirement. We simply don't believe that kids should expect to have 100% privacy 100% of the time. DH & I remember being limited to however far the phone cord would reach from the kitchen, and we turned out just fine. I see all these stories of very young kids bullying others and being bullied, and how cell phones and social media are such a huge part of that problem, and if I can protect my daughter from that for a while longer, if I can help her deal with it because I hear it happening, then I'm going to keep that bit of control in our lives.

I don't believe in 100% privacy either. In fact, i really have no issue with similar rules about computer use. I like the computer being in a common area, not in the kids bedrooms.

Guess the phone conversations thing feels different to me. Not that I'm saying that they should expect me to never question what they are doing or talking about with their friends....just that i wouldn't by default plan on eaves dropping on their conversations.

And if anything, i would worry more about bullying issues at an older age, particularly middle school and on, than elementary school.

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

My DS is not allowed to play with phones or my tablet, so he will not be getting them himself for quite some time. He has been watching movies on the tablet but that was while our dvd player died and we were looking for a new one. At this stage he can have a phone when he can pay for one and if he needs a computer for school work we have a desk top so he doesn't need a lap top. I personally don't feel he needs all the gadgets and he is able to amuse himself without them. I have cousins who when we recently went to a family party wouldn't play with the kids instead they wanted to play on their parents phones so they sat by themselves and played games on their own. These cousins buy their kids everything technology related and their children have built such a dependence, which they have enabled as parents, that they can not be in the car even for a 5 minute trip down the road without the car dvd players being on.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

I have cousins who when we recently went to a family party wouldn't play with the kids instead they wanted to play on their parents phones so they sat by themselves and played games on their own. These cousins buy their kids everything technology related and their children have built such a dependence, which they have enabled as parents, that they can not be in the car even for a 5 minute trip down the road without the car dvd players being on.

This is not a symptom of them having these things, this is a system of having unrestricted access to these things and not being taught differently.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

I have cousins who when we recently went to a family party wouldn't play with the kids instead they wanted to play on their parents phones so they sat by themselves and played games on their own. These cousins buy their kids everything technology related and their children have built such a dependence, which they have enabled as parents, that they can not be in the car even for a 5 minute trip down the road without the car dvd players being on.

This is not a symptom of them having these things, this is a system of having unrestricted access to these things and not being taught differently.

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

Yes thats why I said they have a dependence which their parents have enabled.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"ange84" wrote:

Yes thats why I said they have a dependence which their parents have enabled.

I see. The sentence prior to that account was "I personally don't feel he needs all the gadgets and he is able to amuse himself without them."

So it had sounded like you were using that story as an example of why your kids won't have electronics. Thats what prompted my response.

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

My main problem is that many times, having these items reflects how the kids are spoilt with everything else too. We make a good salary and if we started buying presents like that for each kid for birthday/Christmas, it would impact our ability to do other things. I don't know how people who make significantly less can without going into debt. And there is almost no reason to go into debt to buy an iPad (or other gadget) never mind as a present.

Regardless of whether the kid owns it or uses the family one, I see no reason why the parent can't have some control over use. I don't think my 15 year old niece has put down her phone at any family gathering in the last couple years. Maybe it is because my kids aren't teenager Smile but I can't see why she is allowed to bring it! Realistically, she probably wouldn't interact more with us but it might teach some manners.

Joined: 04/12/03
Posts: 1686

"Spacers" wrote:

Remember how I said we're going to give her a phone when she's 11? She nine right now and yes, right now, we insist on her being where we can listen in if we choose to. As she gets older and more mature, and as she shows us that she's making good decisions with her life and her friendships, we will start loosening that requirement. We simply don't believe that kids should expect to have 100% privacy 100% of the time. DH & I remember being limited to however far the phone cord would reach from the kitchen, and we turned out just fine. I see all these stories of very young kids bullying others and being bullied, and how cell phones and social media are such a huge part of that problem, and if I can protect my daughter from that for a while longer, if I can help her deal with it because I hear it happening, then I'm going to keep that bit of control in our lives.

