Law would let parents see kids' text messages

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"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

My oldest daughter is 7 and would love to have a cell phone. Why? Because most of her friends from dance and a few from school have them already. Personally, I think it is ridiculous for a young child to have a cell phone and I think most of the time it amounts to parents that are afraid to say "no" to their precious little children. For the life of me I can't think of any reason a 10 year old would NEED a cell phone. I just can't. Call me old fashioned, lame, or just plain ridiculous, but my kids won't have cell phones (or Facebook or any other social networking site) until they are probably 15 or 16. I guess they'll just have to suffer with having such an uncool Mom. Poor things.

My friend whose 9 year old has the iPhone is divorced with shared custody and its a very contentious situation/there are addiction issues involved ~ I CAN see how that makes sense or gives her some comfort. My nephew got his cell phone at 12 and just got a FB account for his 14th bday. That seems pretty healthy/normal to me, I could see us doing something like that. He travels with sports ~ I mean, if my child was in denver for swimming and I lived in PA I would want to have a way to be in touch with them, you know? I just trust that we will know when the time is right, and act accordingly, I can't imagine at this juncture (my oldest being 5) having some firm number in place of when will be "right".

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"Potter75" wrote:

My kids are young now ~ and I say with confidence that they will have cell phones, and nice ones, at young ages. Its the world, peeps. I also am grateful for continuing technology which will allow us to monitor and block things that are important to us.

And I do believe that as parents we can have "I nevers". I had some and stuck with them. It isn't, like, impossible about some things, for some people.

Well, ofcourse we can all have nevers. I will never allow my child go to school in fishnets and a bikini, I will never let my kids take a gun to school, I will never let my kids drive the car before they have a license, I will never let mykid eat candy for dinner every night. I think there are obvious nevers for everyone. But that is not what I mean. It's like the word hate. Sure there are things I hate, but I just don't like that word.

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"ange84" wrote:

No once they can pay for the upkeep themselves they can get prepaid, once they can legally enter a contract in their own right they can get a plan if they wish. I may be a 'mean' parent in saying this, but it's how I was raised and it hasn't hurt me, my Mum was 'mean' and if I wanted something it wasn't handed to me, when I wanted a car I had to save for it, pay for all upkeep, insurance and registration etc, same with a phone, though I did get the handset as a gift, I was responsible for paying for ongoing costs. I won't pay for the ongoing costs for a want for a child.

Honestly I think you are talking about 2 different things. Allowing a kid to have a phone has nothign to do with being not being a "mean" mom or "having things handed to you". That is just silly. What does one have to do with the other? I really think you are confusing issues here. The fact that a kid has a phone does not mean you know anything about a persons parenting skills.

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"culturedmom" wrote:

Honestly I think you are talking about 2 different things. Allowing a kid to have a phone has nothign to do with being not being a "mean" mom or "having things handed to you". That is just silly. What does one have to do with the other? I really think you are confusing issues here. The fact that a kid has a phone does not mean you know anything about a persons parenting skills.

Have to agree with Lana here. Denying a phone, car, pair of blue jeans, etc. doesn't get you a parenting award anymore than buying them for your kid does. You can't really judge until you know the reasoning behind the decision...Like Melissa stated, if I am getting the kid a phone for safety or MY peace of mind, how is that just "handing them things"? I certainly could "just hand" them a phone right now and have it be a different story, but frankly it's hard to ever know what situation will crop up in the future to determine the validity of your future decisions. I think that was what Lana meant about hard and fast "I nevers" for situations with lots of variables. Certainly, I can't fathom a situation where I would want my teenager becoming a stripper and "never" works...but a phone? Yeah, we will cross that bridge when we get there.

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Yes, that is exactly what I was talking about. Smile

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"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

My cell phone has a keyboard to text (I text DH all the time), but it is not a Smart phone and does not have the Internet.

Just wait till you have to buy a new one and see if that is true. There are a few still out there but they are getting harder to find.

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"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

My oldest daughter is 7 and would love to have a cell phone. Why? Because most of her friends from dance and a few from school have them already. Personally, I think it is ridiculous for a young child to have a cell phone and I think most of the time it amounts to parents that are afraid to say "no" to their precious little children. For the life of me I can't think of any reason a 10 year old would NEED a cell phone. I just can't. Call me old fashioned, lame, or just plain ridiculous, but my kids won't have cell phones (or Facebook or any other social networking site) until they are probably 15 or 16. I guess they'll just have to suffer with having such an uncool Mom. Poor things.

