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  1. #11
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danifo View Post
    I see more pictures where girls are trying to look sexy. I have never seen a boy post such a picture. I'm not saying they aren't out there, jut that I've never seen them. I think girls also get into trouble because they do post things intended to be innocent (like the bubble bath) or in their PJs (which just happen to be sexy).
    My point is...what would a boy have to do in order to be 'trying to look sexy'?? I think its pretty extreme. Where as a girl doesn't have to be as extreme in order for someone to say she's 'trying to look sexy'.

    I don't know what a boy would have to do. I have no problem with girls posting beach pictures where they are having fun and with their friends in bikinis. I do have a problem when she is 15 and the picture looks like it is an audition for Maxim.
    What would an similar audition look like for a boy?

    I'm merely trying to point out that we give girls 'opportunities' to look sexy that simply don't exist for boys.

    Dressing provacatively is almost exclusively reserved for females with very few male equivalents.

    I guess i just don't think its fair to say "I see way more pictures of girls acting this way than boys" because society over sexualizes women way more than men...i don't really think its just that boys 'dont do it'...they just don't have the same sorts of opportunities to.

    FTR, I"m using the word opportunity because i can't think of a better word to describe what i'm trying to say.
    Last edited by KimPossible; 09-06-2013 at 01:58 PM.

  2. #12
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    I really like what is says in this blog post

    Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son | From One Degree to Another | Nate Pyle
    Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son
    August 14, 2013

    Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable so that conversation should be fun.

    No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well – following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is, there will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.

    Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.

    A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing – or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.

    Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.

    You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

    There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

    Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

    A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

    I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

    My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

    Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.

    Ultimately, it’s what you want.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

  3. #13
    Posting Addict Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    My point is...what would a boy have to do in order to be 'trying to look sexy'?? I think its pretty extreme. Where as a girl doesn't have to be as extreme in order for someone to say she's 'trying to look sexy'.



    What would an similar audition look like for a boy?

    I'm merely trying to point out that we give girls 'opportunities' to look sexy that simply don't exist for boys.

    Dressing provacatively is almost exclusively reserved for females with very few male equivalents.

    I guess i just don't think its fair to say "I see way more pictures of girls acting this way than boys" because society over sexualizes women way more than men...i don't really think its just that boys 'dont do it'...they just don't have the same sorts of opportunities too.

    FTR, I"m using the word opportunity because i can't think of a better word to describe what i'm trying to say.
    I totally agree. For example, a girl wearing a low cut top and shorts may well be considered "trying to look sexy." Where as a guy wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks isn't considered "trying to look sexy" even though he's showing more skin than the girl. It's not really fair to say that girls do it more than boys, when it seems like we just don't interpret boys as "trying to look sexy" when they do things that would be considered "sexy" in a girl.

    I've been thinking about it some more, and another thing that bothers me about this is that by sitting around and doing this activity as a family (judging which girls are "too sexy" and which are not) it seems to me that she is almost teaching her sons to look at these girls in this really objectifying way. Not that boys really need many lessons in seeing girls as sexual objects, but they don't need that message reinforced either. As a family, they are trolling through what sounds like relatively "innocent" pictures of girls (yes, they may be "trying to look sexy" but by her own account we are not talking about porn or strippers or anything like that, we're talking about normal teenaged girls in their jammies....) and taking a subset of them and saying "Nope, sex, BAD." You know? Like it's almost objectifying these girls more, together as a family.
    -Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)

    Got an opinion? We've got a board! Come join us for some lively debate on the Face Off! Debate Arena board.

  4. #14
    Prolific Poster Danifo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    My point is...what would a boy have to do in order to be 'trying to look sexy'?? I think its pretty extreme. Where as a girl doesn't have to be as extreme in order for someone to say she's 'trying to look sexy'.



    What would an similar audition look like for a boy?

    I'm merely trying to point out that we give girls 'opportunities' to look sexy that simply don't exist for boys.

    Dressing provacatively is almost exclusively reserved for females with very few male equivalents.

    I guess i just don't think its fair to say "I see way more pictures of girls acting this way than boys" because society over sexualizes women way more than men...i don't really think its just that boys 'dont do it'...they just don't have the same sorts of opportunities to.

    FTR, I"m using the word opportunity because i can't think of a better word to describe what i'm trying to say.
    I know that there aren't equivalents for boys. All I can think of in normal society are things like the firemen's calendar and stuff like that. For women, it does seem to be everywhere.