I don't know if it is the same where you are, but my cell service has a record of all of the calls/texts both incoming, outgoing, and duration. When I had my landline, this wasn't available to me. If DD sneaked out of bed at midnight and called her friend on the landline, I would never know because it isn't long distance. Also, I can block the times and numbers she can call which I couldn't do on the landline.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

"ethanwinfield" wrote:

I don't know if it is the same where you are, but my cell service has a record of all of the calls/texts both incoming, outgoing, and duration. When I had my landline, this wasn't available to me. If DD sneaked out of bed at midnight and called her friend on the landline, I would never know because it isn't long distance. Also, I can block the times and numbers she can call which I couldn't do on the landline.

Mine has this too, and the Parental control feature is $5 a month which allows you to block numbers and times. It is a great tool to make sure they get their chores done, because if they don't get their chores done you can ground them from the phone by blocking everyone except for allowed numbers like yourself. They hate that.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"KimPossible" wrote:

Can i ask, what is the logic behind insisting that a cell phone is not okay for use to talk to friends, but a land line is acceptable. Is it just a concern about the financial costs of using the cell phone too much? Or is it something more?

I guess i don't understand what difference it makes what phone they use to talk to their friends.

I do not think I would do this in my family, but growing up I had friends that were only able to talk on the family phone in the living room/family area. A cell phone would be in your room with you to talk on at all hours of the night instead of going to bed. Sort of like families that do not allow tv/computers in the bedroom.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

I do not think I would do this in my family, but growing up I had friends that were only able to talk on the family phone in the living room/family area. A cell phone would be in your room with you to talk on at all hours of the night instead of going to bed. Sort of like families that do not allow tv/computers in the bedroom.

Sorry, I am still coming out of anaesthesia and did not see page 2 and 3 of commits when I posted.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

At 18, I would say she could have what she could pay for. Many 18 year olds are in college and would need a computer.

I should have explained the situation a little better. My niece is not a 'normal' 18 yr old (whatever normal is!) and has many learning difficulties. We know she has ADHD but she's never been given a proper diagnosis. She is currently unable to work, mainly because she has no concept of time/money and would not understand that in a working environment that she can't stand around chatting all day or sitting on her phone. She very hard to explain to people that don't know her personally, if that makes sense. This means that anything she owns is purchased by her Mum.

"KimPossible" wrote:

Can i ask, what is the logic behind insisting that a cell phone is not okay for use to talk to friends, but a land line is acceptable. Is it just a concern about the financial costs of using the cell phone too much? Or is it something more?

I guess i don't understand what difference it makes what phone they use to talk to their friends.

I agree with Spacer on this. A child at the age of 8 should not need privacy to talk to friends imo. As they get older ie teenager age 14 onwards, to the point they understand more that they can't just use the phone willy nilly then I would definitely prefer landline useage only.
That being said, I will probably consider getting DD a basic mobile just so I can call her when she's playing out.

"freddieflounder101" wrote:

The issue for me isn't the technology, it's a question of whether or not the kids are spoiled. Do they get everything they want because they whine for it? Spoiled. Or do they have the technology because their parents can afford it and it's fun and not abused? Not a problem.

My sister's kids are definitely spoilt and she puts herself in a lot of debt to get them what they want. Maybe this is the issue I have with it. They get what they want and they're very disrespectful children. Liek I said, the 13 yr old just got an iPhone for his birthday, yet he effs and jeffs at his Mum ALL the time! I don't understand how my sister thinks in regards to it all.