My son got a phone at age 11 because his Dad didn't live with us and wanted to be able to call him whenever he wanted. I'm not sure he would have gotten one if not for that reason, but once he had it it was sure nice because if he had to stay after school for some activity he could just call when he was ready to be picked up, and for things like football or hockey practice it was great for him to be able to call when he was done so I didn't have to sit there the whole time and could run errands and things knowing that if something happened or they finished early he could just call me. He also could go visit his friends in the neighborhood and I could just call him when it was time to come home for dinner. I would definitely do it again for MY convenience.

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Verizon has 16 "basic" phones that don't require internet. Many of them *are* internet-compatible, but you don't have to buy a data plan with any of these phones, you just won't be able to use those features. You can also block all messaging, or block photo messaging, on any phone line. I even chatted online with a service rep to make sure.

DH & I are probably not going to allow Tiven to have a phone until she's in high school. There are no high schools in our neighborhood so she'll be taking a city bus to & from high school. Until then, she's pretty much under someone's supervision all the time; if we need to talk with her or she needs to talk with us, she can use the adult's phone. There may be an odd occasion where it would be good for her to have a phone, and then she can take ours. If our situation changes significantly, we'll re-evaluate. And whenever she gets a phone, internet & messaging WILL be disabled.

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"GloriaInTX" wrote:

My son got a phone at age 11 because his Dad didn't live with us and wanted to be able to call him whenever he wanted. I'm not sure he would have gotten one if not for that reason, but once he had it it was sure nice because if he had to stay after school for some activity he could just call when he was ready to be picked up, and for things like football or hockey practice it was great for him to be able to call when he was done so I didn't have to sit there the whole time and could run errands and things knowing that if something happened or they finished early he could just call me. He also could go visit his friends in the neighborhood and I could just call him when it was time to come home for dinner. I would definitely do it again for MY convenience.

Yep. Definitely a wonderful tool when your kids are older and start being more independant in their lives.

Everyday there are new things coming out that make life easier and safer and I don;t see why we shouldn't take advantage if I can. We don't say things like , "Well I didn't have a remote control when I was little and it didn't hurt me any so why shoudl my kids?"

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"GloriaInTX" wrote:

My son got a phone at age 11 because his Dad didn't live with us and wanted to be able to call him whenever he wanted. I'm not sure he would have gotten one if not for that reason, but once he had it it was sure nice because if he had to stay after school for some activity he could just call when he was ready to be picked up, and for things like football or hockey practice it was great for him to be able to call when he was done so I didn't have to sit there the whole time and could run errands and things knowing that if something happened or they finished early he could just call me. He also could go visit his friends in the neighborhood and I could just call him when it was time to come home for dinner. I would definitely do it again for MY convenience.

See, I don't see those things as positives. I want to know where my child is, not just that I can call her home for dinner or be beckoned to fetch her when she's done with whatever she's doing. :roll: If she's supposed to be at Susie's house, I can call Susie's house when dinner is ready & say, "Send Tiven home." With a cell phone your kid can be almost anywhere.

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"Spacers" wrote:

See, I don't see those things as positives. I want to know where my child is, not just that I can call her home for dinner or be beckoned to fetch her when she's done with whatever she's doing. :roll: If she's supposed to be at Susie's house, I can call Susie's house when dinner is ready & say, "Send Tiven home." With a cell phone your kid can be almost anywhere.

What? witha cell phone your kid can be almost anywhere? I guess if you can't trust your kids to not be where they are supposed to be just because they have a cell phone, then yeah, they shouldn't have one. But I don't think that is what Gloria is saying.

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You're missing my point. If she's at Susie's house and dinner is ready, why does she need a cell phone when I can just call Susie's house? (Actually, I'd probably just tell her to come home at 7pm whether dinner is ready or not.) If she's at soccer practice, it's over at 5:30 so I show up at 5:30; if it's done early, the coach can call me to come pick her up. (Of course, then I'd probably ask why he's not using the whole hour he has.) If it runs late, then I wait a few minutes, big deal. There's no need for my kid to have her own cell phone.

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I don't think that what Gloria is saying, either. Honestly Stacey between this stance and the whole "we leave our cell phones on the counter when we go out on a date so the sitter CAN'T reach us" I've never read a more confusing view on cell phones. The very things that I see as positives are negatives to you, and vice versa. Its bizarre, to me!

