Keep the ring, return the gifts?

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Keep the ring, return the gifts?

Newly-wed and soon-to-be-divorced Kim Kardashian probably hasn't even had time to open the hundreds of wedding presents that she and Kris Humphries were given for their spectacular August 20 wedding, and now they have officially split there is the dilemma of what to do with the gifts.

"When it comes to wedding gifts, polite protocol deems that if the marriage lasts less that six months then they should definitely be returned to the buyer," Lizzie Post, co-author of Emily Post Etiquette, 18th Edition told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview.

As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Kim filed for divorce from the New Jersey Nets player on Monday, citing "irreconcilable differences."

The short-lived couple's gift registry at Geary of Beverly Hills alone added up to $172 million and included a $7,850 Baccarat crystal vase and $38,400 worth of Torchon dinnerware. They were also registered at the more practical houseware store, Williams-Sonoma.

"She should add a note saying: 'Thank you for your love and support, we have decided to end our marriage and we wanted to return this gift to you,'" said Post, adding that they should also make sure that any store credits go back to the person who bought the present.

"The only exception is if they were personally monogrammed or had been used," she added.

Considering they were only married 72 days, many of the gifts probably haven't even taken them out of the boxes!

PHOTOS: Kim Kardashian's Bikini Body Through The Years

"If there are guests who haven't sent a gift yet - they have until three months after the wedding before it's considered rude - then they are now off the hook and don't have to."

But, when it comes to Kim's $2 million, 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz ring though, that's hers to keep as a souvenir of her short-lived marriage.

"Technically the ring is a promise to get married and she did that, so she should not have to give it back," explained the etiquette expert. "It is hers now so she can do with it whatever she wants."

Now the marriage is over, the next step is dealing with the emotional pitfalls of the subsequent divorce.

I'm sure your world was rocked and you spent the day crying into your tissues over the news that Kim Kardashian's 10million dollar wedding joke is over, 72 days post marriage.

Should she keep the ring? Should she return the gifts? If you went to a wedding and the marriage lasted less than 3 months, would you expect your gift back?

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She should return them, but I seriously doubt most people will expect them back let alone ask for them.

I thought she bought the ring so she should definitely keep it.

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72 days? Is that even a marriage?
She should return everything and go hide out for awhile.

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Just for you melis, I have gotten out of my Kardashian depression, wiped my eyes enough just to see the screen, so I can respond to your post. Only for you.

Any moron who paid money for a gift thinking they would be married for more then a week doesn;t deserve their gify back. I say she keeps them all an teaches them a lesson.

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Return the gifts, keep the ring

This whole this is just sad. How do you not discuss where you want to live as a married couple BEFORE you get married???? He wants to raise kids in Minnesota, she want to stay in California, how do you not at least know that before "I do"? I hate to think it was for publicity because for all their 'reality' faults, they do seem to truly love their family unit.

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I tend to agree with Lana on this one - did anyone who got her a gift actually expect it to last anyway?

Having said that, what if the couple in question wasn't Kim K and whatshisface? What if they were seemingly nice, normal people that you knew well enough to go to their wedding, but not well enough to know the inner workings of their relationship?

I had a coworker that I was friendly with at work who got married. We went to the wedding, and got them a gift. I think she was married longer than 72 days, but it couldn't have been longer than 6 months. We did not get the gift back, and I'm sure no one else did either. The whole thing just felt...awkward. In that case, is the couple supposed to give the gifts back?

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"Alissa_Sal" wrote:

Having said that, what if the couple in question wasn't Kim K and whatshisface? What if they were seemingly nice, normal people that you knew well enough to go to their wedding, but not well enough to know the inner workings of their relationship?

I had a coworker that I was friendly with at work who got married. We went to the wedding, and got them a gift. I think she was married longer than 72 days, but it couldn't have been longer than 6 months. We did not get the gift back, and I'm sure no one else did either. The whole thing just felt...awkward. In that case, is the couple supposed to give the gifts back?