"Spacers" wrote:

Remember how I said we're going to give her a phone when she's 11? She nine right now and yes, right now, we insist on her being where we can listen in if we choose to. As she gets older and more mature, and as she shows us that she's making good decisions with her life and her friendships, we will start loosening that requirement. We simply don't believe that kids should expect to have 100% privacy 100% of the time. DH & I remember being limited to however far the phone cord would reach from the kitchen, and we turned out just fine. I see all these stories of very young kids bullying others and being bullied, and how cell phones and social media are such a huge part of that problem, and if I can protect my daughter from that for a while longer, if I can help her deal with it because I hear it happening, then I'm going to keep that bit of control in our lives.

Definitely a worry. I think as the child gets older it will be harder to monitor! How do you intend on doing that in the future?

I just think if you get your kids all of these things at such a young age, you could be creating a rod for your own back and then the kid expects more and more. My DD is ecstatic when she gets a pair of new shoes and that's not because she never gets anything, it's because she's still innocent and I want to keep it that way.

xx

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

I agree with Spacer on this. A child at the age of 8 should not need privacy to talk to friends imo. As they get older ie teenager age 14 onwards, to the point they understand more that they can't just use the phone willy nilly then I would definitely prefer landline useage only.
That being said, I will probably consider getting DD a basic mobile just so I can call her when she's playing out.

I didn't say they need privacy....i said i don't understand insisting they have every conversation with their friends in front of you. My 8 year old has conversations with her friends and they are the most ridiculous and innocent conversations you could ever think of. Bullying isn't even on her radar, nor has it been at such a young age for any of my kids...nor has it been a problem in either of the schools they go to...until they get older.

Middle school, entirely different. There's been drama in my daughters class and I've heard at my sons school that bullying can be a problem. And i find it interesting that bullying is used as the reason why we'd eaves drop on our children, yet we'd start letting them have phone conversations away from us at about the time it starts to get bad. I see a big logical disconnect here.

ETA I also don't understand this concept of 'cant use the phone willy nilly' Do you mean because of the cost? That i could understand, but thats why i think a tracfone is a great way to start. They can learn pretty quickly how fast minutes get used up. I think they learn more by experience then waking up magically one day deciding they will be mindful of their minutes.

Or do you just mean you don't want them on the phone all the time. I've never restricted my daughter's time on the phone. She gets calls from friends and sometimes they talk for a while, but a lot of the time they don't. I think if on any given day the amount of time she spent on the phone and not doing other things started to get excessive i'd tell her to get off the phone and go do something else. But thats never happened. Its just not one of those things that I would assume would be a problem right off the bat.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

"KimPossible" wrote:

I didn't say they need privacy....i said i don't understand insisting they have every conversation with their friends in front of you. My 8 year old has conversations with her friends and they are the most ridiculous and innocent conversations you could ever think of. Bullying isn't even on her radar, nor has it been at such a young age for any of my kids...nor has it been a problem in either of the schools they go to...until they get older.

Middle school, entirely different. There's been drama in my daughters class and I've heard at my sons school that bullying can be a problem. And i find it interesting that bullying is used as the reason why we'd eaves drop on our children, yet we'd start letting them have phone conversations away from us at about the time it starts to get bad. I see a big logical disconnect here.

ETA I also don't understand this concept of 'cant use the phone willy nilly' Do you mean because of the cost? That i could understand, but thats why i think a tracfone is a great way to start. They can learn pretty quickly how fast minutes get used up. I think they learn more by experience then waking up magically one day deciding they will be mindful of their minutes.

Or do you just mean you don't want them on the phone all the time. I've never restricted my daughter's time on the phone. She gets calls from friends and sometimes they talk for a while, but a lot of the time they don't. I think if on any given day the amount of time she spent on the phone and not doing other things started to get excessive i'd tell her to get off the phone and go do something else. But thats never happened. Its just not one of those things that I would assume would be a problem right off the bat.

Ok, well I think my point is that I don't think it's nesessary for an 8 year old to have a phone to be able to contact friends. They should be out playing and interacting with other kids that way. Use of the landline would not be to ear wig either, but to keep an eye on how much use of the phone they are having.

