His last name
My Last Name
Hyphenated Last Names
I have been under the impression I'm infertile, but of course since I'm on PO... I'm NOT. I got pregnant about a month after dating my boyfriend, so we've been dealing with a new relationship while trying to deal with whole pregnancy thing. I'm currently just shy of 23weeks and have a perfectly healthy girl.
So.. the DEBATE:
Thoughts on her having his name, my name, or our names hyphenated.
The back story:
I told him MANY times... this happened too soon in the relationship and we barely know each other, he is allowed to LEAVE and I won't speak evil of him or anything. I am a pediatric ICU nurse, I own my own house... I know it will be a struggle BUT financially I know I can raise her on my own. So... SUPER long, detailed, and complicated story later... he has done NOTHING for me or the baby or for me DURING the pregnancy. I am a pretty passive person, but for her, my adorable innocent daughter... I am trying to speak up. I've told him he has to come to doctor appts, help me with the baby registry, help get her room ready... NADA. He publicily ridiculed and humiliated me via FB and even went as far as to say he's not 100% sure its his kid, ALL of which he has yet to apologize.. and I've told him a total of 3x he HAS to do these things.
I was planning on her last name being hyphenated... we have no desire to get married, to each other or at all, so I thought the hyphenated name was "fair." My suggestion of that threw him off the handle and he lost his temper again- blasting me for poor decisions yada yada.
Without question it is his child... and society says its his kid so she gets his name. But... I'm carrying her, I'm gonna push her out, I'm gonna feed her... she's living with me... why can't I get my name on her? And with that, does he deserve to have his name on her based on his behavior, or is that using her as a reward system???
Side note... our relationship is more of a friends, where we speak a few times a day via text and may occasionally see each other once a week. He stopped all physical intimacy once we found out I was pregnant.
Last edited by Khafnerrn; 02-20-2013 at 05:40 AM.
After my parents divorced (around age 2), my last name was changed to match my mom's. I'm glad it was given the lack of relationship I had with my Dad growing up. I do have a great relationship with my Dad now.
Based on what you say, I would give the baby my last name but the decision is up to you.
DD1 July 2008 (41w3d)
November 2010 (13 weeks)
DD2 August 2011 (33w5d)
If I was the one raising and being primary caregiver for my child I would never give her anyones name but mine. Society does NOT say he gets her name, this is 2013. No man who ever questioned the child's paternity would have a shot in hell of having her bear his name.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I think it can make things a lot easier to have the same last name as your child. So in this case, when Dad will be doing little to no parenting, I would give the child my last name.
Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)
In this case, it would be my last name completely.
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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I agree with everyone else. If I were in your place I would use my own last name.
Mom to Lee, Jake, Brandon, Rocco
Stepmom to Ryan, Regan, Braden, Baley
Granddaughters Kylie 10/18/2010 & Aleya 4/22/2013
I never consider a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosopy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friend. --Thomas Jefferson