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"Spacers" wrote:

You're missing my point. If she's at Susie's house and dinner is ready, why does she need a cell phone when I can just call Susie's house? (Actually, I'd probably just tell her to come home at 7pm whether dinner is ready or not.) If she's at soccer practice, it's over at 5:30 so I show up at 5:30; if it's done early, the coach can call me to come pick her up. (Of course, then I'd probably ask why he's not using the whole hour he has.) If it runs late, then I wait a few minutes, big deal. There's no need for my kid to have her own cell phone.

How old are your kids now if you don't mind me asking?

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Tiven is 7.5 and Weston is 2.5 and I'm pretty sure my comments above will be the same in 5 or 6 years. I don't envision my 12yo or 13yo being completely unsupervised and without access to someone's phone. At 14 or 15 she will be, and she will have a phone then.

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"Spacers" wrote:

You're missing my point. If she's at Susie's house and dinner is ready, why does she need a cell phone when I can just call Susie's house? (Actually, I'd probably just tell her to come home at 7pm whether dinner is ready or not.) If she's at soccer practice, it's over at 5:30 so I show up at 5:30; if it's done early, the coach can call me to come pick her up. (Of course, then I'd probably ask why he's not using the whole hour he has.) If it runs late, then I wait a few minutes, big deal. There's no need for my kid to have her own cell phone.

It isn't about NEED its about convenience. Maybe I am the one running late. Maybe I have 2 kids in baseball practice in 2 different locations so I am running back and forth between the two and one doesn't get out on time so I need to call and let him know I will be a little late. Sure I could call the Coach but it is easier to just call him and let him know, the Coach may be busy putting away equipment or something and not answer. I have had exactly that problem. Or maybe she isn't at Susie's house. Maybe they are out in a field playing baseball somewhere where they don't have phones. Or maybe he is riding the bike around the neighborhood. I felt much more comforable letting my son roam the neighborhood like we did when we were kids knowing that he could call me if there was an emergency or any problem.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Tiven is 7.5 and Weston is 2.5 and I'm pretty sure my comments above will be the same in 5 or 6 years. I don't envision my 12yo or 13yo being completely unsupervised and without access to someone's phone. At 14 or 15 she will be, and she will have a phone then.

So rather than buy her one that you can have control over you prefer she have to rely on use other peoples (and other peoples minutes!), whose parents may or may not have set up parental controls in line with your parenting? That seems really selfish and bizarre to me.

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"Potter75" wrote:

I don't think that what Gloria is saying, either. Honestly Stacey between this stance and the whole "we leave our cell phones on the counter when we go out on a date so the sitter CAN'T reach us" I've never read a more confusing view on cell phones. The very things that I see as positives are negatives to you, and vice versa. Its bizarre, to me!

Yeah, I trust my babysitter to deal with an emergency. You don't. Oh well.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Tiven is 7.5 and Weston is 2.5 and I'm pretty sure my comments above will be the same in 5 or 6 years. I don't envision my 12yo or 13yo being completely unsupervised and without access to someone's phone. At 14 or 15 she will be, and she will have a phone then.

Well then G-d bless you for being able to look into the future.

I however cannot. And as Gloria said, who has older children so I think I will take her word for it over yours, when you ahve multiple older kids who are now old enough to be doing things without parents, it is so comforting to know that if your child ever needed me or that if I ever needed them, I can get ahold of them during thetimes and situations that I CAN'T forsee. When my kids were 2 and 7, I never felt that kind of unrest that I do now my kids are older and I am sure it will only get more so as the years go along.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Yeah, I trust my babysitter to deal with an emergency. You don't. Oh well.

Ohhh, snarky! I'd simply prefer to meet my child at the hospital immediately, you wouldn't, you would prefer prefer to continue your dinner while other people make perhaps emergency decisions on behalf of your children. Thats a lot of trust! Does your sitter keep a copy of your AMA for your kids or have power of attorney for them? Amazing.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Yeah, I trust my babysitter to deal with an emergency. You don't. Oh well.

Ha. Well it seems tome that you just ahve a different level of safety that you are fine with that seems to be way below mine, Melis', and others here. I would never leave my kids anywhere or with anyone without them having a way to contact me. Even schools ask for contact phone numbers for heaven sakes.

