My mom says you never stop being a mom and trying to do what is best for your child.
By the sound of the description of mothering, most Dads just sound like placeholders (unless they SAH).
To me, sending your kids to school as part of them growing up and no different than them moving out when they are adults.
Last edited by Danifo; 10-14-2013 at 09:47 AM.
DD1 July 2008 (41w3d)
November 2010 (13 weeks)
DD2 August 2011 (33w5d)
This does offend me slightly, yes. Going to work is not a break imo. You don't get to 'switch off' like you would be able to at home if someone took your kid for an hour. Even then, you'd still be doing chores so I guess being a Mum, you never really get a break!
People who say that WOH Mums are bad parents because they're not there, well you could flip the coin and say that SAH Mums are teaching their kids that going out to work is not important. Either way, whatever you do there is always going to be someone out there judging what you choose to do.
Also, I know there are parents out there who do choose not to work because they know it's easier to fleece the Government of benefits. They have kids but let them do as they please - these are the type of people who give SAH a bad rep.
Me - Kristi, 30
DD - Leia, July 5 2008
I luurrrrrve to lurk!
I actually think it is really funny that when I tell people I am a stay at home mom they will ask things like what I do all day (which doesnt offend me. I have no idea what most people actually do all day at their job), and yet when I say I do some daycare, I suddenly become this saint who must be so OMG busy! Ummm, I do the same things, just with more kids in tow. In fact, I do slightly less because I dont like to take daycare kids to stores, so I dont run errands when they are with me.
As for Public School, and other activities my kids do without me, I feel there is immense value in them beyond getting my kids out of my hair, and find it offensive that you would say a SAH parent would send their kid to school so they can clean the house.
I do find this article slightly offensive to working mothers, cause it assumes a need to work, and I know lots of people who choose to work because it makes them happy, and enables them to do more quality things with the family, like vacations and other pay as you go activities. We all make our choices as parents and individuals, and we have to balance out our needs with those of our families. The only wrong answer is one that neglects our children, and going to work does not do that.
Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)
Like many others, I don't totally understand the definition of "mothering" that is being presented here. I think the way that Rivergallery is using it is to mean when you are physically there in front of your kids interacting with them. This seems like a confusingly narrow definition of mothering though. For example, what if I am in the house with them, but they are asleep in their beds and I am folding their laundry and packing their lunches? Is that mothering? Or what if I'm at work, but I'm talking to their pediatrician or teacher or daycare lady over the phone? What if DH and I are alone together and hashing out our plans for them (example: discussing discipline or planning a birthday party for them, it whatever.) I would consider all of those part of my job of parenting. Maybe parenting is different than mothering?
It strikes me too that the gender inequality in parenting is staggering. Imagine a dad that goes to work every day to bring in money to support his kids. But before he goes to work, he gets them up every morning, makes sure that they are dressed in clean weather appropriate clothes, fed, have their lunch and homework in their backpacks, and takes them to school. Even while he is at work he takes time off to take them to doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and to attend school functions. He picks them up at night after work, and cooks for them, bathes them, reads to them, talks to them about their day, helps them with their homework, sings to them before bed. After they go to bed, he packs their lunches, does some of their laundry, and picks up the house they all live in. As needed he researches schools to make sure his kids are attending good ones, vets daycare providers and babysitters, plans play dates and birthday parties. When he can on the weekends he takes them to the zoo, the museum, the aquarium, the park. They are the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up in the morning, and the last thing he thinks of before he falls asleep at night. Do you think anyone would question whether he was a good parent, let alone imply he's not parenting at all?
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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I have as a SAHM felt judged for being so many times. I also have seen a lot of judging of working mothers. The best situation IMO is where your kids are happy and healthy and you are happy and healthy. There are some people that would not do well being with their kids all of the time. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
I have to say that some of the hardest "mothering" I do is sending them to school. I know they need school, I know they are growing so much while there, but I really wish most days that I didnt have to share them.
Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson
We have just started letting my son go to the local store by himself sometimes. So when he walks out of the house and I'm watching from the window, and then he goes beyond my sight line, I'm not mothering him anymore? Just wondering.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I feel like I have had many sides of this.
With DS I was a working mom who had to work and wanted to stay at home. On maternity leave, I got a small taste of being a SAHM, which I did love, but in the end I was wanting to go back to work.
I tend to only feel judged by those on the other side sometimes and this blog did offend me the same way I think its offensive for there to be only one or two right ways. As if one decision is holier than the other.
I miss my babies all day long at work and honestly I never stop parenting them at work and my day doesn't end till 11 pm at night and starts right back up at 5 am. I do all the same things I did when I was home for those 3 months. One wasn't harder than the other, but they were different. The down times were different and the scheduling was different. MOthering is simply difficult and from what I can tell it isn't going to stop.
In our home there isn't really a distinction between "mothering" and "fathering." We are both full-time, actively involved parents, but by RiverGallery's definition, my husband would be the better mother simply because he's at home with them a lot more than I am. And no, I do NOT breathe a sigh of relief when my daughter goes back to school after summer break. That's because I do NOT abdicate my job as her parent when school starts. Actually, the job of parenting is far harder to do when I have to consider her teacher's needs in addition to my own wants. I want to call her in sick to go camping, but I don't do that when it's a testing week, and I want to get the cheaper, earlier-in-the-day swim lessons, but I don't think her teacher would appreciate her leaving at 1pm every Wednesday. And there would be absolute hell to pay if her teacher tried to take on some of *my* parental responsibilities like spiritual education, buying a pet, paying an allowance, or administering punishment for anything beyond the most minor offenses.
As to the OP, ITA with Kyla who said she found this article slightly offensive to working mothers, because it seems to assume a need to work, not a choice to work. I've had this discussion with Attachment Parenting-minded moms who *need* to work but feel they shouldn't because "it's not AP." AP is about balance, balancing your families needs and wants, balancing your own needs and wants, and if WOH is the right answer for your family, finding the *right* caretaker for your child so that you can feel good about your decision to return to work. Because going back to work does NOT mean you aren't mothering.
70% of the U.S. population now lives in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. At 36 and counting!
IMO this guy says SAHMs should be "put on a pedestal" to justify his patriarchal attitude.