I think the rule still applies no matter who. If the gift is unopened/unused than it should be returned.

If the girl went through with the marriage, the ring is hers. If she breaks off the engagement, she should return the ring.

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I don't agree with the notion that just going through with the wedding means that keeping the ring is the right thing to do. Both in general and especially in the case of a family heirloom. Honestly if I got married and served my spouse divorce papers (my choice) two months later I would feel like a real jerk keeping the ring.

I also think that returning the gifts is the right thing to do...if you are a Kardashian or just suzie normal who happened to make a disastrously bad decision.

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Anyone who ends up with such a short-lived should return the gifts.

I also think she should give back the ring.

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The whole notion of keeping the ring seems very odd to me too. It's all very "payment for your virginity" to me. The way that I see my engagement/wedding ring is as a symbol of my marriage to my DH and a symbol of his love for me. I can't imagine that I would be able to wear it if our marriage dissolved, so what would I do with it? Now that we have a child, I think I would keep it for him if DH and I ever got divorced - he could give it to his future wife if he wanted, or sell it or whatever. But pre-child? I can't imagine even wanting it after a divorce. Granted, my ring wasn't worth $2MM. I might feel a little more mercenary about the whole thing if we were talking about larger sums of money. Lol

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I still say that if you actually say I do the ring is yours. I would only make an exception in the case of a family heirloom.

Having a longer marriage than divorcing makes it no more of a valid symbol of a union to me. It is a symbol of your promise and union the moment you've been married 2 seconds or 20 years.

I don't see a ring as a price for you virginity, but a promise that I will someday marry you. If you don't marry that promise is broken, ring goes back. If you do, it was gift representing your marriage (Although, obviously the sanctity of marriage wasn't cherished here) and is yours to keep forever.

If the girl wants no reminder of her marriage, then she should give it back.

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I opened all my wedding gifts pretty much right away, so I dont see returning them. Do I really want a used toaster back? Yuck!

As for the ring, I see it more as my husbands gift to me, especially the engagement ring. So I totally agree with keeping it. The wedding ring is more a symbol of our marriage and I would give it back. Maybe it is because I wore my engagement ring for over 3 years before our marriage that I see it that way.

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For those of you that would keep the ring, would you actually wear it?

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"ftmom" wrote:

I opened all my wedding gifts pretty much right away, so I dont see returning them. Do I really want a used toaster back? Yuck!

As for the ring, I see it more as my husbands gift to me, especially the engagement ring. So I totally agree with keeping it. The wedding ring is more a symbol of our marriage and I would give it back. Maybe it is because I wore my engagement ring for over 3 years before our marriage that I see it that way.

Around here no one gives gifts at the wedding, gifts like toasters and home things get given at the shower, at the wedding people give cash. Easy to return in the event of a quickie divorce Smile

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"Alissa_Sal" wrote:

For those of you that would keep the ring, would you actually wear it?

No, but if there were children I might consider making it into something for them representing both their parents.

I'm superstitious about using a ring that ended in divorce again, so I wouldn't pass it down as an engagment ring or wedding ring.

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"elleon17" wrote:

No, but if there were children I might consider making it into something for them representing both their parents.

I'm superstitious about using a ring that ended in divorce again, so I wouldn't pass it down as an engagment ring or wedding ring.

I wouldn't wear it either, which is why I wouldn't keep it except for my child(ren). I don't see the point in lugging around a piece of jewelry that I won't wear and that probably has sad associations for me. In the case of a quickie marriage (presuming there are no children involved) I just don't see why anyone would *want* to keep it, except for the monetary value, which is why I said that sounds like the whole "payment for your virginity" thing. I read somewhere that that is the point of an engagement ring - so that when the woman gets "sullied" she has something of value in return for it if the marriage doesn't work out. I don't know if that is true or just some feminist rhetoric (I've read quite a bit of feminist rhetoric in my lifetime) but it's always stuck with me. And makes me laugh about my own engagement ring from DH. He didn't exactly get what he paid for. Sucker. Lol

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Call me cynical but there's not going to be a divorce. At least not for a while. It's just not good show business & that's all she cares about. Kim filed for divorce on the same day her mom's book came out, and I say that's no coincidence. She & Kris will get some counseling (and, of course, show us excerpts on the show) and they'll reconcile. Then they'll have a baby next year, which will blow ratings through the roof. Kris probably has a cut of the show's action for the next 2-3 years, and a generous sperm donor allowance, too. He can't play basketball for the rest of his life, and providing KimK with a baby or two sets him up for good if he Angel plays his cards right and (b) budgets well from here on out.