You seem to be just fine with your kids not being able to get a hold of you so knowing that, yeah, I guess your kids really don't need a cell phone. I stand corrrected.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Yeah, I trust my babysitter to deal with an emergency. You don't. Oh well.

But what if one of your kids was running a high fever, or had been burnt severely or had a bad fall and got knocked unconscious or something of that nature and was taken to the emergency room? You'd be comfortable not knowing about it until after you got home and found a note?

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"FLSunshineMom" wrote:

But what if one of your kids was running a high fever, or had been burnt severely or had a bad fall and got knocked unconscious or something of that nature and was taken to the emergency room? You'd be comfortable not knowing about it until after you got home and found a note?

If my child was running a fever, I wouldn't have gone out on a date. There's no reason for anything to be cooking when I'm out on a date, so very low risk of getting burned. We have a "no bouncing on the furniture" rule, so there's nowhere to fall from. Yeah, I suppose someone might slip on water on the floor & split their head open. I guess I'm willing to take that risk on the very rare occasion that we hire a babysitter and take a night for ourselves. $hit happens. Tiven split her chin open when DH & I were standing a few feet away; should I not let her play out of arms' reach for fear of that happening again? Of course not. I don't live my life in fear, and especially in fear of things I can't control. I control the things I can, and trust that the people I choose to safeguard my children will make good decisions if things go wrong. A cell phone in my possession, or in my child's possession, isn't going to make a difference.

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"Spacers" wrote:

If my child was running a fever, I wouldn't have gone out on a date. There's no reason for anything to be cooking when I'm out on a date, so very low risk of getting burned. We have a "no bouncing on the furniture" rule, so there's nowhere to fall from. Yeah, I suppose someone might slip on water on the floor & split their head open. I guess I'm willing to take that risk on the very rare occasion that we hire a babysitter and take a night for ourselves. $hit happens. Tiven split her chin open when DH & I were standing a few feet away; should I not let her play out of arms' reach for fear of that happening again? Of course not. I don't live my life in fear, and especially in fear of things I can't control. I control the things I can, and trust that the people I choose to safeguard my children will make good decisions if things go wrong. A cell phone in my possession, or in my child's possession, isn't going to make a difference.

To the bolded....but you state your were standing a few feet away. So you were able to see her and help her. Unless your date is in the other room, I think it's a bit different. Again, you obviously have a lot lower standards for safety then I do, so good luck with that.

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Sounds like you don't trust your sitters very much if they can't even cook for your kids! Haven't you guys ever gone to a wedding or other event which may span quite a long time? We trust our sitter enough to not only let her use the stove, but also to drive our three kids in our car and watch them overnight. She has been sitting for us since my oldest was born, is a 25 yo teacher and comes on vacations with us - she is like part of the family. We respect her and trust her enough to allow her ways to reach us should an emergency arise. If you guys got out more or did things which required more time (like weddings or golf, for us) I bet your views would change. You seem to date within a tiny bubble of non caregiver trust time (i.e like only when your kids are asleep or something). For me it isn't about not trusting my sitter - it's about having a much much larger bubble - one within which access is simply common sense.

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I have an older kid and we are very close to getting her a phone. We have always said she would get a phone when she could pay for it, but like so many things in parenting, we are changing our mind because of circumstances. There have been a number of times in the past few weeks that being able to text her to say I was running late, or that her grandma would be picking her up would have been so nice. I plan my days very carefully but not everyone does. I have been late because #2's piano lessons went late, or grandma was picking up because I was taking #4 to the ER.
I actually cant wait to be able to text or call, huge change from a few years ago.

I also am flabbergasted by the idea of leaving my phone at home when I am on a date. Really? I have never been called while on a date, but it sure is nice to think if an emergency came up I could help deal with it.

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"culturedmom" wrote:

Well then G-d bless you for being able to look into the future.

I however cannot. And as Gloria said, who has older children so I think I will take her word for it over yours, when you ahve multiple older kids who are now old enough to be doing things without parents, it is so comforting to know that if your child ever needed me or that if I ever needed them, I can get ahold of them during thetimes and situations that I CAN'T forsee. When my kids were 2 and 7, I never felt that kind of unrest that I do now my kids are older and I am sure it will only get more so as the years go along.