Willy nilly, yes I do mean because of the cost and I actually agree with your comment here. Assuming a tracphone is like pay as you go? That is what DD will have until she can afford to pay her own bill.

xx

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

Ok, well I think my point is that I don't think it's nesessary for an 8 year old to have a phone to be able to contact friends. They should be out playing and interacting with other kids that way. Use of the landline would not be to ear wig either, but to keep an eye on how much use of the phone they are having.

Oh okay.....i agree, I would never get my 8YO her own phone, there is just no need. She doesn't really talk to her friends often enough, nor does she make any plans independently. My response was more to the who privacy thing. I don't go out of my way to give my 8YO privacy for phone conversations but i don't go out of my way to take it away from her either.

Willy nilly, yes I do mean because of the cost and I actually agree with your comment here. Assuming a tracphone is like pay as you go? That is what DD will have until she can afford to pay her own bill.

Yeah, its pay as you go. I'm actually surprised at how slowly dd has gone through her minutes on her phone. I thought she would have eaten them up a lot faster than she has.

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

"KimPossible" wrote:

Yeah, its pay as you go. I'm actually surprised at how slowly dd has gone through her minutes on her phone. I thought she would have eaten them up a lot faster than she has.

I could guarantee that my DD would have no minutes left very quickly, but she's only 5 haha. Hopefully she'll be sensible when she's old enough to have one.

xx

Joined: 01/18/13
Posts: 9

"Minx_Kristi" wrote:

I should have explained the situation a little better. My niece is not a 'normal' 18 yr old (whatever normal is!) and has many learning difficulties. We know she has ADHD but she's never been given a proper diagnosis. She is currently unable to work, mainly because she has no concept of time/money and would not understand that in a working environment that she can't stand around chatting all day or sitting on her phone. She very hard to explain to people that don't know her personally, if that makes sense. This means that anything she owns is purchased by her Mum.

I think giving kids with ADHD completely unlimited access to any sort of device is just a recipe for disaster. I say this because my own kiddo with ADHD is totally addicted to video games. We are in the process of "weaning" him off of all devices but I wish I had never introduced him to any sort of "fun" electronic. He would probably sit on the computer or XBox all day if we would let him. He has no interest in making friends, all he wants to do is talk about video games, etc. I don't mind him having short periods of time on electronics but with him it's just NEVER enough. My "normal" kids can easily transition to other things and enjoy lots of different activities but I even restrict them because I just don't think it's healthy to be constantly attached to an electronic.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

"KimPossible" wrote:

Oh okay.....i agree, I would never get my 8YO her own phone, there is just no need. She doesn't really talk to her friends often enough, nor does she make any plans independently. My response was more to the who privacy thing. I don't go out of my way to give my 8YO privacy for phone conversations but i don't go out of my way to take it away from her either.

Yeah, its pay as you go. I'm actually surprised at how slowly dd has gone through her minutes on her phone. I thought she would have eaten them up a lot faster than she has.

I think you will find as they get older they don't actually talk on the phone anymore. They just text. My teenagers almost never actually call their friends.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

I think you will find as they get older they don't actually talk on the phone anymore. They just text. My teenagers almost never actually call their friends.

yeah i believe that. Emma texts more than she talks on the phone. And its kind of funny actually...if a friend does call, its usually about homework and they always call her home phone, never her cell!

Joined: 05/13/02
Posts: 414

My three sons are 10, 12, and 15. Matt (12) and Tom (15) both have a cell phone, with Tom's being a smartphone. He does help pay towards the data plan, and since we have a family plan it's not that bad. All three boys do have laptops - Matt and Nathan got theirs for Christmas one year, and use it for school projects and homework assignments. Although now they generally just use our desktop since it's faster. Tom does a lot of advanced computer programs and video editing, so two years ago he just requested Best Buy gift cards for his birthday and Christmas, and saved up some of his own money to get a pretty sweet laptop. Almost all of his classwork is done on the computer or online, so for him it really is a necessity. Matt has an iPod he bought with birthday and Christmas money, and Nathan did the same thing to get an iPad mini. Honestly, they spent almost all of their time playing outside with their friends. We do limit how much they use any of those items, or the PS3, and they seem to be pretty well-rounded kiddos. As long as the electronics aren't ruling their lives, I'm okay with moderation.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3187

"mommydearest" wrote:

As long as the electronics aren't ruling their lives, I'm okay with moderation.