    All I know is that through the limited number of teenagers I am linked to on FB, there are more girl pictures/comments that make me cringe than boys (for any reason not just sexy pictures). It could also be that I have 2 girls so I am more sensitive to the problems I might face with them.
    DD1 July 2008 (41w3d)
    November 2010 (13 weeks)
    DD2 August 2011 (33w5d)

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimPossible View Post
    What would an similar audition look like for a boy?
    The other day on the chat thread someone posted about an actor playing in 50 Shades of Grey. I did not know who that was so I Googled it. The pictures that came up were a perfect example of a guy trying to look sexy. Your average boy is not going to be able to pull the same thing off, but I have seen plenty of pictures of boys/men with no shirt on, their shorts very low, standing in a provocative way with the goal of attracting attention.

    ~Bonita~

  6. #16
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers View Post
    The other day on the chat thread someone posted about an actor playing in 50 Shades of Grey. I did not know who that was so I Googled it. The pictures that came up were a perfect example of a guy trying to look sexy. Your average boy is not going to be able to pull the same thing off, but I have seen plenty of pictures of boys/men with no shirt on, their shorts very low, standing in a provocative way with the goal of attracting attention.

    I didnt' say that they have no opportunity. I said its not the same between men and women.

  7. #17
    Mega Poster meesh101's Avatar
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    This letter bugged me enough to make me search out P.org, after a few years away, simply to see if there was a thread on it....I figured there would be. First, no one needs her to parent their teen daughter. Second, all I could think about is, her kids WILL screw up. She has made it very clear, in her house, if you screw up, you will get kicked off of her judgmental personal island. I had my teens read it and asked them what they thought. Bethany said she's glad that's not her mom. Josiah said he'd be embarrassed if I wrote something like that. I agree with my kids. I personally believe a blog should be used to share your personal life, struggles, victories and the things that inspire you. I give very little attention to bloggers who use their blogs to teach the world how it should be and to judge others for not being on the same page. I like a quote by D.L. Moody. "I'm so busy looking at my own sin that I don't have time for the sins of the other fellow." or something like that....Mrs. Hall should take a lesson from Mr. Moody.
    Spacers, mom3girls and mom2robbie like this.
    ~Michelle~

  8. #18
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meesh101 View Post
    This letter bugged me enough to make me search out P.org, after a few years away, simply to see if there was a thread on it....I figured there would be. First, no one needs her to parent their teen daughter. Second, all I could think about is, her kids WILL screw up. She has made it very clear, in her house, if you screw up, you will get kicked off of her judgmental personal island. I had my teens read it and asked them what they thought. Bethany said she's glad that's not her mom. Josiah said he'd be embarrassed if I wrote something like that. I agree with my kids. I personally believe a blog should be used to share your personal life, struggles, victories and the things that inspire you. I give very little attention to bloggers who use their blogs to teach the world how it should be and to judge others for not being on the same page. I like a quote by D.L. Moody. "I'm so busy looking at my own sin that I don't have time for the sins of the other fellow." or something like that....Mrs. Hall should take a lesson from Mr. Moody.
    Welcome back! Love that quote at the end. But of course there would be no debate board if we all took that to heart, LOL!

    I've been stewing over this one for many days. In general I'm more on the modesty end of the spectrum not for religious reasons but just because I don't want to see man-boobs, fake boobs, rolls of fat, shaved chests, cellulite, butt cracks, butt cheeks, and varicose veins. No thank you. But I'm also very much against this rampant *Purity* thing that seems to be sweeping through Christianity like a plague. I don't want to hear about who is a virgin or not, it's nobody else's business, and I don't think simply *not* having sex constitutes purity. I don't think anyone should be sending sexy photos to anyone ever because you never know where they will end up if you break up, kwim? People do stupid things with photos when they think they've been hurt. Hard copies just get scissored; electronic copies get forwarded. Plus, it's pretty fun to look at good-looking people once in a while, and no one should feel they need to gouge their eyes out because of it. And I love love love everything Nate Pyle said. I think I'm printing that one out for later.
    The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!

  9. #19
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alissa_Sal View Post
    I've been thinking about it some more, and another thing that bothers me about this is that by sitting around and doing this activity as a family (judging which girls are "too sexy" and which are not) it seems to me that she is almost teaching her sons to look at these girls in this really objectifying way. Not that boys really need many lessons in seeing girls as sexual objects, but they don't need that message reinforced either. As a family, they are trolling through what sounds like relatively "innocent" pictures of girls (yes, they may be "trying to look sexy" but by her own account we are not talking about porn or strippers or anything like that, we're talking about normal teenaged girls in their jammies....) and taking a subset of them and saying "Nope, sex, BAD." You know? Like it's almost objectifying these girls more, together as a family.
    And ITA with this, too!
    The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!

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