I think this is what it boils down to. I don't believe that a 12 yo or 13yo is old enough to be doing things without parents, at least not for more than half an hour or so. Soccer practice is supervised, swimming lessons are supervised, after-school classes are supervised, band practice is supervised, homework club is supervised, and social activities (can't really call them playdates at that age) should be supervised to a certain extent. You want to stop at the local park with a group of friends on the way home from middle school? Sure, but you'd better be home by 4pm. You want to ride your bike around the block to Susie's house? Sure, but you'd better be there if I happen to call. You & Susie want to take the bus to the mall by yourselves? Not OK. Having a cell phone doesn't change any of that. Could something bad happen at the park? Sure, and in an emergency I'd rather have her run into the pool house where there are adults and first aid equipment in addition to a phone, than try to call for help on her own. If she just wants to know if she can go to Susie's house for dinner, then she can walk the block home from the park & ask her father. Smile

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Good luck with that. At 12 or 13 I trusted my kids enough to allow them a little independence. A phone helped me do that.

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"Spacers" wrote:

See, I don't see those things as positives. I want to know where my child is, not just that I can call her home for dinner or be beckoned to fetch her when she's done with whatever she's doing. :roll: If she's supposed to be at Susie's house, I can call Susie's house when dinner is ready & say, "Send Tiven home." With a cell phone your kid can be almost anywhere.

Thats all well and fine, what defies belief is that you DON'T WANT YOUR CHILD OR THEIR CAREGIVER TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. It literally makes my jaw drop.

Also still find it humorous that you rely on her using other peoples cell phones. Like the smoker who "doesn't smoke", just smokes other peoples cigarettes.

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"Spacers" wrote:

I think this is what it boils down to. I don't believe that a 12 yo or 13yo is old enough to be doing things without parents, at least not for more than half an hour or so. Soccer practice is supervised, swimming lessons are supervised, after-school classes are supervised, band practice is supervised, homework club is supervised, and social activities (can't really call them playdates at that age) should be supervised to a certain extent. You want to stop at the local park with a group of friends on the way home from middle school? Sure, but you'd better be home by 4pm. You want to ride your bike around the block to Susie's house? Sure, but you'd better be there if I happen to call. You & Susie want to take the bus to the mall by yourselves? Not OK. Having a cell phone doesn't change any of that. Could something bad happen at the park? Sure, and in an emergency I'd rather have her run into the pool house where there are adults and first aid equipment in addition to a phone, than try to call for help on her own. If she just wants to know if she can go to Susie's house for dinner, then she can walk the block home from the park & ask her father. Smile

I think you have very good points here, and that the cellphone doesn't = adult supervision. You have to be able to rely on your kids and the situations they might occur to be safe, regardless of a phone with them. I do think different areas might be different, I would never let a 12 or 13 yr old by themselves in a city situation, but in our rural community probably would. At home in our area no worries.

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"Potter75" wrote:

Thats all well and fine, what defies belief is that you DON'T WANT YOUR CHILD OR THEIR CAREGIVER TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. It literally makes my jaw drop.

Also still find it humorous that you rely on her using other peoples cell phones. Like the smoker who "doesn't smoke", just smokes other peoples cigarettes.

Wrong. The sitter always knows where we are; she just can't reach us for a couple of hours. And I'm not a 12yo, I have the right to be unavailable from time to time, even from my children or sitter. My husband & I choose to not take very many date nights, and when we do, we choose to not be interrupted.

I'm not sure what the problem is about other people's cell phones. I'm not advocating that my child mooch other people's cell phones to call her friends, or even to call me unless it's an emergency. If my child is being supervised by another adult, what is the problem with me calling that adult? It's probably the adult I want to talk with anyway, to let them know that I'm running late & make alternate arrangements. I'm trying to imagine the scenario: if my child had a cell phone, and she talked on it for a bit & then told you, "My mom says she's running late & I can walk home by myself," wouldn't you want to confirm that? Wouldn't you confirm that by calling me? What's the difference if I just call you to begin with?

And if it's a true emergency, who would say no? "Oh, I'm sorry that the earthquake leveled the museum we were visiting, Tiven, but I'm still not going to let you call your mom to let her know you're OK. I'm close to my minutes limit." :roll:

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"mom3girls" wrote:

I also am flabbergasted by the idea of leaving my phone at home when I am on a date. Really? I have never been called while on a date, but it sure is nice to think if an emergency came up I could help deal with it.

Agreed.

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I think I would be a nervous wreck if I was out with DH and I did not know how my girls are. It is so much more relaxing to know that if something was wrong the babysitter would have called me. I can relax, enjoy my evening, and know that everything is ok because no one has called.