Exactly. For adults, too.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"KimPossible" wrote:

I didn't say they need privacy....i said i don't understand insisting they have every conversation with their friends in front of you. My 8 year old has conversations with her friends and they are the most ridiculous and innocent conversations you could ever think of. Bullying isn't even on her radar, nor has it been at such a young age for any of my kids...nor has it been a problem in either of the schools they go to...until they get older.

Middle school, entirely different. There's been drama in my daughters class and I've heard at my sons school that bullying can be a problem. And i find it interesting that bullying is used as the reason why we'd eaves drop on our children, yet we'd start letting them have phone conversations away from us at about the time it starts to get bad. I see a big logical disconnect here.

ETA I also don't understand this concept of 'cant use the phone willy nilly' Do you mean because of the cost? That i could understand, but thats why i think a tracfone is a great way to start. They can learn pretty quickly how fast minutes get used up. I think they learn more by experience then waking up magically one day deciding they will be mindful of their minutes.

Or do you just mean you don't want them on the phone all the time. I've never restricted my daughter's time on the phone. She gets calls from friends and sometimes they talk for a while, but a lot of the time they don't. I think if on any given day the amount of time she spent on the phone and not doing other things started to get excessive i'd tell her to get off the phone and go do something else. But thats never happened. Its just not one of those things that I would assume would be a problem right off the bat.

To the first bold: There's not a logical disconnect for me. Tiven was bullied in third grade. Sad Thankfully she told us right away and we put a quick stop to it. Now in fourth grade the same girls are picking on someone else and they're doing it on their phones. My hope is that, if my daughter does become their victim again, I'll be able to find out faster than this other parent did, and I'll also be able to help her stop it, like the time I heard her saying, "I don't like the way you're talking to me," and I told her it was OK to hang up. She said, "I don't want to talk to you when you're mean. You can call me back when you're nice," and she hung up and I gave her a hug. As much as I hate that she's dealing with this, I am glad it's happening now so that she has some tools to use when she's on her phone by herself, kwim? And if I ever hear her being the bully :shock: then I'll be able to put an even faster stop to it!

I don't insist that every conversation has to be "in front of me," only that they not be private. She doesn't get to close the doors and she doesn't get to go outside, and most of the time I actually ignore her, but sometimes yes, I do listen. I listen when I hear her voice getting agitated, or when the other person seems to be doing all the talking, and I especially listen when she's talking to one of the old bullies who are now supposedly friends. I also like being able to give her feedback on some basic good & thoughtful human being life skills. When I heard her tell a friend that she was sad the friend didn't pass an audition, I told her I was proud of her empathy. The friend not passing an audition might not have ever come up in dinner conversation, but I was happy to know that some of the things I've been trying to teach her really are sinking in! Blum 3

To the second bold: Yes. I want my daughter to know that there are appropriate times to use a phone, whether for talking or texting or whatever, and there are times to put it away and to be sociable or polite. There's a reason why people use their phones at the dinner table, in the movie theater, and while driving. It's because their parents didn't teach them better.

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

I see no reason for children to have high priced technology. And teens probably don't need most of it it either. A computer for school is one thing. But an Ipad, an Iphone and an Ipod. No. If they want it that badly than they need to earn it. Otherwise they won't have any respect for it. I am not spending that much money on something so easy to break.

DSD16 has been through probably 10 phones in the past 4 years. Her phones typically last less than 6 months (and once less than 1 month!) and then she breaks them. And her mother replaces them (:bangheaddesk:) She has no sense of responsibility for them because she is too young to own such things! Had she been forced to earn the money to replace them each time then maybe she would stop f-ing dropping them! (Sorry for being ranty, I am obviously still choked.)

