Married sperm donor

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Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103
Married sperm donor

If your friends, a lesbian couple, ask your husband to donate sperm so they can have a child, would you agree?

bunnyfufu's picture
Joined: 10/21/05
Posts: 203

No, but it has nothing to do with them being gay. As gut reaction. . . I don't think I could handle it.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3232

Absolutely not.

I don't really understand those situations where people use a sperm or egg donor they know, I think it complicates the relationships. If my husband wanted to donate sperm anonymously to help strangers I'd be fine with it but I don't want friends of ours raising his child.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 2226

I couldn't agree to it. I don't even know if I could agree to anon. donations. I feel like then I would look at every baby and child and see him or our girls faces.

I don't really care what others do but I do think it was crazy for them not to do anything with a contract. Talk about throwing caution to the wind!

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1537


ftmom's picture
Joined: 09/04/06
Posts: 1538

What Laurie said.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4103

I think I'm safe because no one else would want DH's sperm, LOL! :biglaugh: He wouldn't do it, either, because he doesn't like the idea of someone else raising his child without his input, which was one reason why adoption was not an option for us with our unwanted pregnancy. But if some circumstance came up that he was interested in doing this, I would absolutely insist on them going through a donation agency to protect him from any legal claims. Courts in many states have ordered casual sperm donors to pay child support, even those who have a contract with the mother saying she won't seek support. They have also ordered that children born from casual donation are legal heirs when sperm donors have died.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Oh hellz no!!!! I don't want my kids to have step sibs out there in the world. No way.

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

uh-uh, no way. For SURE not a friend, but I wouldn't really be okay with anonymous donation either.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6642

These responses are interesting. I am coming at this from the perspective of someone who really struggled to get pg. It took me 3 years and several m/c's to get pg with Alyssa. I looked into adoption and IVF. My sister talked some of being a surrogate for me. I think that is an amazing gift to give to someone. If it was done in a very legal way with all of the "I's dotted and T's crossed", I do not think it is wrong.

I would not be ok with DH sleeping with another woman so she could get pg, but I think I would be ok with him donating sperm (medically) so that someone could get pg. I do not think he would do this for just anyone, but I could see him doing it for his brothers if one of them was infertile for some reason.

Joined: 03/14/09
Posts: 624

It depends on the friends but I wouldn't rule it out.

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

I don't have a problem with the actual donation to a close family member (but not a friend no matter how close). I am concerned about the legal support issues and the emotional issues of watching someone else make key decisions for "your" child. I look at my SILs and they do lots of things with their kids that isn't wrong but isn't how I'd want my child raised. I ignore it because they are the parents but it would be hard to be that way with a half sibling to my own.

Basically, I wouldn't rule it out right away. However, given our extended family, there is no one who would need this.

Joined: 03/08/03
Posts: 3232

I am not strong enough emotionally to detach from a thing like that. If it were me who couldn't have a child because my husband was infertile, I would go to a sperm bank. I wouldn't want the complication of having someone who is already in my life involved with my intimate family to that degree. It's not like there's any guarantee of anything with "familiar" sperm (that was funny to type). It's a crap shoot no matter what.

fuchsiasky's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 955

Nope. I would have a really hard time knowing the child. If it was anonymous that would be different.