Keeping Adoption a Secret

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Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226
Keeping Adoption a Secret

'So happy I had a brother': Boys meet as friends, discover they are siblings - TODAYMoms

I have heard of keeping it a secret but nowadays it doesn't seem as common for me to hear this.

Would you keep an adoption a secret?
If you were to have or have adopted kids when do you tell them they are adopted?

*Note: I'm well aware of the odd circumstances of his adoption but I didn't want that to be the focus of the debate*

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Adoption should never have been a secret. I was adopted 40 years ago (finalized 37 years ago) and it was never a secret but I saw the harm it did for my step-brother who was also adopted. My step-mom hated that I was so open about my adoption and felt it was a shameful secret. I found that funny as my dad was adopted and my step-mom adopted my step-brother.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6545

I do not believe parents should lie to their children or keep something like this from them. My nephew is adopted. Because he was told from a young age, there was never a time that he "found out". I think finding out you were adopted as a teenager would be very traumatic.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

My husbands daughter was let go for adoption when she was only a few months old. Long story short: CPS was involved. The mother already had 2 children (different dad). They gave them the option of her keeping the oldest kids and letting the baby be adopted. The agreement was that she would be told who her parents were when she turned 18. She wasn't told, her adoptive parents abused her and all the other children they adopted. We finally found her 2 yrs ago, there is no relationship between them now because of her hard core drug use. I'm sorry, but she isn't worth losing my children over.

In general: Should children be told? Of course. If you are adopted and have no idea who your bio-parents are you are missing alot of important medical info. My Mom and Aunt were adopted (twins) and after yrs of searching they found there bio-mom only to be told she wanted nothing to do with them.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427

I believe that children should be told that they are adopted.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3179

Absolutely they should be told. It can be a lovely thing to tell because they were CHOSEN. Focus on the adoption and not the giving up. My husband and his sister are adopted and two of my siblings are adopted. It's just not something you keep secret.

Funny side note, today my daughter asked me if she and her brother were adopted or if they were in my tummy. Ha! (Tummy, I told her.)

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

I just didn't understand why she hadn't told him especially when she knew they were nearby.

Joined: 05/23/12
Posts: 680

No, I don't think adoption should be kept a secret.

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