It is also very normal if DH and I are going out for dinner to have the babysitter make dinner for herself and the girls. It is also not unusual to go away over night and leave the girls with a babysitter. I would not be willing to do that if the babysitter did not have a way to reach me in an emergency.

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I think there is no point in debating hypothetical vs experience. All I can say is something is off when you are so strict on knowing every move your child makes but yet have no problem leaving someone in the care of your child without a way to contact you in case of an emergency because you need "alone time". That just makes no sense and doesn't seem kosher to me and to be honest, I really don't believe it.

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"Spacers" wrote:

Wrong. The sitter always knows where we are; she just can't reach us for a couple of hours. And I'm not a 12yo, I have the right to be unavailable from time to time, even from my children or sitter. My husband & I choose to not take very many date nights, and when we do, we choose to not be interrupted.

I'm not sure what the problem is about other people's cell phones. I'm not advocating that my child mooch other people's cell phones to call her friends, or even to call me unless it's an emergency. If my child is being supervised by another adult, what is the problem with me calling that adult? It's probably the adult I want to talk with anyway, to let them know that I'm running late & make alternate arrangements. I'm trying to imagine the scenario: if my child had a cell phone, and she talked on it for a bit & then told you, "My mom says she's running late & I can walk home by myself," wouldn't you want to confirm that? Wouldn't you confirm that by calling me? What's the difference if I just call you to begin with?

And if it's a true emergency, who would say no? "Oh, I'm sorry that the earthquake leveled the museum we were visiting, Tiven, but I'm still not going to let you call your mom to let her know you're OK. I'm close to my minutes limit." :roll:

Hate the eye roll stacey. I'd simply prefer that my child be able to reach me directly, not rely on others to let my kid use their cell phone. I'm courteous like that. If that makes you roll your eyes, thats strange. In the event of an emergency most people are instantly using them to alert their own loved ones, I would prefer that in those first moments, my child was doing the same.

Of course, you have "the right" to do whatever you please. You have "the right" to smoke pot in front of your child, or only feed them mac and cheese. Simply having "the right" doesn't make any of those things to be prudent decisions, of course.

I think that it is irresponsible parenting to be intentionally unreachable when ones children are in the care of others. the only time both my spouse and I are unavailable is when we are on a flight. When we are traveling our children are in the care of their grandparents, with signed documents prepared by our attorney giving them the right to seek any and all medical treatment as per our wishes/will. That makes us feel much better about the hours where we are unreachable due to being 30,000 feet in the air. Otherwise, we are reachable. Intentionally. Me? regardless of my age I chose to give up that right, willfully, when I chose to have children. I can't imagine a dinner or a conversation so special that I would prefer to continue it rather than to know that my child was in the hospital, or that my home was on fire. Cant.Imagine.It.

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I have honestly never heard of a parent who has a cell phone intentionally leaving their phone home or those that don't have cell phones have phone numbers the sitter can contact in the event of an emergency. Emergencies/accidents are unpredictable by definition, so to rely on the sitter to resolve the emergency at will without even having the ability to quickly call. Why are your standards different than child care providers and centers require? Fevers can occur and sky rocket quickly to the point that the ER may be required or a freak accident that one would never have thought would happen - it's occurred while DH and I were out. How on earth is one able to predict an accident to know it won't happen while being cared by a sitter? It would never sit well with me for our sitter to not be able to communicate with us quickly.

Secondly, if you don't trust your child to be where they're supposed to be at the time they're supposed to be, I think the cell phone is a less invasive way to find out exactly where your child is rather than hunting down their friends' parents to check up on them. We have the GPS system in place for our kids and can find them very quickly online without calling the parent after the fact that they're supposed to be there. They know this system is in place and know that it's wiser if they're honest with us from the start. If they intentionally turn their phone off, they suffer the consequences. We personally never had an issue with it and have not needed to ask another parent if our kid is at their house. That is very old school.

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I got DD1 her first phone at age 9. It was a firefly that could call like 3 numbers (and 911). Turned out at 25cents per minute that expired monthly, it was cheaper to get her a phone on my plan. I got it so she could call me when she was visiting her dad one Thanksgiving. I was at the hotel 45 miles away.

At 11, she and two classmates walked 1.5 miles to school in the morning. She only needed the phone once when her classmate started throwing up on the side of the road. Now, without a phone, they did have other options, but the phone was very convenient. Without it, at least one of them would have had to walk back to our school or ahead to their school to call his parent.