We have decided that when DD is old enough to be able to be out and about on her own we will get her a cheap pay as you go phone for safety purposes. If she wants any other spendy technology she will have to earn it herself. I am not buying her ipads and things just to break them like her sister has. (Although she was given a leappad last christmas and has not dropped it once! Meanwhile her sister has been through 2 phones.)

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

I don't have any issue with family electronics. We do have a PS3, a lap top and a cheap tablet. There are rules about how much time is spent and such. We all share and they are owned by the parents.

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

"Spacers" wrote:

I pretty much agree with this, but I would add the concern of whether the child is using the technology to withdraw from having to interact with people in the real world or if he's using the technology to stay connected.

I think this is a key difference to being hidden in a book. We are interacting while on these devices. But not with those around us. It is all tech interaction and that doesn't teach you how to have a conversation with a person in the same room with you. My DSS19 can talk up a storm on the internet, but can't hold a person to person conversation at all. With a book, if you want to talk to someone you have to put the book down!

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1535

I have not had time to go back through and read all of this thread, but I just got back from a teachers conference and they gave us some research that I though was pertinent to this idea.

If a child is does not have access to computers between the ages of 4-8 they will not have equal vocabulary as their peers that did have access to computer technology when they are in high school. Allowing them to use computers (while managing their time) will create neuro pathways that cannot be created after age 8

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"mom3girls" wrote:

I have not had time to go back through and read all of this thread, but I just got back from a teachers conference and they gave us some research that I though was pertinent to this idea.

If a child is does not have access to computers between the ages of 4-8 they will not have equal vocabulary as their peers that did have access to computer technology when they are in high school. Allowing them to use computers (while managing their time) will create neuro pathways that cannot be created after age 8

Can you cite this, please? Because I've heard exactly the opposite from family & friends who are in education, which is basically that computers shouldn't be in elementary schools, that computers don't improve learning or test scores at the elementary level, and that "computer" is the one language better learned later than sooner.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1535

"Spacers" wrote:

Can you cite this, please? Because I've heard exactly the opposite from family & friends who are in education, which is basically that computers shouldn't be in elementary schools, that computers don't improve learning or test scores at the elementary level, and that "computer" is the one language better learned later than sooner.

Let me see if I can get a website since what I have is a hard copy

Rivergallery's picture
Joined: 05/23/03
Posts: 1301

"mom3girls" wrote:

I have not had time to go back through and read all of this thread, but I just got back from a teachers conference and they gave us some research that I though was pertinent to this idea.

If a child is does not have access to computers between the ages of 4-8 they will not have equal vocabulary as their peers that did have access to computer technology when they are in high school. Allowing them to use computers (while managing their time) will create neuro pathways that cannot be created after age 8

Well this is a bunch of BS.. put quite literally as to put it.. for mater a factly those in high end computer programing jobs that I know at the moment IE even steve jobs didn't have computer access as a 4-8 year old.. seriously!

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1535

"Rivergallery" wrote:

Well this is a bunch of BS.. put quite literally as to put it.. for mater a factly those in high end computer programing jobs that I know at the moment IE even steve jobs didn't have computer access as a 4-8 year old.. seriously!

still haven't found my booklet with my information on it (somewhere on my desk at work, but this week has been crazy) but this was addressed. People in our generation didnt have access to computers, so this wouldnt apply to them. Kids in our childrens generation dont really remember a time without technology, their brains are processing at a different rate.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I understand what Lisa is trying to say and it makes sense. A child that learns a foreign language as a child will have an easier time learning it than someone who tries to learn as an adult. That does not mean an adult can't learn, it is just easier as a child. The same with playing the piano. There is just something special about those early years that makes it easier to learn information faster.

That said, I do not let my kids spend all their time on-line either.