To answer the OP questions: Bride keeps the ring if she gets married, she returns the ring if she breaks the engagement, and gifts should always be returned if they haven't been used.

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If I give someone a gift, I don't expect it back. It was a gift freely given without strings attached. Should they split, I would want my gift to go to the side that I am related to/friends with. It was a wedding gift afterall, and they did get married.

As for the wedding ring, yes, it's hers to keep. I would keep it. I plan on giving my daughters the rings their fathers gave me. I actually have a ring from about 100 - 120 years ago (not sure how many greats that is before grandmother) on my mother's side. I would have no way of knowing what it symbolizes in terms of their marriage (happiness/misery) but it's cool that's it's still in the family. I did make the mistake of sizing it, but I think I still have the piece of silver that was removed.

I've been given lots of beautiful jewelry over the years. Stones can always be set in other pieces.

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Return the gifts and the ring. Its all a show anyways....and I really don't care....

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I know I'm probably the odd man out, but can we ever really know the real reasons as to why two people divorce... even if it's just months after their marriage. I'm not on either one of their sides, but I just think the whole thing is sad. To answer the questions, I don't think that she should have to return the gifts. Like others have said, I don't think that the kind of people that attended her wedding would even expect their gifts back, and I think that having to pack all of your wedding gifts up and send them back would be super depressing. As far as the ring, it's absolutely hers (whether she bought it or not), as it's given as an exchange for marriage. They got married, so it's hers.

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"Starryblue702" wrote:

I know I'm probably the odd man out, but can we ever really know the real reasons as to why two people divorce... even if it's just months after their marriage. I'm not on either one of their sides, but I just think the whole thing is sad. To answer the questions, I don't think that she should have to return the gifts. Like others have said, I don't think that the kind of people that attended her wedding would even expect their gifts back, and I think that having to pack all of your wedding gifts up and send them back would be super depressing. As far as the ring, it's absolutely hers (whether she bought it or not), as it's given as an exchange for marriage. They got married, so it's hers.

What do you mean by that?

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"ethanwinfield" wrote:

If I give someone a gift, I don't expect it back. It was a gift freely given without strings attached. Should they split, I would want my gift to go to the side that I am related to/friends with. It was a wedding gift afterall, and they did get married.

As for the wedding ring, yes, it's hers to keep. I would keep it. I plan on giving my daughters the rings their fathers gave me. I actually have a ring from about 100 - 120 years ago (not sure how many greats that is before grandmother) on my mother's side. I would have no way of knowing what it symbolizes in terms of their marriage (happiness/misery) but it's cool that's it's still in the family. I did make the mistake of sizing it, but I think I still have the piece of silver that was removed.

I've been given lots of beautiful jewelry over the years. Stones can always be set in other pieces.

Exactly this and especially the bolded.

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"ethanwinfield" wrote:

What do you mean by that?

Celebrities... I'm sure they're not concerned about getting a gift back.

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A friend of mine got divorced about three years after marrying. He came out- which obviously ended the marriage. She sold her engagement ring, and used the money to set up her new life (which mostly meant buying a plane ticket to a new country, and covering some set-up costs there). I though that was a perfect way to deal with the ring (which she certainly didn't want anymore).

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Given how much money most of her guests likely have I doubt they would expect the gifts back.

As for the ring Mara has a good point. I think there is actually a website for that kind of thing - http://www.idonowidont.com.

Good luck unloading that ring though!!!