She's 15 now. She has a droid 3 with unlimited data yadda yadda yadda. The peace of mind I have is totally worth it. Some of her plans are open-ended. Sometimes I need to tell her I'll be late or ask if she's ready. Sometimes we get separated in a store or whatever.

I am in the camp that thinks it is inconsiderate to leave your children in someone else's care if they can't contact you. You just don't know what will come up. DD1 started getting kidney infections at 4 months. It would come on pretty fast with no warning. Yes, my parents could seek medical attention, but I don't really want my children to think I would feel bothered by them contacting me when they're sick.

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Stacey/Spacers,

Your kiddos, or at least your oldest kiddo is in school right? When you enrolled them/her, did you provide emergency contact phone numbers and also contact numbers for you and your husband? Your emergency phone numbers... Are they your cell phone numbers?

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I'm guessing that she provided both work and cell numbers.....but if I remember right she does not believe that childcare providers ought to contact parents in the event of an issue or that parents./people should talk on the cell phone during the work day. It was a very strange debate.

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"Potter75" wrote:

Thats all well and fine, what defies belief is that you DON'T WANT YOUR CHILD OR THEIR CAREGIVER TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. It literally makes my jaw drop.

Also still find it humorous that you rely on her using other peoples cell phones. Like the smoker who "doesn't smoke", just smokes other peoples cigarettes.

Do you really find it that rude for a child to borrow someone else's phone to call his/her parent? I've let children borrow my phone and I was never concerned about my minutes and I never once thought, "Hey kid, your parents really oughtta get you your own phone." It's a phone.....not a big deal.

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I find it rude to not provide a child with an item that a parent plans on that child using. I.E if my kids were going sledding and every.single.time Joey came over to sled he didn't have mittens and asked to borrow a pair of ours. Do we have extra mittens? Sure. Would I find it rude that that parent not supply the child with something because they assume that they can just use mine? Sure. If it happened once or twice, (be it a phone or mittens), no, it wouldn't bother me. If every time I was with that child and I had to get calls from the mother or that child was using my childs cell phone, different, and yes, it would be weird to me.

Do I lose sleep over it? Nah. Its like parents who don't vax because they rely on me TO vax and help provide their child with herd immunity. Don't act all anti cell phone and then rely on OTHER people having cell phones to provide you with the level of security that you personally need to feel safe, you know?

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"Potter75" wrote:

I find it rude to not provide a child with an item that a parent plans on that child using. I.E if my kids were going sledding and every.single.time Joey came over to sled he didn't have mittens and asked to borrow a pair of ours. Do we have extra mittens? Sure. Would I find it rude that that parent not supply the child with something because they assume that they can just use mine? Sure. If it happened once or twice, (be it a phone or mittens), no, it wouldn't bother me. If every time I was with that child and I had to get calls from the mother or that child was using my childs cell phone, different, and yes, it would be weird to me.

Do I lose sleep over it? Nah. Its like parents who don't vax because they rely on me TO vax and help provide their child with herd immunity. Don't act all anti cell phone and then rely on OTHER people having cell phones to provide you with the level of security that you personally need to feel safe, you know?

To me it's the bold that bothers me. Spacers seems very anti-cellphone regardless what other more experienced parents who actually have older children are saying. So anti-cellphone that she leaves it at home when someone else is taking care fo her kids. Yet, outright said, they can use another kids cell phone. See that is where I you lose me and it all sounds like BS. It seems like she puts the wellbeing of her children in other people's hands to an unsafe degree. Even when my kids are at school they have contact numbers for me, my husband, and other family members in case of an emergency. They don't operate on the presumption that parents are busy so they shouldn't be bothered with important decisions. So why would I feel the same with a babysitter or anyone else?

Now I get it that not every child has a cell phone and I don't think it's irresponsible for a child not to have one. Not everyone can afford it and not every child is responsible enough to be trusted with one. But that was not Spacers point and I find her posts very bipolar as far as her POV goes.

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"ethanwinfield" wrote:

Sometimes we get separated in a store or whatever.

Ha Ha I love it for that reason too. They can go look at video games or whatever instead of bugging me while I'm shopping and I don't have to look all over the store to find them when I am ready to go. It is great for places like Six Flags too because we can seperate into groups to ride different things and actually find each other again easily. But the best thing is when they are in their rooms listening to music or something with the door closed and I can call them on the phone from downstairs instead of having to go all the way upstairs and bang on the door for them to hear me. I know the height of laziness but it beats screaming at the top of my lungs or climbing the stairs just to get their attention.

