Offensive to working moms? or not? - Page 2
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Thread: Offensive to working moms? or not?

  1. #11
    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    I think people do look down at SAHM. And they look down at WOHM.
    Yep, the game is fixed so there is no point in playing.
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  2. #12
    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    So the only legitimate mothering is done by homeschooling moms? Interesting. That leaves all dads out in the cold unless they get a free pass for being men.

    I didn't realize that all the moms who send their kids to school aren't actually mothering their children. Wow.
    How many of you that ps your kiddos have breathed a sigh of relief when they go back... it is the fact that while they are at school you are not in the act of mothering while they are at school.. while they are at camp or out of the house on a play date etc.. you get a break from the act. It doesn't mean you are LESS of a mother.. it means you are giving some of the responsibility to someone else.. that is why we VET babysitters, preschools.. that is why we have meetings with teachers, IEPs, school counselors, principals etc etc.

    It is HOW we can be mom's and clean the house while they are at public school, be mom's and work... but we are not in the act of MOTHERING if we are not with the children. Just like you are not working if you are not working... you might be thinking about work.. or planing something in your head about work.. but you are not at work.. Just like if you are not with your children you might be thinking about them.. planning a birthday party for them in your head, or worrying about a loose tooth or how to discipline them better or how to talk to their teacher about xyz etc etc but you are not in the ACT of MOTHERING if you are not with them. Not sure that explains it any better at all.

    I have done all three. Been a working mom full time.. stay at home mom full time, and working out of the home mom.. But I haven't sent my kids to public school...

    DO you not see a difference in your MOTHERING commitment between Summer and fall/winter for those that stay home and public school your children?
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

  3. #13
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    Being a mom is about making decisions about what is good for your kids and what isn't...what is okay for your kids or what is harmful. If a mom decides sending their child to public school is beneficial to them...that is being a mother. Being a mother doesn't mean you have to be with them 24/7....unless you think that is the only way they will turn out okay. (fortunately i do not think that!)

    If a child goes to school or daycare or spends time playing at peoples houses or wherever else....and they turn out to not understand the basics of functioning in this world or society or of being a good person, who ultimately gets blamed? The parents. Deciding when it is okay to be away from their parents and who they are with and waht they are doing when they are away is part of parenting

    This idea that you are not parenting unless you are in direct contact with your kids is kind of ridiculous , as is the notion that a parent can't accomplish what they need to as a parent unless they are with them all the time. And if the latter is not implied, then there is no point in making such inflammatory comments about a mom not mothering her children, nor bragging about being home all the time and never leaving them.

  4. #14
    Posting Addict KimPossible's Avatar
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    DO you not see a difference in your MOTHERING commitment between Summer and fall/winter for those that stay home and public school your children?
    commitment? No my commitment is the same to my kids, whether they are with me or not.

    Whats the point in making the distinction that you can't do the physical childcare when you aren't in the same location as they are. Why would you even bother to point out that parents are not changing diapers, chasing after the kids or whatever else when they are away from them. That part is obvious...so obvious that i would think you must have more of a reason in pointing that out that I'm missing or you're not fessing up to.
    Last edited by KimPossible; 10-13-2013 at 03:42 PM.

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    Yeah, I don't really get that you're only being a mother when you're physically with your children. Doesn't make sense. That's babysitting, not mothering.
    Jessica80 likes this.
    Laurie, mom to:
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    Rivergallery,

    What about when your DH is working long hours? Are you not a wife then?

    It's silly to say one is not mothering if her children are at school. I am still doing things for my kids even when they are not home.
    Jessica80 and blather like this.

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    Ooops, double post.

  8. #18
    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zombies View Post
    Rivergallery,

    What about when your DH is working long hours? Are you not a wife then?

    It's silly to say one is not mothering if her children are at school. I am still doing things for my kids even when they are not home.
    Of course there is a difference.. ask any wife whose husband is diployed they do not have "wifely duties" they do Father duties as well.. not sure you all missed the facebook blow ups in September when so many of your friends and mine were excited to FINALLY have a break from their children.
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

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    Right now, my oldest goes to PS due to needing their special ed program. I miss her terribly when she's gone. It's so awesome for her though. It's not a break...it's needed therapy for her.

    Maybe it's because I have a full time job on top of my full time job as a mom that I don't feel like it's a break. Most of my friends are sad to see their kids go to school so, no I didn't see it all over FB about how everyone was excited for the break. Maybe because we all have littles and not middle schools or high schoolers.

    When my husband goes to work I'm still his wife. When my kids go to school and I go to work they are still my kids. I'm planning things that I need and want to do with them as their mother. Planning is still working as a mom.

    When I go to work, I have active work where I'm assisting my associates and compiling reports etc. I have passive work where I'm planning out what the next few days are going to be like. It's still work. Same for parenting.
    Mom to Elizabeth (5) and Corinne (3)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivergallery View Post
    Of course there is a difference.. ask any wife whose husband is diployed they do not have "wifely duties" they do Father duties as well.. not sure you all missed the facebook blow ups in September when so many of your friends and mine were excited to FINALLY have a break from their children.
    Okay now I"m confused...don't really know what you're saying. Does "wifely duties" just mean sex? (I don't consider that a "duty".) I think for women whose husbands are deployed they are probably still doing lots of wife-things...sending packages to husbands, helping keep things going at home, maintaining relationships with in-laws and friends, etc. A lot of being a mother and a wife and a father and a husband is planning, thinking, feeling, etc...not just physically monitoring the presence of someone.

    I don't know about facebook blowups, not really sure what you are referring to. Something specific?

    I find that that the lines get very blurred. When I am at work (well, when I WAS..oops..) I was often taking care of things for the kids at the same time. When I am at home, I was often still doing things for work, planning in my head for things that had to be taken care of the next day or thinking through ideas and problems to be solved.

    I still think you are confusing babysitting with mothering. My brother has teenagers and he is still "fathering" even when they are out and about...especially when he's waiting up for them to get home!
    Laurie, mom to:
    Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 6 )



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