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Stacey - I do understand not wanting to be interrupted during a night out with your DH, I really do. But you could teach your babysitter to ONLY call if it's an emergency. kwim? Like Bonita said, I can relax and enjoy myself so much more if I know all is okay with my DD. And by the way, it's not about being fearful. For me, at least, it's simply about wanting to know, right when it happens, if my daughter is hurt in some way, or suddenly starts to run a high fever, which can and does happen, ya know? Things can happen so fast with kids.

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"Potter75" wrote:

I find it rude to not provide a child with an item that a parent plans on that child using. I.E if my kids were going sledding and every.single.time Joey came over to sled he didn't have mittens and asked to borrow a pair of ours. Do we have extra mittens? Sure. Would I find it rude that that parent not supply the child with something because they assume that they can just use mine? Sure. If it happened once or twice, (be it a phone or mittens), no, it wouldn't bother me. If every time I was with that child and I had to get calls from the mother or that child was using my childs cell phone, different, and yes, it would be weird to me.

Do I lose sleep over it? Nah. Its like parents who don't vax because they rely on me TO vax and help provide their child with herd immunity. Don't act all anti cell phone and then rely on OTHER people having cell phones to provide you with the level of security that you personally need to feel safe, you know?

After re-reading your post that I quoted (because this one wasn't making a lot of sense to me) it looks as if you're talking specifically to Spacers and her expectation that her child be able to use other peoples' phones on a routine basis? Is that right? THAT, I wouldn't do, and I agree that is rude. But I really can't see the need for my child to do that on a routine basis.

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"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

After re-reading your post that I quoted (because this one wasn't making a lot of sense to me) it looks as if you're talking specifically to Spacers and her expectation that her child be able to use other peoples' phones on a routine basis? Is that right? THAT, I wouldn't do, and I agree that is rude. But I really can't see the need for my child to do that on a routine basis.

Yes ~ recently I left my cell phone in my friends car in AZ as I was unloading at the airport to fly back to philly. I had no way to contact her to see if she had it, I was in TEARS running around the airport looking for it, and ultimately borrowed someones (in tears) to call my DH to tell him (I was meeting friends at my destination for a ride home and now had no way to contact them). He started laughing as soon as he heard me sob ~ he said my GF had the phone and was overnighting it to me. Thank goodness for strangers being willing to loan! I would do the same in a heartbeat. What Spacers is talking about is different, to me.

Not sure why this one didn't make sense, the entire thread revolves around Stacey using end arounds to contact her child (the soccer coach, the other child, the other parent, the babysittering pestering the restaurant etc......) when all of that already has a solution......called a cell phone. Ones OWN. Its selfish to assume that other people want your calls when you have every ability in the world to make them yourself

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"Potter75" wrote:

Yes ~ recently I left my cell phone in my friends car in AZ as I was unloading at the airport to fly back to philly. I had no way to contact her to see if she had it, I was in TEARS running around the airport looking for it, and ultimately borrowed someones (in tears) to call my DH to tell him (I was meeting friends at my destination for a ride home and now had no way to contact them). He started laughing as soon as he heard me sob ~ he said my GF had the phone and was overnighting it to me. Thank goodness for strangers being willing to loan! I would do the same in a heartbeat. What Spacers is talking about is different, to me.

Not sure why this one didn't make sense, the entire thread revolves around Stacey using end arounds to contact her child (the soccer coach, the other child, the other parent, the babysittering pestering the restaurant etc......) when all of that already has a solution......called a cell phone. Ones OWN. Its selfish to assume that other people want your calls when you have every ability in the world to make them yourself

It didn't make sense because I misread your first post, thinking it was more general. I get what you're saying now. Been a very stressful week at work and I guess I'm just a little off.

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"Alana*sMommy" wrote:

It didn't make sense because I misread your first post, thinking it was more general. I get what you're saying now. Been a very stressful week at work and I guess I'm just a little off.

I hear you sister, I'm flat out insane. Cheers Smile Here's to a more sane week next week for both of us.

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"Potter75" wrote:

I hear you sister, I'm flat out insane. Cheers Smile Here's to a more sane week next week for both of us.

Oh definitely! Next week is Spring Break!!

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